I don't know how to transition this? After a third date and a first kiss...?

[drg2365]

Ok so I met this girl online. Sent a few emails back and forth, she gave me her #, we went out that night. (I'm 22.5 working, her 24 in grad school) - some notes:

 

3 weeks ago: Went out on first date, went to a nice restaurant then hung out at a lounge for a few hours. Our convo really clicked and it lasted 4-5 hours. No kiss or anything physical.

 

2 weeks ago: I called her a day and a half later, set something else up. We went out again a few days later. Tried to go to a museum, it was closed, just went out to eat again. Again we had a really good time. She met me there, and when we were leaving we hugged and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

 

Last week: We were both busy, but she kept semi-regular contact with me (all through text), and has a very good track record with texting back, and apologizes if she doesn't. We didn't do anything.

 

Last night: we went to a NBA game. (Luckily my city's team is AWFUL and the tickets are dirt cheap haha).

-The game was actually really good, came down to last minute. It was her first pro sports game.

-I had my arm around her the majority of the second half. The 'kiss cam' came on and I could feel her tense up a bit and her eyes darted around at the ceiling. After a few kisses on the jumbotron I gave her a little kiss on the cheek. She got closer and leaned more on me after that.

-We walked around the city and the park after the game to wait for people to leave. We walked around the park for awhile, as we were leaving, I said "Hey before we leave, give me a kiss" and she kinda smiled and we shared a brief kiss.

-Drove her home, she said she had a good time and thanks, and was generally open about doing something again, wasn't totally sure of her immediate schedule. As she grabbed her purse I just softly said 'hey come here' and leaned in and we had another kiss and said good night. Haven;t heard from her today, but I guess that's ok.

 

All that being said...

 

What do I do now? I'm pretty terrible at dating. She is quieter and passive, but part of me thinks I'm taking this too slow, but then I have to realize that college (mine in particular) is a terrible sample of the real world.

 

-Invite her over to my place? I'm pretty sure she is not looking for a hook-up, I'm not either so I don't really know how to approach (I have my own apartment, she lives at home w/ rents). But after all the game went well and its not like sex would be 100% expected

 

-Another date? I'm running out of ideas and don't have all the time in the world (or money)

 

-Any other ideas?

 

Thanks a lot for you guys' help in advance, its really appreciated, sorry its a little long.

[Assasda]

Invite her to your place, Cook up some hot dogs, show her your favorite movie.

 

I tell you whats even better.... Go to the store with her to by groceries, it works, and shop with her, even if youre just buying hot dogs, anyway, by food, go back to your apartment, put the Movie on and make some food.

 

Reservoir Dogs is a favorite of mine

[hasaquestion]

Ok so I met this girl online. Sent a few emails back and forth, she gave me her #, we went out that night. (I'm 22.5 working, her 24 in grad school) - some notes:

 

3 weeks ago: Went out on first date, went to a nice restaurant then hung out at a lounge for a few hours. Our convo really clicked and it lasted 4-5 hours. No kiss or anything physical.

 

2 weeks ago: I called her a day and a half later, set something else up. We went out again a few days later. Tried to go to a museum, it was closed, just went out to eat again. Again we had a really good time. She met me there, and when we were leaving we hugged and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

 

Last week: We were both busy, but she kept semi-regular contact with me (all through text), and has a very good track record with texting back, and apologizes if she doesn't. We didn't do anything.

 

Last night: we went to a NBA game. (Luckily my city's team is AWFUL and the tickets are dirt cheap haha).

-The game was actually really good, came down to last minute. It was her first pro sports game.

-I had my arm around her the majority of the second half. The 'kiss cam' came on and I could feel her tense up a bit and her eyes darted around at the ceiling. After a few kisses on the jumbotron I gave her a little kiss on the cheek. She got closer and leaned more on me after that.

-We walked around the city and the park after the game to wait for people to leave. We walked around the park for awhile, as we were leaving, I said "Hey before we leave, give me a kiss" and she kinda smiled and we shared a brief kiss.

-Drove her home, she said she had a good time and thanks, and was generally open about doing something again, wasn't totally sure of her immediate schedule. As she grabbed her purse I just softly said 'hey come here' and leaned in and we had another kiss and said good night. Haven;t heard from her today, but I guess that's ok.

 

All that being said...

 

What do I do now? I'm pretty terrible at dating. She is quieter and passive, but part of me thinks I'm taking this too slow, but then I have to realize that college (mine in particular) is a terrible sample of the real world.

 

-Invite her over to my place? I'm pretty sure she is not looking for a hook-up, I'm not either so I don't really know how to approach (I have my own apartment, she lives at home w/ rents). But after all the game went well and its not like sex would be 100% expected

 

-Another date? I'm running out of ideas and don't have all the time in the world (or money)

 

-Any other ideas?

 

Thanks a lot for you guys' help in advance, its really appreciated, sorry its a little long.

 

Can you cook? Invite her over for "early dinner" at like 3pm on a Sunday. Put together a classy meal for her. Like wine and salmon or something.

 

Since its early and bright outside, there's less "boom boom sexy time coming up" pressure, than there would if you have her over at night. Hang out and flirt, eat lunch, share a glass of wine or whatever, and make out/siesta afterwards.

 

Not too aggressive but still fun and romantic. And once she's been to your place during the day she'll be more comfortable when you ask her to come next time - at night.

[Gaeta]

You have not heard from her because she is waiting to hear from you. You got a little closer on your last date and she needs you to show your interest is genuine.

 

I read through your story and I am not sure this young woman is ready to head to your place right away but I do like the suggestion of the person above saying to invite her on a *home day date* instead of at night.

 

Looks like a good start, good luck

[drg2365]

Haha Reservoir Dogs is a favorite of mine too

 

Maybe I'm feeling a little un-confident or paranoid, but it would be accurate to say that last night went well?

 

Those are good ideas, I was thinking along those same lines. Since it is Friday evening, I only got home from work at like 430/5, I was thinking of giving her a call tomorrow early afternoon. Unless should I try to set this up as soon as possible? Prior experience has led me to believe that less is more (not at all to the point of being a a-hole) in contacting potential romantic partners early on; considering the game was just last night.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks again to everyone who reads and chimes in

[hasaquestion]

Haha Reservoir Dogs is a favorite of mine too

 

Maybe I'm feeling a little un-confident or paranoid, but it would be accurate to say that last night went well?

 

Those are good ideas, I was thinking along those same lines. Since it is Friday evening, I only got home from work at like 430/5, I was thinking of giving her a call tomorrow early afternoon. Unless should I try to set this up as soon as possible? Prior experience has led me to believe that less is more (not at all to the point of being a a-hole) in contacting potential romantic partners early on; considering the game was just last night.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks again to everyone who reads and chimes in

 

Contrary to what the Milwaukee Bucks have taught you, less is not always more.

[Gaeta]

Maybe I'm feeling a little un-confident or paranoid, but it would be accurate to say that last night went well?

 

Those are good ideas, I was thinking along those same lines. Since it is Friday evening, I only got home from work at like 430/5, I was thinking of giving her a call tomorrow early afternoon. Unless should I try to set this up as soon as possible? Prior experience has led me to believe that less is more (not at all to the point of being a a-hole) in contacting potential romantic partners early on; considering the game was just last night.

You are preparing your 4th date, no...at this point less is not more, it's very sensitive phase here, the girl is home wondering about you as much as you are wondering about her.

 

If you want to invite her for Sunday then do your invite tonight. By respect of her time you should make your invitation *at least* when possible 2 days ahead so she can organize herself.

[Assasda]

Haha Reservoir Dogs is a favorite of mine too

 

Maybe I'm feeling a little un-confident or paranoid, but it would be accurate to say that last night went well?

 

Those are good ideas, I was thinking along those same lines. Since it is Friday evening, I only got home from work at like 430/5, I was thinking of giving her a call tomorrow early afternoon. Unless should I try to set this up as soon as possible? Prior experience has led me to believe that less is more (not at all to the point of being a a-hole) in contacting potential romantic partners early on; considering the game was just last night.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks again to everyone who reads and chimes in

 

I personally agree that less is more. I totally understand what you mean, and you dont want to spread it on too thick.

What you want to do at this stage is to just have as much fun as you can with the person. Thats about it, in my humble opinion.

Update when you can

[drg2365]

Well I guess its just a waiting game now. I really hate this when you just have to wait and hope for the best.

 

Texted her about 6:45, I got to thinking that if she needs to know I'm for sure interested in her, texting her this evening over early afternoon tomorrow won't make a big issue, as long as its the same content. I know, I know calling is more personable but calling is 100x harder to time right. Especially when you went out on Thursday and have to act relatively quickly Friday and Saturday.

 

That aside, here is this

 

Me: Hey how did class go today? Having a good Friday overall?

Her (immediately): Class was long and confusing, but my Friday has been pretty good

Me: Well glad your Friday is going good, what did your professor do in class today?

Her (immediately): *explanation of her biochem lecture*

Me: Oh wow, seems like your professor really wanted to send you off with a bang before spring break. Hey I was wondering are you free Sunday and/or Wednesday?

Her (30mins later): I'm busy both days, Wednesday I have my kickball league

Me: Oh yeah I forgot your kickball league just started. Well I was wondering if you wanted to come to my neighborhood (I live in the city, her in the burbs) and cook some dinner and eat out on my patio since it is supposed to be nice next week. We could also just go out and about around town. Other than Mon/Tues I'm pretty open

Her (20mins later): That sounds like fun. When I get home I'll look at my planner and let you know what day I can head over there

Me: Ok awesome, just shoot me a call or text when you're home

 

Last text sent about an hour+ ago and I'm just going to leave it at that.

 

I mean that could have gone a lot worse, but I guess I just have to play the waiting game and not seem desperate. Which is sort of what I wanted to avoid. Now she has basically all the cards

 

Thoughts?

[drg2365]

Am I totally hosed?

 

She hasn't gotten back to me about when she is free and I called her earlier this morning, no pick-up. So I shot a friendly text about is she is enjoying the nice weather this weekend and no response

 

I thought everything was going good?

[Gaeta]

Am I totally hosed?

 

She hasn't gotten back to me about when she is free and I called her earlier this morning, no pick-up. So I shot a friendly text about is she is enjoying the nice weather this weekend and no response

 

I thought everything was going good?

What happened to you were gonna wait it out ! lol

 

Leave it alone now, you've done plenty. It's the weekend, she told you she was taken Sunday so she may be somewhere far from her phone. Wait it out now, for real.

[drg2365]

Idk, it sucks so bad when you have gotten to like someone and just get silence. It would be one thing if this happened after a first time out or whatever - its more natural, but after #3 and a few kisses...?

 

Its not like I blew up her phone the least bit either. NBA game was Thurs. Texted her Friday evening, then no contact from either end yesterday (I thought she would at least get back to me about her schedule), called her this morning and shot a friendly text after no-pick up.

 

Yeah she could be totally busy, but come on. I hear and read girls complain and go on and on about guys not contacting them, and then voila! one does it to a guy. I mean I've treated her with respect, gotten to know her, have tried my hardest to keep it fun at a reasonable pace. And yet, my 'reward' is I have to wait and have no idea what she wants.

[KatZee]

My take on this is that she doesn't know how she feels about you yet.

 

You've gone on 3 dates, yes, but that doesn't mean she's obligated to now be all into you and acting like a girlfriend.

 

There are a few things that stuck out to me:

 

1. At the basketball game the Kiss Cam came on and she got visibly uncomfortable.

 

2. You did share some kisses after that . . . BUT

 

3. When she went to leave your car, she had NO INTENTION of kissing you. She didn't lean in, she didn't give you "the eyes" she went to leave and YOU had to ask her to go to you and my take is that she only did so because turning you down would have been way more awkward.

 

Now you're contacting A LOT and if she's unsure of you and you've pushed for more than she's comfortable with right now, it would explain why she's putting more distance between you two right now.

[drg2365]

My take on this is that she doesn't know how she feels about you yet.

 

You've gone on 3 dates, yes, but that doesn't mean she's obligated to now be all into you and acting like a girlfriend.

 

There are a few things that stuck out to me:

 

1. At the basketball game the Kiss Cam came on and she got visibly uncomfortable.

 

2. You did share some kisses after that . . . BUT

 

3. When she went to leave your car, she had NO INTENTION of kissing you. She didn't lean in, she didn't give you "the eyes" she went to leave and YOU had to ask her to go to you and my take is that she only did so because turning you down would have been way more awkward.

 

Now you're contacting A LOT and if she's unsure of you and you've pushed for more than she's comfortable with right now, it would explain why she's putting more distance between you two right now.

 

I wouldn't say she got 'uncomfortable' on with the kiss cam, more nervous and/or unsure. I mean I did have my arm around her, I felt her tense up a little. If she got THAT uncomfortable then what was the point of going out for the 3rd time? Use me? Hope that I foot the bill with nothing physical exchanged? After I pecked her on the cheek she leaned more towards me the rest of the game and briefly put her head on my shoulder at one point. If she absolutely had 0 intentions of giving a kiss good night, again that leads to my point of what was the point of even going out, and undermines the guy 'taking the lead', its not like she was 3/4 of the way out of my car, she was messing with her purse and told her to 'come here'

 

And I haven't contacted her a lot. We texted a little the night after, I let it alone when she said she would look at her schedule when she got home. No saturday contact. 1 call and 1 easy text about enjoying the nice days outside this morning.

Edited March 16, 2014 by drg2365

[KatZee]

I wouldn't say she got 'uncomfortable' on with the kiss cam, more nervous and/or unsure. I mean I did have my arm around her, I felt her tense up a little. If she got THAT uncomfortable then what was the point of going out for the 3rd time? Use me? Hope that I foot the bill with nothing physical exchanged? After I pecked her on the cheek she leaned more towards me the rest of the game and briefly put her head on my shoulder at one point. If she absolutely had 0 intentions of giving a kiss good night, again that leads to my point of what was the point of even going out, and undermines the guy 'taking the lead', its not like she was 3/4 of the way out of my car, she was messing with her purse and told her to 'come here'

 

Exactly. Not sure how she feels right now. You have to let some of the dates sink in. Leave her be for a few days, let her figure out where she sees something going.

 

Just because she agreed to a third date does not mean she's obligated to swap spit with you, nor does it mean she's "using" you. It means: SHE'S GETTING TO KNOW YOU. Sometimes, as crazy as this sounds, people like to do that before adding the physical aspect into it.

[drg2365]

Exactly. Not sure how she feels right now. You have to let some of the dates sink in. Leave her be for a few days, let her figure out where she sees something going.

 

Just because she agreed to a third date does not mean she's obligated to swap spit with you, nor does it mean she's "using" you. It means: SHE'S GETTING TO KNOW YOU. Sometimes, as crazy as this sounds, people like to do that before adding the physical aspect into it.

 

I totally understand what you're saying. But in reality, none of what you said applies to real-life dating, unless her plan is to not talk to me ever again. *Not an insult* what you said has value but I'll point these out:

 

-A first kiss on a third date and she is *maybe* uncomfortable? Let's be real here, how many women you know will sleep with a guy by then or the converse how many guys will push for the event to happen?

 

- If a girl who doesn't have many options in the dating scene at the current moment, wouldn't she get back to a guy she liked? This 'she's just getting to know you' sounds like an out to just string me along

 

Again, not blasting what you said, this just seems super fishy and I inadvertently put all the cards in her hands and now she can *try* to just use me as a little toy

[MidwestUSA]

A girl who wants to go out with you doesn't have to check her 'planner'. She knows in her head what days she's available, because she's anticipated you asking.

 

Her lack of response to your texts/calls isn't a good sign.

[drg2365]

Yeah this is pretty much completely and totally f-ed. Girls please realize this scenario next time you sleep with a guy after a date or two and wonder/complain/moan that he never calls you back.

 

Because there are plenty of guys that try to put a good foot forward with a girl and never hear from them ever again. I took a girl out three times (motsly on my own dime), and the max physical level was a brief kiss, then nothing.

 

A friend of mine years back in college made a statement to me that I thought was bad/disturbing at the time but now its just evermore true. "Just be a complete ass to every girl you meet and go blatantly for sex on every date, because well, they will just use you if you don't establish that immediately"

[hasaquestion]

A girl who wants to go out with you doesn't have to check her 'planner'. She knows in her head what days she's available, because she's anticipated you asking.

 

Her lack of response to your texts/calls isn't a good sign.

 

You know what else isn't a good sign? Sending texts/calls in the plural.

 

Its 2014. Your message to her isn't going to fall out of the wagon while fording the Missouri.

 

Send a message and she'll get it. Wait for her to respond. If she doesn't? Good thing you found out she isn't that into you now and not later.

[hasaquestion]

Yeah this is pretty much completely and totally f-ed. Girls please realize this scenario next time you sleep with a guy after a date or two and wonder/complain/moan that he never calls you back.

 

Because there are plenty of guys that try to put a good foot forward with a girl and never hear from them ever again. I took a girl out three times (motsly on my own dime), and the max physical level was a brief kiss, then nothing.

 

A friend of mine years back in college made a statement to me that I thought was bad/disturbing at the time but now its just evermore true. "Just be a complete ass to every girl you meet and go blatantly for sex on every date, because well, they will just use you if you don't establish that immediately"

 

She probably just wasn't that into you. It "happens to the best of us", as they say. On to the next one.

 

And as a previous poster said, next time its good to avoid making a girl the central focus of your plans. Invite her to bring her friends to a party you and your friends are going to, for example.

[Chalkdust89]

A friend of mine years back in college made a statement to me that I thought was bad/disturbing at the time but now its just evermore true. "Just be a complete ass to every girl you meet and go blatantly for sex on every date, because well, they will just use you if you don't establish that immediately"

 

I'm sorry that the situation with this girl isn't going as well as you planned, but don't use this one bad experience as an opportunity to bash ALL women and assume ALL women are out to get you. Your friend's advice sucks and you shouldn't follow it. I, as well as many of my girl friends, would be completely turned off after going on a date with someone who was a complete ass and immediately went in for sex.

[drg2365]

Well I guess for shoots and gigs I might as well update, I do appreciate the thoughts and advice. She did end up getting back to me. I want to stress that again, I did not blow up her phone. I called her this morning and instead of a voicemail I sent a text and let it be.

 

Ver batum:

 

Her: Hey sorry I didnt answer your call, I was showering, the weekend has been pretty busy. Thanks, I did enjoy the nice day yesterday . How is your weekend going?

Me: No worries, yesterday just went out and about downtown today just relaxing and watching basketball.

-Did you find out what days you are free this week?

Her:Oh that sounds like fun, So actually I do not have a free night this week. I planned my week out for the first time in my life.

-Me: Haha all good, it is your spring break after all. But hey next Saturday you should come over, the high is 70 and sunny, we should cook some food and eat on my deck, I make some mean fet alfredo haha

Her: I'm going camping on Saturday

Me: Ok that's cool. You do still want to do something right? I've had a lot of fun with you and want to keep things going. I don't want to be pushy but I don't know when you have a free day/night...

Her: Yeah I would like to do something, just I am completely booked this week.

Me: Ok, let's just try to find some time to share, have a good Sunday night in the meantime.

 

 

Is that the absolute weakest way to reject someone or am I crazy? No free time whatsoever to spend with someone you have been on 3 dates (that have gone well) with? I really like her, she is very attractive to me, I like her personality, we have fun, but F this. Like my friend said, its pussy or bust. Anything less they just start taking advantage of you.

[drg2365]

I'm sorry that the situation with this girl isn't going as well as you planned, but don't use this one bad experience as an opportunity to bash ALL women and assume ALL women are out to get you. Your friend's advice sucks and you shouldn't follow it. I, as well as many of my girl friends, would be completely turned off after going on a date with someone who was a complete ass and immediately went in for sex.

 

Getting way off topic, but that was the beauty of his advice. Most will get turned off, for good reason, but in the same time they won't string you along for dates that lead to nothing either so you can more easily just move on and not dump money/time into one girl who is well on their way of taking advantage of you. "If they like you when your an ass they will love you when you are a gentlemen"... its disturbing because its true...

[drg2365]

I'm going to spell it out in the simplest terms for you. SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU. Simple.

 

A girl who is interested in you won't confuse you and will always make time for you.

 

This one is a lost cause. Move on.

 

It does seem that way. I totally see your point of moving on, I just want to break it down a little bit.

 

But she was busy with crap last week after date #2, but kept in contact with me regularly and followed through on her promise to go to the game with me and we had a great time.

 

Twice seems fishy, but she acts sweet and is very polite. But she has to realize freezing someone out after 3 dates is the opposite of polite. A simple "hey, I've had fun, but I don't see this going anywhere" text would be almost mandatory, and I have gotten it plenty of times in the past. Its just general decency to tell someone if that be the case. That's what's confusing because her texts are far from that.

 

So just go total no contact? Call this crap out and see her reaction? Or maybe she is that busy? After all she said she wanted to do something again.

[Lansing]

You are blinded by your attraction for her.

 

My advice, go ghost. Stop trying to contact her... I was CRINGING reading that last text exchange. You shouldn't have asked her about her schedule again... Really, you shouldn't have called her either.

 

You should just move on to the next girl. If she has any interest in you and was indeed "just busy", she will contact you again.

 

My sense is that you did come across as too keen.