lovesickgirl Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now, last 6 months have been so bad, I just don't know where things went wrong or if its even fixable? I went from being a very confident woman that was loveable and easy going to some creepy emotional girl that can't keep her **** together. I guess what I want to know is if I'm overreacting in my relationship with my bf or if I'm valid to why I am now crazy? My bf has very hard time showing affection, he's not a man to tell his significant other they are beautiful daily or hold their hand in public. It makes me frustrated because not long ago I had confidence in myself but when I'm around him I feel ugly and miserable, I'm constantly trying my best to look my best for him. I told him how his lack of communication hurts my feelings when he knows I'm trying and he goes on to tell me how I look ugly for not having confidence in the first place & that he's turned off by the fact I brought it up I guess another example of feeling incompetent is when I cook or do arts & crafts, it brings me so much joy to do these things I even have a subscription to Martha Stewart Living. When I cook for my bf anymore he doesnt enjoy my meals. He sits quietly, eats and says nothing. Then if I ask if he enjoyed dinner, he says "ya it was ok" or "I don't know why you have to try new things, can't you keep it simple?" his roommate can't get enough of my cooking and begs me to continue dispite what my bf says. I guess what really stings me the most is the fact my bf hates taking pictures together or showing any kind of evidence that we are together or happy. NOT ONCE has he ever posted a status update, photo or check in with us. I find this odd when most my friends who are married or in a long term relationship can't stop posting about how wonderful they're other half is...He explains he's a private person & the people who matter already know this. Am I crazy for feeling terrible about this in my relationship? I can't help but look at other people's relations and feel jealously!!! People who know me well would know this is not my true nature for anyone. When I try to hint to my bf that I wish he was more forward about showing off the great things about each other, he reminds me of how stupid I am & that we are not like everyone else. He honestly thinks he goes above & beyond for me, that I should be 100% satisfied we are together and ask for nothing more. He stats that I should just "know" that he loves me. We went from seeing each other EVERY day until 6m ago he asked for space now we see each other once a week if that and says he still feels smothered by me. (Just to clear it up please do not post if you are going to mock me or tell me my bf is cheating, cause trust me I've done enough secret detective work to rule that out) I guess I'm just confused cause in my mind I always thought you treat people the way you want to be treated.
theediblewoman Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Hmm..seems like maybe the relationship has reached its shelf life. I say this because in my opinion when the relationship is draining you and causing you harm (like affecting your self-esteem) its time to get out. You argue that maybe it's just an awkward phase your relationship is going through but 6 months is a pretty good chunk of your relationship. On top of that It seems like he is quite content with the effort he is contributing to the relationship and that is not meeting your needs. Time to get out.
nescafe1982 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 He sounds very rigid, inflexible. You've tried communicating your feelings to him and he exhibited mild contempt for those feelings. You say you feel undermined... I believe it, because it sounds a little like he is undermining your faith in yourself. Agreed with previous poster that this relationship may have reached its shelf life. I think it's probably time for you to move on... whether that's a breakup or simply a (more temporary) break while the two of you sort out what you want in a relationship. 1
Conners Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 You just don't sound right for each other. You want to spend more time with him and he wants to spend less time with you. That would be enough to walk away. You just aren't compatible with what you want. BUT I don't see why girls need to be reminded that they are beautiful every single day and are so obsessed with having their relationship all over facebook. I hated it, I never posted updates about my ex or photos or check ins because it is private to me and I don't feel the need to brag about my relationship. It said we were in a relationship and that's good enough for me. Who gives a fk about your friends and what lovey dovey stuff they post. I've found that couples who do that all the time are actually the ones with the most problems behind closed doors. They feel like they need to prove to everyone that they are happy.
Author lovesickgirl Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 I probably wouldnt be complaining about what I should do in my relationship if he maybe ONCE posted saying "wow look at the home cooked meal my gf made me" "She hand made a valentines from scratch" "Having a good time on vacation" Instead it's photos or updates of his dog, car, car, car, dog, seahawks, car. I have to agree with Nescafe here, I feel completely undermined majority of the time and that my feelings are not valid. February was the first time in a LONG time I felt some kind of love from him. He was calling me every night to talk about our day, he made ME dinner for valentines with flowers, then told me he booked a cruise to the Bahamas in November. I felt like wow, maybe he does see us in the future?! a week later, he went back to being ridged. I setup to have a "pizza cooking date" at home with all fresh ingredients. He came home from work, sat down and begun talking to his roommate and completely ignoring time together. I threw my hands up told him how upset he was making me since we now only see each other once a week. His reply was go home I need a break from you, your completely crazy etc etc etc. We haven't talked in a week.
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