Author lamaga Posted February 24, 2014 Author Posted February 24, 2014 Alright guys, most of you think that this relationship is doomed and he is not that into me... I guess I should start accepting that and not keep my hopes up too much... it is too bad, I really liked this guy!!!
Ruby Slippers Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I see from another thread that you're having sex with him. You're having sex with a guy who will not accept your FB friend request. You let his penis inside your vagina, but he will not let you be his FB friend. Does this not sound and feel completely ridiculous to you? 6
MidwestUSA Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 I noticed that you were pushing him for the FB friends thing after six dates. I'm still going to maintain that he is basically 'standing his ground'. He said no then (and you accepted that fact) and he's saying no now. Every thread here that you've made about this guy (and there are plenty, for such a short relationship) is about you pushing, wanting interpretation, clarification, more, more, more. The two of you are not moving at the same pace, but yet, when you reflect on it, he's SO WONDERFUL. Why can't you just go with that?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 The two of you are not moving at the same pace, but yet, when you reflect on it, he's SO WONDERFUL. Why can't you just go with that? They're not moving at the same pace because she's more into him than he is her - which is a recipe for heartache and disaster. Her instincts keep reminding her of this truth. And this won't change. As long as she's with him, she will always feel the pain of the mismatched desire. He won't magically change into being more into her. Just because he's a wonderful guy doesn't mean he's wonderful for her. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 They're not moving at the same pace because she's more into him than he is her. Just because he's a wonderful guy doesn't mean he's wonderful for her. So true. OP, do you think you jump into "love" too fast? (Yes, I'm looking at your history). Sure, we all want it, but........
Imajerk17 Posted February 24, 2014 Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) Yes the not including her on Facebook is weird, to say the least. But it's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing though. Act a certain way (male OR female) and you will get members of the opposite sex to respond to you in a certain way. Lamaga from her threads comes across as *extremely* needy. She just seems like the kind of girl who can't be alone. Wasn't she writing thread after thread after thread like this about ANOTHER guy not two months before she and this current got together. A difference between Ruby Slippers and Lamaga is that you (RS) weren't writing all these threads about one guy and then another in such a short time span. You seem a lot more grounded. And so the men you are meeting are responding to you accordingly--they want your energy in their world. Anyway that sort of neediness is annoying to a guy, and I am wondering if this guy is trying to take some space. Edited February 25, 2014 by Imajerk17 4
MidwestUSA Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yes the not including her on Facebook is weird, to say the least. But it's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing though. Act a certain way (male OR female) and you will get members of the opposite sex to respond to you in a certain way. Lamaga from her threads comes across as *extremely* needy. She just seems like the kind of girl who can't be alone. Wasn't she writing thread after thread after thread like this about ANOTHER guy not two months before she and this current got together. Anyway that sort of neediness is annoying to a guy, and I am wondering if this guy is trying to take some space. ^^sorta what I've been trying to say, maybe not spelled out quite as well^^ He's trying to keep some semblance of HIMSELF. 2
cif Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I am sorry to hear you were with such a douche, I have been with commitment-phobes in the past. Even though my boyfriend has shown weird behaviour at times, I don't think he is scared of commitment, rather he is one of those guys who are in it for real or not at all, and I HOPE that for us this means we will eventually be very close and very happy together.. and that he just needs time to slowly build something with me. He was raised pretty conservative (in a European sense) and shares family values quite a lot. He talks a lot about "if i get married" or "if i had kids" or jokes about what car his wife should drive (in this case me). He is a bit macho but at the same time seems to value loyalty quite a lot. So I doubt that this is going to happen to us. I was reading waiting until you brought up the "M" word. He said *I* not *we*. You are on different pages. At 27 its normal fr you to be thinking about marriage. At 22 in guy is ready for that. If he was serious enough about you he would add you. There was s a disconnect here.
StanMusial Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I was reading waiting until you brought up the "M" word. He said *I* not *we*. You are on different pages. At 27 its normal fr you to be thinking about marriage. At 22 in guy is ready for that. If he was serious enough about you he would add you. There was s a disconnect here. IMO this is the biggest issue. 1
Emilia Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I noticed that you were pushing him for the FB friends thing after six dates. I'm still going to maintain that he is basically 'standing his ground'. He said no then (and you accepted that fact) and he's saying no now. Every thread here that you've made about this guy (and there are plenty, for such a short relationship) is about you pushing, wanting interpretation, clarification, more, more, more. This, what ImaJerk said and perhaps that point about marriage. I'm sure this guy likes you OP but it seems some of us think you are being a bit too pushy and serious for his liking. Since you have 27 shared friends on fb, I don't think he is hiding anything, I just think he is trying to draw his boundaries in a way that an inexperienced 22 year-old can. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I have read your posts and I think you sound like a lovely woman. I enjoy reading your posts, you don't sound needy at all, in fact you sound very sensible and totally not over the top about the men you date.. you don't act in ways that are off putting at all. It is good that you strive to be such a "cool" and easy going girlfriend:) I can also tell that your boyfriend definitely thinks very highly of you. You are a relatively young, attractive and intelligent singer/student. He quiet clearly likes what he sees and chooses to make a lot of time to include you in his life. Listen carefully though please; the fact he thinks highly of you does not mean he is necessarily "into you" in a romantic sense, at the same level that you are into him. Like Ruby Slippers, I also had a guy who was less into me than I was into him, and I can tell you: - he still did many things that are along the same lines as men who are madly in love. -he wanted to spend most of his time with me because he enjoyed me more than most other people he ever met in his life - he was extremely close to me and showed that in all his actions - never went a day without calling besides the beginning stages A guy can show sure signs that he really adores who you are in terms of your personality and what you have to offer him. A guy can love you as a person and love being around you, yet and yet still NOT be madly in love with you or being very much into you in a true romantic sense. No one is saying that he is "meh" about you or "whatever" about you and that he really couldn't give much of a stuff about you.... I think it is apparent that he quiet likes you! "quiet likes" you is still not " he is really into you" though. I am undecided as to the true nature of his feelings towards you. Before Ruby Slippers and Clia chimed in, I actually thought he did seem very into you... These posters really seem to know what they are talking about though. They could still be wrong about him, so at least give things more of a chance to develop. Give things a chance, don't write posts about him for a while, and later update us as to the verdict; deep down, come to understand what your gut feelings are trying to tell you. Just make sure you don't stay in a relationship, like Ruby Slippers did, for years with a guy who you know deep down just isn't madly in love with you (In the way he could become about other girls). We could be wrong about him. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Alright guys, most of you think that this relationship is doomed and he is not that into me... I guess I should start accepting that and not keep my hopes up too much... it is too bad, I really liked this guy!!! Hey, I was in this same position with my ex on here...everyone was telling me the tell tale signs that he just wasn't that into me in a romantic way, due to the way he was cheating me (suggesting threesomes, not truly making me feel like he was attracted to me, among many other red flags). My ex acted way more out of line than your guy is, and yet I STILL wouldn't listen to people on here. I actually downright abused the people who told me he just wasn't that into me:lmao: Since he was soooo nice to me in other ways..... You are taking all this rather well, that is a sign of good character. Good luck with this guy, I honestly thought he really seemed into you.... but then again, I have needed more help than most women when it comes to learning how to navigate a healthy dating life, and so my opinion is not as valid as Ruby Slippers and others... 1
Author lamaga Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Hey, I was in this same position with my ex on here...everyone was telling me the tell tale signs that he just wasn't that into me in a romantic way, due to the way he was cheating me (suggesting threesomes, not truly making me feel like he was attracted to me, among many other red flags). My ex acted way more out of line than your guy is, and yet I STILL wouldn't listen to people on here. I actually downright abused the people who told me he just wasn't that into me:lmao: Since he was soooo nice to me in other ways..... You are taking all this rather well, that is a sign of good character. Good luck with this guy, I honestly thought he really seemed into you.... but then again, I have needed more help than most women when it comes to learning how to navigate a healthy dating life, and so my opinion is not as valid as Ruby Slippers and others... Thank you Leigh for your input. I left him alone for two days and ignored one call of his because I really needed a day of space and for studying, and when he saw me in school yesterday he was so overly happy to see me, it was a true joy. He came over late last night and spent the night, we were making some art and talked about politics and it felt quite wonderful, lots of laughs. I think things are ok and I should not worry as much as I do, for now at least. Will see what happens in the coming weeks. Thanks for your kind words, they helped. lamaga 1
Art_Critic Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 What do you mean with his world colliding? Have you never seen George Contanza's Worlds Colliding episode of Seinfeld ? Independent George He wants to keep his worlds separate and doesn't want them colliding.
SJC2008 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I am not a chaser. I am a real normal person when it comes to what I want in a relationship. And I want to be on the same page. That's all I am asking for. 1+2=3 Ambiguous about defining the relationship + not wanting to have you on FB= Out of reach= You're chasing someone who's unavailable. You're not on the same page and if you really wanted to be you'd of dumped his arse and found a man who's more available. 2
Author lamaga Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) So... last weekend my boyfriend sort of changed - from one day to the next. He all of a sudden became super clingy and sweeter than ever before, called me cute nicknames and so on. When I got so frustrated over an assignment for school (economics.. i suck at it, he is genius at it)... he held my head, said "Oh, my darling", kissed me and just started to help me with my homework! He stayed up late at night to work on a presentation I had to give the next day, then came to bed and cuddled me, then woke up earlier than he had to to finish the whole thing, while I slept in... I didn't ask him to do this. The next day, there was a event from our school, a pub quiz, the same event that we FIRST made eyes at each other at, a little over 3,5 months ago - He asked me if I wanted to go again, and make a team with his roommate and my roommate - then he wanted to invite me to the event on Facebook and ... of course couldn't since we were NOT Facebook friends - so he added me nonchalantly... He said "You can delete me again if you want to!"...and I said "Don't be stupid!" we smiled at each other and he kissed me... so yeah... now we are Facebook friends. not really as important as I thought it was, but somehow makes sense with all the other stuff that has been going on - he is like a changed man. If you know what I mean... it's the stuff that comes with it that matters.... It was his birthday yesterday, so I got him a book by one of his idols (some political journalist) and baked a cake. He was really happy about it. We went out with his friends and the rest of the day we spent together just lying in bed cuddling, watching movies and having a lot of food. It was very romantic and cozy. His friends like me and I like them, and it was the first time I met the whole bunch at once... And they all knew quite a lot about me, said he "talks a lot about me" apparently... At night in bed he held me tight and said "I ... I just like you so very much!"... I think we are getting somewhere now, and I am happy about it... so to all the people who said he is just not that into me... turns out he is! <3 Edited March 13, 2014 by lamaga
SJC2008 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 So... last weekend my boyfriend sort of changed - from one day to the next. He all of a sudden became super clingy and sweeter than ever before, called me cute nicknames and so on. When I got so frustrated over an assignment for school (economics.. i suck at it, he is genius at it)... he held my head, said "Oh, my darling", kissed me and just started to help me with my homework! He stayed up late at night to work on a presentation I had to give the next day, then came to bed and cuddled me, then woke up earlier than he had to to finish the whole thing, while I slept in... I didn't ask him to do this. The next day, there was a event from our school, a pub quiz, the same event that we FIRST made eyes at each other at, a little over 3,5 months ago - He asked me if I wanted to go again, and make a team with his roommate and my roommate - then he wanted to invite me to the event on Facebook and ... of course couldn't since we were NOT Facebook friends - so he added me nonchalantly... He said "You can delete me again if you want to!"...and I said "Don't be stupid!" we smiled at each other and he kissed me... so yeah... now we are Facebook friends. not really as important as I thought it was, but somehow makes sense with all the other stuff that has been going on - he is like a changed man. If you know what I mean... it's the stuff that comes with it that matters.... It was his birthday yesterday, so I got him a book by one of his idols (some political journalist) and baked a cake. He was really happy about it. We went out with his friends and the rest of the day we spent together just lying in bed cuddling, watching movies and having a lot of food. It was very romantic and cozy. His friends like me and I like them, and it was the first time I met the whole bunch at once... And they all knew quite a lot about me, said he "talks a lot about me" apparently... At night in bed he held me tight and said "I ... I just like you so very much!"... I think we are getting somewhere now, and I am happy about it... so to all the people who said he is just not that into me... turns out he is! <3 1) I'm glad it worked out and you're FB friends now. Are you guys "FB official"? 2) I'm not one bit surprised you've slapped the clingy label on him. You no longer have to grind your gears about defining the relationship or not being FB friends, ie chase him. That's ok though. If you arent FB official you can worry about that next. 1
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