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Would you leave/forgive a 2nd time cheater when you really love?

someoneinsomewhere

By someoneinsomewhere
in General Relationship Discussion

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someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
Posted

I've never thought that I'll do this but hey there's a first time for everything...

 

So I have been with my gf for 4 years... One the third year the day that I wanted to propose to her I found out that she went out with a guy behind my back and have been engaged with him for a while (texting, hanging out, ... ) I am a guy I'm supposed to stay tough but that did break me! I didn't end up proposing because of what I found out.

 

She knew what she did was wrong and I gave her the chance to fix and she was in the process of doing that until a few months after

 

She wanted to impress these girls (new friends that she wanted to get to know more) so we went out (me, her two friends and some people from her work were going to join us after). We got really drunk and maybe drugged (I for sure got drugged as the next day I felt really sick and went to the hospital and they told me so, but not sure about her).

 

Anyways at that night she kissed an ******* from her work that told her she's hot and, not a peck, but make out grinding kiss in front of me, and after she had her arms around another guy's neck.

 

I was missing for almost two hours (I don't recall most of the night, only a few bits) and ended up calling one of my friends that came to where I last was to look for me and found her enjoying her time laughing having fun and when he asked her about me she started crying then 5 minutes later she went to have more fun :s

 

I really don't know what to do exactly with her or this "relationship" all I know is that I am so hurt. I love her to death but I just don't know what to do...

 

Help?

almond Established Member

almond

Posted
Posted

This one is a no-brainer - walk away and never look back.

 

Also interested in what drug they found in your system, that only bought about symptoms of illness the next day?

  • Like 2
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

OP, presuming you're young, this would be a good time to experience other women and grow your own life. Four years and two known incidences of being unfaithful is sufficient motivation to take those lessons and move forward. Relationship synergy occurs when equal and compatible interest and energy meet. Right now, sorry to say, I don't think things are very equal nor compatible.

 

Welcome to LS :)

  • Like 2
melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted

It is really, really difficult, because even if you were to forgive and stay, you really shouldn't underestimate the damage it can do to the relationship.

 

In my experience, and observations, 'love' might make someone stay, but it makes it all the more painful, and it makes the damage so much worse. There is no winning.

 

I have been madly in love with someone, was with them for all of my late teens/early twenties, I forgave and stayed because we really 'loved' each other. I am 100% convinced that loving them so much is what made me so miserable. Once I had a few weeks away from them I never looked back.

 

I promise you there are plenty of females that you can/would love, even love more than your gf- it might not feel like it, but it is true.

 

Don't let love cloud your logic on this one.

  • Like 1
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Walk sonny. Read a few threads here. Good luck.

HomanWater Established Member

HomanWater

Posted
Posted

I really don't know what to do exactly with her or this "relationship" all I know is that I am so hurt. I love her to death but I just don't know what to do...

Prudent of you to realize sad state of affairs and use those quotation marks.

 

I was missing for almost two hours (I don't recall most of the night, only a few bits) and ended up calling one of my friends that came to where I last was to look for me and found her enjoying her time laughing having fun and when he asked her about me she started crying then 5 minutes later she went to have more fun :s

 

This girl doesn't take you seriously, doesn't care or respect you and probably never did. Her reaction when you went missing says everything you need to know.

 

Technically you can't dump her as it's a stretch to say you are even together, but just go cold on her. She probably won't care about that either, but nor will you when some time passes.

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

Posted
Posted
Help?

Internalize it's over.

Get a refund on the ring and spend it on yourself.

Find someone else while you're still getting the benefits of being with her (sex).

Leave when you have her replacement.

 

It's only fair.

  • Like 1
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted

Leave.

 

If she cheated a second time it is because you forgave her the first time. The fact she cheated again tells me she feels she can get away with it so I wouldn't be surprized if she keeps cheating at this point...

Candy_Pants Established Member

Candy_Pants

Posted
Posted

You have to love yourself more than you love her.

  • Like 1
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Internalize it's over.

Get a refund on the ring and spend it on yourself.

Find someone else while you're still getting the benefits of being with her (sex).

Leave when you have her replacement.

 

It's only fair.

 

I disagree. He doesn't have to become an ******* just because she is a bitch. He doesn't need to sink to her level.

 

By all means, sell the ring, but dump the girl.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted

Leave or forgive shouldn't be an either/or option. I'd do both.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for letting you.

 

You may love this girl (why I don't know) but she doesn't love you & she's no where near ready for marriage.

 

Love yourself enough to walk away. She won't get better. What are you going to do, propose, spend all that money putting a wedding together then either walk away from all of those non-refundable deposits when you find out she snuck off into the coat closet at your rehearsal dinner or worse, banged another guy on your honeymoon?

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

Posted
Posted
I disagree. He doesn't have to become an ******* just because she is a bitch. He doesn't need to sink to her level.

 

By all means, sell the ring, but dump the girl.

I doubt he's going to do any of that up to and including the getting a refund on the ring.

 

He's in denial and has been since the first time that it happened.

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted

Some girls are just for having fun with.

 

The first time wasn't the last time and neither is the second time.

  • Like 1
pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted

No. Once, perhaps - everyone deserves a second chance (though I would struggle). Twice, nope. See ya.

  • Author
someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This one is a no-brainer - walk away and never look back.

 

Also interested in what drug they found in your system, that only bought about symptoms of illness the next day?

 

I believe the street name of the drug is roophies? Not sure if this is the correct spelling.

  • Author
someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OP, presuming you're young, this would be a good time to experience other women and grow your own life. Four years and two known incidences of being unfaithful is sufficient motivation to take those lessons and move forward. Relationship synergy occurs when equal and compatible interest and energy meet. Right now, sorry to say, I don't think things are very equal nor compatible.

 

Welcome to LS :)

 

I am young, but its not about experiencing other women. It's more of the shock and broken trust now. Now I feel bad for the next girl that I'll meet because I will never love her nor trust her as much as I did and that's not fair.

 

Thank you!

  • Author
someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It is really, really difficult, because even if you were to forgive and stay, you really shouldn't underestimate the damage it can do to the relationship.

 

In my experience, and observations, 'love' might make someone stay, but it makes it all the more painful, and it makes the damage so much worse. There is no winning.

 

I have been madly in love with someone, was with them for all of my late teens/early twenties, I forgave and stayed because we really 'loved' each other. I am 100% convinced that loving them so much is what made me so miserable. Once I had a few weeks away from them I never looked back.

 

I promise you there are plenty of females that you can/would love, even love more than your gf- it might not feel like it, but it is true.

 

Don't let love cloud your logic on this one.

 

I really hope that in a few weeks I'll never look back.

  • Author
someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Prudent of you to realize sad state of affairs and use those quotation marks.

 

 

 

This girl doesn't take you seriously, doesn't care or respect you and probably never did. Her reaction when you went missing says everything you need to know.

 

Technically you can't dump her as it's a stretch to say you are even together, but just go cold on her. She probably won't care about that either, but nor will you when some time passes.

 

It's funny because my friend said the exact same thing! I did go cold on her but surprisingly she is kind of putting a fight for it.

 

I'm just not sure if she just feels bad about how I am or is it really caring.

  • Author
someoneinsomewhere New Member

someoneinsomewhere

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone else for your replies! I really appreciate them.

 

To be honest I was in denial and didn't want to believe what happened even though the evidence proved everything. I broke up with her, it was hard but I did it.

I also took the ring to resize it, I'm planning on giving it to my mother instead (not to propose, but as a gift) hoping the smile on her face will make me feel better.

 

It's time to go back to reality and just accept what happened.

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