Fantasizing= cheating?

[nedkelly34]

@pteromom

Please help me out then. I thought you said nothing wrong with fantasizing?

[Turtles]

I think the point is more the way you talked about it, rather than the fact you did. I am not sure there is a way to explain it more clearly than how pteromom put it.

 

You also seem to be very defensive rather than trying to empathize with your wife and understand her point of view. This is just what I gather from your messages and the comment about "It's how my wife usually wants me anyway".

 

That being said I think even though you don't understand the why you might understand how to keep it shut under inappropriate circumstances and that will be enough to keep you out of arguments!

[waterwoman]

Your wife's friend no 1: "You ever see your ex?

Your wife: "No, unfortunately. He was hung like an ox and knew what to do with it. I must admit I enjoy my little fantasies about him. Really hot!"

 

Laughter and comments from friends 1, 2, and 3

 

 

Wife's work colleague: " Have you see the new guy in the marketing department. He's gorgeous!'

Wife: "Ohhh yes. I could give him a go no problem"

 

Cue more sniggering and comments.

 

OK?

 

Now a woman might well be humiliated by her partner making those sort of comments in public. Would a man not be? For a start it makes the one saying those things look like a bit of an arse, but also because it implies there might be something lacking in the primary relationship. ANd if that is true sharing it with aquaintances isn't the best way to go.

 

Nothing wrong with looking, or thinking, but sharing with other has the potential to be really hurtful and humiliating.

[violet1]

I'm trying to imagine how I'd react in your wife's shoes. I'd have to say I would be pretty irritated. If you are going to discuss fantasies like that; do it with friends you can completely trust. I'm a private person. I would be embarrassed if I heard these things about my husband from others. I don't like personal things about us, him or I talked about to everyone.

 

Wel...what's done is done. You need to talk her. Explain to her exactly what happened. I also suggest you apologize to her. What you did was a bit inappropriate. Next time, be a little more careful with who you discuss personal things with.

[lolablue17]

Tell her she's right. promise her you will never be attracted to another woman in the future, and you have never been attracted to any woman in the past, and from now on, you will never have memories at all!! everything has been deleted when you visited the brainwashing local garage

 

Well, that's what she wants to hear, isn't she? :love:

Edited March 14, 2014 by lolablue17

[Sparty97]

Quite frankly, one of your friends is a serious DB. What happens while watching the game, stays there.

[Zimber]

Quite frankly, one of your friends is a serious DB. What happens while watching the game, stays there.

 

Yep agree with this. Fellow was likely a serious beta afc / vampire trying to milk admiration from his wife that he's not like his bad bad friend. Chump'ed you for personal gain (a most pathetic gain to begin with).

 

That said, I completely agree with the ladies on this one...

Never say anything that will make her feel small or less than another. That's disrespectful. She felt foolish in front of her friends. Work/squash buddies that she will never meet ... whatever. But always protect her face. This is not a gender specific thing either.

 

Nobody wants to play second best to a ghost. There is never any good to come out of it.

 

Z