lofi_tokyo Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Okay! So I've been posting here a decent amount about my guilt over leaving my ex... we broke up 8 months ago. I have now come to terms with the fact that I am the crazy ex. I 100% am. Ugh. This post is a bit of a rant (I'm sorry) about myself and my own frustration with myself. Here's a list of my crazy ****ty things - stuff I need to stop. - My ex has moved on, but I still feel like I need to talk about the breakup, several months later. I reference the breakup with lots of friends of all kinds, including mutual friends. I'm going to apologize to a couple mutual friends about this tomorrow morning, and then move on. - Up until tonight, I still had old pictures of him on my phone, old items from our relationship, etc. In all honesty, I didn't really look over all that stuff too much. I threw all of it out / deleted all of it today. - There were pictures of him and I in my old Facebook profile photos. Again, didn't really think too much about them. Deleted them today. - I contact my ex from time to time. Just to check in. It's time to stop. Deleted him off of my phone. Until about a month ago, I think I KNEW I had problems still, but I figured it was just me slowly dealing with the breakup. It's been becoming clear that I have a real problem in the last few weeks. Today, I'm admitting that I haven't really dealt with the breakup, I've just been living in the aftermath and trying to do my best to get by. How did this all get triggered? In a rather pathetic way, he put me on the spot about organizing his 30th birthday, which I ended up doing with the assistance of a friend... I didn't really know how to tell him no. Obviously everyone thought this was super weird - his friends, family, my friends, family. He told all his friends and family that I asked to organize things... but I didn't! Yikes! I realized that I can easily be painted as the crazy ex, and I am! Even if I didn't invite it, I am the crazy ex!! I never thought I'd be that folks! I always wanted to exit gracefully and quietly, but here I am. Trying my best to deal. Pretty pathetic and sad. Sigh... can't see my therapist for a week, but I really need someone to help me through this. I'll make it! 3
4everalones Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I always wanted to exit gracefully and quietly, but here I am. Trying my best to deal. Pretty pathetic and sad. Sigh... can't see my therapist for a week, but I really need someone to help me through this. I'll make it! It's never too late to exit "gracefully and quietly". Cut him out of your life, don't talk about the breakup to any friends at all, block him on social media and delete/block his number. I know what you're going through. I've been there. The best thing you can do now is disappear from his life and actually move on with your life. It's been months after the breakup. It's about time to get your act together and show him you can have a great life without him. Good luck
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 It's never too late to exit "gracefully and quietly". Cut him out of your life, don't talk about the breakup to any friends at all, block him on social media and delete/block his number. I know what you're going through. I've been there. The best thing you can do now is disappear from his life and actually move on with your life. It's been months after the breakup. It's about time to get your act together and show him you can have a great life without him. Good luck One real struggle for me has been that we share the same friend group. That will be the toughie! But... I think I can try to avoid social scenarios where he's there. I may have to just tell friends that I need to avoid him. Plus side: I plan on moving away in 2 months. So there's that - then I'll be able to really distance myself from it. Edit - Also thank you for the reassurance. I need it!
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Having a boyfriend is like an addiction. When it's over you have to break that addiction and that is a bloody hard thing to do. I've done it, plenty have, as will you. You can't overcome something until you admit the issue is there Massive massive step!! Well done you cx 1
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Having a boyfriend is like an addiction. When it's over you have to break that addiction and that is a bloody hard thing to do. I've done it, plenty have, as will you. You can't overcome something until you admit the issue is there Massive massive step!! Well done you cx Thank you again for reassurance. It IS like an addiction, and it's a hard one to give up. Our relationship was pretty unhealthy and I don't want it back in the slightest. You're right - you can want to quit a drug, you can hate a drug, but the withdrawal can be really hard. I think it is a big step to admit I have a problem - thank you for your support. Breakups, man!
Mr.Pine Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 How did this all get triggered? In a rather pathetic way, he put me on the spot about organizing his 30th birthday, which I ended up doing with the assistance of a friend... I didn't really know how to tell him no. Obviously everyone thought this was super weird - his friends, family, my friends, family. He told all his friends and family that I asked to organize things... but I didn't! Yikes! I realized that I can easily be painted as the crazy ex, and I am! Even if I didn't invite it, I am the crazy ex!! I never thought I'd be that folks! I always wanted to exit gracefully and quietly, but here I am. Trying my best to deal. Pretty pathetic and sad. Sigh... can't see my therapist for a week, but I really need someone to help me through this. I'll make it! TV, You are being unnecessarily hard on yourself. No one thinks you're crazy, but you. If anyone else did, I don't think your ex would have approached you to organize his shindig. You want to exit gracefully and truly don't care what his family and your mutual friends will think? Then gracefully bow out of your party planning duties. When asked why, say this: "I don't think it's appropriate. I've changed my mind. That's all. Happy birthday!" Then go NC. Go NC until you move in a few months. Then go NC some more. That's all there is to it. 2
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 TV, You are being unnecessarily hard on yourself. No one thinks you're crazy, but you. If anyone else did, I don't think your ex would have approached you to organize his shindig. You want to exit gracefully and truly don't care what his family and your mutual friends will think? Then gracefully bow out of your party planning duties. When asked why, say this: "I don't think it's appropriate. I've changed my mind. That's all. Happy birthday!" Then go NC. Go NC until you move in a few months. Then go NC some more. That's all there is to it. Thank you Mr. Pine. I'm pretty hard on myself - I see myself as pathetic and sad. I'm tired of singing the same ol' song, but I think I need to forgive myself for being so wimpy. NC is a really good idea. I think that's instrumental in my not getting over the hurt so far - we met through a good group of friends, and our group remains friends to this day. We always see eachother... and its not doing us good.
WYSWYG Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 well, I don't think your the crazy ex. Just remember how strong emotions are: It blinds us. It clouds our judgement. We are at the mercy of our Limbic system. There's a constant battle of "Needs vs Wants" that we go thru everday and everyway. I could be wrong but your heart "wants" to please him but your brain knows you don't "need" to do it. Seems like you're letting him play you but I think you know better than that. And I agree w/ Mr. Pine: "I don't think it's appropriate. I've changed my mind. That's all. Happy birthday!" Set boundaries and fortify yourself. I wish you well, Tokyovogue...
Author lofi_tokyo Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Set boundaries and fortify yourself. I wish you well, Tokyovogue... This is what my therapist and I are working on in therapy. I have a way of having low boundaries. It's a very real problem that I've been coming to terms with. I wish I knew why I'm still feeling hurt! I ended the relationship, and I understand why its over. I knew leaving would be hard, but that the long-term investment was worth it. These 8 months have been incredibly difficult! I hope I get better soon. Oy!
Recommended Posts