Chico333 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 What is the deal with guys who don't want commitment? I don't get it. We both have a lot in common, good sex, good conversation, similar goals, etc. etc. I'm going to have the "what are we doing" talk. It is very clear he is non-committal. Been seeing each other for 3 months. I had a talk with him a month ago, as I was starting to pull away because he seemed stand offish. Then he initiated the talk asking if something was bothering me and why I seemed distant and I told him. He asked me what he could do to make things better between us and that he liked me and spending time together but that he wasn't exactly sure what he wanted still. I said that was fine as I was not exactly sure at the time either. Now that we have been spending a bit more time together I could see this going somewhere. He clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me, as well as has been doing everything he said he would when I told him what I wanted to change. Even though things have progressed, it has been gradually slow and his actions are still pretty obvious he doesn't want anything serious so when I get back from my trip next week I'm going to ask him if he is still unsure about what he wants out of this and if he says yes, which is what I'm expecting then I'll move on and let it be. Last week I overheard someone ask him if I was his G/F and he responded very hesitantly saying "she's a....girl." Yeah I know that's as clear as it gets that he doesn't want anything serious. I'm just a little annoyed. Why would he have cared to make an effort to "fix" things earlier when he doesn't want anything serious? I want to know that what we are doing is going to progress into something more serious and if he can't answer that now after 3 months then cya later. Ugh men are annoying.
Michael91 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Men are extremely stupid but they are beginning to learn how one-sided relationship are if they get married and even more so should the woman become pregnant. Should she become pregnant, the decision to have the child, an abortion, or giving it up for adoption is 100 percent the decision of the woman. Should they get married and have children, the woman make all the decisions concerning the children and should he object, she can divorce him, obtain a large portion of his income in child support and deny him any meaningful contact with the children. Under such conditions, is it any wonder that a man wanting sex might lead you on and not commit? Nevertheless, there are lots of less desirable men that will commit if you lower your standards.
Assasda Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Yeah. hahaha she will not leave him. If she does she'll go right back, because it will be a mistake. Stop trying to control the man. Tell him you dont want him to be seeing anyone else, while he is with you, and that should be fine. 3 months can be a little early, and the OP seems a little needy. Keep being like this, it'll just scare him off
Author Chico333 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 3 months and I sound needy because I want to know if this is going somewhere?
Copelandsanity Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Then dump him and find someone who wants commitment. Beware of GIGS though
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Yeah. hahaha she will not leave him. If she does she'll go right back, because it will be a mistake. Stop trying to control the man. Tell him you dont want him to be seeing anyone else, while he is with you, and that should be fine. 3 months can be a little early, and the OP seems a little needy. Keep being like this, it'll just scare him off 3 months is NEVER too early for a man who is nuts about a woman. 3
Leigh 87 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Chico 333, you are NOT being needy. It is totally normal to want to simply know what is going on after 3 months. Heck, even after 2 months it is a fair thing to want to ask the person you are intimate with. If you are opening your legs to him you sure as heck have a right to know what he wants from you; besides regular sex and companionship. There are many guys who will be crazy about you after 2 to 3 months and who will WANT to be your boyfriend, or at least aim to be on the path towards something potentially serious. It is very reasonable to want to be labelled as his girlfriend after 2 to 3 months. The way this guy referred to you as " just a girl..." when he was asked whether or not you were his girlfriend is VERY telling, Chico333...... To be blunt, he is just not that into you. Now, a lot of men absolutely hold on to girls that they are not that into because they still really LIKE them; there is a difference between liking a girl and being INTO her. ....bare in mind, a lot of men can truly like hanging out with a girl, enjoy her company and enjoy a great sex life and NOT be embarrassed about them in the least. A guy can feel ALL those things ^^ WITHOUT being into you. Being into a girl is where: you compel him to want to get serious with you, he calls you his girlfriend early on and has the talk with her, initiated by HIM. He doesn't search for other women once he finds a girl he is into/smitten with. In short: he may really like you, but he is certainly not that into you. If he met a girl he was crazy about he would leave you in a heartbeat But you know this ^^ 2
babycakees Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Wow. If I didn't know any better, it sounds like you are dating the same exact guy I just recently dated. The last guy I dated was this guys spitting image. It was around 3 months too that we were dating when we went our separate ways.
Author Chico333 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 I agree that the 3 month mark is an appropriate time to see where this is going. Everyone is different. My ex boyfriend didn't think it appropriate till 6 months and we were together for 4 years. He still isn't over me. There is a difference between asking someone if they can see a relationship going somewhere and asking them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend with no ifs or buts about it, which is not what I'm doing. I want to know if I'm wasting my time or not. I know I am... I can't change him obviously so F*** it. I'm just annoyed.
Author Chico333 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 by the way I am not one of those girls who constantly texts the guy and initiates all the dates. It is all mostly him. I think he likes me and enjoys the companionship and that I'm easy to hang out with as we share many interests and things in common. We don't always hook up when we are together. We hang out without having sex or anything too. Oh well, whatever.
OhThatGirl Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 You're not being needy by any stretch of the imagination. After 3 months a guy should be able to call you his girlfriend. Sounds like you have different paths envisioned with this relationship.. Or whatever you want to call it. If he can't give you a definitive answer then, well, you still have your answer. As for "why did he make these changes" question.. He made them because it was the least amount of effort necessary to keep you around. Don't settle for that. Be courted. Be wooed. Find a guy that, like Leigh said, is really smitten or "into" you.. You'll know it when you see it. 4
Author Chico333 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 I still don't get it though... a guy who invites you away for the weekend with his friends to go see his most favorite band and paid for my stay with them and everything. I mean... who does that if they aren't into the girl? Sorry still venting a bit. 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Well.. He enjoys spending time with you. He likes you. The fact that he would do this makes sense. It doesn't mean that he wants a long term committed relationship that possibly moves toward marriage though. I think women (myself certainly included) get stuck in that "well, he can't tell me he wants more.. but he wouldn't do these things if he didn't, right?" Wrong. Been there. Done that. I spent a year in a "relationship" going nowhere. I should have trusted that I wasn't being needy asking for the things I wanted out of a relationship. Have that conversation with him. Try not to get so caught up in the frustration. This is WHY we date.. To find those that we fit with, that give us what we need. Not everyone can be that person! It's possible (though sounds unlikely) that he was thrown off by you initially saying you werent sure what you wanted either. It sounds like youve realized you want more, have made it clear, and he's not taking you up on it. If you're not looking for marriage or something serious you could consider staying. If you are, it's time to find someone more compatible. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks. I've been there. 2
Gottabestrong Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 You are NOT being needy. As cliche as this sounds, I think he is just not that into you. He obviously likes you and enjoys being with you, but he is not madly in love with you. Maybe he is hoping that his feelings will grow deeper, maybe he is just not the type to fall for a girl in a short amount of time, but bottom line is he does not feel that way about you now. I've been dating guys like this - haven't we all? - where everything seems to be going well, you are having fun and you wonder 'Why won't he commit' but he just does not feel it and it never ended well. Whereas other guys I dated and they wanted to be exclusive 2 weeks in. I don't think there is anything you or he can do about it, the feeling is either there or it is not. And 3 months in I think it is absolutely time for you to say this is not enough for you and you want more and then move on. Even if you sat him down, told him how you feel and then he agreed to be exclusive or committed, would that be enough? don't you want a guy who wants to be committed to you without you having to talk him into it? I think it is time for you to walk away and if he realizes that he made a mistake he knows where to find you. Good luck!
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 If by now he doesn't want to secure you in an exclusive relationship he won't ever. Men actually fall much faster than women do. If that little something is missing after 2-3 months then it won't be there at 5-6 months. He doesn't want to end it because he likes the sex and company. If you are looking for a serious relationship than this is not the one. If I were you I would end it before my trip and use the time away to distance yourself from him.
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Also, you are asking to be exclusive. You are not asking for a ring, a marriage, or not even asking to move in. What you ask is minimal. If it doesn't work then you both go your separate ways. No harm done nothing lost. He doesn't want it because it's more important to him to still being known as *single* by other women.
Author Chico333 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Sooo after I got back from my trip he really wanted to see me... so we went to dinner and hung out. He told me his mom asked him how my trip went and also invited me away for a weekend coming up just him and I. I think that he probably missed me, but things seem to be progressing in the direction I want. We are both only seeing each other so... that's enough for me at this point because he seems to be giving more of what I've been wanting (more commitment and exclusivity).
Sunfire73 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Of course he misses you...but that doesn't mean he now wants a commitment. Only way to know is ask. 3 months is enough time to know if he is your bf and if you're exclusive. Don't hang out with him, if that's not clear.
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