joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Dating 6 months. Here’s the deal: 4 weeks ago I was in my girlfriend’s room while she was out. I was on her Ipad watching YouTube videos and then messages started popping up. I realized quickly that she synced her phone with the Ipad. Being curious I looked at what was there and I found horrible stuff. The worst was that one guy she was texting (same night we had an argument and she told me she was going to sleep). She was asking him to facetime her, how she misses him and even though she loves me, she will always have those feelings for him. She also told him she has no intentions on cheating on me, but simply missed him. She also texted another friend saying how hott the friend's boss is and said I wanna bang him. Hook a sista up and tell him I want him with laughing emojis. I literally lost it, texted her to stay out of my life, she has problems, etc. After time of her crying and begging for a second chance, I gave it to her. To add to this, when she was flipping out and begging she apparently told one of her friends (whose a mutual girlfriend) that I dumped her, etc. The friend texted me saying think about what you’re doing, she was looking for attention, you guys should talk she loves you more than anything, etc. etc. Fast forward 4 weeks and we have a small argument. Same friend texted me to see if everything was good, so I guess she told "her" friend again. I explained what was going on and asked for advice since she’s a female and the friend pretty much told me that she doesn’t want me to get hurt and I need to stand up for myself cause my gf treats me like **** and starts arguments for no reason and acts immature. She told me if you want her to respect her you can't let her walk all over you. She said I'm a nice, handsome, smart, and successful guy and my gf is lucky to have me. She then went on to say my gf has done that to her ex’s as well. She told me when my gf and I started talking (not official yet) she was having sex with two other guys—something that my gf avoided tell me even when I was suspicious and so it all clicked that what she was saying made sense. She even went on to say she used the one guy for drugs and money. Also that my gf has had sex with 20+ guys. She then stopped and said "I'm mad at her for this--I've said too much." Told the GF everything and she flipped. She claimed I destroyed her friendship and that I cannot be trusted. She claimed I want to have sex with her friend and denied everything about her past and what was said. She broke her phone, tore my room up, and pushed me a couple of times. She left saying I’m done not being trusted and you should not have listened to my "friend." Opinions?
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Dating 6 months. Here’s the deal: 4 weeks ago I was in my girlfriend’s room while she was out. I was on her Ipad watching YouTube videos and then messages started popping up. I realized quickly that she synced her phone with the Ipad. Being curious I looked at what was there and I found horrible stuff. The worst was that one guy she was texting (same night we had an argument and she told me she was going to sleep). She was asking him to facetime her, how she misses him and even though she loves me, she will always have those feelings for him. She also told him she has no intentions on cheating on me, but simply missed him. She also texted another friend saying how hott the friend's boss is and said I wanna bang him. Hook a sista up and tell him I want him with laughing emojis. I literally lost it, texted her to stay out of my life, she has problems, etc. After time of her crying and begging for a second chance, I gave it to her. To add to this, when she was flipping out and begging she apparently told one of her friends (whose a mutual girlfriend) that I dumped her, etc. The friend texted me saying think about what you’re doing, she was looking for attention, you guys should talk she loves you more than anything, etc. etc. Fast forward 4 weeks and we have a small argument. Same friend texted me to see if everything was good, so I guess she told "her" friend again. I explained what was going on and asked for advice since she’s a female and the friend pretty much told me that she doesn’t want me to get hurt and I need to stand up for myself cause my gf treats me like **** and starts arguments for no reason and acts immature. She told me if you want her to respect her you can't let her walk all over you. She said I'm a nice, handsome, smart, and successful guy and my gf is lucky to have me. She then went on to say my gf has done that to her ex’s as well. She told me when my gf and I started talking (not official yet) she was having sex with two other guys—something that my gf avoided tell me even when I was suspicious and so it all clicked that what she was saying made sense. She even went on to say she used the one guy for drugs and money. Also that my gf has had sex with 20+ guys. She then stopped and said "I'm mad at her for this--I've said too much." Told the GF everything and she flipped. She claimed I destroyed her friendship and that I cannot be trusted. She claimed I want to have sex with her friend and denied everything about her past and what was said. She broke her phone, tore my room up, and pushed me a couple of times. She left saying I’m done not being trusted and you should not have listened to my "friend." Opinions? How old are you and your gf? Basically she damaged the trust in your relationship and if you're down to give her another chance then that's your call. Some people would say just leave her, some might say talk it over and work it out. As for her friend... that's pretty poor form on her part. Just airing out your gf's dirty laundry. Kind of lame.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Hi. A bit young on both parties. And I never judge the young for they're still at an age where they can learn from mistakes. But.. What do you think you want? To date her again? Do you think you could trust her from now on?
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Hi. A bit young on both parties. And I never judge the young for they're still at an age where they can learn from mistakes. But.. What do you think you want? To date her again? Do you think you could trust her from now on? I want to date and trust her. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but I'm confused if I deserved that reaction when it was her who brought our friend into the relationship.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I want to date and trust her. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but I'm confused if I deserved that reaction when it was her who brought our friend into the relationship. Well look at it from your gf's perspective. Her friend and her bf are talking about her drama behind her back and then her bf comes and attacks her with the info (which not all of it was even relevant). She got defensive which I completely understand. And your gf is no saint lol but her reaction seems pretty normal to me.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Your gf is upset and confines in an ex she stayed friends with. She tells him that she loves you and would never cheat on you and you get upset? Really? Is that the horrifying thing you've discovered? It could have been much much more horrifying like she tells him what an @ss you are and she can't stand you and she is in love with him, has always been. So what she misses him sometimes? It's normal. I miss some part of my exs, it's normal, it's just human nature. So you're all upset because she is talking to an ex about your personal affairs and you turn around and do the exact same thing with her friend. I don't know, That's a lot of drama, and a lot of people involved. You sit down and draw a list of your personal rules together and solve your issues. You're not suppose to have so much drama after 6 months dating.
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Well look at it from your gf's perspective. Her friend and her bf are talking about her drama behind her back and then her bf comes and attacks her with the info (which not all of it was even relevant). She got defensive which I completely understand. And your gf is no saint lol but her reaction seems pretty normal to me. Thanks, hello. I did apologize for doing so, even though my intentions were good. I understand the feeling of betrayal there. And no, she is no saint lol. I guess screaming, crying, and tearing my room up in rage was not the best, but normal? I'd feel angry too--I know.
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Your gf is upset and confines in an ex she stayed friends with. She tells him that she loves you and would never cheat on you and you get upset? Really? Is that the horrifying thing you've discovered? It could have been much much more horrifying like she tells him what an @ss you are and she can't stand you and she is in love with him, has always been. So what she misses him sometimes? It's normal. I miss some part of my exs, it's normal, it's just human nature. So you're all upset because she is talking to an ex about your personal affairs and you turn around and do the exact same thing with her friend. I don't know, That's a lot of drama, and a lot of people involved. You sit down and draw a list of your personal rules together and solve your issues. You're not suppose to have so much drama after 6 months dating. I agree and I did apologize. I know I would feel betrayed. Could her conversation have been worse with this guy? Absolutely. Was it okay that she told him she has feelings for him and misses him? I guess it's normal to an extent.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks, hello. I did apologize for doing so, even though my intentions were good. I understand the feeling of betrayal there. And no, she is no saint lol. I guess screaming, crying, and tearing my room up in rage was not the best, but normal? I'd feel angry too--I know. Like Gaeta said, this is a lot of drama to deal with after just 6 months. If you want to continue the relationship my advice is to discuss all the bs, find a solution and do NOT dwell on the past (exes, fights, anything). And don't become some snoop nazi that can't trust her. Just hit the reset button. Start over. Hopefully you both have learned from what went down. Now also.. if you see any hint of shadiness or red flag in the future, then bolt and don't look back. I would stress to her that you have zero tolerance for her texting anymore shady stuff like she did.
TXGuy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 No no no. You have to let this one go. She repeatedly betrayed your trust the somehow blamed you for it. She talked with her friend about it and flipped out when you did the same thing. Accused you of cheating (or wanting to) with her friend to distract you from the fact that she was the one in the wrong. She pushed you a couple times and tore up your room?! Domestic violence! Of course no one gives a crap when it is F on M, but stay well clear of any woman that shows DV traits. Chances are greater than 50/50 that you will get arrested for it even if she was the aggressor. That jumps to 90+% if she somehow bruises her arm (or anywhere) while she is hitting you. In a normal world I'd suggest calling the cops on her and getting a restraining order, but as mentioned above, it would likely be you that ends up in the squad car. Best case scenario for you is the cops laugh in your face and go away without locking you up. 1
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Like Gaeta said, this is a lot of drama to deal with after just 6 months. If you want to continue the relationship my advice is to discuss all the bs, find a solution and do NOT dwell on the past (exes, fights, anything). And don't become some snoop nazi that can't trust her. Just hit the reset button. Start over. Hopefully you both have learned from what went down. Now also.. if you see any hint of shadiness or red flag in the future, then bolt and don't look back. I would stress to her that you have zero tolerance for her texting anymore shady stuff like she did. Hello, Thanks again for the reply. Her solution is to never talk to her friend again. Which I am fine with. I refuse to nazi snoop because it will always cause me to question her. I am on the same page as you with the shadiness or red flags, but I'm curious which ones you'd look out for? I did have zero tolerance and that's why I ended it up she convinced me that it won't happen again. :/
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 No no no. You have to let this one go. She repeatedly betrayed your trust the somehow blamed you for it. She talked with her friend about it and flipped out when you did the same thing. Accused you of cheating (or wanting to) with her friend to distract you from the fact that she was the one in the wrong. She pushed you a couple times and tore up your room?! Domestic violence! Of course no one gives a crap when it is F on M, but stay well clear of any woman that shows DV traits. Chances are greater than 50/50 that you will get arrested for it even if she was the aggressor. That jumps to 90+% if she somehow bruises her arm (or anywhere) while she is hitting you. In a normal world I'd suggest calling the cops on her and getting a restraining order, but as mentioned above, it would likely be you that ends up in the squad car. Best case scenario for you is the cops laugh in your face and go away without locking you up. I agree with you, TX (along with most of your posts, which I find spot-on). I try to be a little forgiving for the younger ones, hoping they're young enough to learn from the mistake. Your advice is a safer route (and more emotionally stable ) to go by for sure. 1
RonaldS Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Walk and don't look back. In 6 months you will be thankful you did.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Hello, Thanks again for the reply. Her solution is to never talk to her friend again. Which I am fine with. I refuse to nazi snoop because it will always cause me to question her. I am on the same page as you with the shadiness or red flags, but I'm curious which ones you'd look out for? I did have zero tolerance and that's why I ended it up she convinced me that it won't happen again. :/ Anything, man. Anything that just doesn't sit right. Go with your gut. The one's you posted about were easy f'n obvious ones.
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 No no no. You have to let this one go. She repeatedly betrayed your trust the somehow blamed you for it. She talked with her friend about it and flipped out when you did the same thing. Accused you of cheating (or wanting to) with her friend to distract you from the fact that she was the one in the wrong. She pushed you a couple times and tore up your room?! Domestic violence! Of course no one gives a crap when it is F on M, but stay well clear of any woman that shows DV traits. Chances are greater than 50/50 that you will get arrested for it even if she was the aggressor. That jumps to 90+% if she somehow bruises her arm (or anywhere) while she is hitting you. In a normal world I'd suggest calling the cops on her and getting a restraining order, but as mentioned above, it would likely be you that ends up in the squad car. Best case scenario for you is the cops laugh in your face and go away without locking you up. Just let her go? I feel like divided and agree with your points. I agree with the DV statement. When she did begin doing that I told her this wasnt gonna happen and it was time for her to stop. She stops very quickly, but overall it was an experience I don't want to go through again.
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Walk and don't look back. In 6 months you will be thankful you did. Thanks... just wasn't sure if I should work on it. I did say sorry to her. Now she's just distant.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 OP you sound like a lost puppy. Maybe taking some no contact time from her would help clear your thought process about this relationship?
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 OP you sound like a lost puppy. Maybe taking some no contact time from her would help clear your thought process about this relationship? Perhaps, yes. I'm just not happy right now and feel confused. I'm split as to what to do next.
TXGuy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks... just wasn't sure if I should work on it. I did say sorry to her. You apologized to her?! I would be dumbfounded except I remember what is like to be an early 20s guy. Now, I simply can't see how this one is even close. The only point I can add to my previous comments is that she will not change who she is, she will just hide it from you better. One question, just for fun: her solution of never talking with her friend again, who is never to talk with her? GF, you, or both?
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 You apologized to her?! I would be dumbfounded except I remember what is like to be an early 20s guy. Now, I simply can't see how this one is even close. The only point I can add to my previous comments is that she will not change who she is, she will just hide it from you better. One question, just for fun: her solution of never talking with her friend again, who is never to talk with her? GF, you, or both? I said sorry for talking to her friend about her. She said I need to talk to her if I have a problem and keep issues in the relationship. She said her friend lied. And I shouldn't believe her.
TXGuy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I said sorry for talking to her friend about her. She said I need to talk to her if I have a problem and keep issues in the relationship. She said her friend lied. And I shouldn't believe her. Ok. That makes a little sense. But, based on what you have seen with your own eyes, who do you think has the bigger incentive to lie, the GF or the friend? It's your call to make. We don't know any of them. Whichever way you go, good luck. But be extra careful about a false DV charge. That will ruin your life.
Author joeydbtown Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Ok. That makes a little sense. But, based on what you have seen with your own eyes, who do you think has the bigger incentive to lie, the GF or the friend? It's your call to make. We don't know any of them. Whichever way you go, good luck. But be extra careful about a false DV charge. That will ruin your life. Thank you TX. I appreciate it. I don't think the friend would have a motive and that's the thing. But it is what it is.
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