franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey everyone. Going through a rough time here too. Day 4 of no contact for me. I want to text her so badly. She was hands down the best girl I've ever dated as she made me a better person and challenged me in so many ways. She said I was too quiet. We only dated for 2 months but I've always been someone who opens up gradually and I just never got the chance to. She still had feelings for me when I talked to her last but said this was for the best as we both cried and hugged each other :/ Glad there are people out there that understand. I plan to just vent my feelings here.
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 4 days isn't enough man. It'll get worse before it gets better. How old are you?
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Yes vent them here!! Let her be... let her do what she needs to while you refocus on you!! You be better in no time!! It was only 2 months so in about 3 weeks (if you focus on you) You'll be back! Improve yourself and make changes for you not her!! Hit the gym!! I joined a kick boxing and a gym and love it my body is already transforming!! When you feel down run to the gym watch the difference you feel!!
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I'm 25 years old. Male obviously. The depression and sadness seem to just come in waves now surprisingly. Maybe it's just because I'm at work. It's always the WORST right before bed and as soon as I wake up in the morning. Finding her hairs in my bed, hair ties in my bathroom, seeing a shirt she bought me. It's like she's haunting me. I wonder if she's thinking of me at all. She's such a confident and independent person that she's probably over me already. What I'd give to just pick her up and spin her around one last time. I can't be selfish though. Part of loving someone is respecting their wishes. Ugh, God give me strength. And the gym, here's the thing, she goes to the SAME gym. taking a break from there for a while. I don't want to cancel because the gym is EXTREMELY nice.
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 FIND ANOTHER! NO EXCUSES BRO!1 I am sure there are plenty of other gyms around 1
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 FIND ANOTHER! NO EXCUSES BRO!1 I am sure there are plenty of other gyms around I know right. The thing is there aren't any gyms that have all the stuff the one I'm a member at does. It has pools, rockwalls ect. She said she was cancelling after this month though anyways. So I figure I just hold out until April and then go. 1
erklat Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) Great, vent here but don't text her for the love of God. I was in a three month relationship and I am six months post bu and still depressed. It takes as long as it takes bro. Edited March 6, 2014 by erklat
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Great, vent here but don't text her for the love of God. I won't. I have self control, it's just always so tempting. Here's how I figure it. There are 2 options: I text her: she ignores me or just says to let her go. I don't text her: She starts to miss me and wants me back eventually, or she never texts and I get over her. Option 2 sounds best to me. That helps me I guess. 1
erklat Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 And no excuses for not pumping! If you find an excuse for dat, you'llfind an eexcuse to contact her too! 1
LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'm 25 years old. Male obviously. The depression and sadness seem to just come in waves now surprisingly. Maybe it's just because I'm at work. It's always the WORST right before bed and as soon as I wake up in the morning. Finding her hairs in my bed, hair ties in my bathroom, seeing a shirt she bought me. It's like she's haunting me. I wonder if she's thinking of me at all. She's such a confident and independent person that she's probably over me already. What I'd give to just pick her up and spin her around one last time. I can't be selfish though. Part of loving someone is respecting their wishes. Ugh, God give me strength. And the gym, here's the thing, she goes to the SAME gym. taking a break from there for a while. I don't want to cancel because the gym is EXTREMELY nice. She's not over you. But who cares at this point. I'm going through a similar situation, as mostly everyone here is. This forum is seriously the best therapy I have had. Everyone is neutral as no one knows each other. With sadness comes strength.Don;t text. Today is my first day of NC, and I am surprisingly feeling ok about it. Not sure what the night time will bring or tomorrow morning but I am focusing on the now. Keep posting here, it helps. Trust me, I went from hopeless and devastated, to feeling somewhat at ease. 2
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 She's not over you. But who cares at this point. I'm going through a similar situation, as mostly everyone here is. This forum is seriously the best therapy I have had. Everyone is neutral as no one knows each other. With sadness comes strength.Don;t text. Today is my first day of NC, and I am surprisingly feeling ok about it. Not sure what the night time will bring or tomorrow morning but I am focusing on the now. Keep posting here, it helps. Trust me, I went from hopeless and devastated, to feeling somewhat at ease. I'm glad I found this too. You always feel so alone in this. It really helps having this support and being able to support others! Mornings and evenings are the WORST still.
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I know how it is man to run into triggers. I was cleaning out my car a few weeks back and found a bottle of scented hand sanitizer my ex GF used. Took my mind back to the days. Then I threw it away. lol And forget that she goes to the same gym man. Bump that! Do NOT give her power to dictate the places you go and the things you do. Will it be awkward? Maybe. But this isn't about her, it's about you. 1
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 And no excuses for not pumping! If you find an excuse for dat, you'llfind an eexcuse to contact her too! Nah, I have a weight set up at home I use for now to lift. Just not nearly as nice of course. So I still lift.
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I know how it is man to run into triggers. I was cleaning out my car a few weeks back and found a bottle of scented hand sanitizer my ex GF used. Took my mind back to the days. Then I threw it away. lol And forget that she goes to the same gym man. Bump that! Do NOT give her power to dictate the places you go and the things you do. Will it be awkward? Maybe. But this isn't about her, it's about you. Yea exactly. I toss that stuff too. And I won't let her dictate me. I WILL go back. Just need a week or so you know? Don't want to torture myself.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Why not go to the gym at a time you know she won't be there?
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Why not go to the gym at a time you know she won't be there? It's the memories. The entire place. We would go there ALL the time. It would be torture right now. I just need some time away from there.
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 My daily vent and what I wish I could say to you... I can't believe it's been only 5 days. It feels like 5 years. This is hands down one of the hardest things I've ever done. I loved you so much, more than you'll ever know. And part of my promise to love you includes respecting your decision to break us off. It's truly amazing how one person can truly turn your world upside down. It's like I have tunnel vision and the only thing I can see is you. I'm missing the beauty of every day life. It makes it worse because our break up was not a bad or angry one. You still care for me, you still have feelings for me, you say I'm going to make another girl the happiest girl in the world someday. We sat and talked for over an hour after breaking it off. Holding each other and trying to convince myself that this was for the best. The depression and anxiety continues to come in waves. Mornings are by far the worst. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up. Wondering what you're doing at the moment, how you're feeling, whether you miss me at all or think of me. The selfish part of me hopes you will realize that you made a mistake by ending things. I'm trying so hard to believe that there is someone better out there that is going to walk into my life but it's so hard. This no contact period is truly like coming down off a drug addiction. It's absolutely terrible. You were literally everything I ever wanted in a girl. You challenged me in ways I have never been challenged before, you made me the happiest guy alive and we both fell for each other so fast. I still have the part of me that wishes I will look down at my phone and see a text from you. But at the same time I don't want to see it unless it's anything other than "I miss you can we try it one last time?". I know this won't ever happen. You are too much of a confident and independent person to turn and come back now. I'm holding onto my dignity with all that I have. Resisting the urge to text you and let you know how I'm feeling and how much I miss you. I know that would only hurt you even more however. I guess I just really wish I knew how you were feeling right now. I wish I could be a fly on your wall in your room seeing how this is affecting you and if it's killing you like it is me. People have asked me how I knew that I really loved you. I tell them I know because above all else I want you to be happy, even if that's not with me as much as that kills me to even think about. Love is selflessness, and that's exactly what I have for you. I'm dissapointed in myself for taking for granted the time I had with you. I feel I should have tried harder, talked to you more, done a million other things that I didn't. My only prayer at this time is that I continue to heal as fast as possible. I'm miserable without you as stupid as that sounds. I thought you were the one. I wish I had one last chance. I love you Kathleen Elizabeth. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for the memories and the life lessons. You are truly one of a kind. I only hope my future relationships are filled with the closeness we shared. Always, Aaron
lvroflife Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Brother!!! I feel your pain and its good you wrote that here and not send it to her. You do have to stop beating yourself up. You loved the best you know how. It is not your fault she didn't come to you prior about how she was feeling about the relationship. If she was afraid to lose you and she want things to work she would way something. I read all these threads and it is a recurring theme that "dumper" never communicate how they TRULY felt. In stead they were selfish and said "let me see if my feelings will change". All the while you the "dumper" are thinking everything is ok and doing things that you would do then BAM they break up with you. Us as the dumper immediately go into shock and scramble. When we should ask "why did you not say anything? How am I or we suppose to fix things when you say nothing?". Comes down to COMMUNICATION. No one is a mind reader. So how are we (dumper) suppose to work on what we do not know? Stay strong my friend!!! I do not know you but you have a friend in ME.
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Brother!!! I feel your pain and its good you wrote that here and not send it to her. You do have to stop beating yourself up. You loved the best you know how. It is not your fault she didn't come to you prior about how she was feeling about the relationship. If she was afraid to lose you and she want things to work she would way something. I read all these threads and it is a recurring theme that "dumper" never communicate how they TRULY felt. In stead they were selfish and said "let me see if my feelings will change". All the while you the "dumper" are thinking everything is ok and doing things that you would do then BAM they break up with you. Us as the dumper immediately go into shock and scramble. When we should ask "why did you not say anything? How am I or we suppose to fix things when you say nothing?". Comes down to COMMUNICATION. No one is a mind reader. So how are we (dumper) suppose to work on what we do not know? Stay strong my friend!!! I do not know you but you have a friend in ME. Thanks man. She was actually pretty good about most communication. She told me when something was wrong ect. But it's like she has this idea of the "perfect guy" in her head. And God forbid I mess up. She said "You didn't do anything wrong, it's just who you are and you're perfect, just not for me!". That hurts so bad. 2
lvroflife Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 She is going to learn there is no such thing as the perfect guy!! There is no such thing as the perfect person for anyone! Truth is we all have flaws, and when it comes to love a person has to accept those flaws! TV and books portray this fantasy and people cling to the fantasy and do not see the reality! Reality which is the person that you are with will do things you do not like, you will do things he/she doesn't like! But in today's society when that happens WE run! She will find HER perfect guy, and he may turn around and tell her, exactly what she told you!! Then she will see and realize there is no such thing as perfect!!
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 She is going to learn there is no such thing as the perfect guy!! There is no such thing as the perfect person for anyone! Truth is we all have flaws, and when it comes to love a person has to accept those flaws! TV and books portray this fantasy and people cling to the fantasy and do not see the reality! Reality which is the person that you are with will do things you do not like, you will do things he/she doesn't like! But in today's society when that happens WE run! She will find HER perfect guy, and he may turn around and tell her, exactly what she told you!! Then she will see and realize there is no such thing as perfect!! Yea I definitely agree. There were parts about her I didn't like but I looked past them for who she really was. Nothing I can do now unfortunately.
LostConfused123 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I'm glad I found this too. You always feel so alone in this. It really helps having this support and being able to support others! Mornings and evenings are the WORST still. The first three or four weeks for me were absolute HELL!!! I couldn't eat, barely slept. I was pretty much a zombie. And this happened right before the holidays. October 25th to be exact. Mornings were definitely the worst. I would swear someone came in my room in the middle of the night and dumped concrete in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I had.an immediate lump in my throat. Just pure HELL!!! Hold on tight. It's going to suck! BUT. . . after that, it gets easier. It really does. I mean, it still sucks but not as much. Just power through the next few weeks. We are all here for you and know your pain. ((hugs!!))
kpkballer Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 In time she will contact you, you just have to give it time. I just posted something about this, and it will get way worse before it gets better. But, you will know instantly when it is a better day. You will have good and you will have sh***y days. Just gotta hang in there and hang with your friends. Do not sit around in the house or you will relapse
Author franklingrad7 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 6 days. I can't believe I have managed to not say a word to you in that amount of time. To be honest I don't even know what I would say if I was standing right in front of you. I constantly wonder what you are thinking and how you are feeling. Did you go back home for the weekend? Are you sitting on your bed grading papers and doing lesson plans as always? Do you deep inside wish I was still there sitting beside you? I'm confident I can get through this as I have done it previously but for some reason this one hurts the worst. It just feels wrong. There's a small part of me waiting for that text from you but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up. Jeez what I'd do to pick you up and give you a kiss like the one we had in your kitchen that one night. Everything dissapeared and it was just us together in that moment. Probably the best kiss I've ever had. I'll always love you Kathleen. Love has no shelf life and endures no matter what. Give your mom and family a hug for me. I miss you.... Aaron.
Jiivy Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I joined this forum yesterday. My fiancee of 8 years left me this week. Tuesday, March 4th 2014. Whilst my relationship wasn't the same, all that you write strikes such a powerful resonance with me. Tomorrow will be my first day of NC. Keep writing on here, keep your thoughts going.
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