Money Instead of Wedding Gifts

[pink_sugar]

I agree, my husband and I were in college when getting married as well and since we lived together, we got a lot of things as gifts that we already had. I guess that's the bonus side of getting married before living together is that you can get most of your necessities that way. I would suggest asking for a gift card to your favorite grocer or even a restaurant (everyone needs to eat). Some people may still consider this tacky, but creating a honeymoon registry that allows people to donate their choice of amount to contribute to your honeymoon is better than just asking for money plain and simple. I wish we would have done this as everything we had was spent on the ceremony and people eating, so we never really got a real honeymoon.

[pink_sugar]

You could just have a Chinese-themed wedding. They don't give gifts at all! You just get tons of red envelopes containing enough money to cover the cost of each person at the reception... which is 50-150 per person typically

 

No, I don't actually expect you to do that.

 

The point of saying this is illustrating the fact that different cultures and people consider different things acceptable.

 

OP, you know your attendees better than anyone else. If you don't think they will be offended, then just make a note at the foot of the invitation stating that you don't have a registry but people can make deposits to your account.

 

When my husband and I got married, we had tons of people asking about our wedding registry. I just decided to informally send a Facebook message and let them know that there wasn't one, but if they felt so inclined, they could get us something off our baby registry. Nobody felt offended and we got a lot of things we actually needed

 

To each their own. This isn't the 50s anymore... it's your wedding: do whatever you want!

 

-A

 

The Chinese are doing it right! I think that's a fair trade-off. To bad neither of our families are Chinese.

[Hope Shimmers]

I must be REALLY old school, but to me the entire topic reeks of a sense of entitlement that people just did not used to have. In my opinion and experience.

 

My ex-H and I were broke students when we got married and we would not have dreamed of asking for ANYTHING in terms of a wedding gift. Gifts aren't mandatory. If you get one it's because the giver wanted to give it to you. Asking for money or (God forbid!) actually putting a paypal address or bank account information down or stating "no boxed gifts please" is horrible! That is not what wedding gifts were meant to be about.

 

The entire process - wedding costs in general, gifts, etc - have become MUCH TOO commercialized. It's just a day, people... it comes and goes. The rest of your life is what matters.

[WeddingDiscoGenie]

I would not be offended as a guest depending on how the question was asked.

 

If you said something along the lines of..

"We have already got everything we need for our home and we are currently saving for [whatever]. Whilst gifts are always welcome and cherished, a group contribution toward [said item] would be most graciously received."

 

Or you could always tell them you are doing a 'Greek' themed first dance at the wedding

 

Claire

[anna121]

 

I had no idea some people were so sensitive about giving money. I LIKE giving money because I feel like I've given them something I know they will use.

 

Speaking personally it's in no way about being sensitive to giving money, but to being asked or nudged or expected to do so.

 

I have given plenty of cash wedding gifts, and was quite happy to. But I find it very rude to have such a clear preference expressed.

[eleanorrigby]

I don't think it's rude. The preparation involved to just attend the wedding aged me 5 years this last week, finding out I could just contribute to their honeyfund rather then go buy a gift and wrap it took away a measure of stress.

 

I also appreciated knowing I was contributing to something they both actually wanted and needed.

[Chocolat]

Is there a polite way to ask for money in lieu of wedding gifts?

 

No.

 

(10 char)

[lucy_in_disguise]

I am surprised that some consider it do rude as to end a friendship, when registering for gifts is perfectly acceptable. Wtf? She's not pricing out tickets of admission, just suggesting a gift she will actually use, if u are so inclined.

 

OP, I would do as some others have suggested and just avoid registering. Have your mom suggest gift cards/ cash if your guests ask.

 

If you have a house, i think a DIY store card is a great idea.

[MissBee]

I understand not wanting or needing household items but I cannot see myself asking people to give money instead. It is awkward. With gifts they purchase you don't really know the exact ticket price most times so people have more leeway and freedom to be discreet about what they're spending versus giving you an actual dollar amount. I think that will make some people very self-conscious. I know I would feel pressured about what's the right amount to give and would be more stressed out by having to give someone money than purchasing a gift.

 

Maybe gift cards take a bit away from that awkwardness?

 

This list has 13 unconventional registries which include websites where you can register to get monetary gifts in a way that may not be tacky:

 

13 Unconventional Registry Ideas For The Modern Wedding

[hotgurl]

I have saved a wedding invitation where, after the invitation of the time and place etc was written, there was written "Gift lists: National Bank - Account Number bla bla". I'm planning to do the same when I get married. I know most people won't bother to go to the bank and make money deposit, but I will give the impression that I'm not interested in stupid gifts, so maybe they'll give me money instead in an envelope or something.

 

that is so rude and tacky.

[MissBee]

If weddings are so confusing to you, why not pick up a book on wedding etiquette? I like the Miss Manners one myself.

 

If it is confusing and stressful, one can also opt to not have a big wedding where you invite lots of people, but have a small exchanging of vows ceremony and have an intimate dinner with only your closest family and friends....that way you need not worry about being stressed, confused or asking anyone for money.

[hotgurl]

my cousin did the honeymoon fund thing. Peoples went and paid into the fund. The fam also spent months talking among themselves about how tacky it was.

 

IMO most people give money. A few people prefer to give gifts. I was married not to long ago and I did register. I received gifts mostly for my bridal shower and money mostly at my wedding.

 

You need to keep in mind that is can be pricey to attend a wedding in the first place. So asking for more $$ is very rude.

[preraph]

If you don't need stuff, you shouldn't be asking for money either. Wedding gifts are for young people who need stuff.

[Mascara]

If I get married I'll do it the traditional way - no requests for money, no gift lists posted with the invites. Just a list left with my mother so that if people specifically ask, she can pass it on to them.

 

Otherwise we'll gratefully receive as many toasters as we end up with.