SerialGirl Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) I recently walked away from a boring, sexless relationship of seven years Initially, I was intending to be FWB with my college sweetheart, but it turned into much more than that. In a nutshell, we got together for coffee on a Sunday, hooked up on Tuesday, I spent the night Thursday and walked away from the other man the next day. My college sweetheart and I had/have a crazy strong bond and intense chemistry. I've never not thought about him as the years, 19 of them, went by. Long story short, he professed that he's always loved me which is why he never married or had kids...he couldn't find the connection we shared and was prepared to be alone the rest of his life. He talks about our future and his friends tell me "I'm the one who got away" and that he's going to marry me. In two weeks, he's moving into my house...I've been staying at his apartment since the day I dumped my ex. This man has every quality and more that I could ever wish for, but I'm scared that he's scared enough to walk away one day. He hasn't dated in four years, and our college relationship of one year is the longest he's ever had. He tells me all the time that I'm the total package, etc., but I'm afraid of overwhelming and scaring him off. I let him hang with his friends whenever he wants but he often invites me to join them, we have sex all the time, we do little things for each other...this man is a dream come true...but I'm so scared I'm going to lose him. We've talked about it, but at some point he's going to get tired of hearing a broken record. I journal, as a form of venting, but he always knows when something's wrong and makes me talk to him. How do I fix this when nothing really is wrong?! How do I stop feeling so scared?! Edited March 16, 2014 by SerialGirl
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Get your own place sooner rather than later. Date your college sweetheart on a less intensive basis. That should give you more insight into whether this can last.
Author SerialGirl Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 I actually proposed that, but it didn't go over too well. I even asked if we could've really been friends with benefits, but he said he couldn't have done that either. I don't think there's a solution that will work for both us. I think the issue is we're both scared of losing each other again cuz if it happens again, we both know it'd be for good and we wouldn't even be able to be platonic friends.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 You are all over the place on this. You live with him. He's moving in with you but you are asking for only FWB. No wonder things didn't go over well. Stop. Just stop. You have to set up boundaries. Sit him down. Tell him you care about him & want this to work. Then tell him you are moving into your space. He has to live anywhere else & that you will date conventionally for a while. You can still have as many sleepovers are you like but if you are genuinely soul mates who have reconnected after 19 years you don't have to become joined at the hip to prove this will work. If one of you thinks that you can't have a relationship without living together starting right now, you don't have a solid foundation upon which to go forward.
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