KCCK Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 We were together for 2 years..it was my first relationship.... than she dump me for another guy... than i came to this website and slowly get myself back up with the advice from people in this forum... after 6 months (two weeks ago), she text me in the middle of the night saying how sorry she is and wishing me all the best... I reply her casually and then we started talking again everytime she text me... I just couldnt say no to her.. I guess I am still weak as she was my first love... than a week ago, we started talking on the phone for hours at night and she told me she had broke up with the other guy... but that guy still keep on chasing after her and she is kinda stress... she then told me how useless that guy is, how her parents see that guy as useless and how she regretted dumping me and how she regretted sleeping with that guy and having unprotected sex on numerous occasion... I was really devastated when I hear all these things as I still really love her after all this while... Her mom called me up and ask me to forgive her daughter and told me she really hope, I can take care of her daughter for life... I really wanted her back as I really love her but at the same time, her dumping me and that fcking guy will always haunt me.. is it possible to forgive and forget and perhaps give things a second chance? I need advice... thanks...
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Sexual history of you ex will always haunt you after a break up and you either accept it and deal with it or you let go. I see sex as a activity and not a memory to be remembered forever. Now the first kiss you had and the long nights you just sit in the car and stare at the highway is different. These memories are the really intimate ones and will always be remembered. You should tell her how she dragged you through the hurt when she broke up with you and how you felt. Maybe she can amend her wrong doings with some promises or apology. 1
Author KCCK Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 thanks for the reply... I did talk to her about all these things and I guess, up till now, she is still uncertain what she really wants.. she told me she still loves me but she doesnt want to be with me yet because she will hurt the other guy who has been trying hard to get her back... but every night, she comes to me and crying and telling me that she is sorry and she is depressed because she hurt many people... she did ask me not to contact her and so out of respect, I told her I will give her space and time.. than after one day, she came back to me and say why didnt I contact her? why did i give up on her so easily? I am sometimes confuse to what she really wants...
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 thanks for the reply... I did talk to her about all these things and I guess, up till now, she is still uncertain what she really wants.. she told me she still loves me but she doesnt want to be with me yet because she will hurt the other guy who has been trying hard to get her back... but every night, she comes to me and crying and telling me that she is sorry and she is depressed because she hurt many people... she did ask me not to contact her and so out of respect, I told her I will give her space and time.. than after one day, she came back to me and say why didnt I contact her? why did i give up on her so easily? I am sometimes confuse to what she really wants... She's putting you on the backburner and stringing you along and it's best if you just go NC until she lets go of the other guy. Don't be her emotional cushion because she will only use and abuse you until she feels better and move on without you in the picture. I did the exact same thing 2 weeks ago with my ex and she just disappeared after I gave her the emotional support to recover from her surgery. Then one day she just stopped needing me after she recovered and it was my fault being to nice. I hope you learn from my mistakes and make it work for you. 1
Author KCCK Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 thanks.. after reading your advice and realizing that it is similar to advice from many of my friends... I have decided... until she let go of the other guy, I will just stay away from her...many friends told me that she finds me because she is lonely and I am just there to comfort her... but i dont mind as long as I can help her become a better person in life... I will try my best to just treat her as casual and without hoping much for anything to happen.... i know I will definitely get hurt if I choose this path but at the same time, perhaps this final hurt is what I need in order to let her go for good...i guess, at least i try my best to try make things work a second time...
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 thanks.. after reading your advice and realizing that it is similar to advice from many of my friends... I have decided... until she let go of the other guy, I will just stay away from her...many friends told me that she finds me because she is lonely and I am just there to comfort her... but i dont mind as long as I can help her become a better person in life... I will try my best to just treat her as casual and without hoping much for anything to happen.... i know I will definitely get hurt if I choose this path but at the same time, perhaps this final hurt is what I need in order to let her go for good...i guess, at least i try my best to try make things work a second time... If you choose this path I might suggest not to be so available to her. Example is if you are out with your friends and she calls you crying just don't up and leave and go to her. Don't become her midnight support system as she will take advantage of your kindness.
Author KCCK Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 thanks... I will remember the advice... thank you very much...
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 My mistakes are here for your reading pleasures so you can learn lol. Be strong and stay healthy.
BC1980 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 She hasn't said she wants you back at all really. She's saying a lot of vague things like she has regrets, she misses you, she is sorry to have hurt you. She is using you as emotional support right now. This situation is not good for you, and I would tell her that while you understand she is hurting, you need space to move on. I don't see how this entire setup helps you at all. It's going to drain you emotionally.
xUnknown Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 She's using you to get over her ex. She misses the comfort you provided her, now, she's using it to get over her relationship. Go NC. Tell her when you're over your ex and IF she wants to give us another shot, then come to me, but otherwise we both need to heal. Her saying she wants NC is a catch 22 situation. She SAID she wants NC, when you give it to her, she didn't like it. She WANTED you to chase her. But, I can almost guarantee you, had you done so, she would have gotten frustrated with you that you didn't do what she asked. Thats why women suck (haha), they say one thing, but mean the other. Say what you mean. Take it at face value.
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