Lord of the Flies Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I broke the NC I set for myself back in Dec a little over a week ago and I absolutely feel terrible. Nothing has happened physically but the fact that I would actually break something that helped me so much in my healing just has me in a tail spin. I shouldn't feel like this but there is a lot of history behind what I experienced in the affair and I just want to finally get over it. I don't know why I keep going back but it has to stop. I can't really talk to anyone about it or they will just tell me to get over it and move on but it hasn't been easy. I just hate myself for doing it
herself Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Hey, Chin up. You arent perfect, all your efforts aren't lost, your still healing, you broke it and learned and the healing still continues. Focus on all the times you were strong and did not contact. Your doing great, you will be on a rollercoaster still but many.many prople heal and come out on the other side. Sometimes the change of season triggers old feelings. But let the sunshine of spring begin to give you new hope and just know your human, you loved really hard, and your moving on to a new chapter. Its ok to be sad sometimes, brush yourself off, its a new day!! 2
yellowmaverick Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Do you have a close friend who you can call whenever you have the urge to break NC? I know someone who did this and it really helped the first few months. There were quite a few daily phone calls the first few weeks, but it did get better.They didn't talk about the AP; they just chatted until the urge to break NC dissipated. 1
gettingstronger Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Don't beat yourself up too much-everyone has fails and set backs in their lives-can you identify what was going on in your life when you made the decision to break NC-hopefully some honest reflection with yourself will help you be stronger next time- Hang in there and be kind to you- 1
BrokenPrincess Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Me too LOTF.....met with xAP yesterday after 10 months of NC. Thought it would be fine after so much time and would help move past the A. But so many feelings came rushing back and there's absolutely no future for us (both married, not leaving) so now I feel shook up for no reason. My head tells me never talk to him again, there is nothing to gain but pain for everyone involved, but now my heart is also just freshly aching wishing & hoping to hear from him. It's so confusing to feel regret for yesterday but at the sane time, completely illogical crazy desire to want to do it again. So today starts day 1 nc. I totally get how you're feeling... Xxx
martaldn Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I broke NC , I have made 10 step forwards and 20 backwards so many time I have lost the count and I am still here struggling. Its a long way but Im sure i will eventually get myself out of this s*!t but until then is a fight every single day. I am 8 days NC and it feels like a month. U cant change the past you can only learn from it and avoid to repeat the same mistake again.. keep strong 2
Nattie Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Me too LOTF.....met with xAP yesterday after 10 months of NC. Thought it would be fine after so much time and would help move past the A. But so many feelings came rushing back and there's absolutely no future for us (both married, not leaving) so now I feel shook up for no reason. My head tells me never talk to him again, there is nothing to gain but pain for everyone involved, but now my heart is also just freshly aching wishing & hoping to hear from him. It's so confusing to feel regret for yesterday but at the sane time, completely illogical crazy desire to want to do it again. So today starts day 1 nc. I totally get how you're feeling... Xxx Same here!!! We weren't NC, but I hadn't seen him or been physical with him in a few months, until yesterday. I cried driving home afterward, not sure why I keep doing this.
P1nginLOVE Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Left him in Jan thru email. Not long after that his W emailed me because she read it. It was the second time she discovered about us... She first knew it in Sept, then I stopped everything, but he didn't care and was not afraid of his W, so he kept on trying to win me back. Got togeyher in Nov...he stopped wearing his wed.ring ...gave me a nice present on my birthday, in dec. Which scared me, I didn't want to be the reason her W cry...2 weeks later...I sent him an email saying goodbye. She contacted me in jan, no anger, just more like begging me to understand. I promised her ok, I'd never contacted him again. He was confused I suddenly disappeared for 5 weeks...not giving him news or even to maintain a friendship. Then few weeks ago, I broke down...n emailed him at least 10x up to this point... NC for 2 days now and been praying he'd email me!
jellybean89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 For all of you, stop! Decide now you won't use the "well, I already broke not talking NC so why not go all the way"! Decide the pain of the past is enough for you to endure and you will not make the decision to go any further with breaking NC. Believe in yourselves. Decide you are DONE with the past and self-inflected pain. Move a forward, not backward. And...when someone shows you who they are, believe them. These are married persons who are not committed to you. Please don't give them any more of your life than you already have. 4
P1nginLOVE Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 For all of you, stop! Decide now you won't use the "well, I already broke not talking NC so why not go all the way"! Decide the pain of the past is enough for you to endure and you will not make the decision to go any further with breaking NC. Believe in yourselves. Decide you are DONE with the past and self-inflected pain. Move a forward, not backward. And...when someone shows you who they are, believe them. These are married persons who are not committed to you. Please don't give them any more of your life than you already have. I am sssooooo going to copy paste your advise, print it and laminate it! And read it whenever I feel this urge of contacting him coming! Thanks Jellybean!
Author Lord of the Flies Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 I thank you guys all for your kinds words. It is my first time logging back on since my post and I want to update you guys. Even though it was broken, I haven't heard from him since that day I broke the NC and I actually feel at peace about it because it lets me know that it is truly over. I talked to two close friends that knew about our situation and they have helped me through it and kept my mind off him. I am happy to have that as well as your kind words to help me through this time. It's time that I stop the pattern and move on and I finally have the courage and strength to move on.
Mickey1982 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 jellybean---I wish is read your post 3 1/2 years ago....Oh how I wish!!!!!!
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