AjisenHi Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Hi, My Sister has received news (Long story, other thread) from her MM that he is being pressured to drop his D proceedings and will most likely do so. I don't know if she will continue to see him after this revelation but she is moody and mopey and still very protective of him and takes what MM says as gospel. They are still in constant contact and most likely will meet him in his country at the end of the month when she is there on business. For those who are happily with their FMM, no disrespect but I would surmise there was no Fog in your particular case. For those who have separated from their MAP and now think they had been in a Fog, what brought you back to yourself? Was it a single instance/event? Was it slow and over a period of time? Thanks in advance.
ladydesigner Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I am a fMOW and did not have my Dday until 4 years later when I discovered my WH's 2nd A. I snapped out of my fog about 1 year after going complete NC with xOM. I did realize that xOM and I would never have been compatible in the long run. I realized I had used him just as badly as he used me. I used him to get my ego boosted after my WH's first A. XOM had a long term GF so was using me as they rarely saw each other. I would say time and NC is what helped me. Posting here and reading here also helped immensely. Of course when I confessed my A I could see the real damage I had done, also a good de-fogger. I have been in counseling since my A and still continue and have been for the last 5 years. Counseling has been a lifesaver, I would say that it helped me the most! 1
Sofie2013 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 When my husband found out about the affair was when I had my WTF I’m doing movement. Snapped out of the affair fog real quick after that.
MissBee Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Hi, My Sister has received news (Long story, other thread) from her MM that he is being pressured to drop his D proceedings and will most likely do so. I don't know if she will continue to see him after this revelation but she is moody and mopey and still very protective of him and takes what MM says as gospel. They are still in constant contact and most likely will meet him in his country at the end of the month when she is there on business. For those who are happily with their FMM, no disrespect but I would surmise there was no Fog in your particular case. For those who have separated from their MAP and now think they had been in a Fog, what brought you back to yourself? Was it a single instance/event? Was it slow and over a period of time? Thanks in advance. I think for me I avoided "the fog" in many ways because there was no talk of him leaving or me expecting anything like that so I don't think I deluded myself in that regard. Things played out exactly as I rationally thought, eventually he'd need to choose and it wouldn't be me as I didn't make sense in his life for many reasons. That's what ultimately happened. I think I was pretty lucid about things. I had some amount of hope but unlike some other MM he first off wasn't married and he didn't go out of his way to craft elaborate tales and future fake so I didn't go on a magical carpet ride into the future only to be dropped later. My grip on what was most likely reality was pretty firm so there was no great divide between how things played out and what he said/what I wished for. Maybe denial of the reality of the situation is what is the fog here that you're referring to? That is, your sister is still holding out hope and totally uncritical of what's occurring even though it seems like her wishes/hopes and what MM is actually doing aren't aligned? 2
RickFox Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Time, time, time. I'm finally free of it all. No longer care for or about her anymore. 2
verity123 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 For me there was only fog before i realised he was not Mr perfect, but we never stopped loving each other, even when we saw the worst of each other, after 2 d days and several years. FOG IS falling in LOVE, you fall in love and then usually the relationship moves on into something like REAL LOVE. when you accept them warts and all. Real love, no matter what, is harder to move on from. 1
wanting more Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 after hearing for weeks the horrible things he was making up about me (hearing it from my xBSO and xMM BW who started contact with each other) i just realized WTF am i doing?? why am i crying and heartbroken over someone who doesn't give a shi* about me?? thats when i became the stone cold bi*ch my xBSO likes to call me now, 2
Author AjisenHi Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 I guess as a family member who loves her, i would like her to close this chapter and move on. But to do this she has to recognize that the R is going nowhere. I don't think it will be easy for her to let go of her KISA or the fantasy of a tortured star crossed love. Thanks everyone, I will try my hardest to develop patience.
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