MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Then don't be. I'm not stinging - with dating, there are far more defeats than victories. I'll just regroup and move on. I am satisfied with my effort on this one, even if the execution was crap. My apologies, and it's great you have the heart to keep going. Ther reason there are more REJECTIONS is that guys are out there doing just what the other poster was saying. Smothering. And Like I said, they're out there looking for mom. It'll make a woman want to puke! It's like running out into an intersection without looking for cars, Lay back a little, check out the scene, don't rush in, get flattenned and have to scrape yourself up, AGAIN. Not stinging, I know buddy. After all that effort, it just doesn't faze you. Carry on. MA
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom My apologies, and it's great you have the heart to keep going. Ther reason there are more REJECTIONS is that guys are out there doing just what the other poster was saying. Smothering. And Like I said, they're out there looking for mom. It'll make a woman want to puke! It's like running out into an intersection without looking for cars, Lay back a little, check out the scene, don't rush in, get flattenned and have to scrape yourself up, AGAIN. Not stinging, I know buddy. After all that effort, it just doesn't faze you. Carry on. MA This stuff comes with the territory. I'll just chalk it up to a learning experience. I thought I had tamed my aggressiveness, but obviously I have to scale it back even more. I'll make sure to play it more conservative next time.
Guest Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I've said the same words and then jumped on top of the person I said it to and started kissing them... I'm just curious what came before that? How were you so quick to decide that she wanted you to go away? I'm just curious? I'm not trying to put false hope there. I'm sorry things went this way... but you are you - and the one who loves that and only that is the better choice. Good luck to you and let us know if she writes back...
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by gwennebe Ice, hang in there. You will find the right girl someday and when you do everything will be better than you ever expected. If a girl really really likes you than she would adore the type of guy you are and would want to spend as much time with you as you do her. Get yourself out this weekend and have a good time. Don't think about her and please do not email her anymore or call her. Let the b**ch handle her own problems. I've had 4 girlfriends, and I've enjoyed my time with each of them. I'm sure there will be another opportunity sooner than I think. I have my faults, for sure, but I've been told that being open and honest is one of the top things women look for in a man. I'm just going to keep being myself (minus the smothering) and hopefully someone will express an interest. I'm not going to call or e-mail her anymore. I mean, I let her know that I said a prayer for her Aunt and she says that to me? She may be a sweet girl, but right now she wouldn't recognize compassion if it smacked her on the head. Of course it would be nice to get an apology letter from her at some point, but I know I'm more likely to wake up a Smurf tomorrow than have that happen.
Bronzepen Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Sorry to hear that it didn't work out Iceisles. Just curious. You said you were going to wait for V Day to see how she feels about you since she had alot on her plate now. Then on your next thread you say she couldn't take it anymore. What did you say? What happend? I'm very sorry. My last suggestion on this ordeal, don't call her or contact anymore. Leave her be. Keep your chin up.
Bronzepen Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I've been told that being open and honest is one of the top things women look for in a man. This is only true when they ask you a question. Expressing your inner feelings on how you feel about them prior to dating is a no, no. It really freaks them out. Do be yourself but don't spill your guts. Women like their men a little mysterious. Just a tip. Good luck to you IceIsles. I mean it.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen Sorry to hear that it didn't work out Iceisles. Just curious. You said you were going to wait for V Day to see how she feels about you since she had alot on her plate now. Then on your next thread you say she couldn't take it anymore. What did you say? What happend? I was going to wait until V-Day, but apparently me leaving a message on her apartment voicemail ticked her off. When I got home last night, she left me an IM saying "Listen, I can't take it anymore." She then signed off, but she didn't block me (I checked). And that was basically it. I guess I shouldn't have told her I was thinking of her Aunt. I'm very sorry. My last suggestion on this ordeal, don't call her or contact anymore. Leave her be. Keep your chin up. Thanks, I'm doing fine. This is certainly not the first time something like this has fallen through. There is a slight chance that she is under tremendous stress and I was the straw that broke her back. Regardless, I have no desire to contact her anymore. If she's going to treat me like that, I don't want to know her anyway.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen This is only true when they ask you a question. Expressing your inner feelings on how you feel about them prior to dating is a no, no. It really freaks them out. Do be yourself but don't spill your guts. Women like their men a little mysterious. Just a tip. Good luck to you IceIsles. I mean it. Yeah, this is another entry into the "hard lessons learned" book. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut from now on - at least until I've been dating someone for awhile. The less I say, the less chance I have of screwing things up.
MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 There ya go Ice. Keep it quiet and take it slow, WHen you are" in good," take it slower. Wanna know why a woman should ALWAYS have the last word in an argument? because the very next thing a man says, is the start of another argument! Make sure to keep your sense of humor too! MA
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Make sure to keep your sense of humor too! I have to laugh at how bad I am sometimes. People tell me I'm a fairly intelligent guy, and even if that's true, I'm definitely not with relationships. This stuff often sucks, but I keep plowing forward. I won't make any progress dwelling on my defeats.
Midwest guy Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 This sounds so much like my situation in my poast. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t55295/ Same thing. There is a cute college girl I like at my work and I askedher out and she sounded interested and said she would call me and all. She would always make excuses like shes busy and shes doing this and that. She would always give me hints and say she would call me. I might have been too pushy though cause she told me I was being too pushy with her and too persistant. She was only in town for 3 weeks from school for xmas break so maybe she was busy but some of her excuses were just plain lame. Her last day at work she said shes only in town for 4 months out of the year and that she doesnt like to date coworkers and that she said Im not really her type. From what people told me she doesnt date, and just curious I asked her if she had a bf and she said she doesnt have a bf which I figured. I think since it was her last day at work till the summer she was honest with me. I think she was just trying to be polite in blowing me off and hoping not to hurt my feelings. I told her shes a nice gal and if this summer if we could still go out and do something together and she said she would see. I wonder if me asking her out and putting moves on her everyday turned her off? I tried calling her last night but she had her voice mail on. I might call tonight since its friday, and I'll leave a message if shes not there and call her some other time. She was kinda upset though I went behind her back and got her cell number from someone at work cause she didnt want to give it out.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Yeah, I saw your thread but I didn't feel I could offer helpful advice because it was so similar to what I was going through. What I can say is that it's very easy to have your navigational compass thrown off when you start getting mixed signals. I don't like ambiguity, which is why I felt I had to at get a clear answer. I certainly got one last night out of the blue, almost like she knew the question was coming. If my relationship with her was a car, you could considered it totalled in an accident that was completely my fault. Live and learn, I guess.
MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I think she was just trying to be polite in blowing me off and hoping not to hurt my feelings. This is EXACTLY what she was doing. ma
alphamale Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom ALPHA!?!? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!? GET IN HERE!!! NOW! THIS ONE IS HEMORRHAGING! i was in a meeting from 11am to 1:30, eastern time, so sorry I was not around to do crisis intervention.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i was in a meeting from 11am to 1:30, eastern time, so sorry I was not around to do crisis intervention. Alpha, you change avatars more often than I change romantic interests. And that's saying something.
MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Just make sure you both change you socks and underwear!
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Do you all think this damage is permanent? I mean, if things cool off for awhile and I don't talk to her, wouldn't her focus likely shift from "nice guy but annoying" to "nice guy who really did care"? Don't get me wrong, I am moving forward, but we did have plans to get together at least twice between now and April, which tells me that I couldn't have been THAT irritating. Maybe she is a lot more sensitive right now being in the "I don't need any extra sh*t" mode.
blind_otter Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Alpha, you change avatars more often than I change romantic interests. And that's saying something. Hey now! I change avatars all the time. I get bored. Besides, my moods change and my avatars reflect that. Today otter feels all cuddly. Anyways, no, to be honest, I think she just wasn't that into you. I met a guy recently who is nice, sweet, I talk on the phone to him all the time, I can tell he wants more and he even came out and said, why don't you give me a chance. I explained to him that I wasn't interested in the type of romantic relationship he's seeking at this time. See, I'm stressed myself right now....but ya know what? I still find time to spend with my very closest friends, or crushes, or whoever I'm interested in spending time with.
ntovrhm Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 . . . too much too soon. I would just let it go. Unfortunately, the turn-off may be permanent This may be off base, but I tend not to like it when guys lay it on too think before really knowing me at all. At least if we went out on a bunch of dates, than I would see their feelings as more genuine. But after one date, my bu$$sh$t or desperation meter would go off. Onward and upward my friend. . .
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Yeah, that's what I figured. Maybe she'll go back to her verbally abusive ex since I wasn't appealing enough.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by ntovrhm . . . too much too soon. I would just let it go. Unfortunately, the turn-off may be permanent This may be off base, but I tend not to like it when guys lay it on too think before really knowing me at all. At least if we went out on a bunch of dates, than I would see their feelings as more genuine. But after one date, my bu$$sh$t or desperation meter would go off. Onward and upward my friend. . . I have let it go - it was just a question of curiosity. I may have smothered her, and yes it didn't work out, but I still know I did a lot of things right, and I have that to be proud of.
Hund1976 Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Well maybe she will call you in a month or so. Maybe she won't. I would try to forget about it for now and move on. In the future as a general rule I wouldn't write anyone a letter that I had only been on one date with. Also you probably said too much with her aunt. If you had known her for a while and met her aunt it would be different. But in your case I would advise the most you should have said was "I'm sorry to hear that, I hope she gets better" But what's done is done, as long as you learn from this and benefit in future relationships then you're better off for the whole experience.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 Well maybe she will call you in a month or so. Maybe she won't. I would try to forget about it for now and move on. In the future as a general rule I wouldn't write anyone a letter that I had only been on one date with. Also you probably said too much with her aunt. If you had known her for a while and met her aunt it would be different. But in your case I would advise the most you should have said was "I'm sorry to hear that, I hope she gets better" But what's done is done, as long as you learn from this and benefit in future relationships then you're better off for the whole experience. Thanks for the post. If nothing else, at least I can't say I didn't try. I agree with your points above. I was just trying to be nice with her Aunt - i.e., a shoulder to cry on. I guess even being nice can backfire from time to time.
MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I guess even being nice can backfire from time to time. Can I get a Amen!?!?
alphamale Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Anyways, no, to be honest, I think she just wasn't that into you. I met a guy recently who is nice, sweet, I talk on the phone to him all the time, I can tell he wants more and he even came out and said, why don't you give me a chance. I explained to him that I wasn't interested in the type of romantic relationship he's seeking at this time. No, BLINDOTTER, lets get this straight here... What you mean was that you are not interested in the type of romantic relationship he's seeking at this time WITH HIM.
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