Break no contact or hold out?

[BC1980]

Well, you've only been NC for one week, so it's still fresh. I've been NC since last August, and I broke it once. I still get sad, so it just takes time.

 

Why do you see your ex texting your friends? You should rarely see that unless they are telling you everytime.

 

I don't know what to say about work. My ex and I also met at work, but I haven't had any problems with that for some reason. I work in a really big hospital, so I have other friends and acquaintances there. I can associate my work with others positive things, so maybe it helps.

[Economist70]

My ex and I broke up (She dumped me) because she was leaving the state to study at University. She asked if I wanted to go back to being friends (I reluctantly accepted) and I acted like I was fine with the break up until she actually left.

 

Contact on her part has been minimal at best. When we started dating, I introduced her to my friends (As is the way) and they enjoyed her company. She started texting and snapchatting them (Something I didn't have a problem with because I have similar interactions with some of my friend's partners).

 

After she left, I started to somewhat fall apart internally. I'd have good days but I'd also have bad days. There hasn't been a day since we broke up that I haven't thought about her. I began to get jealous that she was texting my friends and not me and started pursuing her for answers about the break up (Things I know now I shouldn't have done).

 

We've been 2 weeks no contact now and while I'm feeling better, there's a small part of me that wants her to text me.

 

Anyway, the other day I noticed she changed her picture on Twitter. It was one of her and one of my closest friends (He also studies outside of the state I live in and a different one to which she lives). Which means that they've organised to catch up and done so.

 

I don't feel it's my place to poke my nose into this (Who they text and indeed spend time with is none of my business). But it's been playing with my head because I can't imagine any scenario where they could meet up and NOT talk about me. I'd like to think I trust them both but you know what you're like after a break up.

 

Should I pursue/subtly hint at my friend about the meeting, or just let this run its course?

[Ordinaryday]

My ex and I broke up (She dumped me) because she was leaving the state to study at University. She asked if I wanted to go back to being friends (I reluctantly accepted) and I acted like I was fine with the break up until she actually left.

 

Contact on her part has been minimal at best. When we started dating, I introduced her to my friends (As is the way) and they enjoyed her company. She started texting and snapchatting them (Something I didn't have a problem with because I have similar interactions with some of my friend's partners).

 

After she left, I started to somewhat fall apart internally. I'd have good days but I'd also have bad days. There hasn't been a day since we broke up that I haven't thought about her. I began to get jealous that she was texting my friends and not me and started pursuing her for answers about the break up (Things I know now I shouldn't have done).

 

We've been 2 weeks no contact now and while I'm feeling better, there's a small part of me that wants her to text me.

 

Anyway, the other day I noticed she changed her picture on Twitter. It was one of her and one of my closest friends (He also studies outside of the state I live in and a different one to which she lives). Which means that they've organised to catch up and done so.

 

I don't feel it's my place to poke my nose into this (Who they text and indeed spend time with is none of my business). But it's been playing with my head because I can't imagine any scenario where they could meet up and NOT talk about me. I'd like to think I trust them both but you know what you're like after a break up.

 

Should I pursue/subtly hint at my friend about the meeting, or just let this run its course?

 

you have obviously not been on this board for very long! pretty much the first thing dumpees are advised to do post-breakup is to block their ex on ALL SOCIAL MEDIA. the slightest comment they make or in your case, a photo they post, can have you asking a million questions!

 

so BLOCK HER.

 

And no if you keep in contact with this friend and he sees her as well ANYTHING YOU ASK HIM will get STRAIGHT back to her - if you ask him about her the next time he sees her he WILL TELL HER that you asked about her and she will know she is on your mind.

 

so first step, completely block her.

 

second step, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BRING HER UP DURING the conversation with him. and if HE mentions her to you in whatever context politely cut him off by saying "sorry, I have no interest or desire at all in discussing or gossiping about my ex".

 

then the next time he sees her he will tell her you refused to talk about her. that will hurt her more.

 

but... why havent you blocked her on twitter?

[Economist70]

I've deleted her number from my phone and all of our conversations both on my phone and on Facebook, but I think blocking her on social media platforms is somewhat immature and unprofessional. I do, however, make no contact with her in any way. It's just that she continues to text and now obviously see my friends (Not assuming or implying anything) that bugs me.

[Ordinaryday]

I've deleted her number from my phone and all of our conversations both on my phone and on Facebook, but I think blocking her on social media platforms is somewhat immature and unprofessional. I do, however, make no contact with her in any way. It's just that she continues to text and now obviously see my friends (Not assuming or implying anything) that bugs me.

 

you don't need to do what is 'mature' after getting dumped, you need to do what works for you and getting you healed... if the dumper thinks it is immature then who cares because her opinion is no longer relevant.

 

so yes you do block her. and if she continues to sees your mutual friends that is her right and you can do nothing about it, unless unfriend them if you so choose.

 

if any of your mutual friends try bringing her up you cut them off by saying "I have no interest or desire to discuss or gossip about my ex, please respect that".

 

then IT WILL get back to her that you are 'not interested' in talking about her and that will kill her... which should be irrelevant to you anyway since the moment she dumped you anything she does is not your concern.