Lacking "Community"

[Teknoe]

This was written in another post of mine in response to someone in my thread, but I thought I'd give it its own thread. Does anyone else here not really have a "community" ? You know, not counting family, but like close friends?

 

I just like to work, go home and do my own things... on my own. I like having a Saturday night all to myself. Yes, I know I'm selfish. Maybe it's why I'm single and might be for the rest of my life. *shrug* I just find I'm wired differently than most young adults I meet. I have a hard time making a genuine connection, especially with other men. I have a lot of casual acquaintances but truthfully, no close friends at the moment. This is not quite where I imagined myself to be at 30. In my early-mid 20s I thought I would be one of those 30 something young adults thriving in a community. But to be honest, the thought of that NOW is both scary and exhausting. I just like being a lone wolf. So I don't really have a community. Sure, casual acquaintances. But not enough to throw an intimate birthday party where everyone knows everyone. It would be disjointed acquaintances who don't know each other. Not like those things where a birthday person invites 30-50 friends and everyone has a history/past with each other. I guess I will never ever have that. Yeah...

 

I also like getting a little close, but not too close to people... unless she's a cute girl of course lol. Eh.

 

Anyway, anyone else in this position? Sometimes I wish I had more community, especially say when I see someone at work get showered with praise, or are very very close to coworkers, but that usually fades as soon as I get home and crash. It's only when I'm out and I see community in others that sometimes I either get a bit jealous or go "Dang I don't have that close-knitted group." But once I drive home, and return to my sanctuary... it all fades because it's no longer in my face.

 

Damn I have become a hermit, lol. I used to be more out going and optimistic. Guess life/perspective changes when you're 30 and still kinda in the same spot as when you were 25. 25 you're more hopeful... 30 it's kinda like OK, this is just who I am and who I will be.

 

I've been rejected so many times now too that I have also kinda given up on getting a GF. Right now I almost DON'T want a GF.

 

When I do hang out with people outside of work, I often find my mind drifting to daydreaming about when I can get home and throw on my PJs and put on a movie or read a book, lol. Dang, I never imagined I'd be like this at 30....

[AntiSocal]

Stop looking for community. Start looking fora good time. Everyone wants to have fun and be around fun people. If you are personable people will invite you to hangout, to parties, and you will build a friendship over time. Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Stop looking for a Gf. Stop looking for a bestfriend. Stop looking to impress people. Instead go out to a bar, or a club, or a hookah bar,or just for a night on the town with the intention of having FUN and that is it. I bet you'll meet people.

 

I am pretty anti social and very introverted. But everytime i go out? I make new friends. I used to be kinda like you. Till one day i went to a club by myself and i realized how nice people really are. MEt a group of guys and had a great time with them. Still hangout with them from time to time. Its about just going out and having FUN. FUN is the name of the game. Disregard everything else.

[Teknoe]

Stop looking for community. Start looking fora good time. Everyone wants to have fun and be around fun people. If you are personable people will invite you to hangout, to parties, and you will build a friendship over time. Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Stop looking for a Gf. Stop looking for a bestfriend. Stop looking to impress people. Instead go out to a bar, or a club, or a hookah bar,or just for a night on the town with the intention of having FUN and that is it. I bet you'll meet people.

 

I am pretty anti social and very introverted. But everytime i go out? I make new friends. I used to be kinda like you. Till one day i went to a club by myself and i realized how nice people really are. MEt a group of guys and had a great time with them. Still hangout with them from time to time. Its about just going out and having FUN. FUN is the name of the game. Disregard everything else.

 

Thanks for the advice. Good stuff. LOL I have to admit. When I saw your screen name I thought your post was going to be the "+1 I know what you mean bro, been there done that got the t-shirt" type of reply. But I am pleasantly surprised.

 

I am obsessed on impressing people. I am still learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Still very conscious of my body and my mannerisms and all that. It's weird... sometimes I feel very comfortable but lately I have not.

 

Fun. Yeah. I need to loosen up. Funny... sometimes I'm silly. Sometimes I'm deadly serious and afraid to rock the boat. I'm just a weird mix bag of things. I often feel like I live a very mundane and boring life... but I'm comfortable and find lots of content in it. When I get around people, sometimes I don't know what to talk about because my interests are pretty niche and things only I "get" so to speak. Maybe that's why I like the internet because I can find message boards that cater to the stuff I like which allows me to find some common ground with people.

 

In real life, I often talk about either work or sports. I'm not into politics, cars, or such. I could be better on current news/events. Maybe that's why I feel comfortable being alone. I don't always have a whole lot to say, and when I'm alone, I don't need to talk.

[iris219]

If you're happy spending time alone, there's nothing wrong with that. But I suspect you aren't entirely happy, or you wouldn't be posting here.

 

Socializing with others shouldn't feel like a chore. Maybe you could try Meetup to find people with similar interests.