Ex breaks NC - What are her intentions?

[potestatum]

You are absolutely right.

I will find the power and do it.

 

Do you think it is better to send a final message to her?

To see if anything hve changed before taking her completely out of my life?

I mean, she did contact me and avoided her (see my previous posts).

Is there any chance she wants to reconsiliate but I put her off by avoiding her?

[Haydn]

Nothing my friend. Nothing. Silence.

 

 

You are absolutely right.

I will find the power and do it.

 

Do you think it is better to send a final message to her?

To see if anything hve changed before taking her completely out of my life?

I mean, she did contact me and avoided her (see my previous posts).

Is there any chance she wants to reconsiliate but I put her off by avoiding her?

[Chi townD]

You are absolutely right.

I will find the power and do it.

 

Do you think it is better to send a final message to her?

To see if anything hve changed before taking her completely out of my life?

I mean, she did contact me and avoided her (see my previous posts).

Is there any chance she wants to reconsiliate but I put her off by avoiding her?

 

 

 

No final message needed. You have to look at the relationship as a job. Well, she fired you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend were no longer required. Now, in the real world if you lose a job, do you show up on Monday and do some work for free for them? Do you send them a Christmas card at the end of the year? NO!!! You move on! You dust off that resume and you find another job!

 

 

Dude, you're moving on. She made a choice and that choice was to have you out of her life. You are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to her!

 

 

If she truly wanted to reconcile with you then nothing in the world would stop her. She would hunt you down and tell you. Therefore she knows where you live; she would have NO PROBLEM walking up to your door and knocking. Has she done that?

[erklat]

knows where you live; she would have NO PROBLEM walking up to your door and knocking. Has she done that?

 

Don't be so blunt with the people in the wrong frame of mind. This = stalking and won't happen.

 

But you will know if reconciliation is on the repertoire.

[potestatum]

I will find another sport centre and delete her from facebook.

I hope till next week to find another place for training.

 

I have noticed that when I see her at the sport centre and when she posts something on fb I am becoming worse. So I will follow your advice.

 

Should I delete her friends from fb too? I mean I know them (met with them several times and talked) but they are her friend.

[Emilia]

I will find another sport centre and delete her from facebook.

I hope till next week to find another place for training.

 

I have noticed that when I see her at the sport centre and when she posts something on fb I am becoming worse. So I will follow your advice.

 

Should I delete her friends from fb too? I mean I know them (met with them several times and talked) but they are her friend.

Cortisol Cortisol: Why ?The Stress Hormone? Is Public Enemy No. 1 | Psychology Today

 

Delete her friend(s) if you want. I probably would.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Don't be so blunt with the people in the wrong frame of mind. This = stalking and won't happen.

 

But you will know if reconciliation is on the repertoire.

 

How did you get THAT out of what Chi was saying?

[lolablue17]

Even if your one and only interest is to have her back, the best way to do that is to keep NC. Because obviously she needs some contact with you, full NC may cause her to think again.

 

So NC any way in any form (delete her from FB ect...) also i advice you to start dating. go and meet new people. start living.

[potestatum]

Cortisol Cortisol: Why ?The Stress Hormone? Is Public Enemy No. 1 | Psychology Today

 

Delete her friend(s) if you want. I probably would.

 

Thanks for the interesting article Emilia.

I think it is going to be really useful!

[potestatum]

Even if your one and only interest is to have her back, the best way to do that is to keep NC. Because obviously she needs some contact with you, full NC may cause her to think again.

 

So NC any way in any form (delete her from FB ect...) also i advice you to start dating. go and meet new people. start living.

 

I needed to hear that.

Deep in my mind, I want her to come and ask to take her back.

I hope that at the end this is what is going to happen, and I hope that I will not want her back till that time.

 

Now, about dating... You know I was out of the game for a long time because of my relationship. And now, I don't feel quite ready. I am also afraid of the rejection, I am shy and I have my ex in my mind.

I have the opportunity to chat with a couple of girls that they showed some interest but I don't feel that I am good at it.

[Chi townD]

Don't be so blunt with the people in the wrong frame of mind. This = stalking and won't happen.

 

But you will know if reconciliation is on the repertoire.

 

 

Oh really? Never, in your life, have you ever come out of a classroom to have someone waiting for you saying, "Hey, I need to talk to you." Or waiting outside your car?

 

 

The point is that if it was really important, people WILL go out of their way to tell you. And it wouldn't normally be in a text message saying, "Hi!!"

 

 

Another point I'm trying to make is that if he went NC and her intention was to get him back; if she discovered that he's ignoring her texts, phonecalls and emails, then there's nothing stopping her from walking up to his door for a face to face. I don't really constitute that as stalking.

 

 

And if I'm blunt, then good! Sometimes that's required. I see the OP waffling back and forth about entering into NC and maybe a gentle smack in the back of the head is required to help clear up his vision a little bit.

[lolablue17]

I've thought of a new idea for you, more suitable to your nature.

I cant write it in public, so you can write 11 more posts (up to 50, then you get a LS internal mailbox), or you can write you mail and delete it afterwards...

[potestatum]

I've thought of a new idea for you, more suitable to your nature.

I cant write it in public, so you can write 11 more posts (up to 50, then you get a LS internal mailbox), or you can write you mail and delete it afterwards...

 

Lolablue17 my email is [email protected]

 

Feel free to contact me.

 

Thanks for the help

[potestatum]

Hello again,

 

As you may remember (and see through my previous posts) I went through a difficult break up lately.

 

The last month I started talking with my ex and - long story short - we concluded that we break up because of a personal issue that she has. She is visiting a specialist about it. Subconsciously, that issue drove her away from our relationship. She told me that the specialist advised her not to be with me until she overcomes this issue as our relationship acts like a reminder to the problem. But the final decision is hers.

 

We discussed it and she told me that she really wants to be with me and that we have two options:

1) To be together anyway and see what happens or

2) To stay away from each other and see if things get better with her problems and maybe be together again in the future.

 

The first options means that she is not going to be so good psychologically as my presence will subconsciously remind her of her problem and it may drive her away again. But we will have each other. Every time we spent together the last month we both had great time.

 

The second option means that we are risking of not being together again. Although there is a possibility to be together and have a more healthy relationship in the future.

 

I chose the second option because I care about her and our relationship. I think that she is a very special person and she is very important to me. However, I am constantly thinking of her and want to be with her. I am afraid that I am going to lose her forever.

 

What do you think? Should I ask her to be together again or I made the right decision.

 

Please help! :/

 

Sorry for the long post.. and thanks for your help

[John manning]

Damn thats a tough one , To me it sounds like she has no idea what she wants and your in a good place right now your in control of what happens. The thing is she could put you back to square one in a months time and shes already looking to pass blame onto you by saying it would subconciously remind her of "her probem"

 

Saying that I know myself if my ex gave me this choice I would definately give it a go. You need to know in your mind that she is 100% ready for a relationship.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well for you

[potestatum]

Damn thats a tough one , To me it sounds like she has no idea what she wants and your in a good place right now your in control of what happens. The thing is she could put you back to square one in a months time and shes already looking to pass blame onto you by saying it would subconciously remind her of "her probem"

 

Saying that I know myself if my ex gave me this choice I would definately give it a go. You need to know in your mind that she is 100% ready for a relationship.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well for you

 

Thanks John!

I agree with you. She doesn't know what she wants and the final decision was taken by me...

I am thinking that the decision I made is the right one ethically, but on the other hand it is not what is going to make me happy (in the short term at least)..

[Summerrose2013]

Are there no options in between? Stay in occasional contact? Are you strong enough to do this?

 

You must make sure that she is not the sole purpose of your life. Get out there and rebuild your life in tandem with WHATEVER you decide to do! Then you will have more options if it doesn't work out with her, and some other things to think about even it does, and it will give you a better perspective on the situation.

[potestatum]

Are there no options in between? Stay in occasional contact? Are you strong enough to do this?

 

You must make sure that she is not the sole purpose of your life. Get out there and rebuild your life in tandem with WHATEVER you decide to do! Then you will have more options if it doesn't work out with her, and some other things to think about even it does, and it will give you a better perspective on the situation.

 

We could talk occassionally but I don't know if that is going to help us.

 

I see your point Summerrose. I shouldn't feel that my life is built around her.

The issue is that now I have an option to be with her and I don't know if I should take it.

Do you think is better to give it some time and see what happens instead of choosing to be with her straight away?

[potestatum]

Hello again friends...

 

My ex and I were trying to be again together.

We tried it 3 different times and failed.

 

The thing is that we are breaking up because she is saying that something I have done in the past (3 years ago) still bothers her and when I am near her she feels angry. So she is not sweet and does not show me love.

 

IMO I tried hard to be with her again even though she was not so caring when we were together.

So the last time we broke up I said to myself that this was it. We will not be together again. Even if she would come back I had to say no except if she showed real regret.

 

A couple of days ago, she sent me a message (1 month of NC). She said "I saw you in my dreams again and I wanted to see how are you". I told her "I am fine. Thanks for asking. I have to go now. Bye".

 

Btw she saw me with another girl (just a friend) and I heard that she was really jealous.

 

We have not talked since then. I don't know if I should send her a message or show something.

 

What do you think? Please help!

[Philosoraptor]

What do you think? Please help!

I think you opened the box again knowing what you would get, and got it.

 

No, no, no. You should not send her a message. Move on and take care of yourself. If you're committed to moving on, keeping her in your life with just inhibit that ability. And if she will just cause issues if she continues to hover around while you are looking for a new relationship.

[potestatum]

I think you opened the box again knowing what you would get, and got it.

 

No, no, no. You should not send her a message. Move on and take care of yourself. If you're committed to moving on, keeping her in your life with just inhibit that ability. And if she will just cause issues if she continues to hover around while you are looking for a new relationship.

 

 

Every time I am saying that I will not go back and every time she sent me a message I get so confused if I did the right thing!!

[Philosoraptor]

Every time I am saying that I will not go back and every time she sent me a message I get so confused if I did the right thing!!

 

What could you have possibly done wrong? It's broke how many times now? This time will magically fix the flaws that continue to lead to breakups?

[Avid]

Man even before I read about her getting psychological help I could of told you she needed it.

I know you care for her and don't want to hear it, but she sounds both bi-polar and immature. Thus the constant manipulation and jealous despite you two being "broken up". Also the reason it's "your fault" for whatever issue she has going on. Did you cheat on her, film it, and send it to her? Did you rape her? Did you kill her family? If not, then there's really no other "issue" that she can/should blame on you.

 

This girl claims to care for you, but can't forgive you for whatever 'issue' is in HER "subconcious"? Talk about manipulation.

There's only a few positive options for this relationship. 1. She becomes a better person. 2. You recognize her manipulation and counter it with better/more manipulation of your own. 3. You don't play those games and walk away, permanently.

 

Any other option results in more miserable manipulation for your future.

[potestatum]

Man even before I read about her getting psychological help I could of told you she needed it.

I know you care for her and don't want to hear it, but she sounds both bi-polar and immature. Thus the constant manipulation and jealous despite you two being "broken up". Also the reason it's "your fault" for whatever issue she has going on. Did you cheat on her, film it, and send it to her? Did you rape her? Did you kill her family? If not, then there's really no other "issue" that she can/should blame on you.

 

This girl claims to care for you, but can't forgive you for whatever 'issue' is in HER "subconcious"? Talk about manipulation.

There's only a few positive options for this relationship. 1. She becomes a better person. 2. You recognize her manipulation and counter it with better/more manipulation of your own. 3. You don't play those games and walk away, permanently.

 

Any other option results in more miserable manipulation for your future.

 

Thanks for the help guys!!

 

You are absolutely right..

I haven't done anything from the things you mentioned above to her.

On the contrary, I was gentle and good to her.

What I have done was nothing that she couldn't forgive and forget.

 

What do you mean with the second option? I kinda like it

[Avid]

I mean people are usually attracted to their traits of their parent/authority figures as well as being attracted to traits they themselves find strong. She either learned to be manipulative from someone in authority to her (probably manipulating her) or learned it as a "survival" mechanism.

 

In all honesty, it takes some level of crazy / heartlessness to manipulate others with no regards to how it will turn out for them (what she is doing to you). However, on the opposite, leaders often employ manipulation for the benefit of the pact.

 

What others have suggested here uses small forms of it. Employing NC while flaunting a new significant other, while immature, is a basic form of manipulation.

In order to be successful at manipulation you yourself must be very strong willed and able to ignore the pain that will come from what you do; as well as the pain from small setbacks/temporary resistance (as is all part of a proper manipulation.)

 

Honestly though, IMO, if you are willing to do that to a person, you probably don't belong with that person. (Or perhaps, since both parties are engaging in it, they are perfect for one another.)

 

Just know it is not the path of least resistance.