ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I took a risk taking you back the first time, I thought the parts I loved were worth the difficulty of getting past the heartbreak. I had you in the end anyways. For three months things were perfect. You brought me into not only your family but your extended family. They loved me and even told you they would welcome me to your family. You introduced me to your grandpa, and told me that is the man you will ask permission from to marry me. Now it's all a lie. She told me she had been cheating on me for a month with her ex boyfriend she cheated on me with the first time. I chose to forgive the first time, not ever again. She told me she lied and manipulated me just to have me around for comfort throughout this last time. She told me she only got back together with me the first time was to relive the guilt of hurting me the first time. Her words, "I love you with every ounce of my brian, but love himwith all of my heart but I know we will never had what we once had." I tried to fight for us. You even told me you don't deserve to be fought for. All I wanted was you. I felt like everything is bull**** now. All a lie. You never loved me but convinced me you did. I told her throughout to just be honest. If you don't want to be with me don't, I can take it, but don;t disrespect me to that level. She convinced me to hang out with her one last time, told me she loved me and wanted to share her life with me and I made her a better person. I believed her, we had sex, and the very next day you had sex with him... I'm that worthless to treat me in such a way, I don't deserve the truth? She came clean about everything because she hates herself so she says. She said that I make her want to be a better person and she's never had the guts to tell anyone the things shes told me. But why tell me this? You honestly think I could forgive you again? I want nothing more than to take you back and tell you its ok, but you betrayed me and disrespected me not only as a lover but as a friend. You will never change. You are just a selfish, self-centered person. I've never been so wrong about someone ever. Never been treated such like dirt. I hate her but long for her. I just wanted someone to fight for me, and make me feel like I was worth it. Maybe I'm not. She chose him... I've never been so low.. I don't know how to process this and move on. NC for a full week now. Therapy doesn't help. I feel like my world has crashed down on me. Therapist told me to write her a letter and send it to her via mail. She doesn't deserve anything. She deserves to feel like **** and be alone, but I know she has no remorse or care in the world about me, just happily sleeping with him.... I did nothing to deserve the pain I feel. She was the one girl I have put that much effort into and got absolutely nothing in return. Only broken dreams, no confidence, and the ability to never trust another female again. You will regret this, I promise you that. You threw away a perfectly healthy relationship to **** the guy who you told me would never happen again. You maliciously did so. You did the one thing to hurt me the most, and did it anyways. Why would anyone feel the need to lead someone on to such extreme levels? In the end I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough, our relationship, and more importantly our friendship wasn't worth it to you. You lied to your best friend about it as well..because she would call you a dumbass and you got what you deserve. I lost my best friend and lover. I don't know where else to turn. How have you been manipulated and lied to?
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Anyone's advice is greatly appreciated, I'm not doing so well with this. Never in my life would I thought she would treat me this way. Lies and lies and lies
FrostBlaze Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Happened to me, took her back the 1st time, she cheated again with the same ex, so i just left. All i can is that it does gets better with time, it's probably gonna suck a for a whole 1-2 month's ^^. Just don't give in when she contacts you, i have a feeling she will. Ignore. Best way to mend this is to go hang out with friend's get support and date other women, oh and not open up to them so easy. The only BITTER thing that remains after my situation is the "i can never trust a woman again". So yeah in essence that woman ruined my trust, i only feel like looking for 1 nighter's instead of a relationship and get ****ed up again ^^. Everywhere i look i see the same situation RECENTLY, and it just harden's my belief that i can't trust any woman. However my opinion might change, it's not that long ago since this has happened to me. Edited March 10, 2014 by FrostBlaze
flightplan Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Hang in there brother. Don't give her another moment of your time. She's poison.. and the dude she's with now... it's just a matter of time before he's saying the same as you. She cheated on both of you.. she's sick and you need to distance yourself. Work on why you're attracted to her and what you can do to keep it from happening again. Work on getting your old self back. I also felt like I got the bait and switch, and it still hurts after 3 months, but not as much if I'd kept in touch. It'll pass, but it's gonna hurt like a b***h. 2
Trapp-er Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 You're greatest challenge right now is to see and understand that her behaviors toward you are not a reflection of your worth. Her behaviors are not normal or healthy. The way she treated you was because of her issues and not your because of your lack of value. It sounds like you gave her a shot to be open and honest with you and she couldn't meet you there. That's her issue and has absolutely nothing to do with you. It will take time to really get your head around that, but in time you'll understand just how much of a favor she's done you by letting you go. For now, though, focus on taking care of yourself. Be your own best friend and do not look to her for any validation--happiness does not lie down that road. Keep your chin up, Trapp 1
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Happened to me, took her back the 1st time, she cheated again with the same ex, so i just left. All i can is that it does gets better with time, it's probably gonna suck a for a whole 1-2 month's ^^. Just don't give in when she contacts you, i have a feeling she will. Ignore. Best way to mend this is to go hang out with friend's get support and date other women, oh and not open up to them so easy. The only BITTER thing that remains after my situation is the "i can never trust a woman again". So yeah in essence that woman ruined my trust, i only feel like looking for 1 nighter's instead of a relationship and get ****ed up again ^^. Everywhere i look i see the same situation RECENTLY, and it just harden's my belief that i can't trust any woman. However my opinion might change, it's not that long ago since this has happened to me. When she told me, she told me she wanted to come clean because I make her want to be a better person... Yea right bitch. I've very bitter and I don't want anything to do with girls for a long time, except the 1 nighters. I have no energy left to give anyone any kind of emotion. It sucks cause I'm a really compassionate person. I've never been so drawn in to be so torn down, I feel like a shell of myself. Impervious to pain. My firend recently was hooking up with a girl to come and find out she has a boyfriend. My last fling before this girl turned out to have a boyfriend... What are these girls doing.. It's sad Thanks for the reply, seeing your progress gives me hope..
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Hang in there brother. Don't give her another moment of your time. She's poison.. and the dude she's with now... it's just a matter of time before he's saying the same as you. She cheated on both of you.. she's sick and you need to distance yourself. Work on why you're attracted to her and what you can do to keep it from happening again. Work on getting your old self back. I also felt like I got the bait and switch, and it still hurts after 3 months, but not as much if I'd kept in touch. It'll pass, but it's gonna hurt like a b***h. Thanks! She really is a pathological lying manipulative person. I was going to write her a letter, but she doesn't even deserve that much.. I feel like I'm seeking her validation, which I don't need. Just being so rejected isn't fund. I bet she will try and contact me in a month or so, once she realizes what she has done. I hope to be strong and shut her down. Never date a girl with daddy issues, or if you do don't let your guard down... I know there are a few good out their but damn.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 You're greatest challenge right now is to see and understand that her behaviors toward you are not a reflection of your worth. Her behaviors are not normal or healthy. The way she treated you was because of her issues and not your because of your lack of value. It sounds like you gave her a shot to be open and honest with you and she couldn't meet you there. That's her issue and has absolutely nothing to do with you. It will take time to really get your head around that, but in time you'll understand just how much of a favor she's done you by letting you go. For now, though, focus on taking care of yourself. Be your own best friend and do not look to her for any validation--happiness does not lie down that road. Keep your chin up, Trapp I gave it an honest shot, I'm surprised at how well I treated her actually. I loved her.. Her independence and passion, but I feel like that was all smoke and mirrors now. Love replaced with bitterness. Your absolutely right, I am seeking validation, a sense that she knows she ****ed it all up. I won't get that, ever. I don't want it. She doesn't deserve a spot in my life. A part of me hopes she goes begging for me back so I can put her in her place. But I'd just be lowering myself to her level.. Thanks for your reply.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I'm long winded so bare with me, important questions at the bottom if you want to skip. I feel foolish and stupid for my decision. I was only going on one week of NC, absolutely silent on her end. I'm glad I see it was a mistake and understand these things happen. But I do feel dumb, and she didn't respond of course... I know if she did care she would reach out, the truth is she doesn't and most likely won't ever. And I need to find a way to accept everything. Context- She cheated on me...twice with her ex bf, but the last time was for an entire month of our relationship. Once I confronted her about it she threw me under the bus with our mutual friend and turned her against me, now she hates me?. Why I chose to Text- So I texted her.... "I hope you told soandso(the friend). I feel like you threw me under the bus with her for no reason and I didn't deserve that. She should know you lied to her as well about everything and that you were in fact, cheating on me." Then later after no response... "Good luck with everything. I sincerely mean that. I hope you chose to become a better person. (See my other thread for context)." I feel dumb and sad.. I was lied to the entire time and told she loved me and saw us together long term. I feel like I wasn't worth it yet again and she chose him in the end. The pathetic loser with nothing going for him besides trying to be a DJ, while I have everything figured out. I'm having a hard time not taking this so personally and about my self-worth. The rejection stings. Why did I not deserve the truth if you were so unhappy, and what about me was so hard to get along with? I know time will heal, but I can't help but hold on that she will realize her mistake, come crawling back, and do a 180. But that's false hope. I could never actually trust her again. I know a week isn't enough time to heal. Maybe I'm blinded by things, but I connected with her on another level than I ever have with any past gfs. I accepted her for her and all her flaws. I truly loved her, went out of my way for her (and actually enjoyed doing so since it made her happy), and could have spent the rest of my life with her. I'm very proud with how I treated her but I'm turning into a bitter person from the level of deceit. :o:o In the end I feel like she was scared that I did treat her so well, and how great things were actually, and her childhood experience with her (absent) dad drove her to push me away in the most hurtful way possible. No ability to let someone get that close.. and she was getting too close.... She can't feel vulnerable and needs to be in control because she feels like I'd leave her in the end like her dad? Hence why she jumps back and forth between guys. Maybe I'm rationalizing All I want to do is tell her how much she ****ed up a really, really good thing and one day she will see. But I won't, that's not the person I am. How do you not take things so personally? I know in the end she ****ed it up, but darn. How do you avoid just flat out yelling at them for being so stupid? Has anybody on here grown up with an absent father had the similar feelings I outlined above in bold? Reading on here helps, but I just am lost and need some personalized advice. General thoughts appreciated as well. Thanks in advance, everyone on here is amazing and compassionate.
KaliLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Yes, you are rationalizing. Yes, you are blinded. Her behavior is not that of a person in love, it is that of a selfish succubus who will bleed you dry and then come back for more. You said in another thread that you think she might have BPD. If you truly believe that, run, don't walk, away from this mess. Things will never change unless she makes an effort to change them and it doesn't sound like she will. She will cheat, she will lie, she will manipulate, and she will come crawling back and expect an apology from you for forcing her to act this way. She will treat you like garbage and blame it all on you. She will deplete your self esteem even further until you have none left. 1
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Yes I agree, and no matter how hard I know moving on will be. it's for the best. I don't expect to be fine after only one week. I am just so curious and find that I truly think these issues stem from her childhood and her fathers relationship, and I just happened to be a target. She has a right to have issues, but no right to treat me like she did. As mad as I am, I forgive her and understand that maybe she does have a real mental disorder and that is through no fault of her own. It's her fault for letting it control her and to no take steps to help and fix it, and treating people like objects. I just am wondering if anyone has been in her shoes?? Talking to family and friends have all told me; Never date a girl with daddy issues. I chose not to believe that and chose to believe people are inherently good not matter how bitter I am or say otherwise. It's part of my values from childhood. Edited March 11, 2014 by ScaredAlien2
KaliLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 No, she absolutely doesn't have a right to treat you the way she did, just like my ex has no right to treat me the way he did. There's a support group called Welcome To Oz. I suggest checking it out. I am definitely a member. Every girl has daddy issues. She chose to take hers out on you. She didn't have to but she did. She's not a bad person but she is a sick person, and she's perfectly capable of helping herself. She is choosing not to. You can't save her, she has to save herself. Walk away and save yourself instead. PM me when we can both PM.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Thanks for your reply. There is nothing I can do.. I know I tried to wait for her to change and show my love but nothing is enough if she doesn't help herself. I can only move on and be proud with myself for how I treated her, I can honestly say(sad to say) I've never treated a girl so well. I'm not sure how to PM you since I'm new to LS, But I'd enjoy talking with you more..
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 The daddy issues are on the extreme side as well. Drug addict, left when the were young. He Still tried to reach out and makes promises he never keeps despite her not ever responding to him... Makes me think she's scared to let anyone in and feel vulnerable. When she starts she does this. Sadly I'm not the first. But the first she could tell the truth too... Saying i made her want to be a better person. It's hard not to want to help her figure it out but that's not my place nor my responsibility. I know she's hurting as well.
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