Teknoe Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 You ask out a female friend, and she rejects you. OK, that I have no issue with, as everyone is free to like who they like and not like who they don't like. But I hate those fake answers "Oh let's just stay good buddies" or "I just see you as a good friend." Then, the friendship is NEVER the same. In fact, worse of all, the friendship is nonexistent. It's like the girl acts as though every act of PURE platonic friendship from that point on is a subtle move on the guy's part. My last confession rejected me and insisted I not rock the good friends boat. But ever since, she hasn't acted like a friend, and has only interacted with me when forced to. I find it insulting but on the bright side I have some thick skin. However, I wanna vent here on LS. It's so annoying! If someone emails you, be courteous and email them back! Especially if it is strictly platonic! Girls who I have rejected I always still treated as friends and tried to act the same as before I knew they liked me. Geez, no wonder I have developed a fear of rejection. I like to believe in an ideal world you can ask a girl out, she can say no but both of you are mature enough to continue a platonic friendship. Stop acting like I'm still trying to get into your pants. I can ask you out, but if you reject me, then I know how to see you as just a friend with no motives. Just ticks me off when girls say one thing and go and do the complete opposite. "Let's stay friends" and then before you know it, she fades out of your life in a way that you know if you never confessed she never would have. Jeez, I guess my ideal world is just a fantasy of an idea And here I thought being asked out would be a flattering thing. It seems like if they don't like you, you just get cast into this "annoying, ugh watch out for him" sort of box where every nice gesture from that point on is judged as you trying to win her, bit by bit. On the other hand, I guess these people are not worth being friends with, as it takes 2 to tango. Still maddening, though. One more reason for me to never ask out a friend again. It just seems the friendship is forever changed/ruined once you've revealed your feelings. Blah. I hope to one day find someone who will return my feelings
Els Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I think this happens because some *******s really believe that 'persistence gets the girl'. So after they get turned down, they keep trying. And when the girl responds in a friendly manner, they take it as encouragement. Many even blame her for 'leading them on' after they wasted years in unfruitful pursuit. I had one pursuer like that, it drove me bananas. I know you're not like that, but unfortunately bad apples ruin the batch. Sometimes it's just not worth the risk.
Author Teknoe Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 I think this happens because some *******s really believe that 'persistence gets the girl'. So after they get turned down, they keep trying. And when the girl responds in a friendly manner, they take it as encouragement. Many even blame her for 'leading them on' after they wasted years in unfruitful pursuit. I had one pursuer like that, it drove me bananas. I know you're not like that, but unfortunately bad apples ruin the batch. Sometimes it's just not worth the risk. True, true, very legit reason. Yeah, I'm definitely not like that, and I understand this is part of her behavior... so it just is what it is. I guess it's just another lesson and log on the fire of "never ask out a friend." Unless you're willing to risk it all. I've lost 2 solid female friends the last half year because of confessions/asking out. I guess it never really goes away, no matter how casually you ask one out.
Els Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah, I think you have to be pretty sure of how things are going between the two of you, or believe very strongly in your connection with her, to ask a long-time friend out. Otherwise it probably isn't worth the risk, and if you're going to just 'go for it' it may be a better idea to ask out acquaintances instead of close friends. That's also why many people don't ask colleagues out, it isn't worth the risk.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Eh, I pretty much believe that once you ask out a friend, you two can never be friends again. The dilemma is, either never show your interest and stay friends. Or risk it all for the big payoff. There is no middle ground. Because of that I've just decided that it's not worth becoming friends with girls I'm attracted to when I'm single. 1
Author Teknoe Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Els, yup. I'm never asking a coworker out again. Just thank goodness she's leaving end of May. It'll be over soon enough, and then this can all fade away with time. Eh, I pretty much believe that once you ask out a friend, you two can never be friends again. The dilemma is, either never show your interest and stay friends. Or risk it all for the big payoff. There is no middle ground. Because of that I've just decided that it's not worth becoming friends with girls I'm attracted to when I'm single. Heh yeah... for me what I'll do in the future is if I find myself developing a friendship with a friend, I'll just be happy with the occasional 1 on 1 hang out and taking the friendship for what it is. I'm actually quite happy being single right now. 1
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Els, yup. I'm never asking a coworker out again. Just thank goodness she's leaving end of May. It'll be over soon enough, and then this can all fade away with time. Asking out coworkers can be pretty dangerous. It really depends on how often you have to interact with each other and if she's already giving you good signals. Heh yeah... for me what I'll do in the future is if I find myself developing a friendship with a friend, I'll just be happy with the occasional 1 on 1 hang out and taking the friendship for what it is. I'm actually quite happy being single right now. If you can do that with women without developing feelings for them, then by all means continue to do so. I know that I will get feelings so I try to avoid developing friendships and hanging out one-on-one with girls unless it's a date or the potential is there. Basically if I will spend time alone with a girl, I'll let her know ahead of time that I am interested in her. I don't leave it up to ambiguity.
Targetlock Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I've had this happen to me as well and it sucks (especially the awkward rejection part), so I've learned not to try it on with co-workers or friends unless they make the first move.
Imajerk17 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) It's just hard staying friends (interacting as business as usual) when you know the other person wants more. Despite your best intentions. And even if the other person handles their unrequited attraction with class. Even though there is no rational reason for it, many people in your friend's situation would feel awkward and a bit guilty. I'm wondering the circumstances behind you "confessing" though. If there was any sexual tension/flirting between you and her to begin with. If she even seemed interested in you romantically before. If not, these "confessions" don't work. Edited March 13, 2014 by Imajerk17
Author Teknoe Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 It's just hard staying friends (interacting as business as usual) when you know the other person wants more. Despite your best intentions. And even if the other person handles their unrequited attraction with class. Even though there is no rational reason for it, many people in your friend's situation would feel awkward and a bit guilty. I'm wondering the circumstances behind you "confessing" though. If there was any sexual tension/flirting between you and her to begin with. If she even seemed interested in you romantically before. If not, these "confessions" don't work. Last one was not a confession. I asked her out on a date, plain and simple. Not icky, not gooey "OMG I like you!" Today she was particularly cold toward me. Acted kind of like a b-you know what, lol. Oh well. Water rolling off my back. I have thick skin and at the end of the day, enjoy coming home to my sanctuary. All my trouble fades away as I veg out in my PJs, lol. It's really when you're out in public and with her around work that it can get a bit tough. Today she was very closed off, and so I didn't try to engage her in any sort of conversation. I don't want a friend who thinks negatively of me or treats me like a disease. Screw that. Life is too short for that BS. Lessons learned, moving on!
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I think at the same she may truly mean it, to stay friends. But, once reality hits and she's had some time to think about it, obviously things change. Maybe it's best not to 'ask' out your friends.
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