Guest Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Hey Ice, I'm the one in a similar sit. Liking a guy that's (more or less) fresh out of a LT relationship - hoping he likes me. I feel like I'm the one making all the effort. Although he very much welcomes my calls. He initiates wanting to see me - he's not quick to return my calls or text messages. When we do talk on the phone it's usually really short convos... he usually cuts it off pretty abruptly... like phone is dying call you later, oh incoming call must take it - call me tomorrow etc. As well he keeps putting the ball in my court to call him... I've decided to back off 100% - just let him come to me. I've thought about asking similar questions to yours... but I know he's just out of a relationship so I'm not going to push him for fear I'll push the guy away. I'm not sure how fresh out of her rs your girl is... but you may want to reconsider asking her about other guys. She may not be fully over the last one. One a side note... it dawned on me while reading your post... I have a sick crazy busy schedule. I'm on the go non-stop... between work (minimum of 60 hours a week), family, school... then my weekends are crammed with cleaning and doing laundry etc... I've somehow STILL managed to see him. Even when I've thought OMG I just want to go home and crash where ever I fall. The excitment of wanting to see him... brought my second wind. I'm not trying to rub it in... honestly I'm not. But reading your post made me realize I'm usually the one that's "too busy" maybe later... and now I've found myself making excuses for his potentially busy schedule... I know you are going to go ahead with it regardless... and I'm not encouraging head games... but maybe you should just vanish from her life for a while. Allow her to miss you (if she does miss you). Maybe you asking her this and putting her on the spot is going to upset her beucase you are a friend that "should know her situation and be understanding"... I'm throwing that out there as a possibility of what she may say - don't take it wrong... I'm rooting for you on this one. I hope I've shed SOME light and it gives you different perspectives... please by all means keep us posted... and best of luck!!! You seem like a total gem!
MassiveAtom Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 I know I'll get trashed for this one. I don't think she's very interested in you buddy. While you're probably a great guy, ask yourself this. Have you ever broken a date with a woman you've been REALLY interested in? From what I've read, you're sending the wrong signals. All this confusion about where she stands is just because you didn't run a tight ship going in. Try this. Don't call her after your date for about a week. 7 days. If she calls you, great. If not, throw her number away. She's just costing you time, money, and heart break. When a woman is truly interested in you, she makes it easy for you to see her. But if she's not, she pulls this stuff. The bottom line is this, Barring sudden catastrophe, women who are available, really interested in a guy, and are clinically sane, do not break dates. Just read the Guest poster above. as always, MA
Author iceisles Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 I'm not sure how fresh out of her rs your girl is... but you may want to reconsider asking her about other guys. She may not be fully over the last one. Oh, she's over him. In fact, she wants him out of her life and is considering a restraining order to accomplish that. She realized what a jerk he was and knows there are better guys out there for her. One a side note... it dawned on me while reading your post... I have a sick crazy busy schedule. I'm on the go non-stop... between work (minimum of 60 hours a week), family, school... then my weekends are crammed with cleaning and doing laundry etc... I've somehow STILL managed to see him. Even when I've thought OMG I just want to go home and crash where ever I fall. The excitment of wanting to see him... brought my second wind. Well, what can I really expect? We've had one great date, which we each said we thoroughly enjoyed. Let's be honest here - she isn't likely to find those small holes in her schedule until she gets to know me better. I do not think that means she's not into me, though. I know you are going to go ahead with it regardless... and I'm not encouraging head games... but maybe you should just vanish from her life for a while. Allow her to miss you (if she does miss you). Maybe you asking her this and putting her on the spot is going to upset her beucase you are a friend that "should know her situation and be understanding. I plan on vanishing if things don't go well tonight. She already knows that I am more than willing to take things slow. She knows that I am understanding of her situation. But I still need to know if there is something worth waiting for. I will wait months if I can be assured that she'll want to be with me. I just need to avoid being strung along, because my heart can't take that anymore. You have my word that I will play this safely.
Author iceisles Posted January 19, 2005 Author Posted January 19, 2005 I don't think she's very interested in you buddy. Ah, I knew there would be one. Welcome to life in 2005. Some people just don't have a lot of time. I believe her to be one of them. From what I've read, you're sending the wrong signals. All this confusion about where she stands is just because you didn't run a tight ship going in. What does this mean? Do I need a bigger anchor? Try this. Don't call her after your date for about a week. 7 days. If she calls you, great. If not, throw her number away. She's just costing you time, money, and heart break. When a woman is truly interested in you, she makes it easy for you to see her. But if she's not, she pulls this stuff. I'm working on the second date right now. She has maintained enough substantive contact that I cannot rule out the possibility that she does like me. Things like this are not always black and white. The bottom line is this, Barring sudden catastrophe, women who are available, really interested in a guy, and are clinically sane, do not break dates. She's never broken a date, just been too busy most weekends. I have yet to catch her in a lie, so why should I just assume that she isn't interested? Like last weekend, she said she was going to visit family in a town about 2 hours from me. When she called me, the caller ID confirmed that's where she was. I'm going to trust her unless I have something beyond circumstantial evidence to prove otherwise.
MassiveAtom Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Ah, I knew there would be one. Welcome to life in 2005. Some people just don't have a lot of time. I believe her to be one of them. One what? Still, the guest poster is right. No matter what the schedule, women who are VERY interested in you will MAKE time to see you. You ARE worth changing her schedule for buddy. Even in 2010! What does this mean? Do I need a bigger anchor? LOL! Good one! It means that you have to go in basing everything on her ACTIONS. Not how interested YOU are in HER. Remember that old adage? Actions speak louder than words. It's true. I'm working on the second date right now. She has maintained enough substantive contact that I cannot rule out the possibility that she does like me. Things like this are not always black and white. You're right, it's not always "black and white". I'm in no way saying I know your situation better than you. Handle it how you decide. I'm sure she likes you. You must, however, guage how MUCH she likes you. The differentiation here is between, friendly admiration and romantic love. One thing is for certain though, no matter how you color it. Everytime she doesn't make a date when asked, it's a form of rejection. Does she ever offer another time when she's free? She's never broken a date, just been too busy most weekends. I have yet to catch her in a lie, so why should I just assume that she isn't interested? Do you buy? Like last weekend, she said she was going to visit family in a town about 2 hours from me. When she called me, the caller ID confirmed that's where she was. I'm going to trust her unless I have something beyond circumstantial evidence to prove otherwise. All that "proves" is that she likes to talk to you, and has integrity, but what we're after here is that magical and elusive "spark." Right? as always MA
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 She returned my call and said that her aunt is in really bad condition at the hospital and needs open heart surgery. The doctors said that she will not make it without the procedure, so she was pretty upset. Obviously, I have to shelve this plan indefinitely. I will revive this thread when (and if) I decide to carry it out sometime in the future. Thanks for all of your support.
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Addendum to the above: Shortly after she called me from the hospital, I left her a message on her apartment voicemail. I wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her aunt, that I'll be saying a prayer for her tonight, and that she could call me if she needed someone to talk to. Even though I didn't know her aunt was in the hospital, I feel like an ass for worrying about how she feels about me when a family member is in critical condition. It really drives home the fact that there are much more important things in life.
kellyp1 Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 That is good that you offered your thoughts with her aunt. Being too busy has to do with priorities though. You make time for things that are your individual priority. There is some value in the fact that she took the time to call you in her current situation and let you know what was going on.
debs Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Explains allot!!! All you can do now Ice is be around if she should call or need a shoulder... Take care and do let us know what happens in the coming weeks!
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 There is some value in the fact that she took the time to call you in her current situation and let you know what was going on. I agree. Her call-back rate is about 95% and she responds to about 75% of my e-mails, which is why I think there is some interest there. She called me as soon as she got out of church last night and was on her way to the hospital. She couldn't talk long because her Dad beeped in, and of course I understood that. Deciding when to bring this up again will be touchy, but I know I can't even consider it until her Aunt is hopefully on the road to recovery. I know her being busy sounds bogus, but she has been dealing with this kind of stress ever since I've known her. I consider myself lucky that she makes time to even call me.
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by debs Explains allot!!! All you can do now Ice is be around if she should call or need a shoulder... Take care and do let us know what happens in the coming weeks! Yeah, that's all I'm going to do. I won't call her again until Saturday afternoon, and that will just be to see how her Aunt is doing. I realize everything else has to be put on the back burner until some time passes and her situation hopefully improves.
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Do you all think it's a good sign that she returns nearly all of my calls?
Hund1976 Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Yes, I would still go ahead and do your original plan in a few weeks when things are back to normal. A possibility you might want to think about is she might be somewhat interested but not totally sure how she feels about you. I've met girls like that who take 3-6 months to decide if they really like a guy or not. But I would still try to find out where you stand.
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 A possibility you might want to think about is she might be somewhat interested but not totally sure how she feels about you. I think you nailed it right on the head. At this point, I may just ask her how she feels when we get together for Valentine's Day. I mean, what better time is there to broach the subject of romance?
MassiveAtom Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I think you nailed it right on the head. At this point, I may just ask her how she feels when we get together for Valentine's Day. I mean, what better time is there to broach the subject of romance? quote: <b> Like last weekend, she said she was going to visit family in a town about 2 hours from me. When she called me, the caller ID confirmed that's where she was. I'm going to trust her unless I have something beyond circumstantial evidence to prove otherwise.</b> All that "proves" is that she likes to talk to you, and has integrity, but what we're after here is that magical and elusive "spark." Right? :end quote And now the above poster. See Ice, you knew it all along! It's about how MUCH she likes you. Not whether. It's obvious she likes you, Heck she may even love you. But romantic love is what you're after. It just doesn't look like that's there to me. I really do hope that I'm wrong. You seem like the kinda guy that desrves a loving, caring, nurturing woman. all my best, ma
Author iceisles Posted January 20, 2005 Author Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom It's obvious she likes you, Heck she may even love you. But romantic love is what you're after. It just doesn't look like that's there to me. Thanks for your kind words, MA. But do you see potential for romantic love developing? Heck, she was very close with me on the first date - I think one or two more, and she could have some strong feelings. And you're right - my question is not IF she likes me, it's how much. I do not think she is emotionally ready to date again, though. In fact, she actually said that.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 She left me an IM last night that said, "Listen, I can't take this anymore." So, there's the answer. Thanks for for all of your input on this thread.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 I sent this letter to her this morning. It was my final bow as the curtain came down. Ladies, do you think I did a good job writing this? I am not expecting her to reply. Hey hun, I sincerely hope that you aren’t upset with me. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, though I guess my timing for opening up to you wasn’t the best. I don’t want things to end like this. I still want you to be part of my life. We haven’t had a long conversation in some time and I truly didn’t know how you felt about things. I just need to know what you expect from me. If you don’t want me to call you for awhile, I will understand. The last thing I want is to bother you. You know I’m not a bad guy, and hopefully you realize that I do care about everything you’re going through. I guess a lot of guys say that, but I really mean it. Even though I’ve had a few girls ask about me, you’re honestly the one I want to be with when you feel ready to date again. I am more than willing to remain friends until then. It would mean a lot if you could take a few minutes to tell me what would make you happy. I like you a lot, Jess, and I will do whatever you feel is best. Just please don’t be mad at me. I never meant for my interest to make you feel stressed. If anything, I thought you would be happy that I was crazy about you. Have a good day, and I’ll hopefully talk to you soon. Your friend, * Dave * “I don't know where this road's gonna take us, Or what tomorrow might bring. I just know that we're gonna make it, ’Cos I've got a heart full of dreams. And there's nothin' it can't do, As long as you’ve got me and I’ve got you.” - Restless Heart
gwennebe Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Honey Doll, You smothered her babe!! I'm sorry that this happened to you but try to use it as a learning experience and move on. I know you want what you want when you want it but it doesn't always work that way. You probably added more stress on her by constantly asking her out and tying to contact her. I'm sure she felt pressured and "couldn't take it anymore" I feel from what you have posted that she wanted more of a friend out of you than anything and now she doesn't want anything because you've made it clear to her that you can't just be a friend. You have to learn not to be so needy. She knew you were interested in her, you left the ball in her court and then you kept bouncing it. You will find what you are looking for, I'm searching for the right person also, but you can not force it. You should never have to force someone to declare how they feel. If you do than it's a waste of time. Trust me, it's happened to me too. I think you need to get a good night of raunchy sex.
alphamale Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles She left me an IM last night that said, "Listen, I can't take this anymore." So, there's the answer. Thanks for for all of your input on this thread.
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by gwennebe I think you need to get a good night of raunchy sex. Is that an invitation? Lol. Yeah, I fuc*ed this one up, but there is always next time. The reality is that I want to be with someone who doesn't mind me expressing how I feel. I can't be with someone who just leaves me hanging, which is what she was doing. I know there are girls out there who will appreciate my cander and my passion for a meaningful relationship. I'll find one someday.
MassiveAtom Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Is that an invitation? Lol. Yeah, I fuc*ed this one up, but there is always next time. The reality is that I want to be with someone who doesn't mind me expressing how I feel. I can't be with someone who just leaves me hanging, which is what she was doing. I know there are girls out there who will appreciate my cander and my passion for a meaningful relationship. I'll find one someday. ALPHA!?!? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!? GET IN HERE!!! NOW! THIS ONE IS HEMORRHAGING! Ice! ICE!! Stop now! Dude I hate to be crass, this may be rude to you, I know you may be stinging right now, but THAT WOMAN you're after, is one you already have. She's warm, loving, giving, always there. You should call her tonight. She WILL NOT DATE YOU though. Because, SHE"S YOUR MOM! MA
Author iceisles Posted January 21, 2005 Author Posted January 21, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Dude I hate to be crass... Then don't be. I'm not stinging - with dating, there are far more defeats than victories. I'll just regroup and move on. I am satisfied with my effort on this one, even if the execution was crap.
gwennebe Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 Ice, hang in there. You will find the right girl someday and when you do everything will be better than you ever expected. If a girl really really likes you than she would adore the type of guy you are and would want to spend as much time with you as you do her. Get yourself out this weekend and have a good time. Don't think about her and please do not email her anymore or call her. Let the b**ch handle her own problems.
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