Kevin_D Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Things were better for a while. I guess I was in the angry phase. But the last weeks have been rough. I've been working out, catching up with old friends, meeting new women and focused on my hobbies. I haven't had any contact with her this year and I feel no urge to break NC. Actually I'm quite terrified to hear from her. I'm the one who should be angry, but yet I'm worried that she will call me and tell me what a terrible person I am. But I miss my best friend so much. We would talk about everything for hours every day. I have many friends, but it isn't the same. We had so much fun together. I still can't believe how she could throw everything away without a warning. In fact, she seemed to be angry with almost everyone except me. I realise that I'm beginning to question my own sanity. Am I blind? Were there red flags? But if she was so tired of me, why did she want to hang out all the time, why did she ask me for help with everything, why did she constantly declare her love for me... And then one day, from out of nowhere say, "You treated me bad 5 years ago, I should have left you back then". I think the worst part is that she moved on so easily. I've seen women forgive men who constantly cheated and treated them terrible. Why did I get to hear how worthless I am and how much happier she is without me? I also feel so betrayed, because she would constantly mention how much she needed me. Her family has a history of suicides, alcoholism and bipolar disorder. I guess she has developed her own ways of dealing with the pain. It's like she shut down and forget that I ever existed. No tears, no remorse, no apologies, no explainations, nothing. I'm sorry. I know that it's pointless to ask these questions. I will never get the answers. I just felt like writing something here tonight. A big hug to all my fellow LS:ers.
Musing Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hey Kevin, I know where you're at right now. I'm a few months post BU and there are times I'm feeling decent. I focus on school and friends and relaxing. Today was a struggle though, even 2 months later. I usually move on pretty gracefully but this one is a lot harder, especially because it seems like I've been easily walked away from when my emotions towards him were genuine and real. It makes you question things - the relationship, the person, yourself. It's a bummer. And the weather is getting nicer outside so I get very lovey-dovey...this time last year was bliss and my mind goes RIGHT back to that, I get this sick achey hopeless feeling. And as you said, I could talk to everyone in the world (except ex) until I am blue in the face and no one will have answers, and no one is my ex...who I really miss. It is easy to keep busy and build yourself, but when you really care about someone it is hard to get rid of that. Even harder when you look back and realize those feelings weren't mutual in the end. Keep moving Kevin, know that you aren't alone in how you feel. I wish I could make you feel better but we all have our weak moments. Luckily they are only moments and they are not permanent 1
SammySammy Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Kevin, my breakup was seven years ago and I still think about her. I don't "miss" her, but I do wonder how she's doing and think about the times we had. She wanted to be "friends" after the breakup. That didn't work because she was using that contact to try to get back at me - being mean and disrespectful. Very similar to what your ex is doing. So, I cut her off and haven't seen or spoken to her since. No contact at all. However, if you really love a person I don't know if they ever fully leave your system. It gets better with time, but I'm not sure I will ever stop thinking of her occasionally. Keep working out. Throw yourself into your career, hobbies, family and friends. They say the best revenge is living well. Wish her the best, let her go, but make for darn sure you live your life to the fullest.
Author Kevin_D Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks. It really helps to write about these things. It feels more and more surreal for every day. My best friend ditched me, told me how much happier she is without me, sent me cocky messages and wrote on her Facebook how she's madly in love... A few weeks after leaving a 6 year long relationship. I'm sure many people that don't know us assume that I treated her really badly, but no, she wanted to hang out with me all the time and we had tons of fun just days before she left me. The only thing we fought about, was that asked her why she seemed to flirt with some guy she barely knew on Facebook, which made her angry and caused her to accuse me of being paranoid and jealous. She felt that I didn't trust her and told me how unfair that was. But really, who can blame me when she ended up leaving me for the dude a few days later? I'm having a really hard time to accept this nightmare. How can people be so cruel? If I wrote her a romantic note on a piece of paper, she would put it in a picture frame and hang it on the wall. If she felt that one of her friends was angry at her, she could panic. If her dad asked her to throw away some old toys that she hadn't used for 15 years, she would panic. How the hell can the very same person throw away EVERYTHING AT ONCE?! It's surreal. Was it all a lie? Was it an act? Did she ever actually care about me or was she just living in a fantasy world?
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