Sallyxoxo Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I have another post on here pretty recent. But now that I know the cause, I want some male input. We bickered like any other couple probably over the same stupid things any couple. He over dramatic and over sensitive. But we really were awesome together. We've been broken up 3 wks this weekend. Quick breakdown he disrespected me majorly earlier in the night. We drank later and I brought all my anger and feelings out and started a fight over it. I ended up pinching him telling him to leave, kicked a door of the room he went in (we NEVER fought like this before & yes was a lovely side effect to the whiskey) well at one point I threatened to call the cops if he didn't leave. THREATENED. I didn't & wouldn't ever (&this was pre pinching and kicking the door) anyways I found out through Facebook the next day I'm single. I let emotions take over and again lashed out like a child on Facebook. He deleted then blocked me and blocked my phone number. Ran into his best friend Monday night (been seeing him a lot lately bc of same hangouts/friends) and he said he's so mad bc I threatened to call the cops (empty drunken threats. So trashy ugh). But I didn't! Is this really a cause to completely cut me off after every day for 9 months together and vacationing out of country and blah blah. Talked ab marriage and kids (down the road of course). I mean is it just me or is this really immature? He stated earlier in the week if you really want to get your ex back you ignore them and eventually you'll both wonder what the other one is up to. I could see if this kind of behavior was recurring but he yelled and cussed me at a restaurant earlier in the night because I calmly and quietly told him to stop staring at his ex. Bickering...yeah. We've done that. But this is the first time anything had ever been like this. And going on 3 wks now? I have gone crazy. Cooled it for a week but when I found out the cop threat was the problem my st patty day celebrating self called 3 times and text 3 times from a friends phone apologizing and explaining it was obv an empty drunken threat and I would never ever do that. Would this cause you to lose all feelings for someone so quickly?!
KaliLove Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 For a guy who is dramatic and over-sensitive..is it really such a stretch that he would react in a dramatic and overly sensitive way? Although..yes, getting physical with someone and then threatening to call the police on them and trying to break the door down would be a deal breaker for a lot of people. It sounds like you're both probably pretty young and have some growing up to do, and that you had some major communication problems. But you should try to get your anger under control. It's never ok to touch someone in anger, even if you're drunk, and even if you're female and you think you can't hurt them. All you can do right now is continue with NC and try to work on yourself..on keeping yourself calm and controlled, and as previously suggested..perhaps cut down on the drinking. 2
Mr.Pine Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Since I am a male, at least that last time I looked in the mirror and saw my junk, I will try to shed some light on your situation... He over dramatic and over sensitive. No, you are. According to what you did, kicking doors and screaming like a banshee, you are the overly dramatic one and a tad on the sensitive side. We drank later and I brought all my anger and feelings out and started a fight over it. I ended up pinching him telling him to leave, kicked a door of the room he went in (we NEVER fought like this before & yes was a lovely side effect to the whiskey) well at one point I threatened to call the cops if he didn't leave. THREATENED. I didn't & wouldn't ever (&this was pre pinching and kicking the door). You scared him. Scared the poop out of him. Pinching him and kicking doors and threatening to call the cops. I don't care if it was just a "threat". Only you knew it was a threat. For him, not being a mind reader, thought it was for reals. That is one thing you never do, especially in a fight. Threaten to call the popo. Big mistake. ...anyways I found out through Facebook the next day I'm single. I let emotions take over and again lashed out like a child on Facebook. He deleted then blocked me and blocked my phone. Do you see a common thread, here? You even admit you let emotions take over. Only a child would go emo on Facebook. Or a woman scorned. You seem like both. Were you drunk when you attacked him on FB? Doesn't matter. Alcohol is no excuse. You just dug yourself even deeper. Is this really a cause to completely cut me off after every day for 9 months together and vacationing out of country and blah blah. Talked ab marriage and kids (down the road of course). I mean is it just me or is this really immature? He stated earlier in the week if you really want to get your ex back you ignore them and eventually you'll both wonder what the other one is up to. Yes. Yes it is cause to completely cut you off for however long you've been dating and for whatever you discussed while a couple. You went psycho. Guys don't handle psychotic behaviour very well from their girlfriend. You went off the deep end. You are extremely emotional and unstable in his eyes. He's afraid of you... and rightly so. Like I always tell people, go NC. Now. Immediately. He is absolutely frightened of you and wants nothing to do with you. Let things die down for a couple of weeks, months, hell even years. Dude's not coming back. You scared him away for good. I don't even know you and would be deathly afraid to spend more than 30 seconds with you in the same room. Anger management classes come to mind... 4
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Thank you for your response. I know. I feel like such dirt and trash for acting in such a way. Everyone laughs at me and says it was just a pinch but either way I afflicted paid and I'm sure it hurt and I would never want to do that to him. My brother told him that night that he didn't know if I was having a nervous breakdown or what...& I even question if that's what had happened. I was at a job where I was charge nurse & was they used fear as control & threatened us with our jobs, fired people to just make examples for others, I was constantly understaffed which made stressful shifts & really threatened my nursing license. It was just so much to deal with. I'm just shocked that almost 3 wks out and he still has me blocked from all communication (which I can't really blame him. Obv Monday showed I still don't have emotions under control) but to be completely unaffected at all?? I mean yeah it was a mistake. But nothing came of any of it except for lots of regrets from me and me feeling bad. As I said if this were recurring or if I had gone through with it. But is it really such an unforgivable crime that I threatened something and didn't go through with it? 3 weeks is just beginning to feel like overkill. I'm just curious if there are other guys who would leave someone they loved over this? I know my mess up and know if he were to come back, I'd do everything to ensure that didn't happen again. If it were the other way around I would have forgiven but said no liquor until we're in a healthier place.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Since I am a male, at least that last time I looked in the mirror and saw my junk, I will try to shed some light on your situation... No, you are. According to what you did, kicking doors and screaming like a banshee, you are the overly dramatic one and a tad on the sensitive side. You scared him. Scared the poop out of him. Pinching him and kicking doors and threatening to call the cops. I don't care if it was just a "threat". Only you knew it was a threat. For him, not being a mind reader, thought it was for reals. That is one thing you never do, especially in a fight. Threaten to call the popo. Big mistake. Do you see a common thread, here? You even admit you let emotions take over. Only a child would go emo on Facebook. Or a woman scorned. You seem like both. Were you drunk when you attacked him on FB? Doesn't matter. Alcohol is no excuse. You just dug yourself even deeper. Yes. Yes it is cause to completely cut you off for however long you've been dating and for whatever you discussed while a couple. You went psycho. Guys don't handle psychotic behaviour very well from their girlfriend. You went off the deep end. You are extremely emotional and unstable in his eyes. He's afraid of you... and rightly so. Like I always tell people, go NC. Now. Immediately. He is absolutely frightened of you and wants nothing to do with you. Let things die down for a couple of weeks, months, hell even years. Dude's not coming back. You scared him away for good. I don't even know you and would be deathly afraid to spend more than 30 seconds with you in the same room. Anger management classes come to mind... I want to say that's really mean. Lol. And in a way it is but I appreciate the honesty. I'm really not mean though. Promise. I'm actually too nice and a push over. Things bottle up and I lose my cool...it actually only happens every couple of years. If you had seen how crazy he was over me, it would be odd to you. Would come to my house when I asked him not to. Barge right through the door and demand I forgive him or do what he says and would cry to my family over it. I'm ashamed. I am. Was so outside my character. You're right on the going crazy part. & I know the only way to fix crazy is no contact. But you see no hopes for reconciliation for me?
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Oh and the barging in demanding I forgive him is when I told him to just leave me alone & give me time to think because of a pretty big lie I was told. He is usually the one called crazy from what he had told me & his best friend.
KaliLove Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 If I was a betting woman I would not bet on a reconciliation in this case. It seems like you both brought out the crazy in each other, so it's definitely for the best. Can I ask how old you both are?
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I will be 25 next month, he turned 24 last month. That's what I fear. That I've just made such a mess somehow that I'm gonna lose the one I care about over it.
Mr.Pine Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I will be 25 next month, he turned 24 last month. That's what I fear. That I've just made such a mess somehow that I'm gonna lose the one I care about over it. "Lose" is the wrong verb tense. He blocked you on all fronts. You "lost" him. Like I said, go NC and begin to heal. He may or may not attempt to reach you in a couple of weeks or months. Just let things be. I didn't mean to come off like a jerk-bag. Just being honest with you. And honesty usually hurts. Bad.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Sweetie, in my humble opinion, this whole scenario sounds very immature to me. I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you're young and perhaps, this drama queen behavior you BOTH seem to have displayed is to be expected to some degree. Adding alcohol into the mix only fuels an already touchy matter. Even if this is a one-off situation, it was an epic brawl and significant enough where he felt the need to cut off all contact with you. He's entitled to that. And that's not to say I'm on his side or condoning his actions in anyway. I think the writing is on the wall with this guy, even before you got into your fight. Do you really want to be with someone that acts like this or worse yet, brings out the worst in YOU? I say give him his space and don't waste your time chasing him right now. You played a major part in how this all went down so maybe a little time apart is a good thing. Good luck!
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Haha you are correct on the verb tense. So here is the never ending question...since our friends are friends and hang out at the same places...should I avoid those places? Or go anyways and refuse to discuss him if he's brought up to me? Some have told me go if I want to, one told me go one more time & refuse to talk about him bc that will get back to him & eat him up or to just do whatever I want...problem with that is I've already heard that me going out w MY friends means I'm "probably looking for him" ( his friend told me he said that. Really? I can't go out with my friends now that I'm single?!?) This is so stupid. I feel so horrible. I would never want to hurt him and I did...& in the way it's been carried out? Never another word? Y'all are telling me what I don't want to hear lol but like you said truth hurts
bubbaganoosh Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 First of all, it sounds like you and maybe him can't hold your liquor. That doesn't help. Maybe stick to ginger ale. Second. When you threaten to call the cops, to a guy that means your dangerous. You know as well as I do that that one phone call to the cops can ruin a man for a long time if you did it out of pure spite. Their going to haul his ass off in most cases and even if the charges don't stick, he still has a black eye for it and word gets around real fast in social circles so thank you very much. If he was smart, he will avoid you because you just showed him that you'll stoop to a new low if need be. Now if the guy was being aggressive and tried to harm you, then yeah, you call the cops and get his ass tossed in the clink but to make a threat like that at least to me, I wouldn't give a rats ass if you showed up at my front door buck naked with a box of chocolates, a dozen roses and a bottle of bubbly. I will avoid you like you were Typhoid Mary. Sorry. 1
pluralist Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I could see if this kind of behavior was recurring but he yelled and cussed me at a restaurant earlier in the night because I calmly and quietly told him to stop staring at his ex. Maybe I am paranoid and reading too much into this statement but why was he staring at his ex? Did you know that you were going to be in the same place as his ex before you went to this restaurant or was it a surprise? What kind of terms are they on now do you know? Would this cause you to lose all feelings for someone so quickly?! Seems to me like maybe he wasn't sure of his feelings in the first place. Hence the staring at his ex, shouting at you for pulling him on it, and then vanishing at the first sign of unrest. Now don't get me wrong I think your fight sounds a bit out of control and you sound like you acted in a way that was a complete gear change to your normal demeanor, annoyed or otherwise. Which like the other poster said, probably scared him and raised all kinds of questions in his mind about the compatibility of your relationship. I dont want to berate you for getting mad and acting out of character, its not the end of the world we all do it now and again. A consistent and predictable outward emotional state is pretty much impossible to achieve unless you are a sociopath. Sounds like he is the one 'getting mad and acting out of character' at the moment so your even I guess! If it is a dealbreaker or not for your partner I don't know, but as for guys in general (I am a woman so this is purely from an observational standpoint) I think the answer would be not. Most guys who are in volatile relationships are quite aware of the other persons true nature from what I can see, and usually are a bit volatile themselves and that is part of the attraction. It is what it is. Just be aware that if you are going to be in this kind of relationship then this kind of behavior should be expected both ways. If you are going to make empty threats to make a point, he may well just do the same thing in order to win the battle. You know what they say, all is fair in love and war.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Honestly? I don't think this was a deal breaker. I think this was the icing on the cake that accumulated over a series of events, and this one simply went too far and now he's washed his hands of you and the relationship. From your words, you seemed to have displayed a lot of immature, irrational behavior in the relationship. It's also possible that he met someone else who is the complete opposite and has shown him that he was not happy. After 3 weeks of NC from him, I think you just need to let this go. He obviously doesn't feel the same way about you anymore and has decided to move on. You should too. 1
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Sweetie, in my humble opinion, this whole scenario sounds very immature to me. I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you're young and perhaps, this drama queen behavior you BOTH seem to have displayed is to be expected to some degree. Adding alcohol into the mix only fuels an already touchy matter. Even if this is a one-off situation, it was an epic brawl and significant enough where he felt the need to cut off all contact with you. He's entitled to that. And that's not to say I'm on his side or condoning his actions in anyway. I think the writing is on the wall with this guy, even before you got into your fight. Do you really want to be with someone that acts like this or worse yet, brings out the worst in YOU? I say give him his space and don't waste your time chasing him right now. You played a major part in how this all went down so maybe a little time apart is a good thing. Good luck! Thank you for your opinion as well. It is all very immature to me. All of it. My actions and his...which saddens me because I felt like I was always trying to be mature about things and voice of reason...apparently not that night. As I have stated he said earlier in the week the best way to get your ex back is to ignore them bc it will drive them crazy faster than anything. He got to where Everytime I didn't do what he wanted or liked it was "I'll break up with you" we laughed about his sudden chest beating control freak behavior. He "broke up" with me for like 8 hrs the weekend before. I called him and told him we were both stressed and misplacing it and I want to be there and work through it with him. He said "I just think it's the best thing for us right now. Maybe in a week or two or a month or something"...then tried talkin me into quitting my job to go talk bc I have another lined up..told him I couldn't until I started the other. Well come Monday he was at my house every day acting like nothing happened and hinting at the future on Thursday. I want to say he will call back. I want to believe that he will if I just back off...but I just have a fear of what you all are saying...he's not coming back. And I know NC is only choice.
Keenly Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You punched him. Deal breaker. You also blame the whiskey instead of taking responsibility for your own actions.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Maybe I am paranoid and reading too much into this statement but why was he staring at his ex? Did you know that you were going to be in the same place as his ex before you went to this restaurant or was it a surprise? What kind of terms are they on now do you know? Seems to me like maybe he wasn't sure of his feelings in the first place. Hence the staring at his ex, shouting at you for pulling him on it, and then vanishing at the first sign of unrest. Now don't get me wrong I think your fight sounds a bit out of control and you sound like you acted in a way that was a complete gear change to your normal demeanor, annoyed or otherwise. Which like the other poster said, probably scared him and raised all kinds of questions in his mind about the compatibility of your relationship. I dont want to berate you for getting mad and acting out of character, its not the end of the world we all do it now and again. A consistent and predictable outward emotional state is pretty much impossible to achieve unless you are a sociopath. Sounds like he is the one 'getting mad and acting out of character' at the moment so your even I guess! If it is a dealbreaker or not for your partner I don't know, but as for guys in general (I am a woman so this is purely from an observational standpoint) I think the answer would be not. Most guys who are in volatile relationships are quite aware of the other persons true nature from what I can see, and usually are a bit volatile themselves and that is part of the attraction. It is what it is. Just be aware that if you are going to be in this kind of relationship then this kind of behavior should be expected both ways. If you are going to make empty threats to make a point, he may well just do the same thing in order to win the battle. You know what they say, all is fair in love and war. No we didn't know his ex would be there. They broke up 4-5 years ago. She's married and was with her husband. He said he was looking at her husband bc he didn't want them starting drama and staring at him...to which I replied well they don't want you staring at them either. This was after yelling and cussing me.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 You punched him. Deal breaker. You also blame the whiskey instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. I pinched him. Not punch. Geez if I punch someone call the cops on me.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 First of all, it sounds like you and maybe him can't hold your liquor. That doesn't help. Maybe stick to ginger ale. Second. When you threaten to call the cops, to a guy that means your dangerous. You know as well as I do that that one phone call to the cops can ruin a man for a long time if you did it out of pure spite. Their going to haul his ass off in most cases and even if the charges don't stick, he still has a black eye for it and word gets around real fast in social circles so thank you very much. If he was smart, he will avoid you because you just showed him that you'll stoop to a new low if need be. Now if the guy was being aggressive and tried to harm you, then yeah, you call the cops and get his ass tossed in the clink but to make a threat like that at least to me, I wouldn't give a rats ass if you showed up at my front door buck naked with a box of chocolates, a dozen roses and a bottle of bubbly. I will avoid you like you were Typhoid Mary. Sorry. Well I see being mad over a threat but to act this way about it?? I wouldn't do that. Ever. Like I said in one of the texts the other night...let's be honest, if I had stooped so low, in my current state at the time, I would have been in trouble. Not him.
Keenly Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Well that's quite a difference then. Kicking the door still qualified as violent behavior. Either way it sounds like he made a decision, and its not really our call whether or not it was a deal breaker, since it was his decision to make. Sounds like it was a deal breaker for him since he's gone.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Well that's quite a difference then. Kicking the door still qualified as violent behavior. Either way it sounds like he made a decision, and its not really our call whether or not it was a deal breaker, since it was his decision to make. Sounds like it was a deal breaker for him since he's gone. Yeah. And I do accept that I messed up. I just wish there were something I can do. I know there's nothing. I've tried everything and made myself look even more psycho. I worry a lot that I'm gonna spend all this time devastated that I lost someone to such erratic out of character behavior one time & it's me who messed up this time. And I fear that when I start getting back to a happy place...that's when he'll decide to pop up. So was just looking for what guys would think about the situation...if they loved someone if they would eventually call them back and realize it was out of character for them...or if they would just call it a done deal and stay away for good. We all know ex's have the habit of popping up once we finally start moving on. I didn't know if maybe that would be a choice here for some guys or not.
Chi townD Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Well, as a guy, I could see that as a deal breaker. So many women call the cops on guys saying that they're afraid for their safety when there's never been a history of violence and you never even thought that he may be violent against you. And, if you're lucky to get a cop in a good mood, he'll tell the guy to leave for the night and don't come back. But, more often than not, the cop is going to haul him in for a domestic and for a drunk and disorderly and they take him to jail. So, basically, you threaten his freedom and to carry a record for the rest of his life that would make it harder to apply for jobs with a conviction under his belt. And if you threatened him with it once, what's to say you won't do it again and even follow through with it? Too much of a liability and you took away some of his trust in you. That's what he might be thinking.
Woggle Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship on every level. It would be a dealbreaker to me. You don't threaten a man with arrest or a split unless you actually mean it. It is something we tend to take seriously. 1
SammySammy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Definitely a deal breaker for me. Don't touch me in anger. Don't threaten to call the police on me. Don't use alcohol as an excuse for your behavior. I don't even think it was your place to tell him to stop looking at his ex. I would have done the same thing he did. Totally cut you out of my life. That type of behavior is unacceptable to me.
Author Sallyxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Well I appreciate the honesty. And I know it wouldn't happen again because I would not do it again. In the heat of the moment I was just so mad and wanted him to leave and he wouldn't. There wouldn't have been anything domestic. We didn't live together. He didn't put his hands on me. In the end even if I had done it, I would have still looked like a jack a. I've never called the cops on anyone. And I wouldn't unless I was hit or something. I clued in for a moment that I was drunk and he had been drinking and it prob wasn't the best idea. As far as looking at his ex...I didn't attack him. I didn't deserve to be attacked. I hear a lot of guys say that though and all the females agree with me so maybe it's just something we won't see eye to eye on. I can see if this was repetitive behavior of mine, but it's not. I truly am sorry to no end and it disappoints me I could be such an ugly person and I'm mad at myself for it and losing someone I love because of it. Thanks for giving me insight though...even if I totally feel even worse now haha. Guess I deserve it all.
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