Woodox Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I have been thinking the last couple of days about a convo I had with my ex when we were doing the whole post break up sex thing. I felt so angry not just at her but at myself for allowing myself to open up so easily to give my all once again and get hurt. I told her that she changed me that i was now an uncaring selfish ******* that was going to start behaving like all the other pricks i see. She told me that I was wrong that i was allowed to treat her like this and get it out of my system, it was ok because she knew she deserved it, but when i met someone knew I would go back to who i truly am. I told her she was wrong that I wanted this change, that I was tired of being this person, and I believed myself and meant it. I then asked her why she thought this. She said "Because it's who you are, you think the best of everyone." She was right and regardless of the pain I will not let it change me, I like who I am and how i treat people, I will not allow another person to turn me into the very thing I despise. So anyway, just curious of other peoples lessons learnt, or things said that have stuck with you. Positive things to come out of a hard time in our lives.
melell Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 mmmm I would say overall I have become courageous, and my thinking about my own life is far less dramatized- I am less bothered about things that happen to me. I think that probably happens anyway as we get older/wiser. I would say that any lows in my life have been really beneficial. This is a bit morbid, but times when I have felt low enough to not care about anything have always helped me become more comfortable in the long run, there is a sweet comfort in feeling like all is meaningless.
Emilia Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Positive things to come out of a hard time in our lives. There is nothing I can't handle emotionally.
Haydn Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Meet me. There is nothing I can't handle emotionally. 2
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 What i've learned from my first breakup was to be a man. I was crying in front of my ex and she told me: How do you expect me to take you back when I see you like this, be a man show me that you can take care of me not the other way around. When I see you cry I feel sorry for the next girl who takes you. That hit me like a brick in the face, never cried again during a breakup. 1
Emilia Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Meet me. Not after seeing the profile pics you use haha 2
Haydn Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Harsh. Not after seeing the profile pics you use haha 1
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Not after seeing the profile pics you use haha You're funny Emilia 2
Author Woodox Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 What i've learned from my first breakup was to be a man. I was crying in front of my ex and she told me: How do you expect me to take you back when I see you like this, be a man show me that you can take care of me not the other way around. When I see you cry I feel sorry for the next girl who takes you. That hit me like a brick in the face, never cried again during a breakup. Wow! IMO crying doesn't stop you being a man! Being able to show your emotion especially to those close to us is a sign of strength not weakness. We feel the need to cry for a reason. How does crying mean you can't take of her? I've worked as a bouncer, train MMA, go hunting, own a house, financially stable. A lot of things that people see as being able to protect and provide. I have seen some of the toughest men cry and have never thought less of them for it. I think more of them for having the balls to not be afraid of their emotion. I feel sorry for the next guy she has because she sounds cold, unsympathetic and has no grasp of empathy. I have cried in front of my ex's for many different reasons and have never once felt ashamed or less of a man. If they ever made me feel that way then I will kick them out because they are not the kind of person I want in my life. Just my opinion but i feel there is too many games and pretending or acting in relationships. 1
Haydn Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Hang on? Oh and i thought i was a looker! You're funny Emilia 2
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Wow! IMO crying doesn't stop you being a man! Being able to show your emotion especially to those close to us is a sign of strength not weakness. We feel the need to cry for a reason. How does crying mean you can't take of her? I've worked as a bouncer, train MMA, go hunting, own a house, financially stable. A lot of things that people see as being able to protect and provide. I have seen some of the toughest men cry and have never thought less of them for it. I think more of them for having the balls to not be afraid of their emotion. I feel sorry for the next guy she has because she sounds cold, unsympathetic and has no grasp of empathy. I have cried in front of my ex's for many different reasons and have never once felt ashamed or less of a man. If they ever made me feel that way then I will kick them out because they are not the kind of person I want in my life. Just my opinion but i feel there is too many games and pretending or acting in relationships. Well of course it's ok to cry but not in front of your gf who just dumped you, that's so unattractive and it repels women trust me. Sure cry when you see a romantic movie, cry when she gives birth to your son etc but never ever cry when a girl dumps you. Edited March 11, 2014 by David87
Author Woodox Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Well of course it's ok to cry but not in front of your gf who just dumped you, that's so unattractive and it repels women trust me. Sure cry when you see a romantic movie, cry when she gives birth to your son etc but never ever cry when a girl dumps you. Sometimes easier said than done lol. At the end of the day who cares if it repels them, they are dumping you.
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Sometimes easier said than done lol. At the end of the day who cares if it repels them, they are dumping you. You should care because it's about your self esteem, it's about your dignity. By being rejected this way you loose your confidence for a long time my friend.
Author Woodox Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I don't disagree with you, and myself have learnt its better to hold a strong front to the ex not letting them see the hurt they have caused does help. But personally I don't allow these people to dictate my self esteem or dignity that's my own self belief and I don't allow the people who have rejected me to effect that in the long run. I've had to learn to do that but its how I view myself that matters most. Yes rejection does take its toll that is one of the many things to deal with at the end of a relationship. 2
WYSWYG Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 From the last one, I learned: *to set boundaries - deal w/ any BS right away and not it slip by. *be aware of red flags. *not get sucked into any drama. *to better balance my time w/ her, my friends and family. *be aware that being nearby is double-edged. *staying in touch in bad times did more good. 3
lvroflife Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Friday I spoke to my ex and I held it together for most of the conversation. But she started to cry and expressed some.deep things to me. I couldn't hold it any longer. I broke. I cried. I cried in front of her before too. But that was because I was holding so much stress in and she held me. And I immediately stopped. However, Friday when we talked all the emotions from the BU came out when she said "I miss you and I am making a mistake by doing this but, right now I have too so I can get myself in order down here." I lost it and cried and begged and asked to try. She paused and said "I....I...I...cant I have to stick to this decision...." I do regret crying but I am human and I do have feelings. She knows I can protect her and take care of her from.my actions over the course of our relationship. I do hate that I cried because it makes me feel I wasn't strong, but it shows I do have emotions so... We ended it, and yea I'm hurt, and I know she is just as hurt. I am trying to move on and live for me, but given the conversation (as she ended everything with "right now") and how I treated her I some (small) hope she will come around (as what was discussed Friday). I am not banking on it and I know what I have to do, but there is that small hope FOR NOW. SORRY TO SABOTAGE THE POST 1
singme2sleep Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I learned to not let my SO be the sole source of my happiness and to put more faith in actions instead of just words/promises. 4
SoonMyFriend Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I have learned a lot over the past two breakups... -To be more confident in myself -To not be afraid to expect more in a partner -Not to let someone make me feel like a lesser person -To stop putting people on pedestals -I will love again -Not to forget my dealbreakers -Not to put aside -To keep my standards and remember what I truly want in a partner Most importantly.. that it's OK to be on my own. 5
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