sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Hi Guys, Its been a long time since I don't write here. Please give me some advice. I have been dating lately but things never seem to really work out. Three weeks ago I started dating this guy. We started with facetime because he was out of the country. Then we meet, and had 3 dates. I think he doesn't want a serious relationship, for the type of person he is. We met online and he deleted his profile once we met, I didn't. He knows thought that I was not dating anyone else. Yesterday I decided to sleep with him, knowing that it might break everything. He never really texts me a lot in the weeks. So today when I said goodbye I told him I wouldn't text him that I would wait for him to do so. My bad I texted him, and he answered that I was supposed to not text him. I asked him if us sleeping together changed things. He told me it did NOT change anything. But then he wrote "Have a nice day". Isn't that cold? Please guys let me know what you think. Did I ruined everything? I need some advice. Thanks.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Awkward. So you told him you couldn't text him because..? And yeah, his response was cold 1
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I didn't wanted to text him. Just to see if the sleeping together changed things. If it would't then he would text me back.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Yall have some weird communication thing going on then. "Hey so I'm not going to text you until you text me." Him: "Ok" *days pass* You: "So how are you?" Him: "Why are you texting me??" You: "Sorry I forgot" Him: "Have a good day" 4
MidwestUSA Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Have a nice day is kinda impersonal, but you said you wouldn't text him! You caught him off guard. Would 'have a crappy day' have been better? If you keep asking him if sleeping together changed things, things will change. You've obviously had a bad experience with sleeping with someone and having things go south, but don't project it onto this guy/potential relationship. You're setting up tests for him to either pass to fail. Not nice. 4
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 No it was more like this Me: Hey did us sleeping changed you wanting to date me. Him: I thought you weren't going to text me. Me: I know. I just wanted to know. Him: No that does not change anything. Me: Ok Him: Have a good day. Me: Same
Keenly Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If a girl went all insecure on me asking questions like that after 3 dates I'd probably bail. Its just so desperate and so needy. 3
MidwestUSA Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Me: Hey did us sleeping changed you wanting to date me. Your mistake wasn't texting him, it was texting him ^^THIS^^! 8
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I know thats what I hate that I tend to get all needy and clingy.
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 So I just back away now right. Do NC. Because as I did he might as well never come back again or want anything again.
HappyLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I think you slept with him knowing you were unsure of what you were doing. And now your insecurities is running rampant. I'd say next time be sure your giving yourself to a solid trustworthy guy. I wouldn't read much into his response, at least he didn't ignore you... Have you heard from him since? You already stated that you don't think he wants a relationship you also have only known him 3 weeks AND met online. I hope you beat the odds. But if you want a relationship and the guy doesn't and you'll be hurt by sleeping with him then protect your heart and don't do it. 3
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Hi Guys, I think he doesn't want a serious relationship, for the type of person he is. Yesterday I decided to sleep with him, knowing that it might break everything. Please guys let me know what you think. Did I ruined everything? I need some advice. Thanks. You slept with him knowing it might *break* everything but there was nothing to break because he was not looking for anything serious in the first place, right? So the guy is not looking for anything serious, you sleep with him, then you tell him you will test his seriousness.....you are one confused chick. Here is my advice. If you cannot handle sex for it being sex then do not have sex before a commitment, ok? Sex is not a test, it doesn't make or break anything, it's not a proof of the guy being in you, an any of that. If a man goes poof after sex it's because he felt nothing for you in the first place. A man doesn't lose his feelings for a woman after ejaculating. 2
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Yeah, I don't think the whole "did us sleeping together.." text was the best things to send first without any setup at all. 1
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Thanks for the advice. Yes I know I am a confused chick, and I get needy and clingy. I really have to work hard on stopping all that. I will not text him again. If he never texts me back I completely understand it was my fault.
HappyLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Thanks for the advice. Yes I know I am a confused chick, and I get needy and clingy. I really have to work hard on stopping all that. I will not text him again. If he never texts me back I completely understand it was my fault. It's not necessarily your fault. You just need to sit down and decide what you want. If you want a committed relationship and you know the guy doesn't then NEXT him! Find the right guy for you, don't settle for these guys out here who would gladly use you. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I don't think you did anything wrong really and I think you're maybe young and still learning? The main thing you can do for yourself is start learning to value yourself. If you sleep with someone early on then (this is how I have learned to deal with it anyway) you gotta accept that they may well just walk away and you may never see them again. So effectively you just put it down to 'a night of fun'. If you worry what someone else is thinking of you for it then that is when they will see clingy and needy. If you keep that worry to yourself and teach your mind to think 'yeah that was fun' then you don't send any clingy signals to them. I don't understand why there was a no texting deal though..(?) Was there a reason to announce that you weren't going to text him? 1
HappyLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I don't think you did anything wrong really and I think you're maybe young and still learning? The main thing you can do for yourself is start learning to value yourself. If you sleep with someone early on then (this is how I have learned to deal with it anyway) you gotta accept that they may well just walk away and you may never see them again. So effectively you just put it down to 'a night of fun'. If you worry what someone else is thinking of you for it then that is when they will see clingy and needy. If you keep that worry to yourself and teach your mind to think 'yeah that was fun' then you don't send any clingy signals to them. I don't understand why there was a no texting deal though..(?) Was there a reason to announce that you weren't going to text him? I think OP kinda wanted him to prove that he liked her so if he texted her first it would mean so. But I'd just chalk it up as a lesson learned that you can't make someone like you and if they don't want what you want then move on. 1
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Yes for me to avoid the clinginess I told him I would not text. But as clingy as I am I did! I wasn't going to text so he could have time to decide if he wanted to keep on dating, or just leave it as a night of fun. Thats where I don't understand when he said that nothing had changed and then coldly wrote "Have a nice day".
Gottabestrong Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I don't think that 'have a nice day' is a bad thing to text per se. My boyfriend texts that. Though of course it is usually accompanied with smiley faces and kisses. Did he include any of those in his text? If not, maybe he was busy at work and did not have time to text more? I would not get freaked out over the wording, but wait to see if he contacts you again. Good luck! 1
Author sunshine401 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Well he is a workaholic, and he was at his job which is very important to him.
ktya Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 "Have a nice day". Isn't that cold? I text that to the girls I'm dating almost every day. You're reading too much into it. Maybe you've been texting him too much if he says you werent supposed to text him. Keep the stuff light. I dont know why girls worry that a guy will change everything if he has sex with her. Maybe for a 17 year old virgin dude but really for a guy over 26 it means this girl is worth putting energy into and not looking for another one. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 How did it come about that you were clingy though so that you 'shouldn't' text? 'Have a nice day' to me is a nice message. Plus it means I can get on with my stuff/my day and not worry about having to get into boring text conversations about nothing..which is how text conversations usually end up. I would rather have 'have a nice day' than 'I've texted you 6 times, why are you ignoring me? I know you said you were in meetings all day today and wouldn't be able to text but...' 1
GemmaUK Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I dont know why girls worry that a guy will change everything if he has sex with her. Maybe for a 17 year old virgin dude but really for a guy over 26 it means this girl is worth putting energy into and not looking for another one. Believe me..many guys in their 30's, 40's, 50's 60's and 70's still can do a swift turn around if you sleep with them too soon. I hear stories from so many women in all of those age groups experiencing the same old thing! 1
pickflicker Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I didn't wanted to text him. Just to see if the sleeping together changed things. If it would't then he would text me back. Don't tell him that you're not going to text him until he does. That's game playing. You probably turned him off. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Hi Guys, Its been a long time since I don't write here. Please give me some advice. I have been dating lately but things never seem to really work out. Three weeks ago I started dating this guy. We started with facetime because he was out of the country. Then we meet, and had 3 dates. I think he doesn't want a serious relationship, for the type of person he is. We met online and he deleted his profile once we met, I didn't. He knows thought that I was not dating anyone else. Yesterday I decided to sleep with him, knowing that it might break everything. He never really texts me a lot in the weeks. So today when I said goodbye I told him I wouldn't text him that I would wait for him to do so. My bad I texted him, and he answered that I was supposed to not text him. I asked him if us sleeping together changed things. He told me it did NOT change anything. But then he wrote "Have a nice day". Isn't that cold? Please guys let me know what you think. Did I ruined everything? I need some advice. Thanks. Girl. You don't tell a guy this. You just do it! 3
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