UT_longhorn Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Background: Im 36...she's 32. this has been quite a mature relationship. dated 6 months, but she got into it 1 month after her last relationship. (she was the one to break things off) Little to no time to get her heart in the right place before we got into things. Anyways....3 weeks ago, she asked for space as she didn't feel she was invested enough emotionally...and felt like she should have been by 6 months. so it's been silence for 3 weeks.... I'm about to send her this: C…. How are you? Have you eaten any cherimoyas lately? I really hope things are well with you. Things are going pretty well for me but some things at work have changed. Boss’ boss has left the firm, and some other organizational changes and even my role changed, but I think all of these are good things for me and the group. You won’t believe… I haven’t smoked a single cigarette for a couple of weeks! Pretty good huh?? I’m going to see how much longer I can keep it up!! But really I wanted to email you because I’ve had some time to think about us and I’m sure you have as well. I’ll be honest, I’ve been confused as to why things are where they are now. This time apart has made me realize how much I care for you. How much of a friend I consider you. I also realized how few people in my lifetime I connected like I did with you. I also understand that you were confused. You didn’t feel something for me that you though that you should have. You needed space. I kept wondering if you might have gotten into something with me without having the time to get full closure from your previous relationship. Maybe your heart wasn’t open to me yet. Last time you called, you told me that what you needed was space. At first I was eager to give you space, but as the days went on, I kept wishing you would call me and tell me you made a mistake. After a while, the silence was what made me realize this might be it. C…I guess I’m writing you this because I just wanted you to know how I really feel and I wanted to know what your heart truly feels. If you don’t feel like I’m the right one for you, I’ll walk away with my knowing I tried my best. No regrets and no animosity. If you’re willing to take things slow with open and honest communication, I’d be more than willing to find the right pace. Whatever your thoughts, just know that I consider you a friend first. That won’t be taken away. Take some time to think things through and ask God for His guidance…cause what He says is bond Anyways…have a cherimoya for me and devour lots of sushi gen Your Friend, S
organizedchaos Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 No. And you've been a member here since 2005 and you've never seen any of the countless "should I send her this email/letter" before? You haven't seen what everyone tells every single person who posts a thread like this? Do a search. If you're going to do this, call her and talk to her. 3 weeks is not enough time anyway. 1
Author UT_longhorn Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 orgchaos....thanks for your quick reply and perspective. i've read so many of these posts etc...but when you're in the middle of the situation...i guess it becomes harder to see things in focus. you think 3 weeks is not long enough for her to have processed her feelings...and made a decision? im asking her...we can go our separate ways...or try taking things extra slow....
BradJacobs Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Three weeks is not long enough. Regardless you should not send this letter.
Author UT_longhorn Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Brad....could u elaborate why? Is it coming off as too needy? I was trying to be true to my heart...but I think when we're in the "hurt desperate"mode....the honesty sounds too .... for lack of better word... effeminate. Is that what ur sensing from it?
jphcbpa Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Do NOT send that....Sounds really needy. You need to do the complete opposite of what your heart is telling you. Use logic, your head. Leave her alone. Respect her wishes and mostly respect yourself. Hook'em
organizedchaos Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Brad....could u elaborate why? Is it coming off as too needy? I was trying to be true to my heart...but I think when we're in the "hurt desperate"mode....the honesty sounds too .... for lack of better word... effeminate. Is that what ur sensing from it? It's needy and weak. 3 weeks is not enough. 3 months maybe. But you were a rebound even tho she was the dumper. She never had time to fully process her last relationship which is why should couldn't fully connect with you.
Poppyolive Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I agree with the whole no emails, contact from the dumpee side... Because I do believe they were the ones to do the dumping and they are the only ones to bring about reconnecting (and of course if you are then willing) Your letter is lovely. But I feel if I was her it could come across as too needy.. When shes asked for space...you are not respecting her wishes. If shes already feeling messed up emotionally this letter will not help. Let her have this space to figure out her hearts direction and you remain distant & give no contact a go for a bit. The way I look at it..it takes two to make a beautiful healthy loving fulfilling relationship.... Shes decided she can no longer or for now put in the work needed to play her part...and she was honest with you... You can't force someone, or badger someone to make that decision if they are already having doubts...I know you are hurting & confused but take care of your own heart and let her to hers... This too shall pass...allow it to naturally unfold. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 All joking aside, letters are always a bad call.
Author UT_longhorn Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 All joking aside, letters are always a bad call. hahahah...that's a pretty intense no!!!! thanks for the good laugh.
Author UT_longhorn Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 thanks all for the replies. it's so clear when I'm not in the mix....but man do i get confused when im actually in it. all good points from you guys. i ended up going out with some people having some dinner...having some drinks...reset my self so to speak. thank god for this site. i've been no contact since she asked for space. never lost my pride. came close today. (all due to a female friend saying a "closure" email is a great idea for me). I'm no contact 20 days. good to go for another 20. 3
martaldn Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 never send emails I did in the past and just made things weirder cause I showed myself as needy and he put him in a position where he had to justify the way he was acting. Leave things be.. if you 2 are meant to be you will know sooner or later. Most of the time I have sent emails like yours I did because I needed a reaction from him because everything was better than the silent. But i was wrong. Time heals ( slowly ) and make things clearer. give yourself this chance and good luck
Lost And Found Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Any update on your situation? Just a couple of things that I think you should consider - I don't think just being friends with this woman is what you want (or wanted at the time you posted this). Never offer to just be friends, especially if she hasn't mentioned that. That can only incline her to decide to want to be just friends. And it also means that you are giving into her new terms for the relationship (being just friends), this will come across as weak. As things currently stand, all you can do is let her come to you. But until then, you must continue to pursue your goals in life, be the very best you can be, and start dating other women. If and only if she contacts you first, keep it light, set a date with her and take it from there. Otherwise, walk, and never look back. It's the least you deserve friend.
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