someonespecial Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I went on a date with a shy guy. It went well and he asked me to go out next weekend. I had text him about a week before our date and he would always respond but he never had much to say or would never contact me first. I asked him about it and that's when he advised me he was shy and didnt text much. I get that since he is shy. Since our date I text him each evening just to see how his day was and to keep me in his thoughts that I'm still interested. My question is I don't want to bother him and am im thinking if not contacting him for a couple of days to see if he initiates contact. I was advised by a shy friend not to stop contact because he may think I'm not interested anymore. We r scheduled to go out Saturday and I was going to call him Thursday. What do u guys think?
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I think you ask him what he feels happy with, and comfortable about. Reassure him that some guys you've dated previously weren't shy, and that you don't want to put a foot wrong, or be party to any misunderstandings.... be upfront. Shyness doesn't mean withholding... 1
Author someonespecial Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 When we went on our date he said he didnt mind me texting him. I am just afraid because he is shy he will not tell me how he really feels. He did say he thought about calling me. He has yet to do that. How do I get him to feel more comfortable and open up with me?
Assasda Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 When we went on our date he said he didnt mind me texting him. I am just afraid because he is shy he will not tell me how he really feels. He did say he thought about calling me. He has yet to do that. How do I get him to feel more comfortable and open up with me? Sounds like everything is going fun. How do you let him open up? Make fun of him. tease him a little bit. See what he says, hopefull you guys can get some banter going back and forth
Stay Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Has he had a girlfriend before you? There's a slight difference between shy and not knowing how to express oneself. I know people who are shy but they will act different around certain people.
AntiSocal Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Sounds like you're overthinking things. If i was you i wouldn't text him everyday though. I rarely text. And if a girl begins trying to text me/call me everyday i will ignore her and only talk to her when i see her in person. Fastest way to burn out a new relationship is too much contact.
GravityMan Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's only been one date so it may be a bit too early to worry. Maybe all he needs is a little time. Some shy people gradually get more assertive and open once they get to know you better and feel more comfortable around you.
Author someonespecial Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Gravity Man: That is what I am hoping for. So here's the deal. I havent contacted him in two days. Today will be the third. The last time I spoke to him, via text, he was excited about our second date which is set for Saturday and called me "darlin". I am thinking he is interested or else he would not have called me that. I am just concerned why he never initiates contact. I hoping I hear from him today. I know he doesn't like texting but I told him he could call me anytime. If I don't hear from him today I plan on contacting him tomorrow to finalize our plans for Saturday. We are both in our 30s I hope this helps.
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 For me, if I had met someone for just 1 date, a daily "how is your day" text is too much. That would make me think you're quite clingy/attention seeking and it would be off-putting. Maybe when you've been dating for a month, sure, but after just 1 date? No, too much, too soon. If you've got firm plans for Saturday (ie. we're going to see Need for Speed I'll meet you outside the cinema at 8pm) then there's no need to contact him before then. Just a confirmation text on Friday night to say look forward to seeing you again, which shows you're still on, and hopefully he sends a "yeah me too see you at 8" response. No need for any more, really!
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 and called me "darlin". He is not that shy isn't she? It was rather inappropriate to call you this way after 1 date only. There are shy men, and there are men using shyness as an excuse. I dated a shy man, if I'd give him a compliment he'd blush, he laughed nervously, he'd take deep breath to calm himself down, he did not like the spotlight being on him, he was reserved in his choice of words, he was respectful, kind, considerate but that shyness never kept him from his job of pursuing me, calling, texting, and setting up dates. *I don't text cause I'm shy* would not fly with me or *I don't text cause I don't like texting* would not fly either. If you don't like texting then call, if you don't like texting or calling then email. This is a critical time, you need to show your interest, put your pants on and be a *man*.
Secret Advisor Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 From the tone of your question, you don't seem to be compatible with a shy guy. Id there any reason to pursue this then?
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 For me, if I had met someone for just 1 date, a daily "how is your day" text is too much. That would make me think you're quite clingy/attention seeking and it would be off-putting. Maybe when you've been dating for a month, sure, but after just 1 date? No, too much, too soon. If you've got firm plans for Saturday (ie. we're going to see Need for Speed I'll meet you outside the cinema at 8pm) then there's no need to contact him before then. Just a confirmation text on Friday night to say look forward to seeing you again, which shows you're still on, and hopefully he sends a "yeah me too see you at 8" response. No need for any more, really! That depends on your style. Personally if a man invited me out for next weekend and did not touch base with me during the week I would interpret this as a lack of interest. Texting every day may be too much but every 2 days to touch base is nice and 3 days without touching base is a flat out lack on interest. Most men I dated we touched based daily right from date 1. If I like you, you like me then we proceed with date 2 within the same week, we both like each other so no need to play strangers for 1 month.....unless you are multi dating or you're looking for something casual to fill your agenda on weekends.
PogoStick Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Girls need to understand that many guys don't care to communicate that often. Funny women say they don't like needy guys, but then worry when the guy is comfortable with keeping space.
StanMusial Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Funny women say they don't like needy guys, but then worry when the guy is comfortable with keeping space. When you stop trying to "thread the needle" and learn to tune out the noise, learn how to pick your battles, it doesn't bother you as much.
Author someonespecial Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Based on all the responses i have received, I am not going to contact him and wait until Saturday for our date and see how that goes. Secret Admirer: I dont see why I wouldnt be compatible with a shy guy. I have just never dated a shy guy so I am a little confused about the whole process.
Author someonespecial Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 update: we had a great date on Saturday as well as great communication. I even got a kiss on the cheek. I guess its a start. He asked me to go on a third date. Which I accepted. It will not be this weekend because he actually is big into basketball and wants to watch the playoffs which is fine with me. So we are going out the following weekend. How to do I keep him interested the next two weeks so that he will not forget about me? I also would like a little more physical contact during our next date like hand holding, etc. How do I proceed with that without being too forward. Since he is shy I dont want to push him.
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