Couples reuniting if the breakup was due to a schedule/similar issue?

March 9, 2014

Basically, as the title says! Do you feel that say, if a couple broke up due to a busy schedule or just an outside problem, could they still workout?

Example: A couple has strong feelings for each other but one of them has waaaay too much on their plate currently and can't give the other the attention they deserve. They somewhat mutually break up, but still have no other reason to have wanted to breakup as they truly had feelings for one another.

Could a healthy relationship rise from one of these situations?

March 9, 2014

Maybe.

It can be very situational, but I'll say this much:

If feelings were REALLY there, wouldn't they have found a way to work things out despite the busy schedule?

March 9, 2014

This is exactly the reason why my ex and I broke up. As for the poster above...I don't think it's about making time. I understand why we split...relationships take effort and commitment, which is a mental drain. They take hard work to upkeep and when one person realizes they aren't upholding their end of the upkeep, they feel guilty about it or like they're failing. When work or career becomes so overwhelming that there's not room for anything else, I think breaks can happen for that reason. It's not just about the time...it's about the upkeep.

As for the future reconcile...I don't know. I wonder that myself all the time. I think that it's possible - the BU didn't happen rvause of a character flaw or a relationship flaw. But who knows how long it could take...and life has a funny way of changing quickly. By the time the busy one is open to dating again, maybe their eye will be on someone new. Or maybe yours will. It sucks how life gets in the way sometimes :/

March 9, 2014

I think it's an excuse for the most part to mask loss of feelings or something else. Everyone is busy, that's part of being an adult. If you mean that much to them, they'll do what they can to keep you in their live. If you don't, they'll deprioritize you and set you free. I don't think there's a better chance of it working out in the future because a) they'll always be busy with something and b) I think it's a bullsh*t reason for the most part.

March 9, 2014

[quote=mirage12;5572couples s is exactly the reason why my ex and I broke up. As for the poster above...I don't think it's about making time. I understand why we split...relationships take effort and commitment, which is a mental drain. They take hard work to upkeep and when one person realizes they aren't upholding their end of the upkeep, they feel guilty about it or like they're failing. When work or career becomes so overwhelming that there's not room for anything else, I think breaks can happen for that reason. It's not just about the time...it's about the upkeep.

As for the future reconcile...I don't know. I wonder that myself all the time. I think that it's possible - the BU didn't happen rvause of a character flaw or a relationship flaw. But who knows how long it could take...and life has a funny way of changing quickly. By the time the busy one is open to dating again, maybe their eye will be on someone new. Or maybe yours will. It sucks how life gets in the way sometimes :/

I disagree.

There are PLENTY of couples that have incredibly busy scheudled and not at lot of time...but yet make it work. It comes down to one thing: Do they REALLY want to be with you or not. If both parties want to, they will. This also deals with LDR.

Anything else is just masking a legitimate reason, usually that they just are not interested anymore.

March 9, 2014

Maybe.

It can be very situational, but I'll say this much:

If feelings were REALLY there, wouldn't they have found a way to work things out despite the busy schedule?

I'm with you. Busy schedule or not, if I'm dumping a relationship because of time constrains, it's because the relationship is expendable.

March 9, 2014

I think it's an excuse for the most part to mask loss of feelings or something else. Everyone is busy, that's part of being an adult. If you mean that much to them, they'll do what they can to keep you in their live. If you don't, they'll deprioritize you and set you free. I don't think there's a better chance of it working out in the future because a) they'll always be busy with something and b) I think it's a bullsh*t reason for the most part.

Agree that it's a BS reason but I couldn't fault my ex for thinking of her career first. I've said it on here before but she's starting to work at a job that is lifestyle changing - a type of job that is actually well known in our industry for tanking relationships, being beyond miserable the first year, etc. I have other friends doing similar jobs and they are in the same boat as her...I can see how unhappy they are and how they've sacrificed most, if not all, of their personal relationships. The part you're right about is the de prioritizing. In these cases, maybe of you're married or it it's a very long term relationship, there's the incentive to try harder. In most cases...it's easier to run/focus 100% on the career.

I think it depends on OP's case what the specific situation is.

March 9, 2014

I think it's an excuse for the most part to mask loss of feelings or something else.

You hit the nail on the head.

March 9, 2014

I understand the legal profession. One if my girlfriends is a lawyer. The amount of work she dues outside of normal hours that she doesn't get paid for, is outrageous. I'm surprised she has the time to scratch herself. Her fiance runs a family business and is stretched for time constantly. They're getting married though, because the relationship is important enough to not quit.

Exactly pick, but that's the point I was trying to make above. For some relationships - let's say a marriage, an engagement, a very long term relationship, the relationship is important enough to not quit. For most other relationships, I guess it's easier to quit.

March 9, 2014

Haha I didn't mean to shift this to a talk about me...but I'm not trying to lie to myself about future possibilities. I'm moving to a completely new city in a week. I've accepted that for all intents and purposes, there's almost no chance my ex and I have a future.

All that I'm saying is that I don't hate her for it.

You don't have to hate her, it just seems like you are still spinning stuff in your mind about her motives. That's not constructive and not healthy.

March 9, 2014

Well, in my case I had a wonderful relationship going with a girl. We're both seniors and started talking at the end of last semester where everything was winding down. Winter break was spent talking all the time, expressing our desire for one another.

Then school started back up and she changed a lot! She became extremely busy due to school/extra curriculars. I'm busy myself, but not as much as she really was. It seems like she stopped trying as hard as she did before, we didn't get to spend nearly as much time as I would've liked, and things just became really confusing. We grew really distant and it just snowballed and became worse. We'd have talks about it and she told me how she truly cared about me and I made her day and that she wanted to pull through until her schedule wasn't insane, but really it was just more of the same.

Last week we attended a dance together. I told her prior to going that I wanted to talk to her about us. To tell her how I felt that she had a wall up with me and wanted to know why she was so distant and didn't talk to me as much.

Anywho, the night went amazingly and we had such a great time. She craved my attention like I'd never seen before, and we truly connected. It was how I had always pictured us getting along. She was so affectionate and it felt like the feelings were really there. She even showed me the necklace I gave to her, telling me how one of the stones fell out. I asked her how it happened and she said it was because she wore it so much - Basically just cute stuff like that. We got home and started cuddling after the dance and I decided to start talking to her about 'us'.

The discussion escalated quick and when I asked her why she had walls, she said she had reasons to have them up and that she can't just let someone in quickly. She said that she feels like she can't appreciate me, can't give me the attention I deserve and that it was mostly due to her schedule. She was crying really hard and told me that she's so distant because she feels like she's hurting me for never spending time with me, and that the next two months would be even worse due to more being added to her plate. She told me she felt like she was hurting me by never getting to see me/talk to me. She also mentioned that she just flat out sucks at relationships and doesn't have much experience being serious with someone. At one point she told me I was the most caring and understanding guy she's ever met, and I told her that she didn't need to feel pressured to stay with me and that if she didn't want this anymore I was okay with it. She responded saying she didn't want to break it off, and then buried her face in her hands and wept for a while. Then she rose up and with a look of absolute grief on her face, told me she couldn't do this anymore and that she was tired of feeling like she was hurting me (Which she kind of was...).

Anyways, I remained really calm and didn't freak out or get super emotional or anything. I was upset but I wanted to seem strong or something. She cried really hard for a while and told me that until she believes she can let someone in, she can't do that with anyone else and that she doesn't know when she will be able to. Before she left I told her that it felt really wrong to let her go like this. That was a week ago and it's been complete and total NC since that night.

She blocked me on facebook/unfollowed my instagram which was strange because it wasn't a bad breakup. I did notice that, she changed her profile picture on her OTHER facebook account that she hasn't used in forever (She made two for the sake of getting away form her parents). But she changed her profile picture to a picture of her wearing the necklace I gave her when we got together... I'm pulling through fine but for some reason I still want something with her. I still have feelings for her and feel like we go together amazingly personality wise. She has left a few hints and such with our mutual friends about her stance that she still has feelings too, but I feel really confused about her sometimes.

I have no problem getting over her and moving on because I'm really confident in myself (Don't have any trouble attracting women) but something about her keeps me wanting something in the future.

Opinions/thoughts?

March 9, 2014

You don't have to hate her, it just seems like you are still spinning stuff in your mind about her motives. That's not constructive and not healthy.

Oh I know, and you're right. I also know what you're saying is for my own good, and I do appreciate it. I'm hoping a new city, new scenery, new job and meeting new people will help my progress a lot.

March 9, 2014

Also adding onto my last post, she said she had no intention of breaking up with me that night. It was just due to the discussion and that she faced the issues in our relationship and it just happened that way.

March 9, 2014

Well, in my case I had a wonderful relationship going with a girl. We're both seniors and started talking at the end of last semester where everything was winding down. Winter break was spent talking all the time, expressing our desire for one another.

Then school started back up and she changed a lot! She became extremely busy due to school/extra curriculars. I'm busy myself, but not as much as she really was. It seems like she stopped trying as hard as she did before, we didn't get to spend nearly as much time as I would've liked, and things just became really confusing. We grew really distant and it just snowballed and became worse. We'd have talks about it and she told me how she truly cared about me and I made her day and that she wanted to pull through until her schedule wasn't insane, but really it was just more of the same.

Last week we attended a dance together. I told her prior to going that I wanted to talk to her about us. To tell her how I felt that she had a wall up with me and wanted to know why she was so distant and didn't talk to me as much.

Anywho, the night went amazingly and we had such a great time. She craved my attention like I'd never seen before, and we truly connected. It was how I had always pictured us getting along. She was so affectionate and it felt like the feelings were really there. She even showed me the necklace I gave to her, telling me how one of the stones fell out. I asked her how it happened and she said it was because she wore it so much - Basically just cute stuff like that. We got home and started cuddling after the dance and I decided to start talking to her about 'us'.

The discussion escalated quick and when I asked her why she had walls, she said she had reasons to have them up and that she can't just let someone in quickly. She said that she feels like she can't appreciate me, can't give me the attention I deserve and that it was mostly due to her schedule. She was crying really hard and told me that she's so distant because she feels like she's hurting me for never spending time with me, and that the next two months would be even worse due to more being added to her plate. She told me she felt like she was hurting me by never getting to see me/talk to me. She also mentioned that she just flat out sucks at relationships and doesn't have much experience being serious with someone. At one point she told me I was the most caring and understanding guy she's ever met, and I told her that she didn't need to feel pressured to stay with me and that if she didn't want this anymore I was okay with it. She responded saying she didn't want to break it off, and then buried her face in her hands and wept for a while. Then she rose up and with a look of absolute grief on her face, told me she couldn't do this anymore and that she was tired of feeling like she was hurting me (Which she kind of was...).

Anyways, I remained really calm and didn't freak out or get super emotional or anything. I was upset but I wanted to seem strong or something. She cried really hard for a while and told me that until she believes she can let someone in, she can't do that with anyone else and that she doesn't know when she will be able to. Before she left I told her that it felt really wrong to let her go like this. That was a week ago and it's been complete and total NC since that night.

She blocked me on facebook/unfollowed my instagram which was strange because it wasn't a bad breakup. I did notice that, she changed her profile picture on her OTHER facebook account that she hasn't used in forever (She made two for the sake of getting away form her parents). But she changed her profile picture to a picture of her wearing the necklace I gave her when we got together... I'm pulling through fine but for some reason I still want something with her. I still have feelings for her and feel like we go together amazingly personality wise. She has left a few hints and such with our mutual friends about her stance that she still has feelings too, but I feel really confused about her sometimes.

I have no problem getting over her and moving on because I'm really confident in myself (Don't have any trouble attracting women) but something about her keeps me wanting something in the future.

Opinions/thoughts?

I'm assuming you mean senior in college? I had a similar experience, my last serious relationship before my current ex. My ex at the time acted similarly...she was applying to her masters program, was becoming very busy, etc. Part of it is going to be related to the transition you and her are about to make - college to real world. That transition was terrifying for my ex at the time and she shut down. She was aware that her life was going to change dramatically and she freaked out. We broke up 3 times - the last two, one was right before graduation, then again 3 months later after she and I had already moved to a new city (me for law school, her for her masters program). The transition time is going to be very hard. That could be part of what she's going through, not so much the schedule.

March 9, 2014

I'm assuming you mean senior in college? I had a similar experience, my last serious relationship before my current ex. My ex at the time acted similarly...she was applying to her masters program, was becoming very busy, etc. Part of it is going to be related to the transition you and her are about to make - college to real world. That transition was terrifying for my ex at the time and she shut down. She was aware that her life was going to change dramatically and she freaked out. We broke up 3 times - the last two, one was right before graduation, then again 3 months later after she and I had already moved to a new city (me for law school, her for her masters program). The transition time is going to be very hard. That could be part of what she's going through, not so much the schedule.

Nope! We're both seniors in high school. I'm 17 but I'm certainly looking forward to attending Uni next year!

March 9, 2014

Had the same happening in my relationship. We broke up, mainly because he became very busy and couldn't and didn't want to prioritize anymore. It broke my heart, especially cause he used to say he would ALWAYS make and find time for me. In the end I guess that wasn't the case. It's really hard to accept but I agree; if somebody really cares about and loves you, they will find the time, they will make the time, they wil show you they want to spend time with you. If that isn't the case, you have to let go. As hard as it is, you can't be with someone who isn't apreciative of your time. Only when I keep telling myself this over and over again, I feel better. Other than that, it isn't great to lose your boyfriend over this dumb excuse, but lets be real; you deserve somebody who will do anything to spend time with you.

March 9, 2014

Had the same happening in my relationship. We broke up, mainly because he became very busy and couldn't and didn't want to prioritize anymore. It broke my heart, especially cause he used to say he would ALWAYS make and find time for me. In the end I guess that wasn't the case. It's really hard to accept but I agree; if somebody really cares about and loves you, they will find the time, they will make the time, they wil show you they want to spend time with you. If that isn't the case, you have to let go. As hard as it is, you can't be with someone who isn't apreciative of your time. Only when I keep telling myself this over and over again, I feel better. Other than that, it isn't great to lose your boyfriend over this dumb excuse, but lets be real; you deserve somebody who will do anything to spend time with you.

Feel your pain so much! In the beginning she told me the same thing, haha.

"I'm not gonna do this and that, I want to have time for you ;)"

Then when she broke up with me, she said she had no idea she'd be this busy. I think more of the reason she broke up with me was because she was taking her stress out on me. I just ask myself everyday, what happened to the girl I started dating two months ago? She just changed and I guess that's that. I never gave her a reason to change. I mean, I always gave her her space, I was never clingy once in the relationship and I always was there for her. I was affectionate, fun, and always gave my 110%. I also know she found me really attractive.

My philosophy right now is just to not expect anything, not to cling onto getting back with her. I fully accept that I need to just move on and I'm cool with that. But regardless, I still care for her and like her. If one day months in the future she came back talking to me again, like over the summer, I'd totally reciprocate. Not jump right into anything but I'd certainly talk to her again. Guess time will just have to tell.

Sign In

Couples reuniting if the breakup was due to a schedule/similar issue?

Recommended Posts

TheKook

Never Again

mirage12

Simon Phoenix

ConfusedHumanBeing

pickflicker

mirage12

iDrumKing

mirage12

Simon Phoenix

TheKook

mirage12

TheKook

mirage12

TheKook

Tulipsgold

TheKook

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...