Woodox Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I broke up from a short but very full on, complicated relationship 3 weeks ago and found this forum. The stories on here have helped me feel like I'm not so alone so I thought I might share my experience, maybe it will help someone. *Apologies for length or spelling and grammar mistakes* So I worked with this girl who was in a 5 year relationship, always friends at work but that was it, never thought about her that way really, she was attractive and i liked her but long term relationship meant I didn't think of her like that. Anyway she had this guy's child and about 4 months later she came out with other work people for my birthday. After some drinking she starts texting me that she likes me and she knows it's complicated but she wants to be with me and can't stop thinking about me etc. I tell her that I wont go down that road and that I like her too but she needs to leave her boyfriend first. That night i get home and she texts me that she's coming over, she rocks up on my door and one thing led to another (I know first mistake). So we start hanging out for a couple of weeks doing the dog on her boyfriend, then I decide I can't do the cheating anymore she agrees, I tell her that I wanna have a relationship and if she sorts her life out and wants me then she knows where I am. One week later I get a text saying do you wanna ask me on a date sometime. I find out from her roommate (another workmate) that she kicked her B/F out. So we start dating and things move fast we see each other everyday we both start talking about the future and how happy we make each other and how all this feels so right and perfect etc. I have a lot of trust issues from a previous relationship which she knows and I have issues with the ex as he wants her back and the obvious complication with the kid etc. so this puts a strain on things from time to time, but all in all it was good for the first two months. Then she starts to go weird, starts to go cold and pull away. I talked to her and said look I don't have to be with you I'm happy being single if your not happy or you wanna go back to your ex I understand just be honest, she tells me that its not that, she loves me and nothing is wrong I'm reading in to things (apparently I read into everything and had trust issues and all the negative thoughts and feelings were all in my head). We then go on a trip for a week just the two of us and she pulls away heaps we have some big fights once again I tell her if she doesn't want me then she should say but I still loved her, she said she loved me etc. it was just 24/7 together. We get back home and she treats me less than a friend I question her and she says she just needs a break, so I leave her alone for two days assuming it's all over and then she texts me saying she misses me wants me back etc. so we try again then two weeks later she ends it over text (the most disrespectful way to do it IMO) so that's fun. The next night she gets drunk then tells me to come to her's she needs to tell me something, I go over and turns out she's pregnant (it's mine no doubt) she says she wants to make us work if we keep it we sleep together and she wants me back, I say no we have to work on us we cant get back together just for the baby. Two days later no contact again, then she pushes me away and says my opinion on the baby doesn't matter and to leave her alone, I'm angry so i tell her i never want her back and to tell me what she does with the baby but leave me alone other than that. About a week later I'm at her house getting some of my stuff off her roommate when my ex is at work. I find her text mssgs to her ex for the past 3 months saying she wants him back, that she thinks about him a lot, that she never loved me and knew it when she told me she did, that they both decided what they should do about my baby and a few other **** things to find out. So I am angry I tell her that I know everything, to sort the baby out and never talk to me again, that I wished I never wasted a day with her etc etc. A week later she aborts the baby and contacts me everyday between the last fight and that day saying she's sorry that she screwed up, she doesn't know why she did it she's confused etc. I don't reply unless it has to do with the abortion, after it's done I say goodbye and not to contact me anymore. Of course a week later she does telling me if I want a booty call I can, so I did. (I missed her regardless of the hate) We slept together for a couple more weeks all the while she was sexting her ex and telling me that she didn't want him back and she was confused about what she wants. ' This whole time I was pretty mean, no feelings telling her I didn't trust her that I didn't forgive her, that I never wanted to get back together. I felt so empty and cold, dead inside. Then she decides she cant do sex anymore it makes her feel like crap, that's fine and goodbye is said again. A week later my roommate tells me she is sure she is seeing her ex again (saw that coming). It's now three weeks with NC from me or her. So that's a (long) short story of my ex. The way i view it three weeks after the final goodbye is that I have things to learn and I have to learn these lessons this time! That if I tell myself that someone is the one that doesn't make them the one (I don't believe in the one I believe there is lots of ones out there). I learnt that all those negative thoughts and feelings wasn't me being sensitive or insecure but my instinct telling me something wasn't right and I didn't listen. (The only person you can trust 100% is yourself). I have never hated anyone like I hated this girl, hate is a horrible thing and hurt me more than the break up did. When I was able to let this go it allowed the healing to begin. Some days are harder than others but I'm getting better, I think about her everyday pretty much all day, I know I loved her and I still miss her sometimes. I also know that we were not right for each other and this is for the best. My curse is I know what I want, I always have and wanting that means I lie to myself to get that thing, I need to stop forcing it and let it come to me. I have realized I'm perfect for someone and that it will be their job to prove that their perfect for me not mine. My ex puts me one step closer to finding the kinda girl I want and I try to remind myself of that. I just don't understand why people need to treat other people in such ways, but as they say it takes all types. So i hope that maybe this might help someone like many of the other posts on here have helped me, any comments or questions welcome. Thanks for reading.
chir Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I read your story and to a certain extent it reminds me of mine. just that in my case I'm the one who broke up with him. He is 5 years younger, an foreigner working in my country. The last he told me he will leave for his own country in a few years time. I am proceeding with divorce with a 8 yr old. He is only 29. He didn't even want a relationship with me in the first pl because he thinks i remind him of an ex who hurts him badly. He is unable to control me. The attraction though is strong. Despite knowing we are incompatible He didn't even want a relationship.. and i tried to break it off 3 times only to go back because i miss him and i enjoy myself with him. Even though i don't love him i don't dare to love him. Finally 3 months ago. He started to introduce me as his gf even though he didn't asked me formally..I am old school. I need assurance. i broke off with him 2 wks ago. He is close to other girls even though i know he treats them at friends only. I'm not jealous but i feel not respected. on top of knowing we are not compatible, knowing he claims he super adore me yet he still have his reservations. . He didn't want to have sex with me. i know i am fortunate to know such a guy.and i still do. But at the same time i feel rejected by him. like I'm not gd enough for him so i broke it off.... only to regret Iit. But this time he did not want it back anymore. He said i traumatised him. 1 part of me is relieved because if he take me back.i will still be compromising and hanging on to him even though there is no future. All is under his terms ..no intimacy ..In a way tellin me hey u are not the ONE. But m heart yearn for him.i miss hhim holding my hands .. combing my hair. Laughing with me. i just miss him so much.
Author Woodox Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I'm 28 she is 24. She was on the pill but apparently forgot to take it one week. (My fault just as much as her's I could of used a condom, no blame just a mistake.) I did not write this post to try and make her look evil and me innocent, I made mistakes I believed lies and told myself lies because I wanted an outcome. I am just as responsible for how I feel as she is. All I know is hard lessons learnt hard. I believe we all make mistakes and once a cheater always a cheater is not always the case, I wanted to believe she saw something and that's why it happened the way it did, I wanted to believe it would all work out in the end. I was wrong. I am glad it has worked out this way I am able to walk away lessons learnt with no forced attachment. "I find that nice people often end up with BPD and other troubled people." Why is that? How do you truly know a nice person? These are the questions that stay with me.
fixing Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Wow, sorry to hear about that m8. What a bitch and a whore. But, you know, you messed up and missed the major alarm bells when she began cheating on her BF with you. That should have been the moment you walked. Those texts to her ex about you are disgusting. Sounds like she was still seeing him the whole time, that would explain the hot and cold behaviour. You have learned a valuable hard lesson. I have a slightly, slightly similar experience. I play online poker, have done for years. Was very isolated and decided to get out and meet some girls. Met one gorgeous girl. Went to her house a month later. Realised that she was just being friendly but her housemate, another sexy bird, came onto me hard. I thought i was the luckiest man alive!!!! Began a relationship with her. Little did i know, that they were bisexual and together. My ex ran out on her for me..... Well, turns out she was sleeping with various different men throughout the year and a half and i kicked her out. I found very hurtful messages with her and her **** buddy basically calling me a loser, she didnt care, no future with me, bla bla bla. She left completely not sorry and i havent heard from her since.... Well, thats not entirely true.. I saw her in November and called her a whore and a slag (Immature and stupid i know, but i was drunk) Her new man, who subsequently turns out to be her ex best friends HUSBAND came at me with a baseball bat so i beat him up, he locked himself in his car and i walked off like Rocky Balboa (Cue theme music) At least thats how i felt breifly until i sobered up lol So i know how you feel mate. Go hard no contact and never look back at the bitch. She aborted your ****ing baby the whore.!!! Keep posting here. It helps. Thanks for sharing.
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