redbaron005 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 How are you going today swfc_77? Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 I'm good redbaron005, thank you kindly I have returned to the doctors today, because the last few days I finished a course of anxiety/depression tablets, nothing strong but I was down, he understood that it was a lot to take in and gave me some good advice. I posted on another forum, basically I posted a journal of the last 3 years, it was private and I was unsure of posting it as it was long, but it was a true reflection on how her and her NZ family made me feel. The reply "I am sorry for the way this women treated you and the turmoil it has caused you in your life. I know its hard but at the same time I think you should be happy it's done. It sounded like you put a lot of time, effort and finances in this relationship and got barely anything in return. To her, you would of always taken the back seat to her family. They sound very manipulative and well, snobby. You don't want to attach yourself to a family like that through marriage and children. Imagine the way you're life would be in 5 years from now if she stayed, you decided to have a future together - buy a house, get married, have children? I can bet it wouldnt be a pleasant one. -- to her mother and sisters, your house wouldn't be good enough, big enough, fancy enough... -- your wedding would be nothing but a HUGE collection of fights about finances, how it should be done, when and where etc etc -- and children, oh geezz thats a can of worms that could just get nasty.. her mother coming down to spend time to help with the new baby (if she did that, which she probably would).. critizing everything the two of you are doing regarding the baby.. the list goes on and on and on and on about how unhappy the future could of been for you in this situation. I know its still early but once day you'll realize that you dodge a bullet." I have been to her former place of work tonight, our local (where all my friends, her friends and our friends were) it was hard, people realised this, I am quite reserved but it was nice to get a "you alright Chris" I think people realise I did the best I could, and I did a lot, if it wasn't good enough for her, then it's her loss. Don't get me wrong, I'm laid in bed now, in the bed we bought in a room we shared, watching a TV she chose, i miss her like mad, but in the long run I will be ok. I hope you are ok redbaron005, thank you for asking. Things will be hard for a long time, for us both probably, I hope in reading my reply you get a little comfort. All the best, swfc_77 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Glad you are feeling ok, I can't believe she has done this and binning the portrait you gave her is so horrible. Sounded like a really sweet gift. Its hard now but it sounds like you will be better off in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks brightnight. Yeah it was tough when I was told she threw everything away, everything, she has taken a suitcase of clothes to start a new life at 26, I think she only kept the iPad and some jewellery I bought her. She is very short sighted and doesn't seem to plan ahead, hence why she was bad with money, has no career. Feel like iv been mugged off and cheated, iv sat and waited for her to get a better, different job (that she wanted) so we could start enjoying our weekends and actually going place and doing stuff with friends and family, making memories and enjoying life. Instead I just sat and waited for her to finish work to walk her home with me. The picture was of us both here, the only day I spent alone with her while there, it was a great picture, in fact I think I inverted the selfie, probably the best picture I have ever taken Marokopa Falls, Te Anga, Waitomo, New Zealand | New Zealand photography I spent 50 days in NZ, I enjoyed 3, I spent 1 with my ex alone and 2 fishing. Not bad for £6000:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You're a pretty good photographer swfc. Very balanced compositions. A good hobby to absorb yourself in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 That's not the picture, it's the falls that I found and we had a drive down there. The picture was of us stood in front of it (I balanced the camera on the fence on timer) it was one of those "that will do" pictures but then realised it was a great picture later that day, and had it put on canvas 2 years later for Xmas, That picture won't exist now, sadly. The relationship was definitely an experience but no way was it worth 3 years, or the disrespect she and her family showed me and the relationship. I can't afford any new hobbies at the minute, I'm just trying to drag my business back up from its knees. Her actions suggest she never really loved me and the way she ended it and cut me off also suggest this, this is what I'm struggling to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I clicked through a good portion of the set the link references - I'm sure that attention to detail will translate into your business turning around - just give it time and stay positive! And, I highly doubt she never loved you. Her actions indicate that she might be trying to protect herself from residual feelings she still has. And at least she ran to her parents in NZ where she can realize what she gave up, not to NZ in a relationship with another guy who was her 'friend' the whole time you were in a relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 I just wish we could have sorted it like adults. There was a significant afternoon I left her to speak to her parents and something was said that made her go 180 on me, completely turned against me and the idea of us. She needs to grow up and look beyond the end of her nose, me and her cousin reckon she will be pregnant within 12 months, and I think she will, her sister has a baby and that was a big pull for her. She put some pretty ****ty comments on Facebook which I have been told of, "don't stay in a relationship out of convenience" A bit disappointed with that, I thought better of her Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 Just got to get this out. It was my birthday yesterday and I had a good day, a lot of our friends and some of her family celebrated with me, it would have been nice if she had been there. I didn't get a text or anything if anyone's wondering She is giving the impression she has moved on, pretty quick and her own cousin said to me last night, "this is what she does, just cuts people off" It's the mornings that hurt, I had a late night and still woke up at 8am, my heart beats hard and fast, I can't stay still, constantly turning. It's laying very heavy on my heart. I'm struggling with being alone, and I am struggling with the question of was it all fake, were the feelings she showed me false, was I the best option at the time. I had no idea how she felt. I really wish we'd have talked about our options, instead she spoke to her parents and ditched me, even though we lived together and we shared a life, I was collateral. It doesn't matter who i was, her family wouldn't have liked anybody because I was seen as keeping her in the UK and away from her family. They didn't like her ex, they didn't like me, the pattern is there. I Just wish this would stop hurting so much. Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 One day you will look back on this and laugh. I promise. I went through essentially the same thing a few years ago. I was sick from the pain of missing her and would have done anything to see her again. Now the b1tch still tries to reach out to me and I couldn't possibly care less. She's older now and starting to panic about her position in life. All I can do is laugh. You can't do anything but help yourself. Let this girl go away and make stupid decisions that ruin her life because her "feeeeeeelings". You will come out on top in the long run, trust me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 It was my birthday yesterday and I had a good day, a lot of our friends and some of her family celebrated with me, it would have been nice if she had been there. I didn't get a text or anything if anyone's wondering Happy belated swfc. Consider yourself lucky you didn't hear anything for your birthday. It would have been more bitter than sweet, trust me. Hang in there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Be glad this girl didn't text you. I received a birthday text and replied thanks. Never heard a thing after that and felt like a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 I'm not very good at figuring my own emotions out, as you can probably tell. She has dumped a load of guilt on me, picked out the negatives in the relationship, made them out to be more than they were and thrown them at me. I will admit I have a nasty tongue, she was very, very bossy at times and I think she didn't like the fact she couldn't get me under the thumb. I think I was getting frustrated with the relationship, but didn't have the bollocks to end it because she had nowhere to go (I promised her NZ family I would look after her, even thought they were horrible to me), I'm also not the type of guy to quit on things I like a challenge and stripping everything back, I did love her. Love needs work, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad, you have to take the rough with the smooth I believed in her and I didn't want her to change, I wanted her to step up and take responsibility with me, I thought she could. It was an unhealthy relationship and she came with a lot of baggage, I didn't see this until about 30 minutes ago. I loved the girl that lived here with me, but when she was around her own NZ family, she changed into a very bossy, snobby and a bit pathetic, others have noticed this, others being her UK family, she did frustrate the life out of me also, no motivation, no ambition no drive just ......meh Google apathy Iv lost a lot of my motivation, I was motivated by her, the thought of kids a house and the thought of doing it drove me, and my small business. This is going to take some time for me, I have my own issues to sort out. She won't try to reach out to me, her NZ family hated me, with a passion and she is surrounded by them now, she has too many distractions around her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Another sleepless night 3 hours. Why if it was such a ****ty relationship does it hurt so much to lose. I can't deal with the rejection, I opened my life up to her and opened my family up to her, and she has rejected it thrown it back at me. It's the abandonment too, one day she is there with you, the next everyone's waving her off goodbye the next she has gone. I can't believe I shared a bed, shared my life and shared dreams with her and she just dropped it and ran, 3 years day In day out. We didn't even talk, she just dropped me over the phone. Abandoned Used Rejected Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Why? Because bad, mean, and evil things happen to good and nice people all the time, that's why! 26 is still young. Anyway. I feel for you look at the bright side. You are at the bottom now. You will rise again, just take your time at the bottom. And don't do reckless things Like you loved her, you will forget her. Like there is pain, there will be time when you won't fail it Go take a vacation, go to Brazil.... Have a break and have fun! Or help someone who is in much trouble than you r Don't stay at the same situation..... Edited March 31, 2014 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
faithfully Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I did still love her, for all her faults, I feel cheated and led on and it's hard to take, I feel like she died but everyone else got to say goodbye, she cut me off completely after I invested 3 years of my life and she led me to believe she wanted kids and a home with me. Now she played the trump card and upped and left. It hurts, because we could have worked this out, she has a history of running away when she has to put the effort in and she never seems finish things, doesn't want responsibility. People are telling me I had a lucky escape, her UK family have said this, my family and friends. It's hard because she has run to a new life, a clean break and a fresh start. Everything that she has left behind I'm left holding, I started to build this life for us and asked for her help and she decided to bail on me. I'm on the verge of a breakdown, my business is about to fail as I cannot seem to justify going to work to earn money for what, last month I was saving for a deposit on a house, now what. I'm usually organised and know what I want, I couldn't tell you what I'll be doing in an hour now. Why do people throw the words kids, marriage, houses and love around so easily. I'm fed up of believing in people, trusting people and getting nothing back. 26 she got scared and ran back to mummy and daddy. Hey, I understand you are hurting and you have every right to be. some people don't realise the good thing they have unfortunately and bails especially when things are a little tough. I tell you something, people like that wont get far in life coz all they will do is run when things gets tough rather than take responsibility and face them- its sad very sad. Count your lucky stars this was a 3years relationship and not 13 or even 23years together. There is still chance for you to find that girl who wont ever bail on you when things gets a little tough. I can sympathy with what your going thru because I went through exactly the same 6 months ago obv with my ex boyfriend who was 30 and bailed when things got a little tough and ran back to mummy after building a nice home together. Well these people don't deserve our love and 6month later I am in a better position. you will be ok. Life is too short to be wasting our precious time on people who don't want our love. people who will drop everything and bail when there's a rough tide. 6months down the line or a year you might look back and think, thank **** she was gone. life is a lesson hun. challenges and breakup, heartache are all a test to make us a better person. life teaches us. chin you you will be fine you are still on this earth, you live in England (lovely country, even tho weather sometimes ****) you have a business, money, a family and friends who care for you, its really not that bad. 1 of my favourite saying: people come in our life as a blessing and others as a lesson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 I am dying to talk to her, just a chat to see if she is ok. I know she won't talk to me like she used to though, that's hard, she will be colder, distant and, well not bothered, iv never met that side of her and I am scared to think of her like that. It hurts how fast and how cruelly ended Together for 3 years We split up over the phone on 13th February, I pick key up on 14th She never initiates contact, we speak over phone 2/3 times I called her 8th of March she flies out to NZ and that's it, she tells her grandmother she wishes she'd seen me before she left, too late though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 This is bollocks now, Iv spent my day contemplating moving to NZ the pros and cons are as follows. Cons / *Her family hate me with a passion *She dumped me and showed no sign of remorse after speaking to her family *She has no career or ambition in one of the worlds most expensive countries *I would have to close my small business down *I hate flying and would have to do it alone for 30 hours *The last time I went I hated it, and she changed into a bitch around her family *the last time I went we/her spent £4000 in 5 weeks *there is a 99.9999999.9% I'd have the door slammed in my face *my profession in UK doesn't really exist in NZ Pros / *It's sometimes sunny 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DiggingYourScene Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 swfc_77 your posts make my situation pale into insignificance, we can't put a weight or measurement on our thoughts and emotions but I truly appreciate and empathise with not only the emptiness but the spaced out thoughts, memories and regrets that rattle around at the same time. Heart ache is like a disease, you 'catch' it and it can manifest itself in strange and irrantional ways no matter how long or how strong a relationship was. I have heard of people able to shake off the negative feelings in a matter of weeks after a relationship or marriage lasting years yet a three or four month split can devastate someone - much like I am struggling at the minute. But remember - WAWAW? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author swfc_77 Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 This is hell now. I can't believe I wasted 3 years with her, I was dying for her to change jobs so we could start doing things together as a couple at the weekend, it's obvious now she wasn't bothered I can't believe she just floated along next to me when all along she wanted to be elsewhere but didn't have the money to go. I can understand people change their minds, but the extremely drastic way she exited the relationship suggests she didn't really have any feelings for me in the first place I want to ask her why she did this, why didn't she talk to me why didn't she tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 How's this week been swfc? Link to post Share on other sites
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