read my breakup email and respond

[Driftking102]

Hey everyone. I am reflecting on what I did. Did you think I did the right thing in this message? I do not want to be a bad boyfriend statistic where girls tell people oh he sucks.

 

I have kept names anyomous.

 

Breakup text message sent at 1:30pm Sunday February 16th...

 

Girlfriend:

 

The reason I am messaging on your email instead of through phone or facebook is because I have tried to get a hold of you all week and still no reply. You have been an amazing, wonderful and best first girlfriend a guy could ever ask for. You and I had some great times together, but when I asked for more then just commitment like a promise ring or meeting your mother or brother you just kept pushing away.

 

It really hurts me to write this as I thought I would NEVER have to write a breakup letter at all. On Wednesday, I told you that we had a plateau in our relationship that we needed to fix. I get that your busy, but you could have answered me after work but it is now Sunday and you havn't answered me. Even in between work there is one hour where you can.

 

I know you love your space and I know I can be annoying with texts but giving me a few minutes of your time would not hurt to try and fix things. I sent numerous emails and no reply. I am not sure if you just read them and havn't responded or what.

 

I would have really liked to be a huge part of your life and I understand that being more then committed to one person is scary. (meaning being more then just the boyfriend everyone talks about. Actually introducing him to your loved ones). I was very VERY accepting of a lot of your needs and what you wanted me to do. I only complained a little bit, but a lot of the time I was very accepting. I need a women who does not want more then a few days worth of space and wants me around all the time. I need a women who loves to hang in doors with me but be outdoors to. I need a women who appreciates me and not only tells me I'm amazing and wonderful but tells me im hott.

 

After stating numerous times through texts or emails that I am very different then your other boyfriends still no reply. Relationships do not fall on a time line basis. They fall on how much you love one another. We have been together for almost 2 years. 1 year and then almost another year officially. I count that as two. I hate to throw all that time away. I just can't wait around for a person who is going to be drifting on does he really truly deserve to meet my family status. If you look back at everything, I did a LOT for you because i truly deeply loved you. I still do love you, but I have to let you go and be your own person.

 

You have to go and find someone who is going to match your personality on space, cuddling, sex, and outdoor time. Unfortunately, I do not think I am the right guy because you keep pushing me away. Sure this maybe my first relationship, but you have taught me a lot on how to always treat a women with respect, love, and best advice is never say no unless you really have to. Always say yes.

 

I am going to leave you with some advice, please do not compare your future boyfriends to your past boyfriends. Each one of us is going to be different, and you should give us all shots at something.

 

You will always hold a special place in my heart and I love you very much. NOW, if by some miracle you do get this message and read it. You do decide, hey I had the best boyfriend in the world, I want him to be back in my life. Then I will come back, but on a couple of conditions.

 

1. You introduce me proudly to your mom

2. You introduce me proudly to your brother

3. We make our relationship public to your friends.

 

I don't think that's a lot to ask. Notice how i left out the promise ring. I will be satisfied with those three things if you are willing to give this another shot. I love you deeply, but I have to let you go and enjoy life without me.

 

You know my number and I have not blocked you on my phone. I never will. So if your willing to think it over and you do decide you know he really was the guy for me who I could do all of the three for then give me a buzz. Other then that we are officially broken up and I wish you luck in finding your perfect man who will treat you right just as well as I did. Hey he may treat you even better you never know

 

Love,

 

Me (Name used to be here)

 

What are your guys thoughts? Did I do the right thing?

Edited February 18, 2014 by Driftking102

[Caliguy30]

Hey Drift, first off how old are you? Don't mean that in a rude way just wondering as a reference. Second, as a person who has written several emails I would leave that in the forum and not send it to her.

From my experience, this is just going to open a lot of room for pain on your end and intense waiting with hope. I know that no matter what people say on here, you are going to do what feels right for you and puts your mind at ease. For me, you will come up with something you want to add and send another one or once she doesn't respond you will send a text saying did you read my email. I'm sure you've told her before you want to meet her family and take the relationship to the next level. If you want closure and this is it like I said you need to do what will put your mind at ease. I have been in your position and it is easier for me to say don't send it than to be in your position wanting so bad to hit that send button. If she hasn't talked to you in a couple days and is ignoring your text, I'd say she is either thinking it over or done. Saying you're not goin to block her number. Trust me when I say I've been there. It's a hard bridge to cross, but it's been the best thing I have ever done. You are then in control and it doesn't matter if he is texting you because you never will know because you controlled the outcome. If she wants you she'll find a way to get ahold of you not on your phone. Block her number don't send the email because it lets her know you're lingering with hope. If she doesn't have the moral fiber to let you know she isn't interested anymore trust me you are better off with an adult who can explain their feeling an at least show you the respect of saying I'm done.

[HokeyReligions]

You shouldn't have sent it. There was no point. You basically sent a page from your diary. For decades therapists have recommended writing a 'letter' and then NOT mailing or sending it. There is no point. Its about you - you are not going to change someone else. Tory ng to cause someone else pain with a passive aggressive letter is petty and childish. Its also a common rookie mistake so don't sweat it. Next time write a letter but be the bigger person and don't send it.

[Caliguy30]

Ok, I read your post wrong. I didn't think you had sent it yet. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were stupid for sending it. Since it's already done, don't overthink it. You sent it. Use it as closure and starting your process for moving on. Hope is the thing that will stop you from moving forward. Once you lose that hope or denial that it's over, you will feel much better.

Use it as closure and block her number or else you'll constantly check your phone even in the middle of the night.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hey everyone. I am reflecting on what I did. Did you think I did the right thing in this message? I do not want to be a bad boyfriend statistic where girls tell people oh he sucks.

 

I have kept names anyomous.

 

Breakup text message sent at 1:30pm Sunday February 16th...

 

Girlfriend:

 

The reason I am messaging on your email instead of through phone or facebook is because I have tried to get a hold of you all week and still no reply. You have been an amazing, wonderful and best first girlfriend a guy could ever ask for. You and I had some great times together, but when I asked for more then just commitment like a promise ring or meeting your mother or brother you just kept pushing away.

 

It really hurts me to write this as I thought I would NEVER have to write a breakup letter at all. On Wednesday, I told you that we had a plateau in our relationship that we needed to fix. I get that your busy, but you could have answered me after work but it is now Sunday and you havn't answered me. Even in between work there is one hour where you can.

 

I know you love your space and I know I can be annoying with texts but giving me a few minutes of your time would not hurt to try and fix things. I sent numerous emails and no reply. I am not sure if you just read them and havn't responded or what.

 

I would have really liked to be a huge part of your life and I understand that being more then committed to one person is scary. (meaning being more then just the boyfriend everyone talks about. Actually introducing him to your loved ones). I was very VERY accepting of a lot of your needs and what you wanted me to do. I only complained a little bit, but a lot of the time I was very accepting. I need a women who does not want more then a few days worth of space and wants me around all the time. I need a women who loves to hang in doors with me but be outdoors to. I need a women who appreciates me and not only tells me I'm amazing and wonderful but tells me im hott.

 

After stating numerous times through texts or emails that I am very different then your other boyfriends still no reply. Relationships do not fall on a time line basis. They fall on how much you love one another. We have been together for almost 2 years. 1 year and then almost another year officially. I count that as two. I hate to throw all that time away. I just can't wait around for a person who is going to be drifting on does he really truly deserve to meet my family status. If you look back at everything, I did a LOT for you because i truly deeply loved you. I still do love you, but I have to let you go and be your own person.

 

You have to go and find someone who is going to match your personality on space, cuddling, sex, and outdoor time. Unfortunately, I do not think I am the right guy because you keep pushing me away. Sure this maybe my first relationship, but you have taught me a lot on how to always treat a women with respect, love, and best advice is never say no unless you really have to. Always say yes.

 

I am going to leave you with some advice, please do not compare your future boyfriends to your past boyfriends. Each one of us is going to be different, and you should give us all shots at something.

 

You will always hold a special place in my heart and I love you very much. NOW, if by some miracle you do get this message and read it. You do decide, hey I had the best boyfriend in the world, I want him to be back in my life. Then I will come back, but on a couple of conditions.

 

1. You introduce me proudly to your mom

2. You introduce me proudly to your brother

3. We make our relationship public to your friends.

 

I don't think that's a lot to ask. Notice how i left out the promise ring. I will be satisfied with those three things if you are willing to give this another shot. I love you deeply, but I have to let you go and enjoy life without me.

 

You know my number and I have not blocked you on my phone. I never will. So if your willing to think it over and you do decide you know he really was the guy for me who I could do all of the three for then give me a buzz. Other then that we are officially broken up and I wish you luck in finding your perfect man who will treat you right just as well as I did. Hey he may treat you even better you never know

 

Love,

 

Me (Name used to be here)

 

What are your guys thoughts? Did I do the right thing?

 

If you want our opinions....then no. This was a pretty awful e-mail. It (as most e-mails/letters) makes you look incredibly weak and clingy. The phrases and words you used made me cringe several times. This was a huge step backwards.

 

With that said, you said it was your first relationship so don't take it too bad. This will happen again I assure you. When it does, do NOT send a letter/note/text. It makes you look awful. Just learn from this and hit a home run the next time.

[deathandtaxes]

Did you do the right thing? Ehhh...that's debatable. She had effectively faded out on you and you felt rejected and hurt so you're sending the letter to dump her to salve your ego. But here's the thing - she had already dumped you.

[legion113]

Geez if she needed to justify to herself about getting rid of you, that letter was IT.

[OhThatGirl]

This was a terrible idea. Sorry. You asked for us to respond.

 

I'm with ConfusedHumanBeing. I cringed multiple times. Biggest thing: you already knew you were broken up, you figured she had blocked you on most forms of contact, you'd already told her what you wanted and didn't get it, so why send an email breaking up with her when essentially you were already broken up?

 

Man this is rough because it's your first breakup but learn from this. If someone is not responding to your attempts at contact, you don't need to send them an email telling it's over. They've already made that clear. Write an email to collect your thoughts if you choose but never ever ever send it.

 

Just promise you will hold on to/regain any possible dignity and do NOT contact her again. It's the only power you've got. Any time you contact her, you reassure her that she can do much much better. Seriously. Don't do that.

[Driftking102]

This was a terrible idea. Sorry. You asked for us to respond.

 

I'm with ConfusedHumanBeing. I cringed multiple times. Biggest thing: you already knew you were broken up, you figured she had blocked you on most forms of contact, you'd already told her what you wanted and didn't get it, so why send an email breaking up with her when essentially you were already broken up?

 

Man this is rough because it's your first breakup but learn from this. If someone is not responding to your attempts at contact, you don't need to send them an email telling it's over. They've already made that clear. Write an email to collect your thoughts if you choose but never ever ever send it.

 

Just promise you will hold on to/regain any possible dignity and do NOT contact her again. It's the only power you've got. Any time you contact her, you reassure her that she can do much much better. Seriously. Don't do that.

 

I texted her last night while i was drunk at a friends house. Im 24 years old and the second day hurts so bad. I deleted the text and havn't texted her since. I deleted her number to and her email address. I did send the email the day I broke up with her. I was very depended upon this person. She controlled my whole life and told me it was always bad to say no to her.

[lauri]

I texted her last night while i was drunk at a friends house. Im 24 years old and the second day hurts so bad. I deleted the text and havn't texted her since. I deleted her number to and her email address. I did send the email the day I broke up with her. I was very depended upon this person. She controlled my whole life and told me it was always bad to say no to her.

 

You need to get a hold of yourself! Having no self-control is a huge turn off to girls and it appears weak.

 

You actually believed her when she said it is bad to say no to her? She may be saying that but I don't believe she really means it. In order to have a girls respect, using the "no" word is essential, especially when you don't agree. It sounds like she could walk all over you if you never told her no.

 

I hate to say this man but she sounds like she is long gone, especially after that email you sent her. She only got turned off by it and it validated her feelings that she made the right choice.

 

Its up to you now what happens next...you need to delete / throw out everything that reminds you of her and start the healing process. I'm happy to hear you deleted her number and email...She may reach out to you again if you when you go NC, but the beauty of it is that you are in full control of what happens...you can completely avoid her and not let yourself be put into anymore unnecessary pain.

 

I know the world feels like its over without her. Trust me man, you are better off to find out she isn't into you now, so you can spend your time and energy on a girl who actually loves you and will do anything to make it work.

[organizedchaos]

I was very depended upon this person. She controlled my whole life and told me it was always bad to say no to her.

 

How do you feel about being like that?

[Driftking102]

You need to get a hold of yourself! Having no self-control is a huge turn off to girls and it appears weak.

 

You actually believed her when she said it is bad to say no to her? She may be saying that but I don't believe she really means it. In order to have a girls respect, using the "no" word is essential, especially when you don't agree. It sounds like she could walk all over you if you never told her no.

 

I hate to say this man but she sounds like she is long gone, especially after that email you sent her. She only got turned off by it and it validated her feelings that she made the right choice.

 

Its up to you now what happens next...you need to delete / throw out everything that reminds you of her and start the healing process. I'm happy to hear you deleted her number and email...She may reach out to you again if you when you go NC, but the beauty of it is that you are in full control of what happens...you can completely avoid her and not let yourself be put into anymore unnecessary pain.

 

I know the world feels like its over without her. Trust me man, you are better off to find out she isn't into you now, so you can spend your time and energy on a girl who actually loves you and will do anything to make it work.

 

When we first started dating she made me get tested for live sperm. She did this before she would have sex with me. She told me that we were going to have a family together and something changed. I really wanted a family, but now I will never get one. I have live sperm which is good and I'm not shooting blanks.

[Driftking102]

How do you feel about being like that?

 

I always try and find the good in people and look past the bad. I did not know I was being controlled until my counselor yesterday pointed it out. I will be seeing my counselor today as well. I got a women counselor instead of a man counselor. I'm weird like that.

[pteromom]

That letter was awful, but if she wasn't willing to introduce you to her mother and brother after TWO YEARS of dating, you are better off without her.

 

I'll leave YOU with some advice:

 

Loving someone doesn't mean losing yourself. You have to know yourself and know what you want out of a relationship. If someone is not providing what you need, and isn't willing to work on it, walk away.

 

You'll be OK. It's gonna hurt for a while, and then it will slowly start getting better.

[TaraMaiden]

After participating in this thread, I'm astonished she lets you breathe without her permission.

You seriously - and I do mean, SERIOUSLY - need to research getting some therapy for your esteem issues.

I won't even call it esteem. That word is so far off where you are right now, you need a complete emotional overhaul in just learning how to even begin thinking for yourself.

 

Seriously, I'm not saying this to be rude.

I truly am very worried about the kind of person you are.

you seem incapable of functioning on your own and that is desperately worrying.

[lauri]

When we first started dating she made me get tested for live sperm. She did this before she would have sex with me. She told me that we were going to have a family together and something changed. I really wanted a family, but now I will never get one. I have live sperm which is good and I'm not shooting blanks.

 

Why will you never get the chance to have a family? Do you actually think you can't find someone else?

 

You need to have the confidence to realize that you WILL have the chance to have a family with an AMAZING woman who you never new existed.

 

You need to stop being so hung up on her words. That is all they are - words. Take a step back and realize her actions...her actions sound like she is not worth your time.

[TaraMaiden]

I got a women counselor instead of a man counselor. I'm weird like that.

 

This to me is distasteful.

I believe you have control issues, in that you are prepared to abdicate complete and total control of yourself to a woman.

 

Are you expecting this counsellor to tell you what to do?

 

I genuinely feel it would be far more beneficial to you to find a MALE counsellor.

 

At least, until you learn that saying 'No' is not only acceptable, it's also essential, in many situations.

[lauri]

This to me is distasteful.

I believe you have control issues, in that you are prepared to abdicate complete and total control of yourself to a woman.

 

Are you expecting this counsellor to tell you what to do?

 

I genuinely feel it would be far more beneficial to you to find a MALE counsellor.

 

At least, until you learn that saying 'No' is not only acceptable, it's also essential, in many situations.

 

Exactly!!!

 

A woman is drawn to a man with confidence, self control and that is a challenge. You never challenging your ex girlfriend by saying "No" to her. You just accepted anything she said and because she told you to never say no to her...you just agreed.

 

I think you need to learn from your mistakes here - because being in a dependent relationship is not healthy. You need to be a MAN in a relationship with a backbone that doesn't get pushed around.

 

Remember this:

 

A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not make it.

[Driftking102]

This to me is distasteful.

I believe you have control issues, in that you are prepared to abdicate complete and total control of yourself to a woman.

 

Are you expecting this counsellor to tell you what to do?

 

I genuinely feel it would be far more beneficial to you to find a MALE counsellor.

 

At least, until you learn that saying 'No' is not only acceptable, it's also essential, in many situations.

 

I had control of my life pretty well and could make decisions on my own. But when I got into this relationship she just broke me down to the point where I had to ask her permission for everything. Now that I am looking back on it. She got really angry at me whenever I went off and did something on my own so i just stopped trying to avoid the anger. It was much easier that way. I mostly stayed home all the time and always asked permission to go hangout with friends.

 

I thought this was all normal behavior. I always went outside with her. She told me that I was not to look at any women in any way possible.

 

For people who are thinking its a troll. this is not a troll. this is how my relationship really went. I am going to be telling the counselor more of this stuff this afternoon.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Driftking102

[TaraMaiden]

So... why a female counsellor?

I really think you need a guy to interact with at least for starters.

 

This is F-A-R from 'normal'.

 

Way off the scale, in fact.....

[Driftking102]

So... why a female counsellor?

I really think you need a guy to interact with at least for starters.

 

This is F-A-R from 'normal'.

 

Way off the scale, in fact.....

 

I just feel more comfortable talking to adult females about these types of problems.

[TaraMaiden]

as long as you're not seeking solutions from her.

She can listen and guide, but the hard (recovery) work is entirely down to you.

You have to decide what's a healthy way for you to go.

 

Currently, having ANY involvement whatsoever, in any form, with your ex- is extremely unhealthy, damaging and frankly destructive.

[organizedchaos]

I had control of my life pretty well and could make decisions on my own. But when I got into this relationship she just broke me down to the point where I had to ask her permission for everything. Now that I am looking back on it. She got really angry at me whenever I went off and did something on my own so i just stopped trying to avoid the anger. It was much easier that way. I mostly stayed home all the time and always asked permission to go hangout with friends.

 

I thought this was all normal behavior. I always went outside with her. She told me that I was not to look at any women in any way possible.

 

For people who are thinking its a troll. this is not a troll. this is how my relationship really went. I am going to be telling the counselor more of this stuff this afternoon.

 

 

How does one get to this point in their life? How old are you? Where does this stem from?

[Driftking102]

How does one get to this point in their life? How old are you? Where does this stem from?

 

I am 24 years old. I thought this was my last shot. I have tried to have relationships with women before but my friends have always stolen them away from me. I finally found someone who loved me for me (or so i thought) and no one was going to take that away. That's probably why I have held onto her so long up until this point.

[TaraMaiden]

24?

 

...'last shot'....?

 

why the hell would you think that??

Your last shot happens the day before you die....

 

in other words, love isn't confined to a specific, limiting age-group....