irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) Of course there's been many of Friendzone posts posted here from time tim time, but I would think this DOES fall under "Relationships" posts since in talks about relationships in general. Recently Ive seen a couple of posts, from people already married or in dating relationships. This element seems to get overlooked, but this is pretty much DEAD on. I see this, "I married my best friend" or phrased like, "Build a friendship BEFORE Marrying someone, become their BEST friend". But what they didn't consider is men who have attempted this with women (or vice versa, though as rare as that is), only to have been put in the friendzone. This is why women have orbiters, they live by this mantra, "Sure she'll come around...after all she is my BEST FRIEND" Some peoples' responses to this on Facebook was, "Yeah, but chose to ignore it" They act as if it was some kind of revelation, when it's really common sense. Do kind of get tired of seeing this, "I married my best friend" sometimes? Edited February 23, 2014 by irc333 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Wait... So we have to think about how everything we say about OUR relationships might possibly affect bitter guys who could ignore it if they chose, before we say it? "I'm very happy with my relationship" - rubbing salt in their wound "I love my partner" - how cruel of us to say that when some are deprived of love "We are getting married soon" - how dare they enjoy themselves with a wedding at the expense of the foreveralones! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Wait... So we have to think about how everything we say about OUR relationships might possibly affect bitter guys who could ignore it if they chose, before we say it? "I'm very happy with my relationship" - rubbing salt in their wound "I love my partner" - how cruel of us to say that when some are deprived of love "We are getting married soon" - how dare they enjoy themselves with a wedding at the expense of the foreveralones! I guess this post was inspired by another post, "Declaring your love of our mate on Facebook constantly". lol Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 You can have both. I had decent sex early on with my ex wife. We were very similar, spent 24/7/365 together for 10 years and had a great time being weirdos together. You could remove the sex and we probably would have not cared. I think this is what is meant by the phrase. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I guess this post was inspired by another post, "Declaring your love of our mate on Facebook constantly". lol I agree, with that post but not so much this one...lots of people were friends first so what are they meant to do? lie about it? Sure doesn't work out for everyone but for some it does! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Some people who like their spouse as a person becomes best friends with them over time. This has nothing to do with friend zone. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Some people who like their spouse as a person becomes best friends with them over time. This has nothing to do with friend zone. Well, for instance, I knew this one woman from American Singles (yeah, WAY back), she was doing online dating, been through 2 abusive marriages, one husband was a criminal. Apparently, she had been in touch with an old college friend or friend of the family for a couple of years during the course of her online dating. He was back home, a good distance away..her home town. They decided to get together romantically out of the blue. I'm seeing how people are getting together with their FINAL mates, but usually retroactively or in retrospect. It's like "Wow, HE was was 'the one' all along!" *Gasp* She married her best friend, but of course it took two bad marriages for her to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I married my best friend. Highly recommend it! Of course, I also felt buckets of attraction to him, which is why we started dating to begin with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 I married my best friend. Highly recommend it! Of course, I also felt buckets of attraction to him, which is why we started dating to begin with. So the difference between the Friendzone and marrying the person you friendzoned is that somewhere down the line an attraction formed over time, yes? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 So the difference between the Friendzone and marrying the person you friendzoned is that somewhere down the line an attraction formed over time, yes? I'm not a believer of friend zone. But yes, the difference between friends you would date and friends you would not date is often sexual attraction. Which is not altogether about what they look like. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) Of course there's been many of Friendzone posts posted here from time tim time, but I would think this DOES fall under "Relationships" posts since in talks about relationships in general. Recently Ive seen a couple of posts, from people already married or in dating relationships. This element seems to get overlooked, but this is pretty much DEAD on. I see this, "I married my best friend" or phrased like, "Build a friendship BEFORE Marrying someone, become their BEST friend". But what they didn't consider is men who have attempted this with women (or vice versa, though as rare as that is), only to have been put in the friendzone. This is why women have orbiters, they live by this mantra, "Sure she'll come around...after all she is my BEST FRIEND" Some peoples' responses to this on Facebook was, "Yeah, but chose to ignore it" They act as if it was some kind of revelation, when it's really common sense. Do kind of get tired of seeing this, "I married my best friend" sometimes? No. This topic has come up before. I WANT to marry my bestfriend, as in a man to whom I'm sexually attracted and romanticlaly in love with but ALSO we can talk about any and everything, hang out and not be bored, be silly, laugh, joke and feel extremely comfortable around and secure with like I do my bestfriend. I am however tired of the "friendzone" nonsense. Friend zone means you were NEVER/are not attracted to this person! Period. It is not because a man is friendly or your friend why you don't like him, it's because you DON'T LIKE HIM why he's only a friend. This is common sense. On LS men talk about it as if it is a disease or something that happens that you can prevent...when you can't. Men who are in the friend zone are men I just see as friends because I have no attraction towards them besides that. They don't usually do anything "wrong" why this happens, I'm just not into them, just like a man may like a woman but not feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards her, hence she is like a friend. I have other male friends who aren't necessarily in the friend zone because I do have some existing attraction to them, that while isn't currently active, if fed could grow. The difference is in the attraction. With some men you have an immediate attraction or it grows overtime and with some it just isn't there and never will be. Women WANT a man that they are attracted to sexually and romantically to also be a friend to them. If they are not sexually or romantically into you, then friend or no friend, it aint gonna happen, so men need to stop thinking that it is "because" they were friendly why....no dude, it's because she doesn't see you like that hence you're just a friend/like a brother. But trust me, if she is attracted to you, then you being a friend will only help and not harm you. Edited February 23, 2014 by MissBee 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I was friends with a guy for a year. Best friends for a further year. Then we starting shagging. Then we fell in love, got married, had a baby. We split up after 5 years because a) we were too young, b) the dynamic between us wasn't right for the marriage. We were friends who had sex, as opposed to a multi-dimensional couple. In my marriage now we are what I would consider a whole couple, but he has grown to be my best friend and the person I click with and have most fun and fulfilment with. I see the two scenarios very differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Do kind of get tired of seeing this, "I married my best friend" sometimes? Not really. It makes sense. Once you let go of logic, a lot of life will make better sense. I'll help you though: When you hear this, it's a reflection of how the person feels at the moment they utter the statement. It's not a dissertation on the linear progression from strangers to spouses. Once you let go of expectations, life becomes far more peaceful and pleasant. Enjoy that female 'friend' as a real friend and fuggetabout it 'growing into something'. Let go of that expectation. Launch it. Bye-bye. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) I'm not a believer of friend zone. But yes, the difference between friends you would date and friends you would not date is often sexual attraction. Which is not altogether about what they look like. Me neither. I hate that term. It's just an excuse used by cranky guys because their female friends won't f*ck them. Get over it. If they wanted to f*ck you, they would. Believe me. People don't let marriage stand in the way of blossoming affairs, you think "Oh, he's my friend, I could never..." is an excuse? They're simply not attracted to you. Edited February 23, 2014 by pickflicker 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kodakgirl Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I know a lot of people who were friends before dating and getting into a relationship/marriage. In my observation, it isn't usually that there isn't attraction, and then suddenly one day there is. Rather, there was always a spark, but various things intervened-- one or both were a) in a relationship, b) going through a difficult personal time, c) in a situation that made them uncomfortable with dating (roommates, workplace), d) romantically inexperienced and too shy/bad at expressing romantic interest (been there), e) feeling the other person didn't reciprocate their feelings, and/or f) there was distance. So rather than date they become friends (sometimes denying their feelings, even to themselves) and since they really like each other and are very compatible, end up getting very close. Eventually either a situation changes or the attraction and chemistry becomes too much to stand, and someone makes that first move, and the other is thrilled because they'd wanted it for a long time too. The spark was always there. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Usually best friend status is a given in a successful LT relationship. After all, if you think of what a best friend is, it usually is the person who has your back, wants what is best for you, is invested in you as an individual, goes places with you and is the first person you think to call when you want to do something fun. I think the friend zone status is already there if the girl doesn't want to date you, and this could apply to girls that guys do not want to date either but enjoys hanging out with. The term makes little sense considering that all guys are friend zoned until chosen to date so you don't get friend zoned, you were already there. My wife is definitely my best friend, and she has been since we dated. There is a certain comfortability and affability about our relationship that I never had with other women. She is the first person I think of when I have good news and the first person I call when I have bad news. Best, Grumps 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Divyaya Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) From my observations, it works best for the couple to make friends as a couple; then you cultivate a group of friends that both of you feel comfortable with, and who are comfortable with you two as a unit, as well as individually. If you married your best friend,just remember to keep your own life whenever you think about getting married. Keep your friends and your hobbies. Follow your dreams and let your spouse do the same. That way you have something to talk about at the end of the day. Edited February 24, 2014 by Divyaya Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Most people that say they married their best friend mean that they see their lover as more than just a lover. Comparing it to a friendzone is like comparing apples to oranges. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 My wife has become my best friend since some so called friends have turned out not to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 I know a lot of people who were friends before dating and getting into a relationship/marriage. In my observation, it isn't usually that there isn't attraction, and then suddenly one day there is. Right, I hear about how some man and woman were friends for 5 years. I have a male friend that's now dating a woman ...took 4 years for it to happen. (He told me he knew her for 4 years). He was actually struggling with women prior to them getting together in a relationship. I was like "I took her 4 years to decide to go out with you??" He said, "Yep". Took long enough though. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I presume that the friendship grew over time. After dating or being married for X years they became best friends. If it makes you feel better, not every woman has male orbiters. At this point I know better than to befriend a straight male. If I want to have sex or date, I'll just go have sex and date. I dont need a male friend undressing with my eyes. Everytime I try to befriend one, they have emotional and sexual outbursts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Some people who like their spouse as a person becomes best friends with them over time. This has nothing to do with friend zone. That is exactly how I imagine the situation to be. Start dating while only acquaintances. Become best friends, while dating. Get married. Voilà, you married your best friend. The order is not, be best friends, then start dating, then get married. I would say that in 90% of the situation where a male and female are close platonic friends, they will not start dating. The friendzone, is trying to date a girl who has already written you off as just a friend. Or a guy wants to date a girl, and she says, lets just be friends even if you aren't actually friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 That is exactly how I imagine the situation to be. Start dating while only acquaintances. Become best friends, while dating. Get married. Voilà, you married your best friend. The order is not, be best friends, then start dating, then get married. I would say that in 90% of the situation where a male and female are close platonic friends, they will not start dating. The friendzone, is trying to date a girl who has already written you off as just a friend. Or a guy wants to date a girl, and she says, lets just be friends even if you aren't actually friends. Actually that's how all the cases i know are like, of people marrying best friends. Yes i know they can become best friends over time and that's what most of you are pointing at. But the people i know where bff's from the start, then went and did the dating/marrying. I knew them since i was 5. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 We sort of did the Jim and Pam thing from The Office. We became friends while one of us was in a relationship, attraction kept getting stronger, and eventually when we were both single, we started dating. It was pretty intense in the beginning! Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 For the record, I have never dated a girl that I was friends with. All of them rejected me. The only girls that I did go on dates with, we were not friends. I would say that my ex and I became close friends while our relationship developed. Link to post Share on other sites
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