itrytobehappy Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hi, I'm 29. I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 years and counting. She's 28 and we have a wonderful 2 year old baby. We've met on a dating website on the Internet. At first, before meeting her, I had doubts wether I liked her or not. She seemed boring. I even deleted her from MSN Messenger but added her back to give her a chance. We met in person a few times. After a few dates, we were officially together. First year was great. She was my first girlfriend and it seemed like we were really in love. Kissing, hugging, sex. Spoke on the phone everyday. Everything was great. One year later, we moved to our first rented apartment. Though it was really small, I liked it. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week, cuddling kissing, everything was there. She would look me in the eyes and say that she loved me. It was perfect. Years passed and the sparks slowly died. Three years into our relationship, I began to have doubts about our future. I began to think how it would be if I was with a different woman. I've always been faithful towards her. Sex was once every two weeks, once every month... Then the arguments began. She was mad at me for the smallest things. It was ridiculous. We hated our neighbors so we bought our first house. At first it was okay. I thought that it would be better in our own house. But not. The constant nagging began. We paid everything equally. Then she got pregnant. We got a baby and be assured, we love her. My baby is the most important thing in my life. But now, there's a big problem. We bought a new house and everything is going downhill FAST. She is always negative. She always been negative but now, she complains all the time. She curse all the time, nags all the time, she's a couch potato and she's always in front of her stupid laptop (and facebook) AND watching TV. We don't really talk... All she does is complain and being negative about everything and eveyone! Except her dog and her family. It is wearing me down. I come back from work and I try to be happy but she ruins it EVERYDAY. I told her to see a psychiatrist but she was insulted, telling me that she doesn't have any mental problem. She looks depressed and she's depressing me. She recently began complaining about my family members. She also complains about her job, the new house and our town (it seems she hate it now and recently told me that she never wanted to buy this house, even if she did), and even my beard! When I don't shave, she ask me to shave and she might kiss me. I shave, I get nothing! That's ridiculous. She's always quitting jobs because she hate every single job she gets. Also, there's all the small things. When I tell her "I love you", all I get is a kind of affirmative "hmm hmm". Never "me too", always "hmm hmm". I asked her if she love me and she always reply "I don't know...You?" with a smile. Is she joking or being honest, I honestly don't know at all. She stopped making out with me, all I get is dry kisses and I need to ask for them. If I ask for a kiss, I rarely get one. She never touches me or cuddle anymore. If I try to kiss her or hug her, she pushes me. Now. We have our own house but we manage our finances each our own. Sometimes, I think about leaving her. But I can't do it because I don't have the balls to. I also don't want to be separated from my daughter... I don't know what to do. This relationship is killing me. We are not married (she stopped showing interest in marriage a few years ago). Is she normal? What the hell is going on? Should I leave her? What would you do? Is this relationship doomed? Anyone been in a similar situation? Did you have the balls to get the hell out of a similar relationship? Was it worth it? Thanks.
thegreatesthumphrey Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Two things. You know she is obviously depressed, that is why you mentioned a therapist. If you want to save the relationship try to get down to what is really bothering her. Sometimes people cant figure out themselves what is wrong with them so they just ruminate in depression which continues to worsen. Take everything one day at a time with her. Also, suggestion, you guys need to get out of your everyday for an extended period. Like a week. Childless, if possible. While you are doing it, be sure to set her free. Do not try to direct or help during this, just sit back watch her and let her take the lead. Make sure to keep the pace slow. This time would not be for seeing things, doing things, or seeing people. This time is for fresh air. When you get back home, continue this pace with her. Make everything light even if the situation seems like a big deal keep a light attitude about it. Once your home take back the lead. A depressed person can send themselves in too many directions emotionally. When a situation arises do not discuss it, instantly respond with solutions. Keep yourself calm but caring and not overly supportive. She has to find the happiness within herself. Give her at least one compliment a day even if at first she responds negatively continue it and brush off the rude comment just smile at her. She will come around. A depressed person is incapable of seeing the positive side of things so dont take it personally. There can be no arguments or negativity from you at all. If you get angry about something express it away from her. Depressed people can easily get their thoughts caught up in the drama of things so that they have a reason to keep themselves in that state without realizing it. So, create and continue no drama. Also, bring laughing back. I am positive that it does not exist in your relationship right now. And again, even if she doesnt respond back with laughing immediately, keep doing it. Keep it extremely light though and dont make a joke that would refer to anything going on in your lives. Small steps, but be consistent and dont give up. If she is not starting to come around after 6 months then I would feel confident in telling you to let it go. While you are doing this for her, it will also be extremely good for yourself, your health, and your emotional well being. Second. Many women may go through this after having a child for different reasons. At this exact age the child is the most time demanding and stressful to watch while not yet being at the "fun" ages. It is very difficult. By the age of three the child can communicate much better and she will feel the attachment more. Haha. I have written alot. I have things I need to be doing. lol
Kevin_D Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It sounds as she is depressed. It can be very insulting if someone comes home, seemingly happy and say "You need to see psychiatrist!". That probably makes her feel even more alone. Have you tried hugging her, telling her that everything will be alright and that you will always support her? Show her that you are her ally, not a competitor. If you're successful in your career and try to be in a good mood all the time, while she can't keep a job and is depressed, she might feel like she's a failure.
Author itrytobehappy Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks for your replies. Well, I've tried everything you both mentioned for the last two years. Nothing is doing it. She was negative even before getting pregnant. Nothing is doing it. I just came back from the grocery store. She was loading the dishwasher. I go and try to put my dish in the dishwasher and she replies "move the **** out, don't you see I'm loading the ****ing dishwasher". I hate her so much right now! My friends don't even like her because she is weird. She treats me like ****. I went to the basement and I can hear her swearing about everything. I wish I never met her.
thegreatesthumphrey Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 wow. get a hotel tonight dude then find a lawyer tomorrow. lol
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