Author Chewbacca Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 I am sorry you're feeling hurt, but I do understand why she is doing this, most people can't handle LDR's, and she's been honest with you and said she'll struggle with the distance, which is very common and very understandable. I don't think she suddenly said it as she barely spoken to you for 2 weeks before that, so was backing away bit by bit. If you're not meeting for the first time until Summer that is a long time to wait since you first started talking, would also be a long time if you had already met. I think she is being realistic and sensible. She knows she's missing out on all the problems which can come with LDR's. I know you're feeling hurt, but it doesn't sound like she was selfish from what you wrote here. I think it's best for you both to not be friends, for now at least as you'll still be wanting more and that's too painful for you and she'd be feeling bad as she can't give you want you want (a r/ship). I wish I could say something to make it easier Try not to over think and dwell on things, meet up with friends and keep occupied, of course you will still miss her, but please just keep moving forward. Hi folks, just a quick update. I still miss her of course, I am currently facing exams, likewise herself. I believe she had problems despite me originally believing she did, such as a immaturity and the fact that she hasn't found herself yet. I messaged her not so long ago but she ignored me, and since then she has become very shy on all social media. I really want to be friends with her, I don't care if I can't maintain a relationship, it's just to be friends. I was wondering how I could make her feel comfortable with me without the 'no contact.' I regret asking her to meet whilst she wasn't mature enough, it killed me, but I suppose I did my best & supported her. I was thinking of sending a message to her after exams just to tell her that I want to be friends with her, and confirm it was a misunderstanding between us. I do kind of feel like she was hiding something though, such as partly using me as emotional attention but then realised how good I was to her once I sent the message. There was just something there that felt like it would click. I think she caused the problem, despite me applying a little too much of pressure, but she could've just me to back off about talking about it. I just miss being friends And I think she does too. She appears to be a mixed up girl who has a few issues & doesn't realise her actions, as she's younger Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Hi folks, just a quick update. I still miss her of course, I am currently facing exams, likewise herself. I believe she had problems despite me originally believing she did, such as a immaturity and the fact that she hasn't found herself yet. I messaged her not so long ago but she ignored me, and since then she has become very shy on all social media. I really want to be friends with her, I don't care if I can't maintain a relationship, it's just to be friends. I was wondering how I could make her feel comfortable with me without the 'no contact.' I regret asking her to meet whilst she wasn't mature enough, it killed me, but I suppose I did my best & supported her. I was thinking of sending a message to her after exams just to tell her that I want to be friends with her, and confirm it was a misunderstanding between us. I do kind of feel like she was hiding something though, such as partly using me as emotional attention but then realised how good I was to her once I sent the message. There was just something there that felt like it would click. I think she caused the problem, despite me applying a little too much of pressure, but she could've just me to back off about talking about it. I just miss being friends And I think she does too. She appears to be a mixed up girl who has a few issues & doesn't realise her actions, as she's younger Irony is grand. Leave her alone, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 Irony is grand. Leave her alone, OP. Eh? You like replying don't you haha Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Eh? You like replying don't you haha Yes. And here's why: I have been in her position, trying to gently give a guy a hint and he just didn't get it. I can easily see this from her side, and it's frustrating when someone doesn't let up even when you make yourself clear. I know it hurts but it's beyond time to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 Yes. And here's why: I have been in her position, trying to gently give a guy a hint and he just didn't get it. I can easily see this from her side, and it's frustrating when someone doesn't let up even when you make yourself clear. I know it hurts but it's beyond time to get over it. Ok thank you. The thing is, is that I valued our friendship massively, so I was trying to go forward because I thought she wanted to, and it was in my hands to do so. So a complete mis-understanding. I wanted to meet up, even just as friends, but she kind of mislead me. I wish I could still be friends with her, because it appears that she thinks I wanted more, which is partly true, but I just wanted to move forward because sitting on the other end of a video camera is kind of frustrating for months. I still think she kind of used me for emotional attention, because you don't message someone every day for the sake of it, do you? I just want to be friends again with her, & I feel she does but feels uncomfortable & doesn't know what to do. I'm not asking for anything more. I just want a way around it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Ok thank you. The thing is, is that I valued our friendship massively, so I was trying to go forward because I thought she wanted to, and it was in my hands to do so. So a complete mis-understanding. I wanted to meet up, even just as friends, but she kind of mislead me. I wish I could still be friends with her, because it appears that she thinks I wanted more, which is partly true, but I just wanted to move forward because sitting on the other end of a video camera is kind of frustrating for months. I still think she kind of used me for emotional attention, because you don't message someone every day for the sake of it, do you? I just want to be friends again with her, & I feel she does but feels uncomfortable & doesn't know what to do. I'm not asking for anything more. I just want a way around it. I don't understand why you think that, to be honest. She told you the opposite and has not responded to your message. That does not indicate she wants a friendship. Can you elaborate as to why you think this? The bottom line is that you can't force someone to be friends with you. You can't make her feel comfortable if she just doesn't want the same thing. It's been a couple months since you first brought this up, and I gather that zero has changed. That should be a quite obvious sign that she's moved on from this. OP, you need to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 I don't understand why you think that, to be honest. She told you the opposite and has not responded to your message. That does not indicate she wants a friendship. Can you elaborate as to why you think this? The bottom line is that you can't force someone to be friends with you. You can't make her feel comfortable if she just doesn't want the same thing. It's been a couple months since you first brought this up, and I gather that zero has changed. That should be a quite obvious sign that she's moved on from this. OP, you need to do the same. I only asked her how she was a few weeks back, is that not too much to reply to? I will probably move on from it but she's left the situation awkwardly & I don't think she has moved on because she went completely quiet on all social media when I was making conversation, so it seems to affect her. We were amazing friends, and I think she feels awkward about me expressing my feelings etc. I have respect, but ignoring somebody as a good friends is rude in my opinion Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 I only asked her how she was a few weeks back, is that not too much to reply to? I will probably move on from it but she's left the situation awkwardly & I don't think she has moved on because she went completely quiet on all social media when I was making conversation, so it seems to affect her. We were amazing friends, and I think she feels awkward about me expressing my feelings etc. I have respect, but ignoring somebody as a good friends is rude in my opinion I mean no disrespect to you, but this seems to be your interpretation of it filtered through your hope that she still wants to be contact with you. There could be a million other reasons why she's not all over social media. The simple reality is that if you were good friends and she wanted to keep in touch, she would. But she hasn't. No, it's not nice that she's ignored you. And a few sentences isn't a lot to reply to. But you can't really do anything about it. It's her prerogative not to reply if she wishes, and that's apparently the case. Perhaps she sensed that you wouldn't take the hint or let go easily so she's trying to make a point by not responding to you. Who knows, maybe she's got a boyfriend now and doesn't feel it's appropriate to continue communicating with you. In the end it doesn't matter very much; she stated that she wanted to end it. There's not much more that can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) I mean no disrespect to you, but this seems to be your interpretation of it filtered through your hope that she still wants to be contact with you. There could be a million other reasons why she's not all over social media. The simple reality is that if you were good friends and she wanted to keep in touch, she would. But she hasn't. No, it's not nice that she's ignored you. And a few sentences isn't a lot to reply to. But you can't really do anything about it. It's her prerogative not to reply if she wishes, and that's apparently the case. Perhaps she sensed that you wouldn't take the hint or let go easily so she's trying to make a point by not responding to you. Who knows, maybe she's got a boyfriend now and doesn't feel it's appropriate to continue communicating with you. In the end it doesn't matter very much; she stated that she wanted to end it. There's not much more that can be done. It's a very confusing situation. I do apologise for carrying on the thread because I suppose you understand my frustration as to why this has happened. Thank you for your input. I'm just going through a very stressful time in life. Communicating with somebody every day & then ended it all of a sudden does seem a mystery, so I'm tempted to remove her out of my life completely. Thinking about it, she wasted my time, there was no harm us carrying on contact here and there. Edited May 18, 2014 by Chewbacca Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 //Thread closed// Link to post Share on other sites
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