Thrylos_7 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So this is my first post. I've got a doozy of a break-up story and subsequent aftermath. The story: Met this girl during college. Always had this flirt going but never amounted to much, she always seemed to hesitate. Fast forward to graduation, few months later we start a relationship. After some convo it turns out she wasn't sure how her parents would take the news of us dating (different ethnic/racial backgrounds). Nevertheless we stick with it, through constant hounding from her mother. A year in Im away on a short trip come back to find I can't get in contact with her..... (Mind you all was relatively peachy to this point). Turns out all hell broke loose and her mother doesnt want me around her... cue phone blocking,facebook,removal,etc. Following necessary back-and-forth via texts/letter we end up in this [secret] low contact zone. During this time we're solely talking via text till i explain I can't JUST be friends. Cue the NC period. I broke it once or twice (stupid). Since last comm its been about 3 almost 4 months. Now: So Her birthday's coming up and my issue is do i send a simple Happy Birthday? Given our situation and her decision to go along with her mother's wishes, I know there's a relatively small chance of us "dating" again. So what do you guys and (gals?) think? IS this a leave it alone and let the NC play out scenario? I guess I kind of just want to be the bigger person and acknowledge her especially given she was "ghost" around my own birthday couple weeks after breakup (despite asking about it a couple days after). Opinions?
noelaniella Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Honestly? I wouldn't. You are either going to hear back from her and have wounds reopened or not hear back from her and be devastated. If she wants to get in contact with you she has your number. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So this is my first post. I've got a doozy of a break-up story and subsequent aftermath. The story: Met this girl during college. Always had this flirt going but never amounted to much, she always seemed to hesitate. Fast forward to graduation, few months later we start a relationship. After some convo it turns out she wasn't sure how her parents would take the news of us dating (different ethnic/racial backgrounds). Nevertheless we stick with it, through constant hounding from her mother. A year in Im away on a short trip come back to find I can't get in contact with her..... (Mind you all was relatively peachy to this point). Turns out all hell broke loose and her mother doesnt want me around her... cue phone blocking,facebook,removal,etc. Following necessary back-and-forth via texts/letter we end up in this [secret] low contact zone. During this time we're solely talking via text till i explain I can't JUST be friends. Cue the NC period. I broke it once or twice (stupid). Since last comm its been about 3 almost 4 months. Now: So Her birthday's coming up and my issue is do i send a simple Happy Birthday? Given our situation and her decision to go along with her mother's wishes, I know there's a relatively small chance of us "dating" again. So what do you guys and (gals?) think? IS this a leave it alone and let the NC play out scenario? I guess I kind of just want to be the bigger person and acknowledge her especially given she was "ghost" around my own birthday couple weeks after breakup (despite asking about it a couple days after). Opinions? It's not complicated at all. The whys and wherefores are irrelevant. Fact is - she's your ex. You don't keep in touch with exes unless the clothes they're wearing are on fire.
Author Thrylos_7 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 YEah this is what i keep telling myself.....and was a step from believing it.... yet here i am.
Author Thrylos_7 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 True ....this has been my reasoning for not contacting her again. The scenario is essentially all on her (her move to make).... so nothing I do really changes that. Just felt like in a relationship that was really good and a person I respect(ed) ....the polite thing to do would be send my wishes. I see what youre saying though
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 ...."Polite thing to do...." Hmmm....... Would that be to make you feel better, or her feel better?
Author Thrylos_7 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Hmmm, I dont really know..... i suspect its more about me....and a little bit to let her know I remembered and not an ******* about the whole thing.
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I figured it would be about you.... and the 'proving you're a nice guy' bit, is still about you, if you're honest. You don't want to appear to be a jack-ass, because that's not who you are. but if she went out with you - she already knows that really, right? And if she DOES think that about you, well... you know it's not true..... right? The problem is, NC is ultimately, a selfish thing, but it's really self-preservation. NC is about you, not her. It means putting your well-being first. And that seems selfish, to the loving person. But you just have to accept that for what it is.
Author Thrylos_7 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 No ifs ands or buts about that... I think I knew this was the case, I just needed it confirmed. Cold, hard NC it is...
Recommended Posts