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Number of previous partners - following Lindsay Lohan article

JL85

By JL85
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JL85 New Member

JL85

Posted
Posted

Interested to see other peoples views on this.

 

A couple of my friends last night were talking about the recent Lindsay Lohan coverage (where she has claimed to have slept with 36 celebs) and how they wouldn't want to settle down with someone who had been with so many people.

 

Personally this is not something that bothers me. I am a 28 year old male and have slept with 5 people. I would have said that was below average but they have all been long term relationships.

 

I have been with my current girlfriend for nearly 4 years and quite early on we ended up having the numbers conversation. I remember she was a bit reluctant to say a number and made comments like above average and quite a lot. I told her it wasn't an issue and she then said she had previously slept with about 40 people (she was 22 when we got together) but said don't ever tell anyone that because she was ashamed.

 

I don't get why someone should be ashamed. Numbers are numbers and in the past. They don't really tell us much about someone. Had I not been in long term relationships I am sure mine would be more, but I was so it isn't

 

To me it is a shame that people feel the need to judge like my friends last night, and that others feel the need to lie or be ashamed for fear of being judged.

 

I'm pretty sure high numbers (whatever high is) are quite common if people are honest about it.

 

Anyway rant over :-)

AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted

Girls who sleep with men for validation (most girls who have a number over like 10? are sleeping with men for validation) are quite frankly disgusting. If a girl goes around allowing guys to use her like that it shows how much she really cares about herself. Ever heard that saying "you can't love someone until you love yourself?" its true.

 

If a woman doesn't love herself (girls who have sex for validation have self esteem issues) then she will never respect a man that loves her. She'll see him as weak for loving her flaws and most likely go out and cheat with other men to get the validation that she needs.

 

Me personally? I don't judge girls based on the number of men they have slept with. I judge them based on there personalities. Its easy enough to gauge a girls overall mindset, self esteem level, and how loyal she is just from a few dates.

 

Pro Tips:

1. Never date a girl with low self esteem.

 

2. Never date a girl who lies.

 

3. Never date a girl who is willing to compromise her own values to make you happy ESPECIALLY if you just met her (this is a huge one. Girl who is willing to compromise values to try and trap you is ALSO willing to compromise values to make other men happy down the road. These type of girls almost always cheat.)

 

4. If you are gonna date a girl with an absurdly high number make sure its that high because she is COMFORTABLE WITH HER SEXUALITY AND GOES FOR WHAT SHE WANTS, and not because she allows men to use her for sex so that she can be validated.(another big point right here. Nothing wrong with a woman who has sex with multiple dudes because thats what she wanted. Problems arise when she did it because she has low self control or just wanted their validation. Big difference.)

 

And btw your ex sounds like she wasn't a good catch at all. 40 is super high. But thats okay IF she wasn't ashamed of it. IF she did it because thats what she wanted to do. The fact that she was ashamed proves that she had low self esteem or low self control. Or both.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Love this. Taking notes furiously.:p

 

 

 

Girls who sleep with men for validation (most girls who have a number over like 10? are sleeping with men for validation) are quite frankly disgusting. If a girl goes around allowing guys to use her like that it shows how much she really cares about herself. Ever heard that saying "you can't love someone until you love yourself?" its true.

 

If a woman doesn't love herself (girls who have sex for validation have self esteem issues) then she will never respect a man that loves her. She'll see him as weak for loving her flaws and most likely go out and cheat with other men to get the validation that she needs.

 

Me personally? I don't judge girls based on the number of men they have slept with. I judge them based on there personalities. Its easy enough to gauge a girls overall mindset, self esteem level, and how loyal she is just from a few dates.

 

Pro Tips:

1. Never date a girl with low self esteem.

 

2. Never date a girl who lies.

 

3. Never date a girl who is willing to compromise her own values to make you happy ESPECIALLY if you just met her (this is a huge one. Girl who is willing to compromise values to try and trap you is ALSO willing to compromise values to make other men happy down the road. These type of girls almost always cheat.)

 

4. If you are gonna date a girl with an absurdly high number make sure its that high because she is COMFORTABLE WITH HER SEXUALITY AND GOES FOR WHAT SHE WANTS, and not because she allows men to use her for sex so that she can be validated.(another big point right here. Nothing wrong with a woman who has sex with multiple dudes because thats what she wanted. Problems arise when she did it because she has low self control or just wanted their validation. Big difference.)

 

And btw your ex sounds like she wasn't a good catch at all. 40 is super high. But thats okay IF she wasn't ashamed of it. IF she did it because thats what she wanted to do. The fact that she was ashamed proves that she had low self esteem or low self control. Or both.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Lindsey Lohan just wants attention. At has to hurt seeing Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber getting all the tabloid headlines so this is how she gets back in the game.

Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
Girls who sleep with men for validation (most girls who have a number over like 10? are sleeping with men for validation) are quite frankly disgusting. If a girl goes around allowing guys to use her like that it shows how much she really cares about herself. Ever heard that saying "you can't love someone until you love yourself?" its true.

 

If a woman doesn't love herself (girls who have sex for validation have self esteem issues) then she will never respect a man that loves her. She'll see him as weak for loving her flaws and most likely go out and cheat with other men to get the validation that she needs.

 

Me personally? I don't judge girls based on the number of men they have slept with. I judge them based on there personalities. Its easy enough to gauge a girls overall mindset, self esteem level, and how loyal she is just from a few dates.

 

Pro Tips:

1. Never date a girl with low self esteem.

 

2. Never date a girl who lies.

 

3. Never date a girl who is willing to compromise her own values to make you happy ESPECIALLY if you just met her (this is a huge one. Girl who is willing to compromise values to try and trap you is ALSO willing to compromise values to make other men happy down the road. These type of girls almost always cheat.)

 

4. If you are gonna date a girl with an absurdly high number make sure its that high because she is COMFORTABLE WITH HER SEXUALITY AND GOES FOR WHAT SHE WANTS, and not because she allows men to use her for sex so that she can be validated.(another big point right here. Nothing wrong with a woman who has sex with multiple dudes because thats what she wanted. Problems arise when she did it because she has low self control or just wanted their validation. Big difference.)

 

And btw your ex sounds like she wasn't a good catch at all. 40 is super high. But thats okay IF she wasn't ashamed of it. IF she did it because thats what she wanted to do. The fact that she was ashamed proves that she had low self esteem or low self control. Or both.

 

Wow, talk about about a double standard. Why aren't you insulting men who have the same numbers? What about men who use sex as validation?

 

Good lord. :rolleyes:

  • Like 5
AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted
Wow, talk about about a double standard. Why aren't you insulting men who have the same numbers? What about men who use sex as validation?

 

Good lord. :rolleyes:

Because i date women, not men. :rolleyes:

 

And most men are hardwired to have sex with pretty much every girl they can. Girls are NOT wired that way. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Please don't try come up with excuses for your own lack of self respect.

Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
Because i date women, not men. :rolleyes:

 

And most men are hardwired to have sex with pretty much every girl they can. Girls are NOT wired that way. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Please don't try come up with excuses for your own lack of self respect.

 

What???

 

Really, care to cite those claims?

 

And please do not try and deflect by trying to insult me. Don't be so pedantic. :rolleyes:

  • Like 5
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Don`t bother. `HIMSELF, TICKETS ON`. a reflection.

 

 

Wow, talk about about a double standard. Why aren't you insulting men who have the same numbers? What about men who use sex as validation?

 

Good lord. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted
What???

 

Really, care to cite those claims?

 

And please do not try and deflect by trying to insult me. Don't be so pedantic. :rolleyes:

Not insulting you, just stating my opinion. And i mean you started it with that hard eye rolling of yours. Was that really called for?

 

4am and i'm too tired to cite any sources right now. But i learned in school (sure you did too) that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex.

 

 

Men are wired to spread their seeds as much as possible. After all they don't have to stick around to raise any baybays.

 

Women are wired to find the BEST SUITOR (or suitors) because they need a man that will not only give them healthy babies, but also stick around to protect and care for them. And it makes sense since if a women gets pregnant and the guy runs off? Shes the one left holding the bag.

 

And at the end of the day i don't even care lol. Like i said I DON'T date men. Idc what men do. And most women don't care about a guys number. If you do? I suggest you follow the tips that i outlined for the op so you can catch a good one:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

I wish you luck.

man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
Posted
After all they don't have to stick around to raise any baybays.

 

Last time I checked there were two responsible parties involved in making a baby. Just because there are so many spineless losers who run instead of taking up responsibility doesn't make it right.

  • Like 6
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

The women in my life would disagree. But i respect your doe eyed optimism and enthusiasm.

 

 

Not insulting you, just stating my opinion. And i mean you started it with that hard eye rolling of yours. Was that really called for?

 

4am and i'm too tired to cite any sources right now. But i learned in school (sure you did too) that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex.

 

 

Men are wired to spread their seeds as much as possible. After all they don't have to stick around to raise any baybays.

 

Women are wired to find the BEST SUITOR (or suitors) because they need a man that will not only give them healthy babies, but also stick around to protect and care for them. And it makes sense since if a women gets pregnant and the guy runs off? Shes the one left holding the bag.

 

And at the end of the day i don't even care lol. Like i said I DON'T date men. Idc what men do. And most women don't care about a guys number. If you do? I suggest you follow the tips that i outlined for the op so you can catch a good one:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

I wish you luck.

  • Like 5
AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted
Last time I checked there were two responsible parties involved in making a baby. Just because there are so many spineless losers who run instead of taking up responsibility doesn't make it right.

 

I'm not advocating for pos who leave their children. Simply stating facts. And i was talking about a time before society. Back when homo homo sapiens first roamed the earth.

 

Was easy for a man to get a woman pregnant and then run off into the woods to never be seen again. I'm sure it happened a lot. So woman evolved to pick men who would stick around. Natural selection and all that jazz.

 

But now that you mention it? Even now a days its easy for a man to get a girl pregnant and then run off. Not saying its right, but it happens daily. So maybe thats the reason girls should be a bit pickier about who they choose to lay with eh?

melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted

I do feel like it is a little pointless trying to find patterns in these things. In my experience we are all very different, but with much sameness- it is confusing.

 

I have been with 5 people. Reasons? In retrospect the reasons are all different, and in the moment the reasons were different than the restrospection too.

 

We are all active in making judgments, but personally I wouldn't judge someone on a number, for good or bad. Would make other judgments though..

 

Anyone who makes blanket statements and 'rules' about these things, I find unappealing. I'd much prefer a person with many, many opinions at once than a person with single concrete views.

 

As far as feeling shame about it goes, I'd be more interested in what is triggering the shame- like if it was because of how others perceive them? I might even see that as worse than a high bang count.

  • Like 2
Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
Not insulting you, just stating my opinion. And i mean you started it with that hard eye rolling of yours. Was that really called for?

 

4am and i'm too tired to cite any sources right now. But i learned in school (sure you did too) that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex.

 

 

Men are wired to spread their seeds as much as possible. After all they don't have to stick around to raise any baybays.

 

Women are wired to find the BEST SUITOR (or suitors) because they need a man that will not only give them healthy babies, but also stick around to protect and care for them. And it makes sense since if a women gets pregnant and the guy runs off? Shes the one left holding the bag.

 

And at the end of the day i don't even care lol. Like i said I DON'T date men. Idc what men do. And most women don't care about a guys number. If you do? I suggest you follow the tips that i outlined for the op so you can catch a good one:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

I wish you luck.

 

Hon, I am married and think I found a good catch. And yes, I did care about his numbers in a way to get to know him better. I do not judge people for their numbers in any way because I didn't want to be judged for mine (which prior to him was 1). So having only slept with two people in my life, and married both of them, that has caused some eye brow raising of its own right. I didn't judge my ex husband for never having slept with anyone prior to me nor did I judge my husband for his number. Who am I to judge?

 

But I do not judge others or try and make morale assumptions about them as you have deemed to espouse.

  • Like 1
man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
Posted
I'm not advocating for pos who leave their children. Simply stating facts. And i was talking about a time before society. Back when homo homo sapiens first roamed the earth.

 

Was easy for a man to get a woman pregnant and then run off into the woods to never be seen again. I'm sure it happened a lot. So woman evolved to pick men who would stick around. Natural selection and all that jazz.

 

But you're completely omitting that one of the strongest means of survival was that humans (both men and women( lived in groups and later societies to benefit from group survival. Those only worked if it's members adhered to certain social understandings. Our ancestors are not at all comparable to what you are describing.

 

But now that you mention it? Even now a days its easy for a man to get a girl pregnant and then run off. Not saying its right, but it happens daily. So maybe thats the reason girls should be a bit pickier about who they choose to lay with eh?

 

While this is the sad truth I don't agree with putting the responsibility solely on the girl. It's not okay for the woman to just abandon the baby (not talking about adoption) - then why should we close our eyes when a man does this?

 

Luckily society agrees with this and the biological father is considered responsible to at least financially support his offspring.

  • Like 2
AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted
Hon, I am married and think I found a good catch. And yes, I did care about his numbers in a way to get to know him better. I do not judge people for their numbers in any way because I didn't want to be judged for mine (which prior to him was 1). So having only slept with two people in my life, and married both of them, that has caused some eye brow raising of its own right. I didn't judge my ex husband for never having slept with anyone prior to me nor did I judge my husband for his number. Who am I to judge?

 

But I do not judge others or try and make morale assumptions about them as you have deemed to espouse.

Espouse? I don't know that word lol.

 

I think what you are getting at (correct me if i'm wrong) is that the rules that i wrote aren't so hard and fast? Well i agree with you. Idk if i wrote this in that post but i believe everyone should be judged as an individual. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dealing with people because everyone is different.

 

Those are simply guidelines that i have amassed for myself. I follow them, but i also follow my gut feeling and try to analyze every women so that i can see who she truly is.

 

And i apologize for the little insult earlier. Hope you didn't take it to heart ;)

AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

Posted
Posted
But you're completely omitting that one of the strongest means of survival was that humans (both men and women( lived in groups and later societies to benefit from group survival. Those only worked if it's members adhered to certain social understandings. Our ancestors are not at all comparable to what you are describing.

 

 

 

While this is the sad truth I don't agree with putting the responsibility solely on the girl. It's not okay for the woman to just abandon the baby (not talking about adoption) - then why should we close our eyes when a man does this?

 

Luckily society agrees with this and the biological father is considered responsible to at least financially support his offspring.

Yea i was pretty much talking out my behind. I really don't know that much about human evolution. Only what i learned in middle school. So feel free to correct me.

 

 

And i don't agree with that either. I think men who abandon their own child/the childs mother are the scum of the earth. But thats just the way it is. Only way to really stop a man from doing that is for the girl to choose her mates more carefully. Or use BC.

man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
Posted
But thats just the way it is. Only way to really stop a man from doing that is for the girl to choose her mates more carefully

 

Practically yes - it's always a good thing to keep this in consideration. However on the other side of the coin I think it's not okay to accept the situation as it is. When there's a chance to put a runaway daddy in his place and force him to do whatever he's capable of for the sake of the child then it should be done so. Not because of the mother (who's equally responsible for putting a child in the world) but for the child.

 

Or use BC.

 

Word.

  • Like 1
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Interested to see other peoples views on this.

 

A couple of my friends last night were talking about the recent Lindsay Lohan coverage (where she has claimed to have slept with 36 celebs) and how they wouldn't want to settle down with someone who had been with so many people.

 

Personally this is not something that bothers me. I am a 28 year old male and have slept with 5 people. I would have said that was below average but they have all been long term relationships.

 

I have been with my current girlfriend for nearly 4 years and quite early on we ended up having the numbers conversation. I remember she was a bit reluctant to say a number and made comments like above average and quite a lot. I told her it wasn't an issue and she then said she had previously slept with about 40 people (she was 22 when we got together) but said don't ever tell anyone that because she was ashamed.

 

I don't get why someone should be ashamed. Numbers are numbers and in the past. They don't really tell us much about someone. Had I not been in long term relationships I am sure mine would be more, but I was so it isn't

 

To me it is a shame that people feel the need to judge like my friends last night, and that others feel the need to lie or be ashamed for fear of being judged.

 

I'm pretty sure high numbers (whatever high is) are quite common if people are honest about it.

 

Anyway rant over :-)

 

 

THANK YOU!

 

In the end, what is important, is that protection is used and people get tested.

 

Also, sex researchers are starting to realize that people who have a high number of partners use more protection than people who have sex only when in a relationship.

 

People with a high number of partners know their behaviour is 'risky' for STDs and act accordingly.

 

Finally, sleeping with a lot of people means only one thing: that person loves sex! and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

  • Like 3
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Girls who sleep with men for validation (most girls who have a number over like 10? are sleeping with men for validation) are quite frankly disgusting. If a girl goes around allowing guys to use her like that it shows how much she really cares about herself. Ever heard that saying "you can't love someone until you love yourself?" its true.

 

If a woman doesn't love herself (girls who have sex for validation have self esteem issues) then she will never respect a man that loves her. She'll see him as weak for loving her flaws and most likely go out and cheat with other men to get the validation that she needs.

 

Me personally? I don't judge girls based on the number of men they have slept with. I judge them based on there personalities. Its easy enough to gauge a girls overall mindset, self esteem level, and how loyal she is just from a few dates.

 

Pro Tips:

1. Never date a girl with low self esteem.

 

2. Never date a girl who lies.

 

3. Never date a girl who is willing to compromise her own values to make you happy ESPECIALLY if you just met her (this is a huge one. Girl who is willing to compromise values to try and trap you is ALSO willing to compromise values to make other men happy down the road. These type of girls almost always cheat.)

 

4. If you are gonna date a girl with an absurdly high number make sure its that high because she is COMFORTABLE WITH HER SEXUALITY AND GOES FOR WHAT SHE WANTS, and not because she allows men to use her for sex so that she can be validated.(another big point right here. Nothing wrong with a woman who has sex with multiple dudes because thats what she wanted. Problems arise when she did it because she has low self control or just wanted their validation. Big difference.)

 

And btw your ex sounds like she wasn't a good catch at all. 40 is super high. But thats okay IF she wasn't ashamed of it. IF she did it because thats what she wanted to do. The fact that she was ashamed proves that she had low self esteem or low self control. Or both.

 

You judge women based on their personalities. Unless they have slept with more than 10 men....

 

Also, not all women have a lot of sex for validation. Most of us do it because we like it!

  • Like 4
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

Women are wired to find the BEST SUITOR (or suitors) because they need a man that will not only give them healthy babies, but also stick around to protect and care for them. And it makes sense since if a women gets pregnant and the guy runs off? Shes the one left holding the bag.

 

 

Actually, that's how social convention made us think but we are not 'hardwired' this way.

A woman can get pregnant once a month. So she is 'hardwired' to get pregnant once a month. (read have sex)

 

I've read a study that showed bar tenders in clubs who weren't on the pill were getting WAY more tips when they were ovulating than women who were not ovulating or on the pill.

now THAT'S hardwiring.

Edited by GoreSP
  • Like 5
dragon_fly_7 Established Member

dragon_fly_7

Posted
Posted
Wow, talk about about a double standard. Why aren't you insulting men who have the same numbers? What about men who use sex as validation?

 

Good lord. :rolleyes:

I think he is more focused on how the woman with such a high number feels about herself sexually in general and if those high numbers are because of low-self esteem she gained it from, shame and validation or because she is an individual that just likes sex and has no regrets for it. Generally speaking, very few individuals (of both genders) truly feel happy about sleeping around in the past. If not then I'm guessing there would be no need for a forum about relationship problems, explaining how bad you feel about your excessive sexual past nor lying to your partner about it.
mukkrakker Established Member

mukkrakker

Posted
Posted
not all women have a lot of sex for validation. Most of us do it because we like it!

 

Amen.

When you like something you're usually good at it!

 

I've never been concerned with sexual history.

Drug/alcohol history was way more important.

 

Each of my partners have elicited different reactions [some I was jealous if they flirted, one was having an affair but it was just sex (another girl!) so why worry?] Some were interesting to know because of their sex history, some I never asked...

  • Like 2
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
Because i date women, not men. :rolleyes:

 

And most men are hardwired to have sex with pretty much every girl they can. Girls are NOT wired that way. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Please don't try come up with excuses for your own lack of self respect.

 

"Biology made me do it"

 

I once knew a guy who had principles and never would sleep with a woman he wasn't committed. That one guy gives me at least a little faith in humanity.

  • Like 2
dragon_fly_7 Established Member

dragon_fly_7

Posted
Posted
"Biology made me do it"

 

I once knew a guy who had principles and never would sleep with a woman he wasn't committed. That one guy gives me at least a little faith in humanity.

Agreed. Using biology to make decisions is a pathetic excuse. As a woman, I don't even want to have kids and I'm almost 27 so this isn't biology but free choice.
  • Like 1
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