She slept with someone while we were separated..

[Spectre]

When we separated she has asked me if it was ok for her to date. She my have mis-construded what I meant when I told her I did not like the idea of her dating and most certainly not sleeping with someone (especially if she is telling me she needs time to herself, who needs time to themselves;...but dates?) to mean that I was ok with it. Every time it came up in a conversation I told her I did not like her nor want her to do it, she ended up telling me that my constant "begging" for a second chance and pursuant of her led her to being with this other guy.

 

Okay here is where I already see red flags. Why would she even ask you about dating others? Why was that such a priority for this woman? I don't get it. You say that she said she wanted a divorce, but then you convinced her you were beginning to change and she said okay..but then she wanted some space for a bit. So this clearly was not a "we are separated until we can draw up the divorce papers" type separation. So, if she was planning to give you another chance there is zero reason for this woman to go on a dating site. To "see how it feels to be treated well" was her excuse? Is she 12 yrs old? How did she say that with a straight face?

 

So when she said she needed time for herself, what she really was she needed time for herself and her new boy toy. Then you begging for her back leads her to sleep with another guy? These are the rationalizations of a crazy person. You did the right thing not getting back with her. You made it clear you didn't want her doing it and she said she would be open to giving you guys another shot, but then she did this anyways. Yeah, this is a no brainer here. Not only is she not trustworthy, she sounds manipulative.

[petee]

Scott, the writing is on the wall. She's untrustworthy and it's a case of having her cake and eating it. Get firm and get out of it.....it is a classic case of 'the law of diminishing returns'.

[Scott0310]

I hate to seem like I keep defending her even after what she did...I know nothing was happening until after we separated because I have actual proof, along with phone records. Its just that it happened too quick which is why I am set aback.

 

Now emotionally yeah, I can agree she was probably already half out the door, and not with someone else, but already ready to leave the marriage.

 

One of the main attractions I had with her was she is not or WAS not like a typical girl, and I had to with me being in the military and having frequent trips away from home, I needed someone I could trust. And she is/was it. She gave up everything at home to move with me to a different country for several years. I know so many people speak bad in a situation such as this about the person who's doing the wrong that they had hit lined up, have been planning it for a while, or was even always doing it. But it is possible once in a while to find someone who doesnt actually do that and is generally a good person. We just fell apart and as a typical married couple communication sucked and instead of her telling me flat out she gave me hints, I didnt see it (as a typical guy/husband) and when I did find out, it was too late.

 

The bad part is yeah, she talks about wanting time alone now but at first she did go out with this guy, and there are alot of issues on her side which i have brought into light such as the ones you mentioned Spectre, and the only way I know that she knows shes in the "wrong" is when I bring it up, the double negative, she closes off a bit, and has nothing to say. You cant tell me you want time to yourself to think and begin to trust me again if your holding hands with some douchebag thinking about him. Also its fun when I bring up her lack of judgement, dude dumped her in a heartbeat after he got what he wanted, I ask her did any of her actions ever cross with what they might be doing to me and our marriage, and of course I get no answer. So at this point I am unsure if she is feeling any guilt now or not. We did talk about the social/dating site, that if we make things work and actually try, she would drop that site; as of right now I'm pretty sure she is only useing it to talk to people, the other day her phone was still open with a conversation on it, and it was with a girl about tattoos, when I scrolled up, another with a guy, but it was completely about food and recipes. But she told me she would stop should we pull through since I will be "back in the picture" for her to talk to at all hours as opposed to us not really talking.

Edited April 27, 2014 by Scott0310

[Bryanp]

My friend unfortunately she is in damage control and you are in the fog.

She continues to disrespect you and play mind games with you.

 

If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[road]

I hate to seem like I keep defending her even after what she did...I know nothing was happening until after we separated because I have actual proof, along with phone records. Its just that it happened too quick which is why I am set aback.

 

 

 

 

You fail to see your WW did what many WW did. Have her OM lined up. Then get the separation in place so she can claim "I did not cheat/have an affair.