jstew2000 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I've had a lot of advice to block my ex on Facebook etc.. I unfriended her on everything and deleted all pictures of us. She left every picture of us up and I have an obsession checking daily to see if they're still there... It's an addiction. It's the only thing I hang on too and I think it's preventing me from completely letting go/moving on. I know I shouldn't, but can't seem to find the will power to block her. I still get strong urges everyday. I feel lost. Any advice or anyone else dealt with this? Why do I torture myself?
pickflicker Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 How to block a website: keep your kids off Facebook or other sites - PC Advisor
Me. Myself and I Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I do exactly the same! I'm not friends with my ex on FB but I still check if he has my photos still. Even after him telling me today to move on and that he doesn't want me and never will. It's hard! I can't bring myself to block him either. I know he doesn't want me or even feel anything for me. I guess these things take time. It's been 5 months for me and I'm still finding it hard to accept. Time will heal so I've been told....
pickflicker Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I do exactly the same! I'm not friends with my ex on FB but I still check if he has my photos still. Even after him telling me today to move on and that he doesn't want me and never will. It's hard! I can't bring myself to block him either. I know he doesn't want me or even feel anything for me. I guess these things take time. It's been 5 months for me and I'm still finding it hard to accept. Time will heal so I've been told.... You're not going to heal until you go NC. All you're doing is obsessing. 2
DontBreakEven Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 It will take you as long as you can stand the pain. The day will come when you will finally see something that will send a shooting pain through your gut and you might have to leave work or wherever you are when you happen upon it. I believe that will be the day when you will decide to never put yourself through it again. 1
Me. Myself and I Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You're not going to heal until you go NC. All you're doing is obsessing. It's true. It's extremely difficult though. Here's to me and the OP on this one! 1
Mr.Pine Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I've had a lot of advice to block my ex on Facebook etc.. I unfriended her on everything and deleted all pictures of us. She left every picture of us up and I have an obsession checking daily to see if they're still there... It's an addiction. It's the only thing I hang on too and I think it's preventing me from completely letting go/moving on. I know I shouldn't, but can't seem to find the will power to block her. I still get strong urges everyday. I feel lost. Any advice or anyone else dealt with this? Why do I torture myself? Jstew, She hasn't deleted the pictures of you guys on her FB page because the breakup hasn't affected her like it did you. She doesn't care about those pictures and probably has forgotten about their existence. But let me tell you, the day she does discover them and decide to delete them, you will feel lower than a garden slug. It will DECIMATE you. You do NOT want to go through that pain, which will send you crashing down to day 1 of your breakup. For the love of all that is holy, stop. Stop right this instant. Exercise some self control, because if you don't, you will be in a world of hurt. Exponentially more hurt that you are now. Save yourself. NC all the way to the bank and back. 4
KaliLove Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 This is why you should block her. So that you can't look at her social media. In fact, why not get rid of your page altogether? That's what I did and it was heaven. I've never looked back.
elseaacych Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Coincidentally, I just made a post on this. It took me awhile to figure out all the facebook doohickeys, but this might be a solution: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/467560-those-you-who-don-t-want-block-your-ex-facebook
LostConfused123 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 It will take you as long as you can stand the pain. The day will come when you will finally see something that will send a shooting pain through your gut and you might have to leave work or wherever you are when you happen upon it. I believe that will be the day when you will decide to never put yourself through it again. Re read this!!!!
LostConfused123 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Jstew, She hasn't deleted the pictures of you guys on her FB page because the breakup hasn't affected her like it did you. She doesn't care about those pictures and probably has forgotten about their existence. But let me tell you, the day she does discover them and decide to delete them, you will feel lower than a garden slug. It will DECIMATE you. You do NOT want to go through that pain, which will send you crashing down to day 1 of your breakup. For the love of all that is holy, stop. Stop right this instant. Exercise some self control, because if you don't, you will be in a world of hurt. Exponentially more hurt that you are now. Save yourself. NC all the way to the bank and back. And this!!! Seriously, some things can never be un seen!
pickflicker Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Coincidentally, I just made a post on this. It took me awhile to figure out all the facebook doohickeys, but this might be a solution: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/467560-those-you-who-don-t-want-block-your-ex-facebook Doesn't it seem weird that you had to spend "a while" figuring things it, when you could just block and be done. One function, one button. Done. 2
Author jstew2000 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I'm trying to find the root of my obsession with my ex. We've been broken up for 2 months now. I truly was in love with her. but she emotionally cheated on me, and I still took her back because of my insecurities and low self esteem. I make an attachment by clinging onto false hope that's not there. I delete all social media and feel fine. Then I get cravings randomly and download them again to check on my ex. I think I might have an addiction to love. Seeing if anyone has had this problem or has advice on how they changed/broke free from this addiction. Maybe someone is like me and became less co-dependent and more confident/secure over time. She treated me wrong, cheated, and ended up dumping me. But I think the problem might be me...
anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 love addiction was one of the first things i realized i had in the first week of my break-up - the withdrawel... still going through it now 2 months later - it's absolutely an addiction... and to answer your question - i think most people are addicted to their partners... most people are addicted to the way they feel and view the world when they are with someone - you can become addicted to anything - cheeseburgers even - i think people can be the most strongest addiction of all - and it's important to realize addiction is a disease of the mind... it comes from a place of Lack within us, when we need something external to fulfill our own emptiness... and it's why many relationships eventually fail.. because they are not based on a foundation of true love (which stems from Self Love, and self fulfillment) instead they are based on a needy addictive love that stems from needing another perosn to fill up the whole within yourself - which in reality, can never be filled except by loving yourself and becoming a happy person in your own skin. It's why so many of us want to change our partners, or are let down when they don't behave according to our needs... True love - starts with ourselves - once we are Whole and no longer have a Hole within us - then we can offer true love to our partners... and what does true love really mean? Acceptance. Accepting your partner for who she/he is... Accepting yourself for who you are... (perfections AND imperfections) the hard truth is - we treat others the way we treat ourselves. So, if we don't accept and love ourselves, and if we are too hard on ourselves... and worst yet - if we hate ourselves... then.. guess how we'll treat the ones we "love"? I'm not trying to work on myself - seeing a Therapist (dr Friedman Schuab) and learning how to re-wire my mind (i'm 34) through identifying the reasons i think the way i do... (mostly negative self talk) and how i can turn it around to be more positive and happy and above all.. Love myself. good luck! All the best. 2
DontBreakEven Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) To be honest, I would say anyone who routinely comes to this forum has a love addiction. I regularly attend 12 step meetings for it. The anxiety that fills these boards points straight to very addictive personalities. And in my opinion, love is the most potent drug out there. I'm 10 weeks in withdrawl from my ex (or now my "person of addiction") and I still feel every damn physical symptom there is. No contact is basically any other type of addict's version of cold turkey or kicking the habit. Read Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction. The problem is not ALL you, though. Typically love addicts are drawn to love avoidants, and vice versa. It's a dysfunctional dance both partake in. I would like to think that the love addict is actually the more decent of the two, but that's my personal opinion. Find a local 12 step or get a therapist. Only way to get around it. Otherwise you will just keep getting into the same type of relationship. It's amazing how it works. Edited March 21, 2014 by DontBreakEven
anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 It's an interesting thing you mention that love addicts are often drawn to love avoidants - my Ex had adult ADHD - which meant she was emotionally and empathetically unavailable most of the time and her focus was all over the place... rarely on me... I think deep inside we are aware of our "weakness" and at a subconscious level, we might dislike it and tend to be attracted to our opposites.. or people that show an apparent strength, where we see weakness... I'm also seeking help - thing is - i never was this way... i've never been needy of people or things - i was single and loved my life - was happy in my own skin... but it's like i've been taking heroin for 3 years and coming down is hard... My ex couldn't sit still and appreciate silence - peace... quiet - she always needed excitement and activity... and since we broke up - i've been struggling to enjoy the things i once did before i met her - i guess it's just weening off her... as for NC - yes, totally love addictions version of Cold Turkey - and i believe a much more complex version of Cold Turkey - at least with Cold Turkey - it's a clear physical substance or thing you are avoiding - but with love - it's not just the person, not just the interaction and communication - but also the thoughts... and that's even harder than going cold turkey because you need to be able to stop thinking about the person... the relationship - and you need to move forward and on with other things... it's not worth wasting any time on this - especially when our exes are happily getting on with their lives - i know mine is - i will be heading to Thailand soon to help change the scenery - work on music and work on my martial arts... but i know when i return, i might be faced with the same memories again - you can't run away from your problems or avoid them... the best moving on comes from within... and i believe from practicing the art of loving the HELL outta your awesome self. Tell yourself and everyone around you how awesome you are... seriously - do it long enough and you will start to fall in love with your awesome self. good luck! 1
LostAlways Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I used to check her fb/ instagram daily... But it set me back alot and it gave me really bad anxiety (to the point where I couldn't sleep at night) to see pictures of us or pictures of her with other people being happy while I was dying inside. I haven't looked since in about 2 months, ignorance is bliss.
anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I used to check her fb/ instagram daily... But it set me back alot and it gave me really bad anxiety (to the point where I couldn't sleep at night) to see pictures of us or pictures of her with other people being happy while I was dying inside. I haven't looked since in about 2 months, ignorance is bliss. you have to stop dude - i was doing all that **** - even had her FB login - that was the worst... all it brought me was a lot of pain and even worse - LOTS of fuel for an active imagination... you HAVE to stop that **** ASAP dude... because there are otehr challenges ahead once you're done with that.... and you NEED to stop that first and foremost... the way to heal is to get her OUT of your head... and the more you look at her life... the more fuel it will give for the stories in your head... and that **** can last weeks or months... you've already given yourself enough **** to make stories with for weeks now, if not months... so, STOP.... trust everyone on here - it will only prolong this for you and cause you more pain... and waste you a lot of time - i've been where you are - it really sucks... i'm sorry you're going through it... but the more you do this.. the weaker you make yourself - and the stronger you make her... remember - she's just a NORMAL person... no better than you - stop turning her into a STAR... i'm sure she's not as happy as you think in life... focus on loving yourself.. i know it seems impossible... but i found a good tip today.. i go on drives every night and listen to love songs on the radio - that **** was also just prolonging things for me as i would think of her... but, tonight i started thinking the love songs are actually about myself.. haha - sounds weird... but... that's exactly the **** we gotta do - fall in love with ourselves... good luck bro!
Author jstew2000 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 I finally had my friend change my password on Instagram so I can't get on there till I'm fully healed. I'm not friends with my ex on Facebook or most mutual friends, and am strongly considering blocking her. I am however friends with her best friend because she's my brothers girlfriend and we are friends as well. My ex wrote on that friends Facebook wall saying she loved her and missed her. It showed up on my news feed, and my ex went on to state how she's going to key west on Monday etc.. With my ex knowing she we are still friends, and fully being capable of private messaging or texting her that crap. Do you think she's trying to find ways to get to me, or make me jealous? I mean does anyone really write on someone's Facebook wall telling them about their vacations? 1
mammasita Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Don't strongly consider blocking her.....do it. 3
KaliLove Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 If she is, you are allowing it. Block her. ASAP.
Author jstew2000 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 love addiction was one of the first things i realized i had in the first week of my break-up - the withdrawel... still going through it now 2 months later - it's absolutely an addiction... and to answer your question - i think most people are addicted to their partners... most people are addicted to the way they feel and view the world when they are with someone - you can become addicted to anything - cheeseburgers even - i think people can be the most strongest addiction of all - and it's important to realize addiction is a disease of the mind... it comes from a place of Lack within us, when we need something external to fulfill our own emptiness... and it's why many relationships eventually fail.. because they are not based on a foundation of true love (which stems from Self Love, and self fulfillment) instead they are based on a needy addictive love that stems from needing another perosn to fill up the whole within yourself - which in reality, can never be filled except by loving yourself and becoming a happy person in your own skin. It's why so many of us want to change our partners, or are let down when they don't behave according to our needs... True love - starts with ourselves - once we are Whole and no longer have a Hole within us - then we can offer true love to our partners... and what does true love really mean? Acceptance. Accepting your partner for who she/he is... Accepting yourself for who you are... (perfections AND imperfections) the hard truth is - we treat others the way we treat ourselves. So, if we don't accept and love ourselves, and if we are too hard on ourselves... and worst yet - if we hate ourselves... then.. guess how we'll treat the ones we "love"? I'm not trying to work on myself - seeing a Therapist (dr Friedman Schuab) and learning how to re-wire my mind (i'm 34) through identifying the reasons i think the way i do... (mostly negative self talk) and how i can turn it around to be more positive and happy and above all.. Love myself. good luck! All the best. Did you block your ex eventually on Facebook?
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Seriously. Just block her. You'll feel so much better if you just do it.
anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 whether she made that comment for you to see or not - you HAVE to block her dude - if you don't you will suffer the thoughts - believe me man - it's better you didn't see that she's going away - isn't it? know this.. she is most likely not having as much fun as you think she is... so, get on with your own thing - try to!! and in the meantime - you need to eliminate ANY sign of her... for me, even seeing my Ex "liking" the status of others i am friends with - has given me fuel for thought... that fuel.. what prevents us from moving on... Cold Turkey only works if there's NOTHING... not even tiny little signs like that... GOOD LUCK. 1
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