Sigur Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 (edited) Okay, so I'm new to the forum. I thought I would come here and try to get some other perspectives on the matter. The situation is probably going to seem pretty silly to most. I'll try to be as detailed as possible but I won't be too long winded. So this past December I came out of the military and moved back to the area my family is in. My last relationship was about two years ago, it lasted three and was with a girl I had dated previously before while we were both in college. In late January, on a dating site, I dropped a line to a girl totally not expecting a response and lo and behold she responded back. We exchanged numbers rather quickly and began to text regularly. It was probably about a week from the time we started talking until we actually met in person. I called her on the phone the night before and she told me she was really excited about meeting me and that she wasn't usually like that about a guy. I did most of the communication but I figured it was because she was just shy. So we meet in person and at first I don't know what to think. She is attractive, ok looking but she wasn't super stunning or anything. She was short and petite so cute really would describe her better. She was somewhat shy, and at first I didn't know if things we're going to work or not. We went to a movie after eating and she paid for the movie since I got dinner. We held hands and after the movie we talked in my car for a while getting to know each other more. When she left to go to her car we hugged and she kissed me on the cheek, then I kissed her on the lips. Everything seemed to go well, we kept texting and she asked a lot of questions about my family. Every indication was that this girl was interested and she even asked if I could see us in a relationship in the future. We pretty much texted throughout the day, a lot of it flirty and some of it just general life stuff. The second time she came over to my place and we watched a movie then made out for a while. I told her I liked her and she asked me if it was a lot and I said yes and she said the same for her. She was worried if my parents would like her and be ok that she didn't have a degree yet and was talking about baking them something when she met them. It seemed like everything was going good. I thought this girl was really into me. A few days later I met her brother, she took us out to eat and I got along with him. The last time I saw her was Valentines day, I brought her flowers and a little bear. She said no guy had ever done that so she seemed to really appreciate it. She told me I was the first guy who wasn't scared off by her back or the no sex thing. Things went well and as I left her place I picked her up and kissed her because she wanted me to. Things seemed good the next day but after that I noticed she was getting distant. She wasn't being as flirty, I didn't hear from her for almost an entire day because she said she left her phone in the car while she was at work. After about two days of this I knew something was up. There was a concert she had mentioned going to with me about a week or so back. The week of the concert she had to work but was thinking about calling in. She was going to see if her brother and her high school friend and his brother would go to the concert and she said you should meet us there. I told her I could just come over to her place the night before and then we could go with her brother but she acted like that be a bad idea. At that point I knew something had changed. A week before she was all sad that I was going to be in a school for the reserves for a month and miss her birthday. I told her I'd find a way to make it up to her and she said I could do it by going on a cruise with her and she would pay. I'm not sure why there was such a change over night. I talked to her on the phone about three times that week trying to straighten everything out in my mind so I could figure out if I was just wasting my time or not. We continued to text and I asked some different things here and there trying to get a clear picture of things. As the week wore on we talked less and less, the time between each response was more and more. Finally she didn't respond to my last text. A few days went by and I texted her just telling her I hope I hadn't made her mad with my last text (I'd asked if she had ever seen a counselor and she responded back with why) I tried calling her and she didn't pick up. Basically I didn't want there to be any hard feelings or for her to feel like she had to date me or else we couldn't talk. Things went from her being really interested, to us saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend, to her saying she didn't want a serious relationship and that things moved to fast. She said she didn't want to jump the gun and that she hadn't known me long enough so she wasn't "emotionally" there. A little backstory on her. She has only been in two relationships one her senior year and one after high school, neither lasted a year. Her mom died senior year of high school, she was born with scoliosis, her parents got divorced while she was in third grade and her dad doesn't have anything to do with her. She's 22 and I'm 28. I pretty well understood why things flopped but I was curious what someone else's perspective might be. I know we only knew each other a month and we weren't all that close. For the most part I'm over it but obviously not completely. I asked her a lot of questions about the situation. I even suggested us just being friends and she eventually said she was confused and didn't know what she wanted. She maintained she liked me still and saw potential basically she just didn't want anything serious and that we had been moving to fast and we shouldn't have made the whole bf/gf thing official so soon. At one point I told her I didn't feel like she really cared about one way or the other and if we stopped talking it wouldn't bother her. She responded by saying don't think that, which if she did care she would have said she did. I asked her how she would feel if I went out with other girls and she was fine with it. She said that didn't mean we had to stop talking or whatever. She said let's just date and kiss until we are both ready for a relationship. How long had she been thinking about things? I mean it seemed like everything was working out and then the next she was just done with things. I mean she said she had been thinking about life, work, the future but for how long? I think the mention of marriage freaked her out because her brother told me she said something to him about me questioning her about marriage. I really wasn't I mean she had mentioned she didn't want to have sex before marriage and I asked if anyone else she had ever dated had talked about getting married to her. I did mention possibly going to be a state trooper and if so that mean I would have to maybe move somewhere else farther away and I asked if she would go with me. She said she would tag along as long as they had a good rn program. I mean I didn't say anything about getting engaged or married really and she seemed to go along with things. Like I said, I kind of understand where things went wrong and why we stopped talking. I know I probably won't have all the answers. I realize she probably said a lot of that stuff about still liking me and what not because she felt put on the spot and didn't want to hurt my feelings Mostly I guess I was just disappointed. I mean I'd been single two years and this girl comes along and everything seemed to be so easy and I thought wow she really likes me and then as quickly as things started they ended. It's silly to really care or even be upset really over someone I talked to for a month and I know it's not a life altering situation. Like I said it's just disappointing and it would have been nice if it could have worked out. Anyway, we haven't talked in about two weeks. I don't expect to hear from them again. They may be talking to other people or have already gone out with someone new. They've moved on and I mostly have as well. I hope I get some responses and some different insight, if I left anything out I will fill in the blanks as needed. Peace Edited March 15, 2014 by Sigur
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