Boyfriend wants nude pics?

[Cadenza]

My guess is you don't feel comfortable doing it because he isn't exactly inspiring you to BE comfortable.

 

He's pressuring you about the pics and BJ with no regard about how you feel about it.

 

He's guilt-tripping you about it.

 

He's making you feel like some kind of freak since "everybody does this".

 

And of course, he's talking to other girls, getting nude pics of them, etc.

 

You are NEVER going to have a great relationship with him. He's a jerk. Doesn't matter if he does nice things for you. He's cooking a pizza because he wants to cook a pizza. But when what you want and what he wants aren't in alignment, he wants what he wants, period.

 

Something tells me that when you get into a relationship with someone you trust who really loves you, you will be able to give BJs, no problem.

 

But never send nude pics, unless you want them shared with the world.

 

I really don't know why I won't. It's like a mental block. Maybe I need therapy or whatever, but I REALLY don't wanna do it. I see him this weekend. I'm going to end it, I hope I'll be strong enough . I don't know why I have so many feelings for him though....

[ascendotum]

This is possibly the worst, uncaring, arrogant and inconsiderate advice I've read in a long time.

No means no.

it doesn't mean 'maybe', or 'i'll change my mind, just to keep you happy', or 'it might work this way'.

 

My response would be "Phukk right off."

 

It just might be 'it might work this way'....for her.

Lots of people do things to please their partner that they may not want to do. Its called compromise and people in relationships do it often, and it should be a two way street. Yes, compromise on issues relating to sexual desires of bf/husbands are not popular on LS. I'm fine if you want to have moderators delete it. Its a suggestion that has been given here before (by females too).

 

If it deals her primary concern which is having a pic identifying her in the future and the picture being deemed to be offensive, then its a valid suggestion for her imo, which she may not have considered by only viewing the request in turns of a clear full frontal nude pic. It a suggestion, as I wrote, not an order (as some other posts), or a post designed to guilt her for not doing what her bf wants. She was already wise enough to consider the implications of a nude pic if bf was a jerk & uploads it in the future, which seemed to be the issue more than her being disgusted over nudity.

 

Is it inconsiderate to tell me to fvk off without the 'would be' bit.

[lollipopspot]

I'd say about 40% of the cases I get involve girls who finally gave in to "compromise" with their boyfriend to send them content.

 

What do you do?

[FitChick]

Give him nude pix if you don't mind everyone in the world seeing you naked.

 

Or find nude pix online and crop off the head and send them to him. Make sure she looks like you naked, though.

 

Ask him for nude pix of him and, once you have them, say you will send them to his boss, teachers, neighbors, relatives,etc. if he asks you for nude pix of yourself.

 

Tell him there are plenty of porn sites where he can find women who look like you if he needs a wank.

 

Or just tell him to go f%#k himself because he won't be doing you any time soon.

Edited March 19, 2014 by FitChick

[Grumpybutfun]

I think what needs to be pointed out is that the advice given to people to be more giving in sexual satisfaction overall or to reciprocate oral sex is usually in LTR or marriages where the partner feels comfortable and not like their morals are being compromised by giving oral sex. This poster clearly feels uncomfortable/ethically unsure about it and has just lost her virginity so that advice does not apply.

 

Skuds is completely right about the availability of amateur nudes littering the internet which have not been sanctioned by the woman or man in the photos. A young student who took one of my history courses in 2011 was harassed by an ex who broke up with her amicably a for five years by posting nudes and scantily clad pics and giving her home address, her phone number, her work number and address and even her parents, sisters and grandparents information over the internet. Her pics made them think she was easy and a whore so they contacted her and wanted sex, bondage, etc. This was a few years ago and the availability and diabolical nature of this idiocy is probably much worse now.

 

OP, as a father, this situation greatly alarms me. Don't give anyone anything to make you a victim later. Your bf is a manipulative immature jack wad. All the girls are doing it or if you cared for me sounds like stuff junior high or high school kids say to get laid. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't really like you and he has no idea how to treat someone. Buying products or groceries doesn't really make up for treating someone like their feelings are inconsequential.

 

You don't want to give him a bj because you don't trust him. I imagine he probably pressured you into giving him your virginity too.

 

This stuff might only get worse....next he may want anal, then he may want threesomes, then he will want to swing or be polyamorous, then he will want sex videos, then he will want you to service other men while he watches...and each time you will be whittled away, pressured and manipulated and emotionally drained until you give into his demands.

 

Move on, just tell him you aren't compatible because you don't want to be pressured to do things that go against your values or make you feel uncomfortable.

Good luck,

Grumps

[GoreSP]

Give him nude pix if you don't mind everyone in the world seeing you naked.

 

Or find nude pix online and crop off the head and send them to him. Make sure she looks like you naked, though.

Ask him for nude pix of him and, once you have them, say you will send them to his boss, teachers, neighbors, relatives,etc. if he asks you for nude pix of yourself.

 

Tell him there are plenty of porn sites where he can find women who look like you if he needs a wank.

 

Or just tell him to go f%#k himself because he won't be doing you any time soon.

 

And he can show this picture to everyone saying it's her - and we're back at square 1.

[Cadenza]

In short terms, part of my job is investigating online harassment cases. That's about as much as I can say, I just felt that some of the more direct ramifications needed to be outlined. No one ever thinks it will happen to them, much like having unprotected sex and getting pregnant. You can do it without having something bad happen, but when it happens it's both bad and permanent. Online exhibitionism is one of the best examples of how really really unadvisable choices are being caught up under the guise of "well everyone does it". Yes, everyone does it, and there's millions of photos out on the internet forever that they don't even know got leaked. But I digress.

 

Any updates OP? I really wish you'd just leave the guy and not attempt to "talk it out", there's not really much to say.

 

I texted him, "This is not working out. We're done." and he started texting me like crazy and calling. Now he's saying if I don't pick up the phone, he's going to come over. He's texting me things like he loves me, he will do anything.... whatever I want, I love you, I love you, I love you, please give let me talk first, let's work this out, just please hear me out etc.

What should I do? I unfortunately think I still love him :/

[pteromom]

I texted him, "This is not working out. We're done." and he started texting me like crazy and calling. Now he's saying if I don't pick up the phone, he's going to come over. He's texting me things like he loves me, he will do anything.... whatever I want, I love you, I love you, I love you, please give let me talk first, let's work this out, just please hear me out etc.

What should I do? I unfortunately think I still love him :/

 

I don't know. What do you want to do? Love aside... do you think you could be happy with him if he would stop pressuring you and promises he isn't and won't text other girls sexually or get nude pics from other girls?

 

Do you think he is capable of being who you want him to be?

 

Since you have already said you have different values, my guess is no.

 

But if you want to give it a chance, you can lay out some ground rules and see what happens.

 

- If you ask me to do something sex-related and I say no, THAT'S IT. If I decide I might want to try it, I will come back to you and talk about it with you. Otherwise, discussion is over.

 

- I want access to your phone, Facebook, email, etc. Once I feel satisfied that you are being straight with me, I won't look at them anymore, but right now I have doubts about your loyalty to me and I need transparency.

 

...and anything else you want to add.

 

If he will truly do ANYTHING, respecting you shouldn't be too much to ask.

[lollipopspot]

And he can show this picture to everyone saying it's her - and we're back at square 1.

 

In that case she should find pics that look BETTER than she does.

[bubbaganoosh]

You gave him what he wanted and now he wants more. Virginity wasn't enough for him. Now you have to prove your devotion to him by shaming yourself by sending him a nude photo.

 

You saw that he's texting another girl in a flirty manner so you got an idea of his trustworthiness so you have to ask yourself if he would be trusted with a picture of you in all your glory.

 

The signs are all there and their telling you that taking that extra step to fulfill his gratification will cost you big time down the line.

 

I hope that you have the maturity to put common sense ahead of what will turn out to be nothing but a fling for him.

[Cadenza]

LOL. Forgive me if this is rude, but that was amazingly abrupt of you. I'm not totally against that either. If we were using the analogy of how to cook a frog, you just took the pot off the burner and pitched him into the flames, boiling water be damned haha.

 

Of course he's desperate to talk to you, jealous people are sourced out of insecurity. You just turned his world on its head with zero warning, so now he's scrambling to fix things. You don't have to do this, but I would suggest outlining why you're done and moving away from this relationship.

 

What you DONT need to do is go flimsy on this resolve to be done. It will only make it that much harder to break up with him in the future because he'll think he can just talk you out of it again.

 

From everything you've told us, he sounds jealous, manipulative, petty, insecure, and a little mean. There is nothing in this world, no quantities of desperate "I love you"s that outweighs those traits. I hope you know that.

Yeah, I told him I was done talking to him for tonight, we'd continue tomorrow since I open tomorrow at work and I need sleep....And time to think. I will update tomorrow. Yeah, he totally went bezerk. He was actually going to drive all he way up here too. I'm just sick of feeling icky and down in this relationship. It is always what he wants. He doesn't take my feelings into consideration. He's insulted my intelligence too. Yet for some damn reason, I have deep feelings for him. If he's sincere in taking my feelings into consideration and not pressuring me, that's a start,.... But then there's that girl he talks to and those weird pics he has.... I just ask for access to all his accounts and phone until I trust him again? I dunno how to resolve this one....

[Cadenza]

Yeah, I told him I was done talking to him for tonight, we'd continue tomorrow since I open tomorrow at work and I need sleep....And time to think. I will update tomorrow. Yeah, he totally went bezerk. He was actually going to drive all he way up here too. I'm just sick of feeling icky and down in this relationship. It is always what he wants. He doesn't take my feelings into consideration. He's insulted my intelligence too. Yet for some damn reason, I have deep feelings for him. If he's sincere in taking my feelings into consideration and not pressuring me, that's a start,.... But then there's that girl he talks to and those weird pics he has.... I just ask for access to all his accounts and phone until I trust him again? I dunno how to resolve this one....

 

I don't know. What do you want to do? Love aside... do you think you could be happy with him if he would stop pressuring you and promises he isn't and won't text other girls sexually or get nude pics from other girls?

 

Do you think he is capable of being who you want him to be?

 

Since you have already said you have different values, my guess is no.

 

But if you want to give it a chance, you can lay out some ground rules and see what happens.

 

- If you ask me to do something sex-related and I say no, THAT'S IT. If I decide I might want to try it, I will come back to you and talk about it with you. Otherwise, discussion is over.

 

- I want access to your phone, Facebook, email, etc. Once I feel satisfied that you are being straight with me, I won't look at them anymore, but right now I have doubts about your loyalty to me and I need transparency.

 

...and anything else you want to add.

 

If he will truly do ANYTHING, respecting you shouldn't be too much to ask.

True, if he doesn't pressure me and he starts to respect me, I am willing to see what happens.... It's just that girl he talks to and those top less pics of God knows who.... I know he watches some porn and I was okay with that as long as he wasn't some crazy porn addict. But I dunno why those pics disturbed me so much...

[Eivuwan]

I agree with everyone who said your boyfriend is a selfish jerk and that you shouldn't send him naked pictures of yourself. Also, young women are often attracted to jerks because they think that they can be the one to change him or they feel special because he "chose" her over other women. The truth is that you don't have much relationship experience and it is easy to find men who will treat you well and respect you way more than this guy. Then you will look back and wonder why you thought you love this guy in the first place. So please, no more chances for him. Go No Contact.

[Els]

Glad to hear you dumped his crazy ass.

 

Onwards to a better life without him!

[quidproquo89]

I would not send pictures like that is degrading to you and as you say if things go bad you don't know what he might do with them. Keep your dignity and say no, he should respect that. If not then he is in the wrong plain and simple, don't be pressured into things like that/things you don't want to do.

 

 

Feels a bit sleezy to me

[d0nnivain]

I texted him, "This is not working out. We're done." and he started texting me like crazy and calling. Now he's saying if I don't pick up the phone, he's going to come over. He's texting me things like he loves me, he will do anything.... whatever I want, I love you, I love you, I love you, please give let me talk first, let's work this out, just please hear me out etc.

What should I do? I unfortunately think I still love him :/

 

 

Ugh.

 

 

I'm glad you broke up with him because this relationship wasn't working for either of you.

 

 

That said, breaking up with somebody via text is rather crass. Since this is your 2nd relationship, I'm going to assume you didn't know any better. In the future, only use this method as a last resort.

 

 

Between the pressure for nude pictures & oral sex as well as this new over the top behavior in the face of your decision, your EXBF sounds very immature. He also sounds a bit scary.

 

 

If he comes around again point out that you are not the girl he wants. You won't give him the photos, you don't like oral & it's not fair to him to not get what he wants out of the relationship. If you make it all about him, he's more likely to leave you alone without causing a scene. Anything you can do to end this would be good.

[pteromom]

Yeah, I told him I was done talking to him for tonight, we'd continue tomorrow since I open tomorrow at work and I need sleep....And time to think. I will update tomorrow. Yeah, he totally went bezerk. He was actually going to drive all he way up here too. I'm just sick of feeling icky and down in this relationship. It is always what he wants. He doesn't take my feelings into consideration. He's insulted my intelligence too. Yet for some damn reason, I have deep feelings for him. If he's sincere in taking my feelings into consideration and not pressuring me, that's a start,.... But then there's that girl he talks to and those weird pics he has.... I just ask for access to all his accounts and phone until I trust him again? I dunno how to resolve this one....

 

Your feelings really don't matter. I mean, you can love someone very much and still it might not be healthy for you to be with him. The problem is that we women like to focus on a guy's potential. We think about how we feel during the good times, when things are all mushy and romantic and sexy... and we think that somehow, we can change the bad parts.

 

And sometimes we can. If both people are willing to acknowledge a problem, and work together to fix it. If someone is willing to look at your side of things and change their behaviors to make things better (and vice versa - you do it for them as well.)

 

But sometimes, the bad is just not fixable. If someone has different values, where what YOU consider bad is just normal to them, how do you fix that? If he doesn't see anything wrong with pushing for what he wants, and if he doesn't see anything wrong with getting nude pics of random girls, he may change that behavior in the short term, but he will go back to live his life in alignment with HIS values, not yours.

 

If he is changing his behavior out of fear of losing you rather than understanding and respecting your point of view, any change in him will not be permanent.

 

You can't help how you feel, but you shouldn't make important life decisions based on feelings. You should decide what is right for you based on your own integrity and being true to who you are.

 

And sometimes, when you love someone, the kindest thing you can do for them is let them go so they can find someone who is a better match for them.

[Eclypse]

Your boyfriend sounds like a douche. I wouldn't send him nudies. My girlfriend started sending me nude pics about 3 weeks into our relationship. She's let me take all sorts of pics of her posing and we're going to tape ourselves having sex soon. You just have to be sure you trust the person. I would never put those pics online.

[David87]

No don't put the pictures online. Even if you trust him now. Maybe in the future you will break up with him and his revenge will be to make the pictures public.

 

I know 2 cases. Of course my first girlfriend posed nude for me and during intercours but she did it because that what she wanted to do not because I've asked her. My second gf did the same thing, I still have those pictures, but they are only for me, no one else sees them.

[TaraMaiden]

......

Is it inconsiderate to tell me to fvk off without the 'would be' bit.

No.

My response to his request to me, to send nude pictures of myself, would be "Phukk right off".

I never said it was towards you.

[FitChick]

And he can show this picture to everyone saying it's her - and we're back at square 1.

Not if the person has moles, scars, tattoos or other identifying marks and she doesn't, or vice versa. You could easilyl prove it wasn't you if you had to. The best course of action though is to go No Contact.

[TAV]

I texted him, "This is not working out. We're done." and he started texting me like crazy and calling. Now he's saying if I don't pick up the phone, he's going to come over. He's texting me things like he loves me, he will do anything.... whatever I want, I love you, I love you, I love you, please give let me talk first, let's work this out, just please hear me out etc.

What should I do? I unfortunately think I still love him :/

 

You are just a trophy to him. This is not about you. I bet he bragged to his friends that he was going to take your virginity and they applauded him when he did. That is why he needs those nude pics; he wants to show off the trophy he has 'won'. It must hurt his precious male ego that you will not give him a bj. I bet if you give him pics the next thing will be that he wants to film you giving him head. Or worse. You are feeding his ego, this is not love. He's already working on his next trophies. Be the one that got away. Please.