robaday Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I cant speak for all men, but for me there is nothing more terrifying than a woman who cannot control her emotions, because it puts us in a very very difficult position which is easier to walk away from than try and deal with. My ex told people after we split id abused her and it resulted in a lot of people distancing themselves from me. I had no avenue to clear my name as shed told me to never contact her again. Problem is she kept contacting me wanting to see me and has tried several times to be on better terms. I simply dont want her in my life because she destroyed my reputation and several friendships by spreading falsities about me, which hurt me profoundly as I never raised a hand to her or acted in an abusive way. I would always be scared she would resort to something like that again, that id be set up in some way, and I should think your ex is the same - he doesnt ever want to be in that situation again 1
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I cant speak for all men, but for me there is nothing more terrifying than a woman who cannot control her emotions, because it puts us in a very very difficult position which is easier to walk away from than try and deal with. My ex told people after we split id abused her and it resulted in a lot of people distancing themselves from me. I had no avenue to clear my name as shed told me to never contact her again. Problem is she kept contacting me wanting to see me and has tried several times to be on better terms. I simply dont want her in my life because she destroyed my reputation and several friendships by spreading falsities about me, which hurt me profoundly as I never raised a hand to her or acted in an abusive way. I would always be scared she would resort to something like that again, that id be set up in some way, and I should think your ex is the same - he doesnt ever want to be in that situation again I can understand feeling that way. I haven't tried to tarnish him or his reputation in any way through all this. So far (at this point) I don't believe him to be a bad guy. Neither of us are bad people actually. Think we are both sensitive to an extent. I messed up once. It's out of character for me. Everyone deserves a second chance...well unless they did cheat or did beat someone. I would like that second chance. He should know anyways that I'm not as crazy and such as I acted that night without something (liquor) turning me that way. We had drank around one another once a week since we've been together. Never a problem before. I understand where everyone is coming from though...and I know this would be something that would never ever happen again. Unfortunately it doesn't sound or look as if I'm gonna get that chance =\
Snow101 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You done went off tha chain! Seriously though there are a lot of things going on here that don't sound healthy... You gotta find a guy that is into this kind of thing, I know they are out there! Jk. I dunno...I think if you really want to patch things up you really gotta go big. Tell him how sorry you are in a letter, well written of course. Show him this posting. Tell him the booze got the best of you and the beast came out. Say you'll never do it again and if you do you will understand if he says gtfo. Best of luck. 1
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 You done went off tha chain! Seriously though there are a lot of things going on here that don't sound healthy... You gotta find a guy that is into this kind of thing, I know they are out there! Jk. I dunno...I think if you really want to patch things up you really gotta go big. Tell him how sorry you are in a letter, well written of course. Show him this posting. Tell him the booze got the best of you and the beast came out. Say you'll never do it again and if you do you will understand if he says gtfo. Best of luck. I seriously lol'ed at "off the chain". At my old job that was always the phrase we would use to describe someone at shift report hahaha and because I did indeed go off the chain. But I don't want anyone into this kind of thing. Lol. I don't want this as a norm. However I would like to be forgiven. I'm human. I made a mistake. Be mad. I'm fine with that. but forgive me. All those ideas for making up sound great but I'm currently blocked from all communication. I feel as though any further attempts from me at this time by going around his blocks will only add to my "off the chain" status. Already been called crazy. Told him the last time I tried to contact that I guess I deserved that. I literally have no more moves to make currently but to hope he contacts me before too much longer or within a few weeks he removes the block on his iPhone settings...but is it weird for me to say that I would almost feel uncomfortable even trying in a few weeks? Yeah I want him back...but I know he hasn't wanted to hear from me all this time. Who is to say if he removes the blocks he even wants to hear from me.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Honestly, dishes are done here. It's not what you want to hear, but this is an extraordinarily huge red flag no matter how much you seem to think that he should let you slide. People have different breaking points and it seems like you found his. Instead of trying to argue why he's wrong about this (which you seem to have done in this thread), learn from it. Everyone has their own thoughts on what is acceptable behavior and what is not. You hit his and there's nothing you can do about it. And trying to argue it or justify why you did it is directing your energy in the wrong way. I was in a similar situation (though not nearly as dramatic or violent as yours) with the ex that brought me here. Everything was perfect and, in a fit of drunken rage, I withdrew from my ex, acted like a spaz and threw a tantrum because I was afraid of how fast everything was going. Well, it went from 100 to 0 immediately after that and never went back the other way. I didn't hit her, I didn't threaten to hit her, I didn't even yell at her. I just freaked out, told her to stay away from me and acted like a loon. I tried to apologize and take it all back, but the damage was done. That being said, it was not my call on what she should do and I never made it that way. This is what kind of annoys me about this thread -- you seem to think you are entitled to another chance and you seem to think that he is obligated to give you one. That couldn't be further from the truth. He has a right to decide when enough is enough and you have no voice in that. Nor should you. I'm not trying to bring you down, because honestly, this may be a blessing. Not only do you have a chance to get to the root of why you choose dysfunctional relationships (and all of your spinning aside, your relationship with this guy sounds terrible, which is definitely part of his doing), but you have a chance to fix it and move forward and actually have a healthy, adult relationship. Just not with this guy. Instead of trying to spin why he should take you back or hear you out, you need to fix what's broken with you. Because it's not just a "I was drunk" thing. You have a terrible filtering process with guys (one who beat you, one who insults you crudely in front of your loved ones), but that can be fixable. You just have to be willing to fix it instead of mindlessly justifying it. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 That's what gets me on it too though. I didn't do it but if I had, I would have been the one in trouble! Seems to me I would be like "go ahead crazy. You'll be in trouble not me". Geez. Empty threats. Not in my right mind. Do I have to be crucified forever over this? Sally. How about doing this OK? What's happened, happened and you can't change history. Chalk it up as a lesson and move on. You might come to realize that maybe you two aren't meant for each other. If you feel that in your heart that your a good person, then look at this as a building experience and learn from it. Move on and live your life. I'm not saying that you have a drinking problem but I'm the type of guy that if the waitress waves a bar rag under my nose, I fall down. I can't hold my booze and in my younger days, I had a temper and when you combine that with sniffing a bar rag, I could raise some hell. Then I thought that this isn't any good so the solution I made for me was the two beer rule. Two beers and then I switch to a glass of Coke or ginger ale or bottled water. I'm a happy boy, well old man now.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I do not by any means want to justify my behavior. It's not okay & it should not have happened. Yes it is his god-given right to make the decision he made & it's his decision & I have to accept that & respect that...which due to being heartbroken I haven't done too good of a job of that. I was just here to know what my chances of reconciliation were with this person. It does seem to me he wants no part of it. Yes we had our problems. Like everyone does. But I felt the good times outweighed the bad. I truly feel it was worth salvaging. And yes I've realized the issue with the drinking now. It's pretty easy solution for me, keep liquor out of the picture. If I drink beer, I don't drink enough to get me to that point I'd get tired and stop before anything. I just messed up & apparently I hurt him & I feel terrible over it. I really really feel terrible.
KaliLove Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Well try to figure out what you can do to feel un-terrible. How can you fix your issues so this doesn't happen with the next guy?
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Well I don't really see this as becoming a recurring issue. But now that I do know alcohol can have negative effects on me & cause me to hurt someone I truly care about a good starter would be to control consumption. Don't drink when I'm already mad/upset. Better communication will be a must. And definitely don't ever start thinking someone won't ever walk away from me because wow did that ever end up not being the case here.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 And I don't think I'll ever feel "unterrible" I can't justify it because it was uncalled for so I feel like that terrible feeling will always be there concerning the issue.
KaliLove Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 But there were obviously some major communication issues before this incident. You wouldn't have exploded at him the way you did if there weren't. What can you do to avoid those in the future? I totally made up the word unterrible just for you! 1
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Lol! I would say talk about it...but guys always shut you down when you try to talk about things or get defensive.
KaliLove Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 24 year old guys do, sure. Most guys mature out of that and are eventually able to discuss feelings to some degree. It's doubtful you'll meet the man of your dreams at 25, to be perfectly honest. If you married him now, chances are that you'd split up within a few years. Go out and date around. Have some fun. He's not coming back any time soon, if ever.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Thank you, Kali. I'm pretty much losing hope too. But I guess time doesn't stop & my life doesn't stop for someone who doesn't want me & is doing who knows what but thinking about me. Thank you for your replies! I don't think I'll check this thread anymore though. Keeps my feelings of guilt & all stirred up. Think it's keeping me hanging on in some ways.
KatZee Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 You really gotta get over the fact that this relationship is done. That's not even the important thing here right now. After reading this, I know that you SHOULDN'T be in a relationship right now. You're not ready. You have a lot of stuff going on with your own personal self that you need to seriously get under control before you attempt another relationship. You need to control yourself, your emotions, learn to communicate properly, figure out why you feel the need to bottle things up to the point you have perpetual explosions resulting in "psycho" behavior. It's not healthy, or the norm. The relationship is done, it's time to focus on yourself, you need to.
Trovador Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 It´s not that what you did it´s unforgivable. I´d forgive you and I´m sure your ex would do the same. Maybe he has already. But the fear of you behaving in the same vein down the road would be, honestly, unbearable... maybe because, like a lot of other men, if not all, I think that cops are out against males in general, and in the case of a discussion betwen a man and a woman, the latter has all the advantages.. Yes, I am terrified by the cliched shady sheriff who fires first and asks later... Having said that though, I think we men live constantly in fear of the psycho girlfriend in general... not that you are one of those but you seemed one that night... because it is not needed that women be actually nuts to get the devil away from them, it is needed solely that we believe they are or can be...
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