Is this typical for a single guy my age?

[Jive]

I was wondering if I could get some advice or insight on my life/dating life, which is leaving me quite confused at the moment. I’m a 27 year old male by the way.

 

I dated the same girl all 4 years of college and we split right after graduation. I was happier than I had ever been at that time and moved into my own place alone.

 

That only lasted for a few short months to half a year before I started feeling lonely and slightly depressed. I began working insane hours as a graphic designer and rarely gave any thought to actively pursuing another relationship just because I hardly had any time for it.

 

Those couple years flew by faster than a blink of an eye and all of a sudden I found myself working regular 8-5 hours at a digital marketing firm and having my own office. Some people say they want to be single because they want to focus on their career and that is EXACTLY what I pretty much did without even realizing it.

 

Flash forward TWO WHOLE MORE YEARS and I’m at the same company, made a raise, was promoted once and have generally gotten very comfortable with my routines, who I am, etc. I feel more confident and better about myself now than I ever have in my life.

 

But same problem continues to plague me: Still no girlfriend and 4 years of involuntary abstinence from sex to top it off.

 

The frustrating part is that I have NO idea what I’m doing wrong here. I make great money, drive a nice car that is completely paid off, wear a freakin’ suit to work, I play bass guitar in a rock band, have a very solid foundation of friends and many acquaintances, get along with my family just fine, I have an average to toned body, good hygiene, not short but not tall, dark hair, a nicely groomed beard, great taste in music & entertainment, love going out, love drinking (responsibly), and am just generally a pretty fun person to be around.

 

But I’ve had no luck with woman at all. I tried 2 different online dating sites for a full year and had terrible experiences with both. (I believe extreme feminism is ruining modern dating, but that’s another story).

 

I feel like I’ve achieved so many goals and crossed off so many thing from my bucket list in the last 4 years of being single, but now that I feel 100% ready for a girl to enter my life, there isn’t anybody in sight and my prospects list is pretty much non-existent.

 

My friends and co-workers have completely stopped trying to hook my up with nieces, neighbors, friends, whatever (thank god!) because I’ve been labeled ‘undateable.’ They see me as someone like Barney from How I Met Your Mother only minus the womanizing. My family has started asking me seriously if I am gay.

 

I honestly feel like a toy labeled as ‘defective’ when there really isn’t anything wrong me mentally or physically. It’s beyond frustrating.

 

Are these pretty normal motions for a single guy my age to be going through? I feel like I should have had SOMETHING going on by now, but the needle hasn’t left Zero yet and I begin to panic when I think about how I'll be 30 in just 3 years.

[kaylan]

Dude, are you taking the lead and chasing the women? Thats the only reason I can think of a successful, decent looking young guy having such problems. Im your age and my dating luck increased when I put myself out there and chased.

 

Also, try the Tinder app. May work for you.

[Leegh]

You sound great, and you'll find someone when you least expect it. The times when I have tried to meet people for dating, nothing has worked, but I always seem to meet someone when I'm not looking. Just hang in there and good things are to come. Cherish the time you have alone now, as I'm sure you'll meet someone soon. Some hotels, where I live, have singles dances on week-ends. You may want to look for happy hours or dances in your area.

[slizl]

You have a false sence of yourself. If everyone labels you undateable, yet you label yourself as cool, great job, etc. they are seeing something that you don't. Some of my friends have no job, live with their parents and still hook up on the regular. Something is wrong with you, maybe ask your friends why you are undateable?

[KungFuJoe]

Maybe you're giving off an overly feminine vibe. The Barney reference and the fact that people think you're gay is a pretty big hint about that.

 

And you're a graphic designer and you wear a suit to work?

 

I guess I just don't get a very "masculine" image from how you present yourself.

 

I'm not really saying you need to change anything (you can't change who you are) but maybe just helping you see why it's hard for you to find women who like you THAT way.

[GemmaUK]

People you know call you undateable?

What reason did they give?

 

 

Seems like there is some kind of vibe coming from you that the are picking up but perhaps you aren't aware of?

[Imported]

Have you tried talking with women on a romantic level with the intent of dating them? And actually pursuing that to make it come true?

 

Your probably half-assed attempt at online dating does not count. That's just another way of sitting around waiting for something to happen instead of making something happen.

 

There are just too many attractive women out there. It's pretty ****ing easy to get with them. If you are as you say you are, once you get the ball rolling, you'll be amazed how well you can do. But it takes effort and actually putting yourself out there.

[Stay]

You have a false sence of yourself. If everyone labels you undateable, yet you label yourself as cool, great job, etc. they are seeing something that you don't. Some of my friends have no job, live with their parents and still hook up on the regular. Something is wrong with you, maybe ask your friends why you are undateable?

 

 

I've been seeing this too much, too many topics list all these great physical and materialistic aspects of themselves but most if not all fail to realize that doesn't get them much regarding dates. Most girls can care less what car you drive and how much you make unless that's all they want. It's good to have those but if your personality sucks it won't matter. You can be good looking and have a horrible personality and will not attract many women with that personality. Like this person I quoted said, there are people with minimum wage jobs or barely anything at all but they're such a good person with great personality, the girl will stick with them.

 

You need to tell us more about yourself and not what you have, are you confident to talk to girls, can you approach, etc. Every time I hear people say I have a luxury sports car, six figure job, etc. I can't help but think they don't know a thing about relationships to start off or has not that of a great personality, no offense to you I'm just stating my assumptions when people say that they can't get a girl but have all these stuff.

Edited March 14, 2014 by Stay

[Jive]

Thanks for the replies!

 

Yes, going back and reading my original post kinda makes me cringe. Listing **** like that... But whatever.

 

I got some perspective now which is very helpful : )

 

I just need to chill the f*** out and enjoy my life at the moment instead of worrying about girlfriends.

Edited March 14, 2014 by Jive
Done

[Stay]

Thanks for the replies!

 

Yes, going back and reading my original post kinda makes me cringe. Listing **** like that... But whatever.

 

I got some perspective now which is very helpful : )

 

I just need to chill the f*** out and enjoy my life at the moment instead of worrying about girlfriends.

 

You can enjoy it and still pursue this goal you want. Stop doing your routine and do something different everyday. In line to buy lunch or coffee and see a girl you find attractive? Go talk to her instead of being in your comfort zone and not talk to her. Push yourself a bit everyday, you don't have to not worry about girlfriends but at least make a small effort. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take.

[kaylan]

Maybe you're giving off an overly feminine vibe. The Barney reference and the fact that people think you're gay is a pretty big hint about that.

 

And you're a graphic designer and you wear a suit to work?

 

I guess I just don't get a very "masculine" image from how you present yourself.

 

I'm not really saying you need to change anything (you can't change who you are) but maybe just helping you see why it's hard for you to find women who like you THAT way.

Barneys character is a ladies man with style and lots of charisma. Plus hes a prototypical bro. Its totally contradictory to the gay comment. Sure the actor who plays Barney is gay...but whenever people think of NPH, they think of his roles as Barney or the womanizing version of himself in the Harold & Kumar movies.

 

Thats just my take though.

[Assasda]

I personally consider myself a feminist, and I dont see how feminism can ruin dating.

 

Seems like you just have strong views and turn women off.

Try toning it dow. For some reason I sense a little bit of abnoxiousness too

[Antenna_Of_Destiny]

Maybe you're giving off an overly feminine vibe. The Barney reference and the fact that people think you're gay is a pretty big hint about that.

 

And you're a graphic designer and you wear a suit to work?

 

I guess I just don't get a very "masculine" image from how you present yourself.

 

I'm not really saying you need to change anything (you can't change who you are) but maybe just helping you see why it's hard for you to find women who like you THAT way.

 

LOL I wear suits everyday whether I need to or not and no one has ever questioned my masculinity.

[Jive]

I was turned off when the last girl I took out went on a crazy rant about how much of a feminist she was. Didn't want me paying for dinner or opening doors for her. It was bizzare and made me feel very blah...

 

The Barney reference probably wasn't the best, I admit. So let's just drop that.

 

I just need to shake things up. Yes, probably step outside my comfort zone. I go out plenty -- maybe it's just time to make the effort to strike up a conversation the the cute barista or something ; )

[Jive]

Jesus Christ. I wear a suit because I manage a department of a marketing firm. I WAS a graphic designer. It's mostly spreadsheets and emails these days.

[Stay]

I was turned off when the last girl I took out went on a crazy rant about how much of a feminist she was. Didn't want me paying for dinner or opening doors for her. It was bizzare and made me feel very blah...

 

The Barney reference probably wasn't the best, I admit. So let's just drop that.

 

I just need to shake things up. Yes, probably step outside my comfort zone. I go out plenty -- maybe it's just time to make the effort to strike up a conversation the the cute barista or something ; )

 

I usually make it a habit to talk to the cashiers just about nothing. It's easy practice but don't take it so serious because people who work in the service industry are paid to be happy and smiling so it's difficult to really gauge their interest. Next time you go out try to just talk to anyone, again I don't know how you are with girls so this is the best advice I can give.

[d0nnivain]

Jive --

 

 

You sound like a good catch to a point. The un-dateable label is making me wonder.

 

 

What exactly happened with all of these nieces & friends people tried to set you up with?

 

 

Are you stuck in your ways? Are you expecting some woman to mold herself into the space you carved out for her in your life without worrying about her wants & needs.

[Jive]

Honestly probably a bit of both.

 

Stuck in my ways? Yeah sure. I come home, feed my dog, pop open a beer, throw a pizza in the oven and catch up on house of cards. Weekends are consumed with band practices and random housewarming parties, engagement announcements, friends kid's bday parties, etc...

 

Although single, I feel I live a full life and I'm actually quite happy.

 

As for the undatable thing... Well I get a little annoyed when people think because I'm single and their niece is single, then we must be soal mates. Doesn't quite work that way for me and never has. I'll admit I'm a bit picky. And it's stupid **** too. I've gotten better at that but it's so hard for me to be into someone when I have to listen to them sing along to (song i hate) or they lay on the opposite sides of the tracks as far as religion or politics go.

[d0nnivain]

OK you are looking for somebody compatible. You are going to have get over the sing a long to a song you hate thing but you can hold out for someone who shares your values.

 

 

If you want your friends & family to stop fixing you up with random people in some misguided attempt to recreate Noah's Ark, tell them about your ideal woman. You can't be too picky; this isn't a menu but general non-negotiables. Use them as your marketing team.

 

 

As a musician, do you flirt with the audience? How had can it be to meet a woman in a bar? At least you know she likes your music. Yes, I am well aware that bars aren't the ideal place to meet a mate but they may give you dating practice.

 

 

Can you take your dog to a dog park? I once joined a singles group called Leashes & Lovers. they scheduled stuff you could do with your pet. My Dalmatian was a great ice breaker. Warming: many women will have small dogs that fit in their purse. Using the dog to meet women is a tried & true technique.

 

 

Do you go to networking events or continuing education courses for your business? You may be abele to meet compatible women there. I met my husband at a networking event.

[Jive]

Hey thanks that all sounds like good stuff. Haha funny enough I do go to networking events weekly, but I get hit on by women who are 50+.

 

The music thing is a bit different. After a gig I'm usually sweaty and gross feeling. Not to mention drunk and exhausted at the same time. I have yet to see evidence of 'groupies' or anything at this stage in the game.

[Queen_Sophie_Anne]

I was wondering if I could get some advice or insight on my life/dating life, which is leaving me quite confused at the moment. I’m a 27 year old male by the way.

 

I dated the same girl all 4 years of college and we split right after graduation. I was happier than I had ever been at that time and moved into my own place alone.

 

That only lasted for a few short months to half a year before I started feeling lonely and slightly depressed. I began working insane hours as a graphic designer and rarely gave any thought to actively pursuing another relationship just because I hardly had any time for it.

 

Those couple years flew by faster than a blink of an eye and all of a sudden I found myself working regular 8-5 hours at a digital marketing firm and having my own office. Some people say they want to be single because they want to focus on their career and that is EXACTLY what I pretty much did without even realizing it.

 

Flash forward TWO WHOLE MORE YEARS and I’m at the same company, made a raise, was promoted once and have generally gotten very comfortable with my routines, who I am, etc. I feel more confident and better about myself now than I ever have in my life.

 

But same problem continues to plague me: Still no girlfriend and 4 years of involuntary abstinence from sex to top it off.

 

The frustrating part is that I have NO idea what I’m doing wrong here. I make great money, drive a nice car that is completely paid off, wear a freakin’ suit to work, I play bass guitar in a rock band, have a very solid foundation of friends and many acquaintances, get along with my family just fine, I have an average to toned body, good hygiene, not short but not tall, dark hair, a nicely groomed beard, great taste in music & entertainment, love going out, love drinking (responsibly), and am just generally a pretty fun person to be around.

 

But I’ve had no luck with woman at all. I tried 2 different online dating sites for a full year and had terrible experiences with both. (I believe extreme feminism is ruining modern dating, but that’s another story).

 

I feel like I’ve achieved so many goals and crossed off so many thing from my bucket list in the last 4 years of being single, but now that I feel 100% ready for a girl to enter my life, there isn’t anybody in sight and my prospects list is pretty much non-existent.

 

My friends and co-workers have completely stopped trying to hook my up with nieces, neighbors, friends, whatever (thank god!) because I’ve been labeled ‘undateable.’ They see me as someone like Barney from How I Met Your Mother only minus the womanizing. My family has started asking me seriously if I am gay.

 

I honestly feel like a toy labeled as ‘defective’ when there really isn’t anything wrong me mentally or physically. It’s beyond frustrating.

 

Are these pretty normal motions for a single guy my age to be going through? I feel like I should have had SOMETHING going on by now, but the needle hasn’t left Zero yet and I begin to panic when I think about how I'll be 30 in just 3 years.

 

talk to me, bb

[Mo_Do]

Yep, its pretty normal - most guys just wont admit it.

 

I am on year 2 of being single while I boosted my career, assets, living situation, bank account etc.

 

I only started online dating again about a month ago and I am certain I'll find something - but I am not just going to take anything either. Unless I find a truly compatible match I'll just hit the red X in the top right corner of all these dating sites and continue being single.

 

Hookers will probably cost the same as all these dates I figure

[Michael91]

Find a big girl or at least lower your standards and you will find someone.

[Copelandsanity]

It's like what Newton's 1st law of motion says: "An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion."

 

If you don't take risks, put yourself out there, and hit on girls, you aren't going to get any.

[topaMAXX]

We are the same age (I'm turning 27 in a few weeks) and are at a similar place in life, financially and career-wise. So I will chime in here.

 

I was wondering if I could get some advice or insight on my life/dating life, which is leaving me quite confused at the moment. I’m a 27 year old male by the way.

 

I dated the same girl all 4 years of college and we split right after graduation. I was happier than I had ever been at that time and moved into my own place alone.

 

This is pretty normal, I would say. My situation is far less normal (I spent college and grad school just hooking up with girls and intentionally avoided relationships).

 

That only lasted for a few short months to half a year before I started feeling lonely and slightly depressed. I began working insane hours as a graphic designer and rarely gave any thought to actively pursuing another relationship just because I hardly had any time for it.

 

I am, for the most part, geographically isolated. The loneliness can kick in for sure.

 

Those couple years flew by faster than a blink of an eye and all of a sudden I found myself working regular 8-5 hours at a digital marketing firm and having my own office. Some people say they want to be single because they want to focus on their career and that is EXACTLY what I pretty much did without even realizing it.

 

Flash forward TWO WHOLE MORE YEARS and I’m at the same company, made a raise, was promoted once and have generally gotten very comfortable with my routines, who I am, etc. I feel more confident and better about myself now than I ever have in my life.

 

Yup. Same situation. Type flies when you're working your a** off, eh?

 

But same problem continues to plague me: Still no girlfriend and 4 years of involuntary abstinence from sex to top it off.

 

This is where we differ. I hooked up a lot over the past few years. I'm now voluntarily celibate and do not seek sex from women.

 

The frustrating part is that I have NO idea what I’m doing wrong here. I make great money, drive a nice car that is completely paid off, wear a freakin’ suit to work, I play bass guitar in a rock band, have a very solid foundation of friends and many acquaintances, get along with my family just fine, I have an average to toned body, good hygiene, not short but not tall, dark hair, a nicely groomed beard, great taste in music & entertainment, love going out, love drinking (responsibly), and am just generally a pretty fun person to be around.

 

We also differ here a bit. I'm successful, have a lot of friends, am in great shape, etc. But I'm short (barely within normal limits height-wise).

 

But I’ve had no luck with woman at all. I tried 2 different online dating sites for a full year and had terrible experiences with both. (I believe extreme feminism is ruining modern dating, but that’s another story).

 

We share similar views on feminism.

 

As far as online dating goes, I think it's a bad idea overall. The only way to be successful at it is to be VERY good-looking....or to spend months experimenting and figuring out what works for you. The latter solution (and the only one in your control) is a waste of time, imo, but I've known people that have done it.

 

I feel like I’ve achieved so many goals and crossed off so many thing from my bucket list in the last 4 years of being single, but now that I feel 100% ready for a girl to enter my life, there isn’t anybody in sight and my prospects list is pretty much non-existent.

 

Trust me, man. I don't know your exact situation or geographical location, but I promise that it's MUCH harder for me to meet and date women (trust me on this) and I've done it.

 

My friends and co-workers have completely stopped trying to hook my up with nieces, neighbors, friends, whatever (thank god!) because I’ve been labeled ‘undateable.’ They see me as someone like Barney from How I Met Your Mother only minus the womanizing. My family has started asking me seriously if I am gay.

 

Hmmm....this is strange. Despite the fact that I'm voluntarily celibate, my sexuality has never been questioned once.

 

Do you act in a very feminine manner?

 

I honestly feel like a toy labeled as ‘defective’ when there really isn’t anything wrong me mentally or physically. It’s beyond frustrating.

 

Are these pretty normal motions for a single guy my age to be going through? I feel like I should have had SOMETHING going on by now, but the needle hasn’t left Zero yet and I begin to panic when I think about how I'll be 30 in just 3 years.

 

Do you ever approach women? Meet women through work? Do you have any interests where you can meet women? I would think a guy in a band would meet tons of women.

 

Again, I suggest not doing the OLD thing or Tinder, unless you really want to crush your ego.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. In this dating climate, it's far tougher for men to meet women than visa versa. So I don't think your situation is all that rare.