Driftking102 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 So I said a comment to my girlfriend last night over text and she really found it uncomfortable and unusual for anyone to say. Since she made me a non-virgin I told her that I only wanted her to touch me and have me in those ways and she didn't like that comment at all. I brushed it quickly off and said I was trying to be romantic and she was saying it was not romantic at all. This is coming from a girl who does not like sex and I get it about once a month. Even when our relationship started she gave it to me once a month. She was abused in her last two relationships and I don't want to be that guy to do it to her again. I just thought it was cool to say that. She really enjoyed the comment before which was that I would stick by her side forever, that I love her very much and I support her in what she is wanting to do. She gave me a :) for that one. I am just going to lay off the sex talk for awhile and see how things progress. I already accepted the fact that she can't give it to me normally which I am cool with but little comments like that shouldn't really be a problem. She is in charge of this relationship and makes the moves all the time. Has anyone else come across girls who do this? Women are you like this and do you tell your men specifically not to talk about sex? I have been with this girl a year and were madly in love. If were both talking about being together forever, then I think shes settling in. I went really slow and didn't offically become her boyfriend until a year after hanging out with her. Is this what I can expect if I go along with this relationship? I don't need sex every month, but I still would like to be able to talk about it once in awhile without her freaking out.
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 She clearly still has serious issues regarding intimacy and sexual contact. This, unless she is in psychosexual therapy and is working on herself constructively, will progressively become worse, not better, particularly as you are so accommodating and as you put it, She is in charge of this relationship and makes the moves all the time. She will become more and more restrictive, because the less effort she has to make, the more she will like it. And you are enabling her in this. There is already a sexual incompatibility here. And frankly, unless you are willing to look forward to a quasi-celibate relationship with her, I would advise you to move on. Simply because you lost your virginity to her, doesn't mean you have a life-long obligation to stay tied to her hip. 4
carhill Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Tip: Talk about sex/lovemaking/relationship dynamics in person. 1
Author Driftking102 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 She clearly still has serious issues regarding intimacy and sexual contact. This, unless she is in psychosexual therapy and is working on herself constructively, will progressively become worse, not better, particularly as you are so accommodating and as you put it, . She will become more and more restrictive, because the less effort she has to make, the more she will like it. And you are enabling her in this. There is already a sexual incompatibility here. And frankly, unless you are willing to look forward to a quasi-celibate relationship with her, I would advise you to move on. Simply because you lost your virginity to her, doesn't mean you have a life-long obligation to stay tied to her hip. I am okay with this and have accepted the fact that I will never get sex normally. I would rather be with her as a person and have the compatibility personality wise. However, when it is time for us to start having kids I hope she has her problems sorted out because we both want kids. When we do have sex it is amazing and we have amazing compatibility and fit together really well. I know she is not seeing anyone else because she made it very clear to me that she does not want to see anyone else and she thinks we need to be exclusive. She was cheated on in the last relationship as well. I have not met her family yet and its almost been a year. The first year has been ups and downs because we are trying to figure out each others needs. I love the fact that she calls me everyday and we hangout everyday and I don't want that to stop. When do woman usually find you important enough for them to meet their family?
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I am okay with this and have accepted the fact that I will never get sex normally. You say this now... I would rather be with her as a person and have the compatibility personality wise. You can achieve this with a labrador.... However, when it is time for us to start having kids I hope she has her problems sorted out because we both want kids. Now you're moving the goalposts and making conditions, which suggests you're content with things now - but in future you want resolution. you can't have it both ways. Either you're happy with things the way they are, or you need to see a change in attitude form her. And it won't happen by itself. When we do have sex it is amazing and we have amazing compatibility and fit together really well. Do you think you'd feel this way if the sex increased? because she doesn't.... That's why you have sex so rarely.... I know she is not seeing anyone else because she made it very clear to me that she does not want to see anyone else and she thinks we need to be exclusive. She was cheated on in the last relationship as well. Irrelevant. I have not met her family yet and its almost been a year. Do they at least KNOW about you? has she met YOUR family? The first year has been ups and downs because we are trying to figure out each others needs. I love the fact that she calls me everyday and we hangout everyday and I don't want that to stop. Like I said.... labrador.... When do woman usually find you important enough for them to meet their family? That's not the question. The question is, why has she specifically not introduced you to hers yet, if apparently, you're the man she wants kids with? 4
carhill Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 You've known her a year and have never met her family, even incidentally? Unless they live in a different country, that's pretty odd IME. Has she met your family?
clia Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 In my opinion (and this is based on your previous threads as well, because I remember your story), your "girlfriend" treats you like garbage. What has she done to make you give her such devotion? Why do you put up with her controlling behavior? Why would you want to remain in a relationship where you only have sex once a month? Unless her family lives on the other side of the world, it is not normal that you have not met them yet. This is a huge, blazing red flag. 2
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 However, when it is time for us to start having kids I hope she has her problems sorted out because we both want kids. Oh gawd.... Please, don't marry someone assuming that they will change and/or that their issues will magically work out at some time in the future. This way lies disappointment. 2
GoreSP Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 she 'gives' it to you?? That's a funny way of looking at it...Do you 'give' her anything back? If she has issues with intimacy, she needs to resolve them. If she was abused and or used in the past, she needs to work that out. It's only going to get worse otherwise and will only get you frustrated - no matter how you say you are fine with it now, the more you have to wait before having sex with her again, the heavier it will get and the more frustrated you will be. The more frustrated you are, the less she'll want to have sex. Horrible situation for both of you.
FitChick Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 She wants kids but doesn't want sex? I guess she is planning to adopt.
veggirl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Dude this relationship hopeless......re-read your threads. This relationship is pathetic. Does your gf even like you..? Doesn't seem like it tbh. Most girls are so excited to show their bf off, she is ashamed of you and emasculates you at every turn and you sit there and take it! Where is your self respect? You honestly should ask your parents to find you a therapist. 2
veggirl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I am okay with this and have accepted the fact that I will never get sex normally. I would rather be with her as a person and have the compatibility personality wise. However, when it is time for us to start having kids I hope she has her problems sorted out because we both want kids. When we do have sex it is amazing and we have amazing compatibility and fit together really well. I know she is not seeing anyone else because she made it very clear to me that she does not want to see anyone else and she thinks we need to be exclusive. She was cheated on in the last relationship as well. I have not met her family yet and its almost been a year. The first year has been ups and downs because we are trying to figure out each others needs. I love the fact that she calls me everyday and we hangout everyday and I don't want that to stop. When do woman usually find you important enough for them to meet their family? What's so great about her as a person? Most people meet families after a few months, esp if you are young.
pickflicker Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 You say this now... You can achieve this with a labrador.... Now you're moving the goalposts and making conditions, which suggests you're content with things now - but in future you want resolution. you can't have it both ways. Either you're happy with things the way they are, or you need to see a change in attitude form her. And it won't happen by itself. Do you think you'd feel this way if the sex increased? because she doesn't.... That's why you have sex so rarely.... Irrelevant. Do they at least KNOW about you? has she met YOUR family? Like I said.... labrador.... That's not the question. The question is, why has she specifically not introduced you to hers yet, if apparently, you're the man she wants kids with? All this. The labrador comment is particularly relevant. If someone I was having a relationship with turned off the sex, I'd leave. I might as well continue my emotionally fulfilling friendships I already have, and break out the battery-operated boyfriend when I need an orgasm. This relationship has disaster written all over it. TaraMaiden is right - consider getting a dog if you want unlimited, continuous, non-sexual affection.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Is this what I can expect if I go along with this relationship? YEP. You can also expect you might be cheated on. Once a month sounds like it's either out of obligation, or due to her hormonal cycles. If the latter, then she's either asexual, or only has sex with you at that time of the month because that's when she values the loyal caretaker. The rest of the time she might be lusting for the bad boy which you are NOT. The fact that she didn't appreciate your comment (even though it was a bit weird) speaks volumes. Do what you want, but I don't lay very good odds at you having a happy life with this woman.
potsticker Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 *snip* listen to the wise woman, dude. People will often over-idealize their first partner. You'll fine someone better, I promise
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