eduarguz Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hello I will try to make this short as possible, is a way long story, and now every time i remember it, i feel that is gonna stay in my mind the rest of my life... for sure. In 2010 i met a girl during carnival season, i am from Colombia and we have a famous carnival in the north coast of the country, she came for vacations, she was invited by one of my best friend who was living in barcelona. Well what i can say, love at first sight, she was there just for a couple months i could not believe how in love i was when she left, we promised each other to be together forever. I had the problem that most of colombians are having now, i did not have a visa to visit united states, so i had to wait until she decided to come back. she came back a couple times, everything was perfect. after one year of relation things started to change, distance can make your relation stronger if everything goes fine, but also can destroy your life if things goes wrong. she always felt pressured by my just because of papers, we started a fiance petition in the us embassy in colombia, the idea was to get the visa then get married... but she never was sure about getting married, to make this short.... the day i had the appointment in the us embassy to see if i can finally was able to get a visa, she called like an hour before the appointment to tell me... "You do not have to go to the appointment, i cancel everything" we broke up after that and she just dissapeared. I felt that my live would not have sense anymore again. 2 o 3 months after that i met Leidy, she is the most beautiful women in this planet and i lost her, and she is the reason why i am writing this, is my first time writing in a forum just looking for something, to make me feel better, because now i feel that i do not want to continue if she is not with me, now everything is gone... When i started dating Leidy i was thinking that she would help me to take the american girl out of my head, that is the biggest mistake of my life, please guys never ever try to take a girl out of your heads with another one, that's what i did and i destroyed her and my life. Leidy was an angel with me, she loved me, she gave me everything she had to make me happy and i was such an ******* i was selfish, insecure, inmature, etc. The american girl phantom appeared to many times in my life when i was with leidy, and everytime that happened i told leidy that i did not love her, that she was a mistake in my life, i broke up with her and then after 2 or 3 months i was dating her again, just because of sex, basically i was using her just to fill my sex needs, and everytime she was believing that it would be different that it would better that i would finally love her, we broke up so many times, and she was always there for me when i was asking what i needed when i came back for her, every time i broke up with her she cried, she suffered, she felt horrible, i make her feel the worst girl in this planet just because she did not have blue eyes, and blonde hair... finally i got my visa after 8 times asking for it, Leidy got it too, we were invited to a carnival parade in NJ, we were there for a few days, my feelings were always the same, expecting to see the phantom of the american girl, just to be with her, and Leidy suffering as usual just because i broke up with her (again) before we traveled to usa. Leidy told me so many times that the american girl did not love me, she never felt real love for me, Leidy was always right, she was too much for me. The day we supposed to come back we decided to stay i decided to accomplish the american dream, and she asked me criying to come back to Colombia, i wen to Atlanta with my familiy, and she stayed with a guy who was his boyfriend before she met me, but she did not like at all, but she stayed with just because she was thinking to be with me the rest of her life, one day this guy got crazy because i was talking with her and tried to kill her, she was alone in chicago and i had to get a ticket to take her out there. She thought again that it would be different, and once again it was not like that, i destroyed her heart telling that i do not lover and she was a mistake in my life, i messed up this so so so much, i hate myself, i do not know if i really deserved to live now... We had sex the last time in us, she came back to Colombia and i am in us now, we tried to get together again but my insecurity and a fear for a phantom that never loved me, destroyed all again... and she was crying again... She asked me to be her boyfriend and i said no, no so many times, i was a terrible guy i am a terrible guy, and i am still crying while i am writing this... Just to finish these days ago she called me to say she was dating another guy, because she wanted to forget all about me, she remembered me all the times i make her cried and suffer, and she told me that i was the biggest frustration of her life. This was the end of my world, please do not ask me how i can love someone who i treated like an animal, i think i do not deserve that girl, i thing she is too much blessed for me... My life is destroyed now, i never loved a real women, she was the love itself and i did not accept it in my life, she told me that her new boy tells her how proud he feels for having such a beautiful girl like her, and he wants to stay with her the rest of his life. I am destroyed once again, i did not know what i had until i lost her, how scary is this but is the truth. I've been crying a lot, calling her to come back, writing letters and sending gift, but i know this is over. the only thing i know is that i am the worst men in this world because i could not accept a blessing like Leidy in my life, and i know that if i can overcome this situation, i'll be a better men... Seconds ago i sent her my last gift, i am not planning to call her or write her anymore, it's gone it's over, but if she comes back i will make her happy the rest of our lives... please i am just looking for something to make me feel better i do not want to continue.
LazyTee Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 First off, I can understand your emotions, man confusion about love really does take a hold onto you, it keeps digging down past your heart, past your emotions, and finally into your soul. I would like to say first off, get yourself together again. Job, Hobby, whatever that you do in life. You need to make yourself look and feel like a man again, you need to be strong now and firm with your decisions, stop being emotionally confused. How? you might ask, simple start from the bottom as if you had no emotions what so ever then work yourself up (e.g. Liking someone then loving someone). Stop being confused.
Author eduarguz Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Yes I know, that was one the biggest mistake i made during the whole relationship, every time i think about that i feel extremely bad, because i did not open my eyes in the right time and i lost something that could be beautiful for me, i do not know if i am going to find a girl who love me the way Leidy did, now it's over =( Thank you for your words, they help to continue, however i do not want to do so...
Recommended Posts