Sirius Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 This is no lie, I am a true 44 year-old Virgin. I have been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder and Asperger’s which means socializing, being random or flirting is a major challenge for me. This goes beyond confidence it is more in the realm of social competence, where I don’t have a natural basic instinct to read people and know how to keep a conversation going. Do people like myself ever have a chance of dating? I am socially challenged but I still want to experience the same things other people have in love and intimacy but I can’t seem to find any support groups or help guides for people in my condition and would also like advice how to approach the subject without scaring any future potential woman away.
Tayken Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 All I need with you is one week...and I can turn you into a dating machine
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Having you considered hiring a dating coach? A private coach will be expensive, but I'm sure it could help you. How much do you want to have a woman in your life? 1
alf70 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 (edited) You're in for a long ride. Advice on relationship websites especially from one woman to another is to avoid virgins and avoid guys with aspergers despite the fact they make false generalizations. Am in a bad position too thought that gives little comfort. Male advice is typically non helpful. Most unfortunate thing of all is women will decide if they'll ever sleep with you within a few seconds of meeting you before they get to know the person who is you. Edited February 23, 2014 by alf70
BradJacobs Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Lie by not telling them either truth. You need practice before you tackle one worthwhile. Get your whistle wet as soon as possible.
Syreeni Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 The best advice for a starting point is to seek out others like yourself and the people that are close to them, because those people are already at the point of understanding the way you experience life. Beginning with that as a starting point, should help with the initial awkwardness. Google "adults with Asperger's Syndrome meet up". I saw two listed in California. San Francisco and Claremont. You could email the group organizer with any questions regarding group size, age ranges, activities. Also, getting involved on boards online with other adults with Aspergers. Perhaps there you can find people that struggle with Aspie dating. I'm certain you are not alone in your experience. On Facebook, there are two pages/groups called" Aspie dating". Great place to begin connecting or get tips, since they have the same struggles. Maybe someone there would be able to give you links to other message boards or websites that would be helpful. 4
Els Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 Do people like myself ever have a chance of dating? I am socially challenged but I still want to experience the same things other people have in love and intimacy but I can’t seem to find any support groups or help guides for people in my condition and would also like advice how to approach the subject without scaring any future potential woman away. There are TONS of support groups for people with Aspergers, look them up. There is also the option of getting a therapist to help you through it.
irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 I was wondering, what's the diff. between Asberger's and someone who is just rude? I am starting to think they are putting this in the same category as children with ADD.
Targetlock Posted February 23, 2014 Posted February 23, 2014 i find that statement ignorant and insulting as i have dyspraxia which has many similarities with aspergers. you have my sympathies my friends as i kind of know what you are going through (no real relationships, 28 year old virgin)
Author Sirius Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 It's been hard but thank you for the support.
melell Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I know this is not really helpful, and the experience counts.. but two of the most intelligent people I know, one being a previous professor and close friend- both of which are in their 40's, and have been celibate by choice since their mid 20's. Very happy people too. 1
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I know this is not really helpful, and the experience counts.. but two of the most intelligent people I know, one being a previous professor and close friend- both of which are in their 40's, and have been celibate by choice since their mid 20's. Very happy people too. Very big difference celibacy by choice and involuntary celibacy. I was involuntarily celibate for five years and it sucked.
Author Sirius Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I will try the help shows like Dr Drew and Savage Love. It does suck beyond imagination. I found out through a DNA test, that I am at high risk for cancer, and if it comes so be it. Please do not feel sorry for me but if I thought for one second that dying of cancer would give people pause to ostracizing socially awkward people....................I would inject the tumor into me myself.
Confuddled1983 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I was wondering, what's the diff. between Asberger's and someone who is just rude? IDK, which are you? 3
Esoteric Elf Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 You are not alone, Sirius. There are a growing number of men who are involuntarily celibate; I am aware of a few older than you. One is in his mid-50's. Have you tried online dating? It sucks like ****, but, with typing as opposed to speech, a girl might not discern any difference in the way you convey yourself. HTH:) 1
irc333 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Well, I think, like with people who drink profusely, there is some kind of guilt that goes along with this. For instance, people who drink in excess when out and about, have some kind of problem with those who don't drink. They make little *digs* about those who don't drink or drink a lot because they'd like to keep their wits about them. When drunken people are around them, they feel those that if they don't participate in a particular vice think they are better than them. (the drunk makes judgement of the person that doesn't drink...that they only THINK the person who doesn't drink, will judge THEM..know what I mean? I've heard people say, "I don't trust a person that doesn't drink", which is very odd thing to say. Almost like reverse racism, but with drinking. lol Same can go for sex. You're in for a long ride. Advice on relationship websites especially from one woman to another is to avoid virgins and avoid guys with aspergers despite the fact they make false generalizations. Am in a bad position too thought that gives little comfort. Male advice is typically non helpful. Most unfortunate thing of all is women will decide if they'll ever sleep with you within a few seconds of meeting you before they get to know the person who is you.
gaius Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 If you have enough desire you can usually come up with some pretty good coping skills for just about any disorder shrinks can come up with nowadays. Like the guy in A Beautiful Mind who kind of figured out schizophrenia or whatever he had. I was reading an article the other day about a guy with something like autism and he spent a few hours every day listening to Howard Stern and others who were good with social interactions and trained himself on the cues and proper responses. 1
kart180 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 You are not alone, Sirius. There are a growing number of men who are involuntarily celibate; I am aware of a few older than you. One is in his mid-50's. There is older male virgins, wow, that is strange but I hope women are not turned off by the virgin status.
irc333 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 There is older male virgins, wow, that is strange but I hope women are not turned off by the virgin status. If anything they should find it a positive attribute, otherwise they don't know a good thing when they see it. 1
lino Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 If anything they should find it a positive attribute, otherwise they don't know a good thing when they see it. Thanks for the laugh.
irc333 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Thanks for the laugh. Hey, at least they are disease free, right?
lino Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 An older virgin male will likely get less sex than a guy with aids.
Recommended Posts