Connorjaay Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Hi. First of, sorry if I posted this thread in the wrong section haha Basically, I had being dating this girl for a few months and she said she feels different and she doesn't know why and she hasn't felt upset over anything like this before. I won't go into too much detail but basically, I think she is back talking to her ex. Well I'm her ex now but her ex before me lol. She doesn't show any signs of attraction towards me that I know of. She possibly might look at me but I purposely don't look in her direction when I know she's near. I told her how I really felt about her and then had no contact. The no contact was broken after about a month. This was my friend calling her at a party on my phone. He handed the phone to me after dialling her but I hung up within a few seconds. She later texted me. We got into a conversation and basically she thought I hated her or something and I told her I didn't. She also told me that she cares about me and because she knew I was drunk, she was telling me to go and have some water. We then just started texting about what we were doing recently. It was so natural. Basically, she had a rough childhood as in her mother died when she was in primary school. She has social anxiety and she told me when she texted that I was the first person (never mid a guy she liked) that she was 100% comfortable around. Maybe she still likes me, maybe she doesn't, but she had said she doesn't and I'm wondering what to do next. We are in good terms as we told each other if we need one another to reach out. Obviously, I just want to sit and talk to her all night but I don't know. She doesn't engage in any communication. I think this is because she is a loyal person and if she's seeing someone else, she respects that I could be seen as a threat to him. What do I do? Do I stick with no contact? I know this is an immature question, but we follow each other on twitter and I want to make sure I don't come across as something that will push her away further. What kind of stuff should I avoid tweeting? Thanks
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I'm guessing you are really young. Either way, there is nothing you can do but leave her alone and give her space. That also means no following on Twitter -- No Contact means No Contact of any kind, be it in person, in text, via social media. It's up to her to decide whether she'll be reattracted to you and you shouldn't attempt to manipulate it. If I were you I'd either block her on Twitter or stop Tweeting. There's nothing you can do but move forward. She has told you she isn't interested, so take her at her word and move forward. But trying to manipulate her will not only be successful, but it will make you like like a pathetic wuss. Stop following her on social media and let everything be. She can't miss you if you don't go away.
BassWalker Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Forget it. There are so many women out there. I was with the same woman for 9 years. She broke up with me. I then spent the better part of six years pining for her. I then had to relearn on to date again. There are too many women to be meeting.
Author Connorjaay Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 Okay so in a couple of weeks, we will be working around close proximity of each other as in passing each other every five minutes, waiting around and probably ending up socialising with the same people in one group. How do I treat her? It's also how we met doing this. Do I just be myself and pretend she isn't there? Make little reminder comments that I still remember things about her? To my knowledge, it's the last time we'll have to be close each other like this and there is possibly going to be a party later on in the night that I know I'll be going to, but the chances of her going are very high. Advice?
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 You treat her like any colleague you have a professional relationship with. No personal talk, no snide comments, no hints at 'the past' no reminiscing, recriminations, reproaches, reminders. Just business. If she tries the same, just block it off, ignore it, change the subject... Think you can do that?
Author Connorjaay Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Yeah I think I can just wanted to run it past you guys for advice. Does anyone have any idea on the whole thing that changed it? I mean she still insists that she she doesn't know what changed and she claims it's the worst thing to happen to her involving a guy. The only thing that I can think that I did wrong was when I met up with her the last time, neither of us went in for a hug or kiss to greet each other. I got a bit weird with that and it took me a few hours to make a move on her. Even then it wasn't as passionate as before and we cuddled the rest of the time only to kiss each other goodbye where it was a little more passionate. Could this have been what changed her? Edited March 19, 2014 by Connorjaay
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Yeah I think I can just wanted to run it past you guys for advice. Does anyone have any idea on the whole thing that changed it? I mean she still insists that she she doesn't know what changed and she claims it's the worst thing to happen to her involving a guy. The only thing that I can think that I did wrong was when I met up with her the last time, neither of us went in for a hug or kiss to greet each other. I got a bit weird with that and it took me a few hours to make a move on her. Even then it wasn't as passionate as before and we cuddled the rest of the time only to kiss each other goodbye where it was a little more passionate. Could this have been what changed her? Who knows. It could have been a million things and, more than likely, it had very little to do with you. Feelings change sometimes. Stop trying to figure it out -- you'll just drive yourself crazy. Even if you did know, then what? It's not like you can fix it -- it's up to her to fix her own feelings if she chooses.
Author Connorjaay Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 Okay.. As simple as that reply was, it helped a lot. I don't think I'll ever get told the reason why... What I want to know is this.. I do believe in second chances so say she realises what a mistake she made and she gets back in contact.. How do I handle it? I mean, I'd like to try again with her (if I'm single at the time of course) but do I make her work for me? I know that comforting her after she does whatever it is he is doing is pointless because as soon as she is feeling stable again, she'll ditch me and move on I'm guessing. But I did all I could do before she went to her ex and told her I'm here if she needs me to be. How would you get things back on track steadily after this (say she even comes back)?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Okay.. As simple as that reply was, it helped a lot. I don't think I'll ever get told the reason why... What I want to know is this.. I do believe in second chances so say she realises what a mistake she made and she gets back in contact.. How do I handle it? I mean, I'd like to try again with her (if I'm single at the time of course) but do I make her work for me? I know that comforting her after she does whatever it is he is doing is pointless because as soon as she is feeling stable again, she'll ditch me and move on I'm guessing. But I did all I could do before she went to her ex and told her I'm here if she needs me to be. How would you get things back on track steadily after this (say she even comes back)? Those are dumb questions to ask right now, because they don't do anything to help you out. Concentrate on recovering first and cross that bridge when it becomes relevant. But yeah, you are wanting advice on something that is not real and might never be real. Completely and utterly pointless waste of your time. It's time for you to do you right now. If you do that right, you might be able to answer the above questions on your own without our help.
Author Connorjaay Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I feel so stupid after you give it to me straight like that but I know it's for the better.. Like it makes complete sense. I could be in denial or whatever and giving myself false hope. She wanted to keep contact and jumped as soon as there was a glimpse of me last time but that's all I'm basing it on.. Like seriously thanks for all the advice and just generally giving it I me straight. She meant my everything and it's why I have to let her go I guess
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I feel so stupid after you give it to me straight like that but I know it's for the better.. Like it makes complete sense. I could be in denial or whatever and giving myself false hope. She wanted to keep contact and jumped as soon as there was a glimpse of me last time but that's all I'm basing it on.. Like seriously thanks for all the advice and just generally giving it I me straight. She meant my everything and it's why I have to let her go I guess Not trying to make you feel stupid, just trying to get you in the mindset to where you only work on controlling what you can control. You can't control her, so don't try to -- just work on you and stay away from her as much as possible while you work through all this.
Recommended Posts