lvroflife Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Why is it that when ANY form of DOUBTS in a relationship arise, do PEOPLE begin to run away from the relationship? I mean there will ALWAYS be doubts in a relationship! Without doubt seems people are looking for the PERFECT relationship (which we all know do not exist). There will always be doubts, not only in a relationship but in everything. I mean when you buy a new car, some may doubt they can keep the payments up for the time of the loan, but still buy it. You can't run from DOUBTS! Stop doubting your relationship over silly things! SO WHY DO PEOPLE RUN WHEN THERE IS DOUBT IN A RELATIONSHIP (yes I know depending on what the doubt is)?
4everalones Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I've been wondering about the same thing lately. People just run away whenever they are faced with the slightest doubts or difficulties. It's like they're looking for a perfect relationship, which doesn't exist. I am very surprised at people's reactions to doubts and life challenges in general. Instead of facing the problems and fixing them, most people chose the coward way out. While growing up, my father gave me a great advice about relationships. He always said that "when a light bulb goes bad in a house, you fix the light bulb, you don't destroy the entire house and build a new one again". Sadly, most people leave good, healthy relationships because they think they can do better, find someone better, or simply because the circumstances are inconvenient. It's a matter of finding the right person who's willing to fight for the relationship. It's not easy to find, but it's worth waiting for 1
Author lvroflife Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 I agree!! My parents taught me that they had doubts all the time even on their wedding day! And here they are 48 years and 4 kids later, they still have some doubts, but they know and realize doubts are a part of life! My current ex and I (started reconciliation yesterday) are taking things slow and yes we have some doubts, but the key(s) we love each other and care and want to make it work! Will it work? I don't know, but the fact remains even with doubts we are still going to push!! DOUBTS are in EVERYDAY LIfe!! Face the relationship doubts like you face the LIFE doubts!!!!!
central Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Doubts will probably always be present. However, if the doubt involves something major, AND the relationship isn't that great to begin with, many people will walk as it won't be worth the time and effort to try to resolve. In a relationship that is basically good, doubts can usually be resolved unless there is a real and large problem. The quality of the relationship provides the motivation to work on the issues. Otherwise, not so much!
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Because we're a disposable society. We don't want to work for things or preserve them. We just want what's new shiny & easy. 2
Silly_Girl Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I think too many people ignore red flags and things that give cause for concern. In the earlier stages of a relationship the rose-tinted specs can easily give rise to somewhat rash decisions. Personally I'd rather people erred on the cautious side than not. OP, what type of scenario are you thinking of (duration/depth of relationship, issues giving rise to concern etc)?
Author lvroflife Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 @Silly girl I am not thinking of any particular doubt, just doubt in general. I have heard of couples splitting up because s/he doubt their SO, due to having a checklist and they fall short on 3 of those items on checklist. I do agree we do ignore the red flags, however wouldn't you agree that there is always red flags (to anything). I thought it is what we can handle and will put up with. But I mean some people just leave for the simplest doubt.
Author lvroflife Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Donnivain- people need to learn the word NURTURE!!!
Silly_Girl Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Depends on the checklist. When I met my husband I had a checklist. Good method, kept me focused. Not petty stuff, mind you.
salparadise Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 People who love deeply, or are in love, don't abandon each other because of small obstacles. In fact, they often endure serious hardship and remain dedicated because they can't imagine life without their partner. People who treat relationships as commodities with feature sets (aka checklists), and are always on the lookout for an upgrade, are probably mistaking various other types of attachment for love. Not everyone is capable of loving deeply, and even if they are they probably won't find it in every relationship. People build walls to protect themselves because they're afraid to be vulnerable. Feeling usually vulnerable triggers the fight/flight reaction and if they throw away a good relationship for seemingly small issues it's likely that some combination of these things are happening.
Silly_Girl Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 People who love deeply, or are in love, don't abandon each other because of small obstacles. In fact, they often endure serious hardship and remain dedicated because they can't imagine life without their partner. People who treat relationships as commodities with feature sets (aka checklists), and are always on the lookout for an upgrade, are probably mistaking various other types of attachment for love. Not everyone is capable of loving deeply, and even if they are they probably won't find it in every relationship. People build walls to protect themselves because they're afraid to be vulnerable. Feeling usually vulnerable triggers the fight/flight reaction and if they throw away a good relationship for seemingly small issues it's likely that some combination of these things are happening. Again, I say it depends. On whether the relationship is long-established or new and shiny, and how fundamental the issues are.
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