ninjaturtle351 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone, I have made a post here once back in December of 2013. I will quickly recap. The full story is here. It is very long, but I don't expect you to read it all. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/451033-i-m-heartbroken-girlfriend-7-years-i-no-longer-together I had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years starting from 2007. I truly loved her (and so did she) although there were times when my affection would become diluted through the stress of my college years, friends, etc. I had promised her that she will move in with me on March of 2013, but I postponed it a few times until June. In June I became financially critical and knew I couldn't support her for at least another 3 months and the move was once again postponed. At that point, she had had it. Rightfully so. She broke up with me basically in beginning of July. I didn't handle it well at all and quickly became depressed and felt helpless, partly due to her seeing someone else just weeks after the break-up. I wanted her back of course and wanted to fight to get her back. And so I did (in my other post). I went through lengths to show her that I love her. Presumably I got her back in September, but still felt uncertain about this guy she was with. She told me she loved me again and all was well for the most part. Fast forward. In November I found out, she had slept with that guy a few times weeks after the break up and it broke my heart (for those of you that say "you were broken up" I have one word for you - morals) and I went on a rollercoaster of emotions. Angry and depressed to feeling optimistic and hopeful that we can still work out (despite what happened, I still loved her very much) and that I could forgive her. The fact of her knowing that I found out didn't seem like it brought too much remorse. She apologized, but she didn't want me anymore. She said she needs space. I was never chased afterwards or wanted. It broke my heart even more that she simply wanted to isolate herself like that from me without even fighting to get me back when I broke up with her. The neglect and avoidance began just like it was back in July. It confused me. I thought I would have the upper hand here, but not quite so. It has been very difficult. I am clearly still not over what happened or her. I still go on her facebook page every now and then and pretty much get nowhere by doing that except prolonging the hurt. I know. I realize this. She seems happy. Unfazed. Going out just about every week and posting pics of herself and her friends (including other men). She seems happy. I am not happy in the slightest, but I know that my condition at the moment isn't healthy or helping me get through my graduate studies and just life in general. I have found a box into which I put everything she has ever gotten me during our 7 year relationship; birthday gifts, clothes, random receipts and movie tickets that I've kept, some of her clothes and items that she had left at my place, album book, etc, etc. For a while I have kept those things in that box and hidden. But let's face it. If you are pretty seriously depressed and mourning over your ex, you will still find a way to get to that box and open it and look through the past things. It's what I've been doing. I want to send her this box. That much I'm sure of. I don't want to just throw it away or have a friend hold it for me. I don't want these items anymore. I don't want to be reminded of her with these items even if they are in a box somewhere. I still break down every night, so I want to work on that. I don't want to be the one keeping these items that brought me (us) so many memories, joy and laughter when the other person no longer cares for you or wants you. I guess it's pretty clear who cared more for this relationship, despite my mistakes and poor decisions. Exactly 3 weeks ago I sent her an e-mail after being in no contact for 3 weeks before that. Yes, I cracked. I am unstable and all over the place. I sent her an e-mail basically asking if she could be mine again and if we could start over and build slow. She said perhaps in the future, but not now. I told her okay and said take care of yourself. Have been in NC for 3 weeks now (but not entirely legitimately, as I still go on her facebook). Regardless. Seeing how she is happy and I don't matter anymore to her despite everything that has been said and done (details in my other post), I want to rid of these items, specifically by sending them to her. Now. I was going to include a passive-aggressive letter inside the box. But I could also just forget the letter and send her things without any note or letter. My mind is set to send it to her. I want or expect nothing in return. By doing so I will also commit to changing my number and blocking her on facebook. Letter or no letter? Thank you for your time. Edited March 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 No letter and no box either. HUGE MASSIVE GIGANTIC ENORMOUS mistake. You WILL regret it if you send it, I guarantee it. Do yourself a favor and wait a month before you send it..see how you feel about it then. 1
amaysngrace Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Don't send back anything she bought for you. Those are your things. Throw them out, sell them or donate them if you don't want to keep them but don't send them back to her. That's a dick move... 1
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Don't send back anything she bought for you. Those are your things. Throw them out, sell them or donate them if you don't want to keep them but don't send them back to her. That's a dick move... It sure is. And it won't make you feel any better OP..it won't be nearly as satisfying as you think. How do I know this? Because I've done it, and I felt awful afterwards. 1
lvroflife Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Seems you are doing this tactic to get her attenton... Do not do it...
somecamel Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Who are you trying to kid here? Please don't do this, it's obvious you're hurting a lot and using this as some kind of master plan to make her feel guilty and come running back. It won't work, it will make you look needy and pathetic. Please have some self respect and concentrate on your life and making your life better. 2
Author ninjaturtle351 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I came here for advice and not judgmental answers. No letter or send nothing at all would have sufficed. Thanks nonetheless.
amaysngrace Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I came here for advice and not judgmental answers. No letter or send nothing at all would have sufficed. Thanks nonetheless. Well I only passed on the exact advice that I was given a while ago right here on this same forum. No letter. And don't send the things that are yours. Better? 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I came here for advice and not judgmental answers. No letter or send nothing at all would have sufficed. Thanks nonetheless. Our opinion is the letter is an awful idea (ANY letter. The passive aggressive line makes you look even worse), you are only doing it to get her attention, and she is already gone. Our advice is to seek some professional help. Having these type issues would help if there was someone to talk to about it. FWIW, the "I thought I had the upper hand" line made me sick.
Never Again Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I came here for advice and not judgmental answers. No letter or send nothing at all would have sufficed. Thanks nonetheless. You also came here with a plan that sounds specifically geared to cause her torment. The fact that you're responding in a passive-aggressive way here, when people are being blatantly honest with you, is a little immature. Look, let's face it - you couldn't get past your own pride before, and that's your problem now. Your whole "morals" arguement about her sleeping with someone else when you were split up makes that apparently. You weren't together. She had no obligation to be faithful to you because she wasn't with you. Yes, it bruised your ego, but she did not make an "immoral" decision. You trumped that up in your own mind to justify your wounded pride. Out of pride you sabotaged your second chance. Then you asked for a third and were given a wishy-washy answer, and because that damaged your pride yet again, you're looking to lash out. Take this defeat on the chin. Leave this girl alone for now. You don't want a friend to keep the box? Well ask one to take it temporarily until you get your head on straight. 1
Author ninjaturtle351 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 This has nothing to do with pride. What kind of pride could I possibly be having at a time like this? You don't like my morals statement because of pride? I didn't break up with her. She sought her own rebound on her own terms within 2 weeks after the 7 year relationship. I could never do that to her or any other girl out there. Doesn't matter at this point; I'm going off on a tangent. I'm also sorry that some of my lines made some of you sick and cringe at the fact that I was being too much of a wimp or too much of whatever you thought of me as you read my recap story. I thought I could come here and state exactly how I felt and build up my story to you before I got to the box thing. Thank you for the critical responses nonetheless. I will not be sending anything. Mods please lock the thread.
KaliLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I think you're getting defensive because you know everyone here is right and you don't want to listen. You were defensive before you even made your first post. You knew you would get these answers. Don't ask for help if you don't really want it. You already know what you're going to do. You're going to send the box, you're going to send the letter, and you're going to come back here when your nastiness hasn't gotten you your ex back and you're going to wonder what's wrong with her rather than whether or not you made a bad decision. So just do it already. 1
Never Again Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 This has nothing to do with pride. What kind of pride could I possibly be having at a time like this? You don't like my morals statement because of pride? I didn't break up with her. She sought her own rebound on her own terms within 2 weeks after the 7 year relationship. I could never do that to her or any other girl out there. Doesn't matter at this point; I'm going off on a tangent. I'm also sorry that some of my lines made some of you sick and cringe at the fact that I was being too much of a wimp or too much of whatever you thought of me as you read my recap story. I thought I could come here and state exactly how I felt and build up my story to you before I got to the box thing. Thank you for the critical responses nonetheless. I will not be sending anything. Mods please lock the thread. Dude, I don't like your morals comment because there is no moral issue here. She owed you NOTHING, and that's what you fail to realize. You can't project your moral schematic onto her. You wouldn't have rebounded? You might've if you were the dumper like she was. In her mind, she was DONE with the relationship. You didn't cut her slack, and that's your choice, but you can only be upset at her over the consequences of YOUR actions for so long. If you send that box, you'll just seal yourself in the category of "douchebag ex-boyfriend". Just rise above it. 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Hi everyone, I have made a post here once back in December of 2013. I will quickly recap. The full story is here. It is very long, but I don't expect you to read it all. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/451033-i-m-heartbroken-girlfriend-7-years-i-no-longer-together I had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years starting from 2007. I truly loved her (and so did she) although there were times when my affection would become diluted through the stress of my college years, friends, etc. I had promised her that she will move in with me on March of 2013, but I postponed it a few times until June. In June I became financially critical and knew I couldn't support her for at least another 3 months and the move was once again postponed. At that point, she had had it. Rightfully so. She broke up with me basically in beginning of July. I didn't handle it well at all and quickly became depressed and felt helpless, partly due to her seeing someone else just weeks after the break-up. I wanted her back of course and wanted to fight to get her back. And so I did (in my other post). I went through lengths to show her that I love her. Presumably I got her back in September, but still felt uncertain about this guy she was with. She told me she loved me again and all was well for the most part. Fast forward. In November I found out, she had slept with that guy a few times weeks after the break up and it broke my heart (for those of you that say "you were broken up" I have one word for you - morals) and I went on a rollercoaster of emotions. Angry and depressed to feeling optimistic and hopeful that we can still work out (despite what happened, I still loved her very much) and that I could forgive her. The fact of her knowing that I found out didn't seem like it brought too much remorse. She apologized, but she didn't want me anymore. She said she needs space. I was never chased afterwards or wanted. It broke my heart even more that she simply wanted to isolate herself like that from me without even fighting to get me back when I broke up with her. The neglect and avoidance began just like it was back in July. It confused me. I thought I would have the upper hand here, but not quite so. It has been very difficult. I am clearly still not over what happened or her. I still go on her facebook page every now and then and pretty much get nowhere by doing that except prolonging the hurt. I know. I realize this. She seems happy. Unfazed. Going out just about every week and posting pics of herself and her friends (including other men). She seems happy. I am not happy in the slightest, but I know that my condition at the moment isn't healthy or helping me get through my graduate studies and just life in general. I have found a box into which I put everything she has ever gotten me during our 7 year relationship; birthday gifts, clothes, random receipts and movie tickets that I've kept, some of her clothes and items that she had left at my place, album book, etc, etc. For a while I have kept those things in that box and hidden. But let's face it. If you are pretty seriously depressed and mourning over your ex, you will still find a way to get to that box and open it and look through the past things. It's what I've been doing. I want to send her this box. That much I'm sure of. I don't want to just throw it away or have a friend hold it for me. I don't want these items anymore. I don't want to be reminded of her with these items even if they are in a box somewhere. I still break down every night, so I want to work on that. I don't want to be the one keeping these items that brought me (us) so many memories, joy and laughter when the other person no longer cares for you or wants you. I guess it's pretty clear who cared more for this relationship, despite my mistakes and poor decisions. Exactly 3 weeks ago I sent her an e-mail after being in no contact for 3 weeks before that. Yes, I cracked. I am unstable and all over the place. I sent her an e-mail basically asking if she could be mine again and if we could start over and build slow. She said perhaps in the future, but not now. I told her okay and said take care of yourself. Have been in NC for 3 weeks now (but not entirely legitimately, as I still go on her facebook). Regardless. Seeing how she is happy and I don't matter anymore to her despite everything that has been said and done (details in my other post), I want to rid of these items, specifically by sending them to her. Now. I was going to include a passive-aggressive letter inside the box. But I could also just forget the letter and send her things without any note or letter. My mind is set to send it to her. I want or expect nothing in return. By doing so I will also commit to changing my number and blocking her on facebook. Letter or no letter? Thank you for your time. I recall doing this a few months back. Not exactly a long distance relationship (4 hours with regular visits) I believe I put a note in. That note said have a nice life. I would however advise in your current mental states not to write one. Begging her, asking her to be yours is simply seen as a guilt trip to her and will most definitely not get her back. Let her go. If she comes back in the very distant future you may have something. But not anytime soon x
David87 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I think that the op already knew the answers that he will get, and I also think that he knows it's a bad idea to send the letter and the box but he will do it anyway....for attention or just to make a point . The thing is he will be more frustrated afterwards then he already is.
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