Snow101 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I posted in the break up section about my latest romantic disaster but this kind of a follow-up... I'm just wondering if anyone has just given up on love and become happier for it? Has anybody just decided its not in the cards for them, and found meaning and purpose and happiness in other pursuits? I'm asking because the way I've felt the last 8 months has been the worst most nightmarish feeling I've ever had and I've never been so low in my life. I'm a ship lost at sea and I honestly have trouble coming up with reasons why I'm even alive, and striving for anything, any goal , at this moment feels pointless. I honestly feel like I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel like this ever again. It's just not worth the risk especially when so many people seem to feel zero qualms about smashing your heart and disappearing on you like a bad dream. And I used to be one of those people that thought a life without a great love was really a wasted one, and one that would be much less richer for not having it....yet here I am now giving up the ghost. So...anybody done this successfully? What did you get into? What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?
tlegend Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I posted in the break up section about my latest romantic disaster but this kind of a follow-up... I'm just wondering if anyone has just given up on love and become happier for it? Has anybody just decided its not in the cards for them, and found meaning and purpose and happiness in other pursuits? I'm asking because the way I've felt the last 8 months has been the worst most nightmarish feeling I've ever had and I've never been so low in my life. I'm a ship lost at sea and I honestly have trouble coming up with reasons why I'm even alive, and striving for anything, any goal , at this moment feels pointless. I honestly feel like I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel like this ever again. It's just not worth the risk especially when so many people seem to feel zero qualms about smashing your heart and disappearing on you like a bad dream. And I used to be one of those people that thought a life without a great love was really a wasted one, and one that would be much less richer for not having it....yet here I am now giving up the ghost. So...anybody done this successfully? What did you get into? What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? Yes. Motivation for me upon waking up? Finding a new hobby or learn something that I show interest in.....in hopes of finding something that I can be as passionate about as I was in regards to my ex. So far, I've come across learning how to fly-fish, para-sailing around my city (apparently, its cheaper than I thought), painting with water and oil-based paint (I dont have artistic skill, water & oil-based paint bypasses that), and recently began to research going to back to school to get an engineering degree as I feel my mind is constantly searching for something new to learn...and I haven't satisfied that urge. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) I can definitely relate to this. Except for one thing. You say you feel like a ship lost at sea but I feel like a small ship in an overcrowded sea with congested opportunities. I would say I've given up on love, at least for now. I don't feel happier, I think I was happier with my ex but now I feel awake and alive. It's like living in the real world VS the Matrix. At least I'm not blissfully unaware anymore, I'm glad my relationship is over sooner rather than later. I don't think I'll fall in love again, I could just do with someone to be close to physically who feels the same way. I too feel like there is no goal right now. I feel like I have no power to do anything anyways. A goal for me would be to end starvation, pollution and animal abuse but I don't know where to start. The only thing that keeps me going is my friends. But that's not enough cause I still can't trust people. I just carry on living in this retarded place, I wish I could live on an island away from society eating fruit all day long and swimming in the ocean. Edited March 17, 2014 by MoooOinkBaaa 2
yorkie Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 i feel like a dingy! yes a stupid dingy! and the world is moving on fast with my stuck! 7 months on and yes im lost, im even sinking but i want to so badly go and get a cruise liner! but how i dont know!
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I essentially gave up a little over 6 years ago when the girl I was dating at the time left me for someone else. I took that BU really hard and hated myself for the longest time. But I put the work in on myself to be happy beign single and just enjoying life. I reconnected with alot of good friends whom I had lost touch with..and now consider those friends some of my closest. I finally had it in me to start dating again this past November but that turned out to be a disaster too. I've given it some thought to just give up again and I'm on the fence for it. Some days I want to get back on the horse and give it another shot, but the possibility (and eventuality) of more heartbreak tends to hold me back.
BC1980 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I think it's best just to live your life, and, if you find someone, that's great. If you don't, well that's fine too. Anytime I've ever found love, I was not looking for it. I was just living and doing my thing, and I ended up meeting someone. Looking back, those times were some of the best in my life. The times when I genuinely didn't care about being in a relationship. Maybe I put out a positive vibe that attracted people. At this point, I just feel that relationships don't last or are too difficult. If you look around, a lot of people are in dysfunctional relationships, and they choose to stay for a myriad of reasons. I don't want to be in one of these effed up relationships either. It seems that when two human beings get together, we just can't make it work long term. 3
Author Snow101 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 It seems that when two human beings get together, we just can't make it work long term. As jaded and cynical as I am, I have to disagree with you there. I know some happy couples that have been married or dating for years, happily. It IS possible. It just seems that people in the their 30's or younger are living in the worse time period of all, for old-school relationships and romance. People these days are so flimsy, so selfish, and they want nothing less than perfection. Marriage is a 50/50 gamble these days and the old ideals of lifelong devoted relationships and monogamy are disappearing, which is a shame for those of us that actually want something like that. I could make a relationship work if I could just find somebody that was willing to work as hard as me and someone that truly wanted it, and believed in love...but I guess that isn't going to happen. 1
BC1980 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I could make a relationship work if I could just find somebody that was willing to work as hard as me and someone that truly wanted it, and believed in love...but I guess that isn't going to happen. That's the problem isn't it? There are always two people involved, and you can only really trust yourself. 1
Author Snow101 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Yeah, touche, but all these other people seem capable and able to make it work. Surely they are finding people worthy of trust. It's not like EVERYONE is unhappy and jaded or trapped in a crappy dysfunctional relationship. How do they do it? That reminds me, random tangent but one thing that personally drives me nuts is when some of my friends compare about their (relatively) minor problems with the wives. Its like man....I'd love to have your problems. They don't even know what they got. Sometimes they throw away or abuse a richness of relationships I'd kill to have. GAH!
somegoodman Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Yup, I'm in the same place OP. I only do casual physical relationships with women going forward and if they try to wring commitment out of me I pull way back. It's just not worth it to trust anybody but yourself these days. And if you can't stand on your own two feet than you're gonna get burned.
singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Sometimes I feel like giving up. I often wonder if I'm one of those people who is meant to be alone. Thought my ex was Mr Right but apparently I wasn't Mrs Right :-( What I hate is when others tell me I'm "too young talk about giving up on love" etc. I'm 26 and I can feel how I feel! Starting over sucks and it's not easy to really connect on a deep level, with another individual. I read this quote the other day about how you only accept a person completely once, it's the first and last time because after you've been hurt you never give yourself in the same way again. But honestly I don't know what to think anymore. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) It seems that when two human beings get together, we just can't make it work long term. I think one person just decides they don't care anymore for whatever reason. Then the other person goes down in flames. I've been on both sides of this coin and being the dumpee is 1000X worse, especially when you are deeply commited / invested (as I was)... Edited March 18, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 2
Hoosfoos Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I pretty much think I'm done with love, after my latest dumping. I'm not looking, don't plan to look, and my trust has been violated irrecoverably. Heterosexual women are cruel, heartless, insatiable creatures with no remorse.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Heterosexual women are cruel, heartless, insatiable creatures with no remorse. Hahahhahahahah... Yeah...
singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Hahahhahahahah... Yeah... That's a blanket statement, I could say the same about men!
SadNLonley Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I can only speak for how I feel today. These feelings dont see to stay on the same path for long. I really know how you feel. 9 months ago was my BU. 4 months ago since NC. He truthfully was the love of my life. I went into serious depression. I got meds which helped and started therapy. It has helped tremendously. What I realized was that not just was he the love of my life, but I think I was codependant on a man. I haven't been single in 21 years. My whole adult life basically. Went straight from a divorce to my bf. I didnt know how to handle life at all. I was left alone to take care of myself. Feeling lonely and scared is a horrible feeling. I just really wanted to die than wake up feeling this way again tomorrow. Little by little I did things to help me. I started catching up with old friends, watched what I wanted to on TV. Went to bed early if I wanted to. I started to find myself. I came to the realization that I have never loved myself and this breakup took any self esteem and self worth I had away. I decided to start working on ME. I started reading books on self improvement, everyday I listen to positive affirmations online. Id say within the last few weeks I actually started feeling better about myself and realized that I hadn't broke down in a full cryfest in a few weeks (thats huge for me). Im not really ready for dating yet, but I realize that as long as I work on MYSELF to feel better about things, get out with family and friends, when it is time for me to meet someone, I will. It will just happen. I hope not too long cuz I dont want to grow old alone, but for the time being Ive learned its ok to be alone for awhile. I get to find out things I truly like to do and really dont need a man for my happiness. Who knows, maybe the ex will come back sometime. Maybe then i wont really want him back. Im hoping someone much better will come along and make me forget any heartache I ever had. So, in my opinion, take it one day at a time, dont become a recluse, seek any help you need, and just work on yourself for a bit. All will fall into place. Maybe not as fast as we all hope, but it will. Good luck with everything. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 That's a blanket statement, I could say the same about men! LOL!!! Of course
singme2sleep Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I pretty much think I'm done with love, after my latest dumping. I'm not looking, don't plan to look, and my trust has been violated irrecoverably. Heterosexual women are cruel, heartless, insatiable creatures with no remorse. This is the problem. Good hearted people are turning cynical. Now women have to prove their not she-devils almost as men have to prove they're not all insensitive players. Nobody will win if we all give up!
tlegend Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 This is the problem. Good hearted people are turning cynical. Now women have to prove their not she-devils almost as men have to prove they're not all insensitive players. Nobody will win if we all give up! Therein lies the conundrum. You can't lose either.
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