Daly Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I'm so lost. My boyfriend ended it after 5 years yesterday. We are both 21, going on 22. We met in high school-I had a rough high school experience basically we had dated I broke up with him after freshmen year and we got back together again immediately have been ever since. But people were irritated by that because he had flirted with some other girl to get me jealous. Well it worked. Anyways as lame as this may sound he was the one "head over heels" in love with me. He was devastated when we weren't together- and I know things change. We went to community college after high school together worked at the mall together trying to figure out life. Finally we moved to the city he moved in with 3 of his best friends and I moved in with mine. We ended up having a falling out and I ended moving out-with no where to go he let me live with him and his friends (which I thought were mine too). As bad as it is, it became a routine of constantly hanging out being together probably 2+ years we hung out a lot he never complained and thought he liked too. Anyways, we haven't really ever been apart. And he was kind enough to let me love with him until I could get back on my feet-2 more months and I would have been gone. We have had an amazing relationship his parents are wonderful people we have a dog together-which now I won't get to see. He basically turned my world upside. My friends aren't really my friends I'm back living with my mom my commute to my crappy job is going to be 2hours. And most of all I just miss him I want my best friend back. He never gave me any clue at all that something was wrong up until 2 weeks ago. He said we will work on things. I need to give him space to work on music and just to be by himself. So we have that a try last week he said things were going fine and that he just wanted me happy and for us to do our own thing- because right now I'm kind of lost and unsure of what I want to do with my life. I'm not sure if he believed me or not but he said it was going fine. Then yesterday he broke up with me. I gave him a day to think if he wanted a break up or a break...he obviously went with break up. He said he's never really had time to miss me because were always together, that he wanted to space and it wasn't anyone else. He just doesn't think he knows who he is right now and that he's been fighting this feeling and trying to make it work for 2 years (which everyone says that it could not be that long) he was getting frustrated at that point. He said it's the hardest thing he's ever done and cares about me but not in the same way as he used to. He said some other harsh things but i think it was because he was getting frustrated with me asking why? When gave me reasons and I thought it was something I did. I just don't understand how you go from loving some so much to not wanting to be with them? He gave me rings said that we would be together in the future. We went to his brothers wedding, his cousins weddings. His family has been there for me more than my own. I feel completely lost with out him. He is my best friend. I'm not even sure if we have a chance and I know I shouldn't be focusing on that. But I'm hoping he sees me get my life together he gets space and we ended up together. I feel as if being together all the time--like he said he hasn't had a thought that didn't have to do with me since he was 16. I feel ask if me moving in with him had taken up too much space and he couldn't breathe. Yet again he never showed any signs of unhappiness. It was very strange it's like I didn't know the person who was saying all this last night. Everyone says it's his band and he has a big head right now. He also will be going on your at the end of the summer and I was kind of upset with that but he even said we could do something together when he gets back. I'm just confused I feel like it's all been a lie. And now I'm left with no one. I do have a few a friends but most were..his. He's helped me through so much in my life he knows everything about me and the same goes for me about him. He said he's not sure how he will feel in the future but he doesn't get my hopes up he wants me to pick up the pieces and become my own person. He wants to be my friend but he knows how hard it will be for the both of us. I'm lost. And all I want is my boyfriend back. We had plans and everything I just don't know how you go back on something like this. I hope he misses me and realizes that he can't ever feel the same way. Even if it's months from and I work on myself. And he gets space. I'm hopeful..not sure I should be.
heatherjanette28 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Firstly, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'd like to start off by saying in September, my boyfriend and I of 5 1/2 years broke up. Similar to you, he broke it off with me and wanted me to move on. He made it very, very clear we weren't working out (we both argued, did not agree on certain things) and I was crushed and heartbroken. I've deal with break ups in the past, but none that horrible. He wanted to do his OWN thing, have his life, not have anyone to answer to etc. He even told me himself to MOVE on. Which killed me. However, a few months went by and I finally accepted it. I contacted him and told him I wished him the best. He then did a 180. He kept asking if I'd be with him in the future and we eventually started to talk again but then he told me he had gone on a date three weeks after he broke up with me so I decided to not go for it. I moved on. Had some fun. He did not like this. And once again wanted me back. I gave it a thought, but eventually told him no. He couldn't understand. He said he loved me etc but why? HE was the one who broke up with me. What I am trying to say is, sometimes people just don't make sense and are totally irrational. My advice is to do things for yourself. I personally went back home to visit my family and friends for three weeks, worked, school and did not go out. I felt it was the best way to heal. It eventually gets better but I am still hurt by things. Keep your friends close and don't keep things inside. It's good you're on here and venting. If you ever need anyone to talk to, let me know! Try to keep your head up, I know that is impossible right now but it will get better. None of this advice would have helped me but it's worth a shot.
Snow101 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 First of all, I'm sorry. He is pulling some mad BS. People are terrible. Disappear. Cut contact. You are the girl in this, so you have some advantages going. Its always way easier for a girl to get a new guy than the other way around. He could be suffering from grass is greener syndrome... Make him miss you. And think long and hard about taking him back. You really, really gotta make him sweat it out if you take him back. Make damn sure that he knows he screwed up and did you wrong, and that you are giving him just ONE chance to make amends or you are done. Try to feel and act like you hold the cards and act like you have the power. Or just try to find someone new. Easy, right?
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